Reverse Falls
by Carol Molliniere
Summary: Gideon Gleeful and Pacifica Northwest are spending summer with Pacifica's magician uncle Bill Northwest. Of course, it would be a normal summer if they hadn't found a journal describing the crazy mysteries of Gravity Falls, Oregon. My take on the Reverse Pines AU.
1. Prologue: Entering Gravity Falls

**Reverse Falls**

**By: Carol Molliniere**

**(A/N: Gravity Falls fever has taken over me, as well as their AUs! Time to write about my favorite one! I guess.**

**I hope this is an appropriate take on the AU, as well as an appropriate entrance into the GF fandom.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that Alex Hirsch and the creators of this AU may recognize as their own.**

* * *

Cigarette smoke puffs around the magician like little storm clouds coming out of a snorkel. He closes his eyes, and takes the little stick of death out of his mouth, exhaling and polluting the room. He opens his eyes and stares contemplatively around the kitchen, at the nearly empty fridge (_not hungry)_, at the peeling wallpaper (_boring_), and at the phone, where a thin layer of dust was collecting (_no one calls_).

At this thought, the little kitchen phone rings. (_Speak of the devil._)

He supposes he has no other choice but to answer it, so he brings the ash tray over to the spot below the phone, and catches it on the fourth ring.

"Y'ello?" He sticks the cigarette back inside his mouth.

"William? Is that you?"

(_Preston?_) He nearly chokes on the smoke, and catches the burning tobacco stick before it falls out of his mouth. "Well, well, well." (_Hide surprise, sound smart._) "You've finally decided to call!" He puts on a smile, even though no one can see him.

"Bill, this is a matter of consequence," his older brother begins. "Don't think I called just because I missed you." "Really?" The snark is back. He exhales. "I'm flattered that you love me," the magician says flatly.

A sigh. (_The expected response. How Preston-like._) "I don't know what to say to that, but at least hear me out. Sorry about the short notice, but I might as well...My daughter's staying over at your house for the summer."

This time, the magician really does choke. He coughs, thumping his chest, slightly glad that his cigarette had not been in his mouth. He takes a few deep breaths before picking up the receiver that banged against the wall in his fit. "D-daughter?" He tries not to sound more nervous than he already is, and takes another drag from the stick of death before continuing. "You never told me you had a daughter!"

"Really?" (_Why does he sound so surprised? Or is that just the past twelve years catching up to us?_) "Well, your niece's name is Pacifica. I bet you'll like her."

"If that bet involved money, I would take it," the magician says dully, frowning. (_A twelve-year old girl? Here? All summer?_) "Anything else I should know?"

"You might have to prepare for two kids, actually." the disembodied voice on the phone says – and before he can process, Preston continues. "Pacifica says she'll bring her friend over."

(_Darn it. Two girls?!_) He exhales more smoke, even chews a little on the cigarette. Ash falls into the ash tray. "You expect me to take care of a few kids for the summer? What, am I gonna have to start a day care now?"

"Be glad it's just the summer, Bill," the disembodied voice scolds. "And Pacifica says she and her friend Gideon will be able to behave themselves around you."

He sighs, making it sound more like a scoff. "Fat chance." (_One of them's a boy. Like that'll help my case._) "How soon're they coming over?"

"Next week, Saturday." He wedges the phone between his head and his shoulder to look at the calendar from across the room. (_Next week. Gives all of us just enough time to prepare._)

(_Maybe not all of us._) "So, when do I get paid for this?"

"Very funny, Bill."

"No, seriously." He breathed out a puff of smoke. "Tell me this'll be worth it in the end."

"It will. Just promise me one thing."

"Hm?" (_Not sure what to expect._)

"Don't feed her with any of your crazy conspiracies."

(_Pause. Million things running through mind all in a split second. 2000. Journals. No, no, no, no.)_ Almost instantly, the magician responds.

"Yeah, sure. Don't expect they won't find out, though."

"Bill."

"Just kidding, just kidding!" He forces a last smile, and shoves the cigarette onto the ash tray, effectively killing it in his hand. "Nothing freaky will happen to Patty and Geronimo, I promise."

"Pacifica and Gideon."

"Same difference."

"Alright then, Bill. I trust you." With that, the disembodied voice of Preston turns into the beep of a heart monitor telling one their heart is dead (_dead, dead, dead_).

He turned around, hanging the receiver back into place, and stared again at the calendar. (_I really need a smoke._)

* * *

Hot breath met cold glass. The glass fogged up in response, and a finger reached out to draw a little llama-like illustration on it.

"How long've you been doin' that?" a voice beside the finger's owner asked. The finger's owner turned towards their friend who had surrounded himself with their backpacks and suitcases, as if building a wall.

"Long enough to be sure I'm accumulating germs on this finger."

"Pacifica, please."

"Don't worry about it, Gideon," Pacifica reassured the boy. "It's gonna be fun at my uncle's place. It's our first summer away from home; maybe things'll be different there."

"I guess so," Gideon said, returning to looking out the window at the passing trees. Pacifica stared at her friend for a little while, a concerned look on her face.

The nine-year old had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice a hand reaching out for his hat until it was too late and out of his reach.

"H-hey! Pacifica!" Gideon shouted, trying to grab his hat. "Gimme that back!" His friend only giggled and held it over his head. "Then stop being such a killjoy and try to have a little fun!"

Gideon flailed his arms around for his cap in vain, and fell over his belongings. Pacifica laughed heartily, and then put the hat back on his head. "Just relax, Gid. The town's probably not as bad as it seems."

The boy nodded and sat back upright, putting the bags back in place around him. "As long as you don't do anything stupid 'round there."

"Don't worry about me, Gideon! I'll have you around; that alone is protection from stupidity."

Her friend laughed, shaking his head. "What kind of town will Gravity Falls be like, anyway?" he asked. Pacifica had to shrug just a little. "We'll just have to wait and see."

As she was saying this, the bus pulled over. "Entering Gravity Falls," the automated voice on the bus said. The two kids grabbed their heavy bags, and walked through the bus, past the empty seats and out the door. Before they had much time to think about it, as soon as they were both out, the doors slid shut, and the bus drove away.

Pacifica stared after the bus, while Gideon looked up at the sign in front of them that said, "Welcome to Gravity Falls". He eyed it for a long time before Pacifica called out for him, and they had to walk from there to the strange building at the end of town called the "Magic House".

* * *

**(A/N: So, what did you think? Not exactly conventional Reverse Pines, but that's how it works for me. Don't get me wrong, I do respect the original AU, and I think it's just fine. I just want to show you guys my own take on things. So everyone in this AU is reversing roles, and not just Gideon/Pacifica with Dipper/Mabel; and it's Stan and Bill who switch places, instead of Stan and Bud. It would probably be acceptable for you to tell me if you have issues with this, but if it makes you feel any better, I do think the blue Bill Cipher is cute.)**

**Leave anything behind in the form of reviews!**

**And Merry Christmas!)**


	2. Tourist Trapped (Part 1)

**(A/N: And with that, I bring you the new chapter for this fanfiction – the first part of the first episode, "Tourist Trapped"!)**

**All disclaimers apply.**

**UPDATE (7/5/16): I've made some very important revisions! Oh, and I'm beginning to post this fanfic on tumblr under my url carol-molliniere!**

* * *

"She's looking at it! She's looking at it!"

Gideon looked up, then sighed. _Oh no, she's doing it again._

Ever since he and Pacifica had moved into Gravity Falls with Mr. Northwest, his friend had tried to make fulfill her promise to her parents: that she would get a friend that met the following criteria: a) is around her age or a little older, and b) is a girl.

Now, don't get Pacifica's parents wrong; Gideon knew they didn't have too much trouble with their daughter having only a nine-year old boy who "appreciated the sparkly things in life" for a friend, and neither did his parents. The first problem was that they were both each other's only friends for three years now, and both their parents wanted them to "get out more" - whatever that meant. The trip was probably a way for them to get to open up, perhaps even get a few new hobbies aside from hacking up Pacifica's father's lungs with glitter.

And the second problem was that Pacifica didn't want to let her parents down as much as possible.

So there his friend was, watching a girl open up a list that she had hidden in the gift shop.

"Uh...'do you want to be my friend?' " the girl read off the paper. " 'Yes'...'Definitely'...'Absolutely'?" The girl put the paper down and looked around concernedly, while Pacifica whispered excitedly, "I rigged it!"

Gideon rolled his eyes as he rubbed clean a pair of silver chains (possibly used for a couple of escape tricks). " 'Cifica," he said, "I know you're beginnin' t'want some friends your age, but I think you're bein' a little over the top."

"What?" She turned to him. "Come _on_, Gideon! This is our first summer away from home! Thus, it's my first chance to make some new friends!"

_If you were to ask me, we're fine the way we are._

Now Gideon was more reluctant to make new friends than Pacifica. But he didn't want her to know that, what with her enthusiasm and all. So Gideon didn't tell her what came first on his mind. Instead, he said what came second: "Yeah, but do you hafta go wild on everyone 'ya meet?"

He wasn't exaggerating. On their first day, right after settling in, Pacifica had tried to make friends with a lot of girls, none of them successful attempts. First, it had been a girl at the postcard display of the gift shop, then a girl with a pet turtle sitting on a bench, and finally a female employee waving people to a mattress sale. And, as mentioned above, it was just the first day. So if Gideon thought she was overdoing it with the friendliness, his words made sense.

However, Pacifica just shrugged his comment off. "Say all you want, Gid, but I've got a good feeling about this summer!" she said. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if my new friend walked through that door right now!"

His friend pointed at a door leading from the inside of the House to the gift shop. Through it walked the magnificent Bill Northwest, who had apparently just finished a soda and was trying to burp, but couldn't get the gas out of his system. As he groaned, his niece recoiled in disgust. "Oh, why?!" she said, while Gideon chuckled.

Bill turned to the employees in the room – Gideon and Pacifica included. He said, "Alright, alright, look alive, people! I need someone to hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." He held up a few arrow-shaped signs, no doubt meaning to lead to the Magic House.

What was the Magic House? Definitely a work of magic. Or, in Gideon's mind, fake magic.

Tourists saw the Magic House as a tourist trap, a roadside attraction for a good time. Bill performed magic for them – using a lot of cheap tricks (but to give the guy credit, some of them were actually pretty good) – and in return, after every show, they would have to buy something from the gift shop. Not many people suspected he was a shady, manipulative, over-pricing con man. Then again, not many people get to be professional con men at the age of thirty-three. At least, that's the norm.

And not many people got to live with Bill Northwest, so no one really knew how he really was – until Gideon and Pacifica moved in for the summer.

"Not it," Gideon said instantly.

"Not it," Pacifica followed.

"Uh, also not it," the young handyman sitting at the counter added.

Bill looked to him. "Nobody asked you, Robbie."

Robbie shrugged, crossing his arms. "I know, and I'm comfortable with that," he smiled.

Bill turned to the lady sluggishly fixing some items on a shelf as she tried to simultaneously read a magazine. "Melody, I need you to put up these signs!" he called.

Melody took her hand away from the shelved items and stretched out that arm to where Bill was standing, not making an effort to move any other limb. "I would, but I can't...ugh...reach..." she excused herself.

The magician sighed exasperatedly. "I'd fire all of you if I could." He tucked the signs under one arm to point at his employees. "Fine, let's see...eenie, meenie, mienie–" he pointed to Gideon "– you!"

"Aw, what?" Gideon frowned. "Mr. Northwest, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm bein' watched."

"Ugh, not this again," Bill rolled his eyes.

"I'm tellin' ya, something weird's goin' on in this town," the nine-year old added. "Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out 'BEWARE'!" To prove his point, he raised his forearm towards the magician.

Bill took one glance at Gideon's arm, and said, "...That says 'BEWARB'."

Indeed it did, and Gideon pulled his arm back towards himself, rubbing it as he looked down in embarrassment.

The magician decided to speak again. "Look, kid; the whole 'monsters in the forest' thing is just local legend, trumped up by con men like me so they can sell crazy conspiracy stuff to guys like _that_." He jabbed a finger in the direction of a tourist picking up a bobble-head toy that was in the shape of a rabbit. And with that, Bill shoved the arrow-shaped signs into Gideon's arms, waving him off with a "So quit being so paranoid!" and let the boy head into the woods.

* * *

"Ugh, Mr. Northwest," Gideon sighed as he hammered a nail onto a tree. "No one believes what I say!" He hung a sign that said "TO THE MAGIC HOUSE" on the nail, and walked away to another tree.

There _was_ something strange going on in Gravity Falls – so close he could just feel it. No one else seemed to notice, not even the older residents of the town. They just shrugged off the strange happenings, said there was nothing wrong with Gravity Falls. They said it so much that Gideon was beginning to think it was a lie. The only proof he had so far that supported his theory was the mosquito bites (maybe mosquitoes couldn't spell out "BEWARE" to save their lives), and the amount of triangles around the small town. Especially in the Magic House. What was it with triangles?

_What kind of town will Gravity Falls be like?_

Or was that magician right? Was he really just unnecessarily paranoid? No, no, there was probably an explanation to all of this. But what kind of explanation?

Gideon took up another nail, and held it in position, before tapping it with the hammer. Instead of going in, though, a metallic clang reached his ears. Curious, the nine-year old put his ear against the tree, and tapped it with the hammer. More metal. _What?_ He reached out and rubbed the surface with his hand, wiping some dust away, then pried with his fingers around the outline of a secret door. He pulled the door open, revealing an old control box.

He reached over to one switch, testing it, but nothing happened. Then he moved on to the second switch on the box – and a trapdoor behind him opened.

"What the...?" Gideon trailed off, his attention piqued. He walked over to the open hole in the ground, and looked inside, before reaching inside and pulling out an old, dirty object. He inhaled, and then blew the dust off the object, revealing it to be an aged book with a six-fingered golden hand on the cover. On the hand was the number "3". Carefully, Gideon set it down on the ground, and opened the book. The text "Vol. 3" and "Property of" greeted him, though the name beneath the latter phrase had faded out of legibility. The boy gingerly picked up the eyeglass tied to the book's binding, turned it over in his hand, and put it back down, then turned the page to an entry titled "July 4, 2000", reading aloud:

"_It's hard to believe it's been three years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon."_

Turning more pages of this old book revealed to Gideon several questionable entries: _floating eyeballs? Cursed doors? Ghosts and spells?_ "What kind of doohickery is this?" Gideon asked himself, before skipping to another journal-like entry in the book, and read the text inside aloud:

"_Unfortunately my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched.  
__I must hide this journal before He takes it._

_Now, in Gravity Falls, there is no one I can trust."_

The text below it ominously read: "TRUST NO ONE!" Thoughtfully, the nine-year old closed the book, and echoed the words to himself. "No one you can trust..."

"HELLO!"

"AH!"

Gideon jumped back to see Pacifica standing behind the log next to the trapdoor. "What're you reading? Some nerd thing?"

Quickly, he hid the Journal behind his back and turned completely towards her. "Uh, um, it's nothing!" he denied.

" 'Uh, um, it's nothing!'" Pacifica imitated him, then chuckled. "Gideon! You're really not gonna tell me?"

The nine-year old looked around nervously before turning back to his twelve-year old friend. "Uh, let's go somewhere private."

* * *

Gideon paced around the carpet of the living room in excitement. "It's amazing! Your uncle said I was just bein' paranoid, but accordin' to this book, Gravity Falls's got a secret dark side." He showed Pacifica the book proudly. "Whoa!" she exclaimed. "Shut up!"

"And that's not all!" he continued. "After a certain point, the pages just stop, like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!" Before Gideon could say more, though, the doorbell rings from outside. Both of them looked up at the sound.

"Who's that?" Gideon asked. From the time they spent with Pacifica's uncle, they could tell there were rarely any visitors who rang the doorbell – just tourists and the occasional neighbor who came to the gift shop to buy a thing or two. So who could that be?

Pacifica smiled. "Well, time to spill the beans!" She tipped over an empty can of beans onto the table next to the armchair she was sitting on. "Beans. I've got a new friend! Woo-hoo!"

Gideon watched as she laughed and fell backwards into the seat of the armchair. _New friend? But how?_ He felt the first pangs of concern – _concern that he would be left behind by his only friend_ – seep in. "Lemme get this straight; in the half-hour I was out, y'already found someone else to hang out with?" he asked disbelievingly.

"What can I say?" Pacifica asked, pointing at herself cheekily. "I guess I'm just _irresistible_!" The doorbell rang again, and the twelve-year old got out of her chair and ran out of the room, calling, "Coming!"

As soon as Pacifica was out of the room, the nine-year old sat down onto the armchair, and took out the Journal, beginning to read through it. He had only been reading for a few seconds, though, when a voice from the living room doorway asked, "What're you reading there, kid?"

"Oh!" Gideon quickly hid the Journal once he realized it was Bill he was talking to. It was all a matter of trust really, and the nine-year old certainly did not trust his friend's uncle, whether said uncle believed in the supernatural or not. So he grabbed the first magazine off the table beside the armchair, opened it, and said, "Uh, I-I was just catchin' up on..." he took a minute to glance at the magazine's cover, "...'Fantastic Gold Watches Magazine'?"

"That's a good issue," Bill said, coming over and leaning on the armchair to look over Gideon's shoulder. The older man took a swig from his soda can, and that was when Pacifica called out, "Gideon! Uncle Bill!"

The two looked up to see Pacifica standing in the doorway of the living room. "Say hello to my new buddy!" she said, gesturing to her left.

Beside her was a taller girl (maybe a teenager?) who had her back turned on them. The girl turned towards them, and raised a hand in greeting. "Hi."

"Hi..." Gideon tried to greet back.

"How's it hanging?" Bill said nonchalantly.

"I met her at the cemetery," the twelve-year old said, a little proudly. "She's _really_ deep." Gideon had to feel a little suspicious at this, but still couldn't pinpoint why. "Uh, what's your name, again?" he asked.

"Oh...I'm a human.." the girl muttered, almost inaudibly, "...don't know..."

"She means 'Donna'!" Pacifica said for her. Gideon looked up to this so-called Donna. "Are 'ya bleedin', Donna?"

The girl looked at her cheek, which was dripping with red liquid. "...It's jam." At this, Pacifica smiled even more and nudged her new friend playfully. "I _love_ jam! See, we're gonna get along great!"

"So, you just wanna go hang out, or, whatever?" Donna asked. Pacifica nodded. "Sure, just testing the waters," she accepted. "Don't wait up!" She ran out through the door, and Donna pointed at the two boys as if to say goodbye before proceeding to bump into the wall as she followed Pacifica.

Gideon stood there, staring after Donna and Pacifica. There was something about this new friend of his friend's that just didn't feel right.

* * *

A few minutes later, Gideon found himself sitting in the attic, flipping through the pages of the Journal. Maybe everyone was right, maybe he was a little too paranoid, but maybe the Journal could explain away some of this weirdness. Or maybe just give his suspicions someplace else in his brain to reside.

Whatever.

He turned to the next page, the one that was titled "The Undead", and read aloud to himself:

"_Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistake for–_" Gideon gasped, " _–teenagers! Beware Gravity Falls's nefarious..."_

He trailed off as the image of Donna appeared in his mind – fitting the image of what was being described.

"ZOMBIE!"

_Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no._

Gideon grabbed at his head and tried to calm himself, to no avail. _She's in danger, she's in danger! She's gonna get her brains eaten out!_

A groan sounded from outside, and Gideon turned around to look through the window.

Pacifica was sitting in the yard, not suspecting anything from Donna, who was moaning as she walked towards her. "I like you," she said as Donna came closer and closer...

"_Don't worry about me, Gideon!"_

"'CIFICA!"


	3. Tourist Trapped (Part 2)

**(A/N: More Reverse Falls for everyone! And more Christmas/New Year's blessings!)**

* * *

"No, watch out!"

Donna put her hands on Pacifica's shoulders, and Gideon was about to scream an octave higher when Donna moved back to show off what she had done: she had wrapped a daisy chain around Pacifica's neck.

"Daisies?" Pacifica looked down at the necklace. "You shouldn't have!"

Once he heard this, the nine-year old sighed in relief, feeling himself go a little light-headed. His friend was safe.

_For now._

It wasn't really any time to be celebrating. Gideon turned his back to the window, and pondered. "Is 'Cifica really friends with a zombie, or am I just goin' bonkers?"

"It's quite a problem, if you ask me."

"Ah!"

Gideon turned to the direction that the sound had come from – _why won't people stop sneaking up on me today?_ – and saw that on the stairs sat Robbie, for who knew how long. "I couldn't help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty attic," the teenager said.

"Robbie," Gideon said. "You've seen Pacifica's new friend. She's gotta be a zombie, somehow." "Probably," was the reply. "How many brains've you seen her eat?"

Gideon looked down, a little discouraged at the truth. "Zero."

Robbie pushed up his glasses. "Look, man, I believe you. I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure that guy's a werewolf." Gideon was sure the handyman was talking about the large amount of hair the mailman of Gravity Falls had. However, he made a mental note to check that in the Journal. Better safe than sorry.

"But you gotta have evidence." Robbie continued. "Otherwise, people will think you're just the boy who cried wolf."

"As always, Robbie, you're right."

A nod. "My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse."

"Robbie!" Bill called from downstairs. "I need you to help this guy with the glowing magic goop on the cashier!" Whatever "glowing magic goop" was, it was serious enough for the teenager to take his leave. "I am needed elsewhere," Robbie said as he left the attic in a dramatic fashion. _Glad he's not gonna fall backwards down the stairs._

Gideon stared after him, then looked down and lost himself in more thought. Pacifica's life depended on that evidence. It was time to gather some.

* * *

Gideon had seen enough. After a few hours of following his best friend around town with a camera in tow – from playing catch to falling into an empty grave at the graveyard – he believed he had garnered enough evidence to prove that, yes, Donna was a zombie. He caught all of her odd mannerisms, every little movement, even her strange walking style, which was mainly composed of stumbling over things and groaning as if in pain. Maybe Pacifica thought it was alright, but Gideon knew it wasn't. He could almost _feel_ it. So here he was, pushing open the door to his and Pacifica's shared room in the attic.

"'Cifica, we've gotta talk about Donna," he began to say. Pacifica turned towards him, and grinned. "I know, right?" she said excitedly. "We have all _got_ to hang out together sometime. Check out this bruise she gave me!"

She turned her cheek towards her friend, and he cried out. On her cheek was a huge, red, swollen mark. For a moment Gideon thought it was because of something that Donna had done, _she hurt Pacifica and I couldn't stop her_, until Pacifica laughed it off. "Gullible Gid," she chuckled. "It was just the leaf blower."

_What kind of incident involving a leaf blower would result in an injury like that?_ Gideon thought that was a tale to tell for later times, as Pacifica smiled to herself and said, "That was fun."

"No! Pacifica, listen!" the nine-year old tried to get her attention back. "I'm tryin' to tell 'ya that Donna is not what she seems!" To hammer home what he meant, he took the Journal out from his vest and showed it to her. Pacifica gasped.

"You think she might be a witch?" Pacifica half-whispered, then her face broke out in yet another grin. "That would be so cool!"

"Guess again, 'Cifica," he opened the Journal onto a random page, "sha-bam!"

"Gah!" Pacifica cried out in disgust. Gideon looked at the page, and found that he was not on "The Undead" page, but instead on one that was titled "Barf Fairies". _How embarrassing._ "Oh, sorry. Wrong page..." He quickly flipped to the right one, and showed it to Pacifica. "Sha-bam!"

Pacifica frowned. "A zombie? That is not funny, Gideon." She put her hands on her hips.

"I'm not joking!" Gideon exclaimed. "The bleeding, the gait, everythin'! And she never blinks! D'you notice that?!"

"Maybe she's just blinking when you're blinking," Pacifica tried to explain.

_You sound just like everyone else in town._ He swallowed that thought down; unlike everyone else in town, at least Pacifica bothered with him. _She'll hear me out, won't she?_ " 'Cifica, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls?" He felt more desperate for her to heed his warning. " 'Trust no one'!"

"Well, what about me?" she asked, trying to keep a grin on her face. "Why can't you trust _me,_ huh?"

" 'Cifica," he moved over and grabbed her shoulders, trying to shake some sense into her, "SHE'S GONNA EAT 'YER BRAINS!"

Without hesitation, Pacifica grabbed his hand and shoved it off her shoulder. "Fine then, Gideon! If you don't wanna hang out with us, then _fine_!" She shoved a finger into his stomach, pushing him away, _no you don't understand!_ Gideon could hear himself trying to mutter something to explain himself, but Pacifica continued, "I am not going to let you embarrass Donna with your crazy conspiracies, alright?!"

He was out the door before he knew it, and she slammed the door on him.

_Is that it?_

_How will I save her now?_

"What'm I gonna do?" he sighed, leaning his back against their door.

* * *

The clock on the wall of the living room ticked 5:00. At the same time, the doorbell rang. _Possibly Donna again._ Gideon looked up from the armchair as Pacifica opened the door, and asked the teenage girl in front of her if she was ready to go. He found himself staring after her as she walked out the door again, out of his reach. The nine-year old then curled up with his feet on the armchair seat, setting the video camera he had used to gather evidence onto his knees.

_Maybe I was wrong about Donna._

"Robbie's right," he said to himself as he began playing the videos back, one by one. First Pacifica playing jump-rope, and then her handing Donna the jump-rope and watching the teenager get herself tangled in. _I never really was good at jump-rope either._ "I don't have any _real_ evidence."

The video then cut to another clip he had gotten, of Pacifica and Donna playing checkers. Pacifica had looked away to swat a fly as Donna was making her next turn. "I guess I _can_ be kinda paranoid sometimes, and – WAIT, WHAT?!"

Gideon put it on rewind, and then played it again. As Pacifica was distracted by the insect, Donna's hand had fallen off, but she had put it back on just as the twelve-year old turned back to the game.

"AH!" Gideon screamed as he fell over in the chair. "I was right! I was right! Oh my gosh!" He scrambled to his feet and was running on them out the door. _ I have to save her!_ "Mr. Northwest! Mr. Northwest!"

He ran outside, and to the stage where a bunch of tourists had gathered to see Bill's magic show. And of course, Bill was entertaining them first. At this moment, he was showing them a handful of black beans.

"And here we have a few magic beans!" The magician flourished with his wand for emphasis. "With a wave of my magic wand, this will turn into something beautiful!" He was about to bring his wand down when a little girl in the audience raised her hand. "Can I volunteer?" she asked.

"No thanks, I can–" Bill began to say, but was interrupted by a woman who looked like the girl's mother. "You've been telling her that since the beginning of the show!" "Look, it's not my fault if I don't need any assistance for this trick, or the tricks before this one!" The magician tried to explain.

"Over here!" Gideon yelled from the back of the audience as Bill continued to argue with the woman. "Mr. Northwest!"

"Look, I'll just perform this one trick, and _then_ your daughter can be a volunteer, alright?!" Bill relented. He had still not noticed Gideon standing in the back, though, and the nine-year old grit his teeth in frustration. "Mr. Northwest! Come _on_!" he screamed, getting more and more desperate.

The sound of a golf cart driving up to the other side of the building caught Gideon's ear, and he looked up to see Melody parking said golf cart. (As for why a magician would need a golf cart at all, Gideon assumed Bill would need it for some tricks. Or just because he was lazy around the yard. Or both.) "Melody!" he exclaimed, running over just as she had gotten out of the cart.

"Melody! Melody!" He called, waving his arms and standing in front of her. "I need 'ta borrow the golf cart so I can save 'Cifica from a zombie!" Maybe he should have realized how silly he sounded earlier, but he didn't know if it mattered because Melody smiled, and handed him the keys. "Try not to hit anyone important," was her lax warning as she walked off, and Gideon had to smile as well. _Thank you._

He put the keys in the ignition, put it in reverse, and hit the gas pedal. He was about to drive off when another person interrupted, "Kid!" Gideon looked up to see Robbie running up to him. "You're gonna go save your friend?" "Yeah," Gideon nodded.

Robbie handed him a shovel. "This is for the zombies."

Gideon took it from him. "Thanks."

The handyman then handed him a can opener. "And this is in case you have to live through a zombie apocalypse."

"Uh...thanks?" Gideon tried to say. Whatever. He resumed driving in reverse, and then turned towards the forest – where he was sure Pacifica was right now.

"Better safe than sorry!" he heard Robbie call after him.

* * *

The nine-year old soon found himself driving through the woods in a frenzy. No sign of his friend anywhere. Sure, they could have just gone into town, but when did that ever do a zombie good? There were more people to eat, alright, but these people probably knew how to fight off zombies. Unless they were as incompetent as Bill believed them to be.

"Stop it! Help!"

_Pacifica!_ "Oh no!" Gideon said. "Hang on!"

He pushed harder on the gas pedal and sped off towards the sound of that voice. It led him to a small hollow that was a little elevated above ground, and towards a bunch of..._little fairies?_

"Look, girl, the more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everyone," one of them in front said. She laughed. "Just...good. Get her arm there, Sarah!"

In the center of this group was Pacifica, who was currently trying to get these fairies away from her. One of them, presumably Sarah, was hanging on to her arm. "N-no!" she cried. "Let go of me!" She punched that fairy away, and kicked another one to the ground. One of them, upon landing on the ground, tried to compose herself but ended up standing by a tree and vomiting what looked like green glittery glue. The vomit itself burned through the ground.

Gideon got out of the cart, holding the shovel. "What the _heck_ is goin' on here?" he asked, bewildered. A fairy flew by him and, when it saw him, threw some dirt at his face. He coughed, and Pacifica looked up at him.

"Gideon!" she yelled. "Donna turned out to be a bunch of barf fairies! And they're really mean, too!" She punctuated this last word with a punch to another fairy, and this one grabbed at her hair. "Ow! Ow, hair!"

"Barf fairies?" Gideon asked himself, pulling the Journal out from his vest. "Well, 'ya can't be right every day." He flipped carefully to the relevant page, and read aloud: _"Barf fairies. Normally harmless, but if provoked, can use their own vomit as acid projectiles. Weaknesses: unknown."_ He lowered the Journal to see that these fairies had already tied Pacifica to the ground, leaving her no room to escape. "Aw, come on!" she said.

"Hey, you!" Gideon walked over to the fairy in front, presuming she was the fairies' leader – or at least, a supervisor. "Let go of my friend right now!"

The fairy turned around to greet him. "Oh, haha, hi there!" she raised a hand. "Boy, this is all just one big misunderstanding. Your friend Pacifica's certainly in no danger, you see; she's just gonna be our fairy queen for the rest of her natural life and ensure the species doesn't die out, you know, like ants and bees or something." She turned to Pacifica. "Isn't that right, hun?"

"You fairies are butt-faces!" the twelve-year old yelled back, and a fairy standing next to her had to close her mouth to keep her from protesting some more.

Gideon raised the shovel he held and pointed it at the fairy in front. "Give her back right now, or else!" he threatened, trying to look threatening enough.

"Heh! You think you can stop us, boy?" the lead fairy replied. "The barf fairies are a powerful race. Do not trifle with the–" at which point Gideon decided it was much easier to just swat her with the shovel. He ran over to Pacifica and swung the shovel down, cutting the strings tying her to the ground. She got up and in a swift motion knocked down all the other fairies, then joined Gideon and together they both ran to the golf cart.

"That kid's getting away with our queen!" the lead fairy screamed. "No, no, no!"

"Seatbelt," Gideon reminded his friend, letting her put a seatbelt on before backing up, and then turning around and getting out of the hollow.

As they drove through the woods, Pacifica continually looked over her shoulder, trying to see if anything was behind them. "You think we lost them?" she asked as she turned back to face in front. "I don't think we 'ave to worry 'bout them," he said, trying to reassure her. "See their lil' wings? Those fairies were tiny!"

As he was saying this, though, footsteps sounded behind them. But not ordinary footsteps, Gideon noted. Those were the footsteps of a _giant_! He pressed on the brakes, and he and Pacifica turned around to see what was coming up.

"Dang," Pacifica gaped.

What was behind them was what looked like a humongous barf fairy – composed of all the barf fairies they had encountered in the hollow and more. The lead fairy Gideon had swatted away was now sitting on top of the formation. "Alright, ladies, like we practiced!" she yelled. In response, the fairies forming the mouth let out an inhuman roar.

"Move, move, move!" Pacifica shouted as Gideon slammed on the gas pedal. They were able to get away just before a giant wad of acid landed where they had been, melting a crater into the ground. Undeterred, the giant fairy continued to chase after them.

"Come back with our queen, boy!" the fairy at the top shouted. The twelve-year old turned around to see the giant fairy. "It's getting closer!" she warned Gideon.

At this moment, various fairies began to detach themselves from the formation and flew up to the golf cart, landing on its top and spitting out acid to melt the roof. Another one flew in front of Pacifica, but she backhanded it away. Yet another fairy jumped up behind Gideon, but the nine-year old grabbed it and hit it against the steering wheel until it was too weak to attack, then dropped it overboard.

A barf fairy then landed in front of them, and latched itself onto Gideon's face. He could instantly feel the sharp nails digging into his skin and hat and the fairy itself preparing to douse his face with vomit-acid, _oh sweet mercy!_

"I'll save you, Gid!" Pacifica screamed, and then proceeded to punch the fairy on his face, preventing it from melting his face off. She punched the fairy (and Gideon) several times before it finally came off, falling as well behind them. "Thanks, 'Cifica," Gideon said in a daze, quite glad that the fairy was now something akin to roadkill; then he patted his injured face and learned that his cap was now gone.

"You're welcome," Pacifica said, but then the giant fairy-formation grabbed a tree and uprooted it. The two watched as the tree was thrown like a javelin and then landed in their path.

"LOOK OUT!" the twelve-year old screamed, and then both of them screamed as the golf cart swerved on the path, going through a gap between the tree and the ground and spinning out of control towards the Magic House until the cart crashed on its side.

Gideon groaned as he crawled out of the wreckage, and thought he heard Pacifica crawl out as well before a shadow loomed above them, and they looked up to see the giant barf fairy standing in front of them.

"Stay back!" Gideon yelled to the fairies, trying to sound brave, and reached down to grab the shovel which had fallen out in the crash. He threw it as high as he could, but all the fairy-monster did was kick it away onto the roof. The two kids screamed, and Pacifica grabbed Gideon and slowly pulled him back towards the wall of the House.

"Where's Uncle Bill?!" Pacifica asked in desperation. Gideon wished he could say that he knew, and even more wished he could say that the man could help, but he didn't know where Bill was and he didn't know if he could help and before they knew it they were driven into a corner.

"It's the end of the line, kids!" the fairy sitting at the top of the formation shouted. "Pacifica, become our queen before we do something crazy!"

"There's gotta be a way outta this!" Gideon tried to think, _think, think, think, what're we gonna do?!_ He reached into his vest and nearly took out his Journal – _for a spell? For more information that could help?_ – before his friend stepped forward.

"I have to do this," Pacifica said with resolve.

"What?!" Gideon stepped in front of her. "Pacifica, please, don't do it! Are you crazy?" _Am I gonna have to lose you?_

"Trust me," she simply whispered.

"What?"

"Gideon, just this once! Trust me!"

He looked at the monster, and then to her, and then realized there was nothing more he could do. He stepped back, out of the giant's shadow, and let Pacifica talk.

"Alright, Jen," she said to the fairy at the top. "I'll be your queen."

"Hot dolly!" the fairy – now known as Jen – said in delight. "Comin' down there, girls!" She flew down from the top and landed in front of Pacifica. Out of her belt she pulled a sparkling crown made from metal, glass, and tiny flowers. Gideon watched as Pacifica lowered her head and let Jen put the crown on it.

"Bada-bing, bada-boom!" Jen snapped her fingers, then turned around. "Now let's get you back into the forest, Your Highness!"

"I don't think so!"

From out of the leaf pile behind her, Pacifica pulled out the leaf blower, and switched it on. Jen turned back around to see that Pacifica was sucking her in. "Hey! Wait a minute! What is this?!"

Gideon gasped, and so did the other fairies. _How could I have not noticed that before?_ At that moment Gideon realized how clever and brave his friend really was.

Jen tried her best to fly away, shouting incomprehensible words, but was soon sucked into the leaf blower. "That's for lying to me!" Pacifica yelled over the noise of its suction. Jen turned around to face the twelve-year old, and that was Pacifica increased the suction power. "That's for kidnapping me!" she shouted, ignoring Jen's cries of face-pain.

"And _this_ is for messing with my best friend!" She looked to Gideon, and then she pointed the leaf blower's end at the mass of fairies. To Gideon Pacifica said, "Wanna do the honors?"

"On three!" Gideon said, and they both chanted together: "One – two – three!"

With that, Gideon pushed the switch from suck to blow, and the leaf blower blasted the fairy out of it with so much force that it blew them backwards into the leaf pile. Jen, on the other hand, crashed right through the formation of barf fairies, breaking their system and scattering them while she flew into the horizon, screaming, "WE'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!"

The other barf fairies fell to the ground and complained about their arms hurting and that they needed order. When the leaf blower was turned on them, they began to flee the Magic House property. "Anyone else want some?" Gideon taunted as Pacifica pointed the leaf blower at the fairies until all of them were gone into the woods, one of them flying into a spiderweb and screaming in terror when the spider came.

The two kids walked up to the entrance of the gift shop, tired and messy. Gideon personally wanted nothing more to take a shower (for once) and go straight to bed. _Bed sounds nice._ He was about to take a step on the porch when Pacifica stopped him.

"Hey, Gid," she began, and he turned to her. She put her hands behind her back and looked down to her feet. "I, um...I'm sorry for ignoring what you said. You were really just looking out for me."

"Shucks, don't be like that." He smiled. "You saved us right back there!"

Pacifica picked a leaf absently off of her shoulder. "I guess. I'm probably just sad that my first lady friend turned out to be a bunch of puke fairies."

"Look on the bright side. Maybe the next one..._will_ be a witch!"

A laugh, one that he was glad to hear. "You're just saying that."

"Awkward best friend hug?" Gideon offered, spreading out his arms. Pacifica did the same. "Awkward best friend hug." They went forward and embraced each other for a few seconds, before patting each others' backs. "Pat. Pat."

* * *

The two walked into the gift shop to find Bill standing at the counter with a hat full of money, his suit sopping wet and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. Gideon closed the door behind him with his foot as he and Pacifica looked up at the latter's uncle.

"Whoa, you two get hit by a bus or something?" Bill asked, and he apparently thought this was funny, because he laughed and slammed his hand on the counter. Gideon, on the other hand, thought an image of a wet magician was a little funnier, and would be if Bill had worn his mascara today. (Yes, that was one thing they had learned when living with Bill Northwest – he wore a bit of make-up. Showmen do, that was his excuse – Pacifica told Gideon she would set up an elaborate blackmail scheme based on that fact one day.) But for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to even snidely remark, and neither could Pacifica. So they just walked away, on to the "Employees Only" door.

"Uh, hey!" Bill called. They looked over their shoulders, and he, looking away, continued, "Wouldn't you know it, I...accidentally overstocked the inventory. So, how's about each of you kids take something from the gift shop? On the house, y'know?"

Pacifica turned around to face him. "Really?" she asked, sounding a little appreciative of his sudden generosity. Gideon, on the other hand, still didn't feel like he should trust Bill, and so crossed his arms. "What's the catch?" he asked, a little suspiciously.

"The catch is do it before I change my mind," Bill said, having had taken all the money out of his top hat and laid out in front of him. He put his hat on, and Gideon noticed he looked almost self-conscious. The magician gathered up the wad of dollars and opened up the cash register. "Now take something."

With that, Gideon and Pacifica were soon walking all around the gift shop, looking for something that might interest them. While Pacifica walked over to the back of the shop, Gideon found himself gravitating over to the hats. He looked at one of the lower shelves – the shelf with the label "The caps glow in the dark!" He took one such cap, a blue one with a pine tree on it, and put it on. Looking in the mirror, he felt a little better. "Huh," he started to smile, tipping the brim upwards. "That outta do the trick!"

"And I will have a..." Pacifica said while looking in a box, then as she pulled her desired item out of the box she continued, "...grappling hook! Yes!"

Bill and Gideon stared at her for a few seconds, then exchanged a look, before the magician asked his niece, "Wouldn't you rather have a doll, or something like that?"

Pacifica's answer was to shoot the grappling hook up at the ceiling, and it wrapped around a wooden beam. She was then hauled up above the ground, knocking over a few boxes in the process. "Grappling hook, Uncle Bill!" she exclaimed, having made up her mind.

"Fair enough!" Bill relented.

* * *

"_This journal told me that there was nobody in Gravity Falls that I could trust."_ wrote Gideon in the empty pages of the Journal. _"But when you battle a hundred barf fairies side-by-side with someone, you realize they've got your back no matter what."_

He looked up to Pacifica, who had been looking for something to shoot her new grappling hook at in the attic; and now she decided on aiming it at the still-lit lantern that served as their light in their room. "Hey, Gid, you ready to sleep yet?" she asked.

"Just a moment," Gideon replied. One more thought was going into this Journal before he slept tonight. "Alright then," Pacifica said, and she snuggled up under the covers, still eyeing the lantern with the look of an amateur marksman. Meanwhile the nine-year old put his pen back to the empty page and continued writing.

"_Pacifica's uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town. But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked..."_

He clicked the pen and shut the Journal. "Alright, 'Cifica, you can get the lights now."

"On it!" The twelve-year old jumped up on her bed and aimed the grappling hook at the lantern, then fired. It released with such a force that not only took out the lantern, but also got the hook to break the window as well. At this, the two kids laughed.

* * *

_That's gonna be a pain to clean up in the morning._ Bill turned the flashlight over in his hand as he headed into the gift shop. He could probably clean that up tomorrow. Let's just hope the tourists don't see that.

As he opened the door to the gift shop and headed inside, he felt his lungs beg him for a little release. A little...cigarette, maybe?

_No._ Bill wanted to stick to that deal he made while talking to his reflection: he wanted to quit smoking. If the kids living with him didn't need smoke, then he didn't need it either.

_Man, one week without smoking and I already want to smoke. How am I gonna last the whole summer?_

He walked up to the grandfather clock in the corner, the one that he told people was simply for decoration and not for sale. When he told Gideon and Pacifica that, they had been confused – a man obsessed with money, not wanting to sell this? Must be sentiment.

Or purpose.

He reached up to the edge of the clock face, and opened it, revealing a keypad consisting of the whole alphabet and numbers 1-9. Bill typed in a code that was familiar only to him, and the clock swung back in response. It showed him a secret entrance to his hiding place, the one place he returned to every night.

He stepped inside and, after making sure no one had seen him, shut himself in.

* * *

**(A/N: This was so much fun to write. Don't expect "Legend of the Gobblewonker" to be poster as quick, though. Like so many of you, I am working on another story. So be patient, especially if you are following both this story and "Once and For All".**

**And a lot of the scenes are cut – involving the reveal of Donna to be a bunch of barf fairies – because I am writing this episode mainly in Gideon's perspective. What he sees, I write, and what he doesn't see, I try to fill in. This was a little hard, and kind of inconvenient, so I won't attempt writing in strictly one character's point of view again until the last episode of Season 1.**

**If you want to know, Bill is wet in the gift shop scene because he was doing an escape trick involving a milkcan and the little girl was sitting on top of the cover to spite him.**

**Yes, barf fairies are numerous in the AU. So, I guess that means...there is only one gnome in this AU? It's probably Jeff. He and Jen have a heck of a time arguing about hunting for food in the forest.**

**ELOO'V PDVFDUD ZLOO DSSHDU DJDLQ**


	4. Legend of the Gobblewonker (Part 1)

**(A/N: Sorry for the long wait! Writer's block, school, and life just got to me. Anyway, here is "Legend of the Gobblewonker"!)**

**All disclaimers apply.**

* * *

It was a sleepy morning in Gravity Falls. At least, that sounded like the perfect way to describe mornings in this small town. Two children, however, were anything but sleepy. In fact, they were as awake as ever.

"Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?" Pacifica Northwest asked, holding up a maple syrup bottle.

"I'm always ready!" Gideon Gleeful answered, holding up another maple syrup bottle.

The two then aimed the openings of the bottles towards their open mouths. "Time for a syrup race!" they both exclaimed excitedly. "Go, Maple Leaf!" Pacifica cheered on her bottle, which had a maple leaf on it. Meanwhile, Gideon cheered as well, "Go, Stars and Stripes!" to his bottle, which had the American flag on it.

"Go! Go! Go!" they repeatedly chanted, waiting for even a tiny drop of syrup to fall out of the opening. They sat like that for a couple of seconds before Pacifica reached up and tapped the bottom of her bottle, forcing the syrup out of it and into her mouth. "Yes!" she coughed, "I won!"

Her nine-year old friend decided to take her victory in stride, though, and picked up a magazine that was lying on the table. He flipped through a few pages before stopping, and turning to her. "Hey, 'Cifica! Look'it this!" he said, moving the magazine so that she could see what was on the page.

" 'Human-sized Hamster Ball'?" Pacifica read, and then gasped in joy. "I'm human-sized!"

"No, 'Cifica, this." Gideon pointed to the other page, which read "Monster Photo Contest". "We see stranger things than these everyday! We didn't happen to get pictures of those barf fairies, did we?"

"Nope, just memories," Pacifica shrugged. Then she pulled out a familiar hot pink hoodie. "And also Donna's hoodie!"

"Why'd you keep that?"

"I don't know."

Gideon was just about to ask something more when a yawn sounded from behind him, and Pacifica's uncle Bill Northwest came in from the doorway. "Mornin', kids!" he said, uncharacteristically cheery. "Know what day it is today?"

"Be...Awfully Cheery Day?" Gideon tried.

"Happy birthday!" Pacifica guessed enthusiastically.

Both replies were met with a frown and a hand slamming down onto the table. "It's Family Fun Day, geniuses!" Bill answered. The magician-slash-con man then turned on his heel and walked towards the ancient-looking fridge, taking out the only carton of milk inside. "I'm puttin' aside work today for some..." he paused to sniff the milk, "...bonding stuff."

"Uncle Bill," the twelve-year old asked hesitantly, "this isn't gonna be like our _last_ 'bonding stuff', is it?"

By "last bonding stuff", Bill knew his niece probably meant the time he had taken her on a special trip to a dark and shady place with millions of typewriters and millions of signatures to copy – in short, the time he had let her assist him in forging government documents. They had nearly gotten away with it had it not been for the cops coming in at the last second.

"I hope this is better, Mr. Northwest, 'cause I don't want my friend endin' up in jail again," Gideon's Southern voice broke Bill out of his memory. He looked back to the two kids sitting down at the table, and walked over to them.

"Look, kids, I know I haven't been the best summer caretaker," he told them, putting a hand on Pacifica's shoulder. "But I swear – today, we're gonna have some _real_ fun! Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car!"

"YAY!" The cheer was held for only half a second before Gideon processed what Bill had just said. "Wait, what?"

* * *

_Maybe I shouldn't have persuaded him to take me along,_ Gideon thought as the tires of the car squealed on the road, and the car moved to the left before going back again.

But then again, he couldn't leave Pacifica alone again, so soon after the barf fairies incident. He brought his knees up to his chest, feeling uncomfortable and maybe even a little carsick. "Blindfolds never lead t'anything good," he said to himself, uneasy.

Pacifica seemed to be appreciating the mystery of the trip though, and reached out her hands around herself. "Whoa, it feels like my four other senses have become stronger!" she commented, then placed a hand on Gideon's face. "Now I can see with my hands!"

Gideon had to laugh at the contact; it _was_ kind of funny. However, soon their playful behavior was interrupted by the car going over a bump in the road, making them jump up in their seats. The nine-year old nearly whimpered. _Queasy yet again._

"Mr. Northwest," he asked the driver, "you're not wearin' a blindfold too, are 'ya?"

"No, but with my short attention span, I might as well be!" The way Bill said this so nonchalantly was unnerving to the two kids, and even more so when he pointed out a woodpecker and ended up driving through the barrier into the forest.

* * *

After what felt like a million hours, the kids were finally out of the car. Gideon thought he heard footsteps coming forward. Secretly he hoped Bill was coming over to take off their blindfolds; he didn't want any of the other adults of Gravity Falls asking what two children were doing standing in front of a car (that probably looked worse for wear) and wearing blindfolds. Luckily for them, it was Bill's voice that piped up."Okay, kids, take 'em off now!" he exclaimed.

Pacifica and Gideon pulled off their blindfolds, and found their eyes opened to Bill standing in front of Lake Gravity Falls, spreading his arms out to show off the sign above him, which read: "Fishing Season Open Day". "Ta-da!" he said. "It's fishing season!"

Maybe not so luckily for them.

"Fishing?" Pacifica asked curiously.

"What're you playin' at?" Gideon asked uncomfortably.

"C'mon, you kids'll love it! The whole town's lined up!" the magician pointed out to the lake, where a woman was coaxing the fishes to get into her frying pan, a reporter taking a picture of a man who had caught a large fish (the man had ended up getting blinded by the camera's flash and fell into the water along with his catch), and a rather severe-looking man sitting with who looked like three of his friends. All had been going normally with this group until the severe-looking man snapped their fishing rods in half, screamed, "I'll show you how a _real man_ fishes!" and with only a second's waiting grabbed a fish from the water and started pounding it and beating it onto the boat like there was no tomorrow while his boatmates started cheering him on, along with a large man from another boat.

"Now _that's_ some quality bonding!" Bill clapped his hands together. Pacifica took one look at her uncle, who had the widest smile on his face, and asked, "Uh, Uncle Bill, why do you wanna hang out with me all of a sudden?"

Bill turned around to face her. "Don't worry, this is gonna be great!" he reassured them (or rather, tried to). "I've never really had fishing buddies before; the guys at the lodge won't go with me – they don't 'like' or 'trust' me."

"Still not so sure," Gideon said. Pacifica turned to her friend. "Gid, I think he actually wants to go fishing with us," she said in a concerned tone.

"Hey, I know what'll cheer you right up!" He pulled out a fishing hat from behind him and slapped it onto Pacifica's head. Gideon looked over as she pulled it off to read the letters spelling out "NIECE" that were stitched onto the hat. "That's hand stitching right there, y'know!" Bill said, and Pacifica thought that explained the terrible quality of the sewing. She and her friend looked up, and saw that her uncle had exchanged his top hat for another fishing hat; this time his fishing hat read "UNCLE". As for his other hat, he folded it and tucked it away into his vest. "It's just gonna be me, you kids, and these silly hats on a boat for ten hours!" Bill gleefully proclaimed.

"_Ten hours?!_" Gideon asked disbelievingly.

"I brought the joke book!" Bill pulled out the familiar "1001 Yuk 'Em Ups: Uncle Approved!"

Gideon recoiled. "Not the joke book!"

Pacifica turned despairingly to Gideon. "There has to be some way out of this!"

"I've seen it! I've seen it again!"

Both of them looked up at the sound of this terrified voice. Running around in fright was a man – who was, for some reason, wearing an old moth-eaten suit. He shoved people out of his way, turned over tables of fish, and even smacked a sandwich out of a man's grasp before reaching to grab another man's shoulders in desperation.

"The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker!" he screamed. "Come quick before it scrapdoodles away!" He pushed the man he was grabbing away before beginning to do a little jig.

"If it's so dangerous, then why is he dancing?" Pacifica asked her friend, but before Gideon opened his mouth, the man stepped over to them, shouting into their ears, "BECAUSE IT'S A DANCE OF _GRAVE DANGER_!"

"Hey, hey!" The owner of the shop ran out of the building and pulled out a spray bottle. "What have I told you about scaring the customers?" He shouted, spraying water at the older man. "This is your last warning, Dad!"

"No! I've got proof this time!" The older man yelled, and Gideon looked at his friend.

* * *

"Behold!" The man pointed down at a wrecked boat lying in the water at the end of the pier. Then he continued to the crowd beside him, "It's the Gobblewonker that did this! It had a long neck like a T-rex, and-and a tail as thin as...this gentleman right here!" He pointed at Bill, who was not listening and instead classily picking his nose. "Huh?" the magician asked absently.

"It smashed my boat down to smithereens," the distressed man continued, "and then went out to Scuttlebutt Island!" He pointed at the large foggy island in the middle of Lake Gravity Falls, then grabbed his son's arm and pulled him towards him like a child pulls their parent towards a toy in a toy shop. "You gotta believe me!"

"Attention, all units!" Sheriff Powers called from his police boat. He smiled mockingly and declared, "We have ourselves a lunatic!"

At this, the crowd that had gathered around the hysterical man started laughing at him. His son lowered his eyes, shook his head in disappointment, and walked away.

"Oh, donkey spittle," the father sighed. He despondently walked away, muttering euphemisms. The crowd walked away with him, and Pacifica and Gideon watched them go.

"Well, that happened," Bill shrugged and stepped down into a flimsy little boat beside the pier. Gideon quite thought it looked like it might fall apart at any moment. "Now let's untie this boat and get on that lake!" he said, starting to untie the boat.

Gideon turned to Pacifica. " 'Cifica! Didja hear what that guy just said?"

" 'Oh, donkey spittle!'"said Pacifica, rendering an imitation of the so-called lunatic.

"The _other_ thing, y'know, 'bout the monster in the lake! If we get a picture of that thing, we could split the profit!" Gideon pulled out the magazine from breakfast and turned it to the "Monster Photo Contest" page. "Imagine what you could do with _500_ dollars!"

Pacifica turned around, and did imagine what she could do – not that her family didn't have enough money on its own. What was that thing inside the magazine? Ah, yes – the human-sized hamster ball! Now she could wear it and mock the hamsters now that they weren't so high and mighty, now that _she_ had a hamster ball!

" 'Cifica? 'Cifica?" Gideon snapped a finger in front of her face, wondering what kind of thoughts she was absorbed in right now. She blinked, going back into reality, and turned to her friend.

"Gid, I am _one million_ percent on board with this!" she declared, throwing her hands up. Gideon had to smile – _helpful Pacifica, through and through._

Pacifica walked past the nine-year old to her uncle, who was still struggling with the knot on the boat. "Uncle Bill, change of plans!" she said conversationally. "We're gonna take that boat to Scuttlebutt Island, and catch that lake monster! How's that for bonding stuff?" She turned towards Gideon, and as if triggered by some unknown cue, began chanting with him, "Monster hunt! Monster hunt!"

"Monster hunt!" They looked up to see that same crazy man from earlier trying to join in the cheer, before realizing they had gone silent and sighing as he awkwardly tried to exit.

Bill thought he would have made a comment about this occurrence, but then the sound of a boat horn made him jump in his seat. He and the kids turned around to see a large boat pull in, making his boat look as small as a fly. And to add insult to injury, his sixteen-year old employee Robbie Valentino was standing at the wheel. _That kid's family owned a boat?! Moreover, he knows how to steer it?_

"You guys say something about a monster hunt?" Robbie asked, walking out to the edge of the deck. "Robbie!" Gideon called out. "What's up, Gleeful?" the teenager asked, leaning over the edge for a fist-bump, and then made explosion noises with the kids. He then offered, "You two could totally use my boat for your hunt! 'Cause, you know, it's got a steering wheel, chairs..." he patted the side proudly, "...all that normal boat stuff."

"Okay, okay, let's think this through," Bill interrupted the get-together. "You kids could go waste your time on some epic 'monster hunt'..." at this he tried to make the latter statement sound better, "...or you could spend the day skewering worms and learning how to tie knots with yours truly!"

Pacifica and Gideon glanced at Robbie, who smiled encouragingly and pointed his thumb in the direction of his boat. Then they looked down to Bill, sitting in his rickety old boat, with the terrible joke book and silly fishing hat in tow. And finally they looked towards the alluring island in the middle of the lake, before exchanging a look.

There was only one thing to do now.

"So, whaddya say?" Bill asked, but the sound of a boat engine answered him, and he looked up to see Robbie, Gideon, and his niece speeding towards the island . Cheers of "Woo-hoo!" and "We made the right choice!" echoed from Robbie's boat, and the magician's mouth fell open in shock.

He was silent for a moment before swallowing the shock down. "Ingrates!" he yelled after them, then continued trying to untie the rope still holding the boat to the pier. "Who needs 'em, anyway? I've got a whole bucket of worms to keep me company!"

The magician looked over his shoulder to said bucket of squirming wet worms, and realized maybe they weren't such a good choice of companions.

* * *

Gideon looked out on the lake, feeling excited. Free from ten hours of sitting in an unstable boat and listening to terrible jokes, free to go on a monster-finding adventure, free from Bill they were!

"Hoist the anchor!" he called, and that was what Robbie did.

"Raise the flag!" he said, and Pacifica lifted up a towel with the word "FUN" on it. And fun was what they were going to have.

"We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!" the twelve-year old proclaimed.

"We're gonna win that photo contest!" the nine-year old followed.

"Do any of you want something to eat?" the sixteen-year old asked. "I'm hungry!"

"We're gonna...go get snacks!" Gideon tried.

All four of them cheered, unaware of what lurked in the lake beneath them.


	5. Legend of the Gobblewonker (Part 2)

After getting snacks, they had headed back out onto the lake. They hadn't gone out to the island just yet, though – they were still formulating their plan.

"Alright. If we wanna win that photo contest, we've gotta go 'bout it the right way," Gideon declared as he paced on the deck. "Think: what's the biggest problem with monster hunting these days?"

"The side character dies in the first five seconds of the movie," Robbie answered. "Wait, what if one of us is a side character?" He held his head, looking down at the kids. "What if we're in a movie and we don't know it?"

Gideon shook his head. "No. Camera trouble. For example, what – what if Bigfoot shows up? Where'd my camera be?" He reached into his vest, continuing, "Oh, here it is!" The nine-year old then pulled out a camera and held it up to his eye, but then put it down just as quickly. "Oh no, I don't have film! Y'see?" Pacifica and Robbie nodded in agreement, and he walked over to them, handing them each a bag.

"That's why I got _seventeen_ disposable cameras!" he proclaimed. "Two on my ankle–" there were cameras in his socks "–three on my vest–" he showed that there were cameras attached to his life vest as well "–four for each o'you guys–"Pacifica and Robbie each pulled out one camera from their bags "–three in my bag–" he pointed to another bag that he was holding "–and one under my hat." He pulled off his cap to show them the disposable camera safely nestled on his white hair, then put his cap back on. "There's no way we'll miss a thin'. Now, let's test our cameras."

Robbie immediately went to test his camera, but he had held it the wrong way, and was blinded by the flash. "Oh, man, ow!" he cried out, throwing the camera instinctively over the edge. It plopped into the water with a small splash. However, Gideon wasn't as irked by this as usual. "Dun' worry; this is why we need the back-up cameras, we've still got sixteen left," Gideon reassured them.

A seagull flew directly overhead Pacifica, and she threw one of her cameras in its direction. "Ah! Seagull!" she yelled. It fell overboard as well.

"Fifteen!_"_ the nine-year old said. "Let's not lose our cameras from now on, alright?"

"Lose the cameras?" Robbie asked.

"Don't!" Gideon began to shout.

"Oh, sorry, I threw two overboard," the sixteen-year old sheepishly told him.

"_Thirteen_!" the nine-year old threw his hands up. "We still have thirteen cam–" he realized that the crunch beneath the foot he put down was a dropped camera, "...twelve. We 'ave twelve cameras."

Pacifica held another camera over the edge. "So, what's the plan? Throw out more cameras?"

"No!" Gideon sighed. "Look, 'Cifica, 'ya can do lookout, Robbie can steer the boat to the island, and I'll be captain."

"What? Why do you suddenly get to be captain?" Pacifica asked. "What about me? I can be a competent captain too!"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Then can I be co-captain?"

"But that's not really a thing."

"Oh – whoops." One more camera was flung into the lake.

"Alright, alright! Y-you can be co-captain! Just don't toss anythin' else into the lake!"

"Can I be associate co-captain?" Robbie asked.

"I authorize that request," Pacfica declared.

Gideon decided to get the conversation back into his control. "Well, as first co-captain, I think what we should do first is to lure the monster out with that."

He pointed over to a barrel labeled "FISH FOOD". Almost instantly, Robbie asked, "Permission to taste-test some?"

Gideon felt a little surprised, but decided it couldn't do much harm. "Granted."

"I second the motion," Pacifica followed.

"I third the motion," Robbie finalized, then took one piece of fish food from the barrel, bit a piece off of it, and started to chew. Within two seconds he was gagging and trying to wipe the taste off his tongue, while Pacifica and Gideon had to laugh. "I don't know what I expected that to taste like," the sixteen-year old said as an afterthought.

* * *

From his little boat not too far away, Bill narrowed his eyes at their boat. "Those traitors," he muttered. "I'll find my _own_ fishin' buddies." He looked back to his catch-less fishing rod before noticing a lone boat near the edge of the lake. The magician saw an opportunity, and revved the motor on his boat. "Ah, there're my new pals!" he said, a smile creeping onto his face.

Meanwhile, on the lone boat, a young man looked nervously at the lady sitting next to him. His back was turned to her, so she couldn't see the little box in his hand – much less the diamond ring it contained. The man closed the box, sighed, and turned towards her.

"Hey, Maxine...now that we're alone..." he tried not to hesitate, "there's something I wanted to ask you." The little box wasn't obvious in his grasp, but his girlfriend already knew what he was going to say. "Oh, Sheldon," she sighed.

All of a sudden, a boat motor sounded behind her. They both turned to the source of the sound – a man in a boat that looked like it was falling apart. The large smile on his face made them apprehensive.

"Hey, wanna hear a joke?" the intruder asked, biting back a laugh. Sheldon was about to open his mouth and ask why he was here – and how soon could he leave – but said intruder didn't get the clue and continued. "Okay, here goes: My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is getting better!" With that, the man broke into a laughing fit while the couple came closer to each other, worrying for their privacy and for the man's trachea.

Feeling that they weren't getting the joke, Bill repeated in between laughs, "Her aim is getting better!" When neither of the two said anything, he decided to go for blunt. "Y'see, it's funny 'cause marriage is terrible!"

The smile on his face disappeared when he saw them beginning to row away in a huff. "What?!" he asked defensively.

* * *

Robbie's boat went on through the foggy exterior of Scuttlebutt Island. Ever so silently it skimmed the surface of the water, while its passengers dropped fish food into the shallows. They were looking out for either land or the Gobblewonker. Quite seriously, in fact.

"Hey, how's it going?" Pacifica asked a pelican that was perched on the railing just behind the bow. She took its bill and started using it like a ventriloquist uses a dummy. "It's going awesome!" she said in a silly voice, and then started singing a silly song.

" 'Cifica, please leave that thing alone," Gideon watched the pelican anxiously.

"Aw, I don't mind none!" Pacifica spoke through the pelican. With that, she held up a glass of water. "Hey, Gid, I'm gonna do the water trick!" She began to drink it and try to manipulate the pelican into singing the alphabet at the same time, but then she choked halfway through the first ten letters and the pelican flew away.

"Aren't 'ya supposed t'be doing lookout?" the nine-year old asked. "Don't worry your little white head, Gid, I'm on it," she said, resting her elbows onto the railing.

Suddenly, the boat shook, and they fell onto the deck. When Pacifica got up, she took one look at their surroundings and declared, "Well, we're here! Told you I was the girl for the job!" And indeed, the boat had already landed on the shore. All three of them began to step onto the island, and Gideon lit a lantern for good measure. They ventured into the foggy grounds with only one goal in mind: to find that lake monster.

They continued on in silence for a little while before they walked past the sign nailed on a tree that said "Scuttlebutt Island". Robbie and Pacifica looked at it before the former said, "Hey, hey, check it!" and covered the "Scuttle" part of the sign with his arm. "Butt Island!" he joked. At this, Pacifica had to laugh. "Robbie!" she said in a reprimanding tone that didn't sound reprimanding at all.

She then walked over to Gideon, who was watching them with a nonplussed expression on his face. "What's wrong, Gid? You scared?" she asked in a teasing tone. "I'm not scared," her friend answered apprehensively. "Aw, don't worry, Gid, it's alright to be scared! Let me fix that!"

Pacifica began to poke Gideon in various places, making him put down the lantern so as not to break it. He tried to get her to stop for a few moments, but then a loud rumble sounded throughout the island, and the two kids looked up.

"Whoa, did you hear that?" Robbie asked, walking closer to them. "Yeah, we did," Gideon said, looking around. Pacifica drew herself a little closer to the taller teenager. "What _was_ that, anyway? Was that your stomach?"

"No...we just ate, remember?" Robbie responded.

"Oh. Yeah."

A flash of fur scampered in front of Gideon's foot, and before he knew it, a possum had already run off with their lantern in its jaws. "Our lantern...!" he tried calling, but it was no use. _Well, that's just great. _The nine-year old narrowed his eyes as he tried to peer through the thick fog.

"Guys, I don't know about this," Robbie said, and they noticed he was beginning to sound reluctant. "Maybe we should just head back."

"Head back?" Pacifica turned to face both of the boys. "Imagine what we could do if we got those photos and won that contest!"

Clearly, she was already imagining what she could do with that human-sized hamster ball; she began to think of other things, like going to school using the ball, riding down Niagara Falls with that ball, as well as crashing the interview she knew Gideon was imagining himself in with that ball.

Both of them grinned. "I'm in!" Pacifica declared. "Me too!" Gideon followed.

In order to prove how enthusiastic and serious they were about this, they ran off further inland. Robbie looked around him, decided _well, it couldn't hurt, could it?,_ and ran right after them.

* * *

Five minutes later, the sound of a monstrous moan wasn't what was piercing the silence of the island. Instead, it was the sound of beatboxing. And a twelve-year old girl trying to sing along to her friend's said beatboxing. She sang,

_"My name is Pacifica,_

_It sounds like I'm rapping, yeah_

_And now this rap is...something._

_I don't really know what I'm singing."_

"We should be writing this down," Robbie tried to encourage her.

As she was about to open her mouth again, the loud monstrous moan came back. Instead of looking afraid, though, Gideon stopped and stared with a glint of excitement in his eye.

"Oh my goodness!" Gideon said. "This is it!" Pacifica heard what he said, and joined him in his ecstatic anticipation. They giggled among themselves as they went on towards where the noise was coming from. As for their sixteen-year old companion, he took off his glasses, cleaned them for what felt like the fifth time that day, and put them back on. He picked up a fallen branch and walked after the kids, carrying the branch like a weapon.

They walked on for a few silent moments, before Robbie stopped and held out his hands for them to stop as well. As soon as he did this did they realize why he did: there was a shadow of a long-necked &amp; thin-tailed creature in the water in front of them. Together, they ducked behind a log, and peeked out. Sure enough, the silhouette was still there in their sight.

_Now or never._

"Get 'yer cameras ready," Gideon told them once he was convinced the threat of danger wasn't imminent. He pulled out his own camera, while Robbie and Pacifica took out theirs as well. _Good._

"Here goes nothing," he said quietly to himself. Then to his companions he continued, "GO!"

Robbie was the first to run out from their cover, screaming as he madly pressed the button and took as many pictures as he could. Pacifica and Gideon followed after him, holding their cameras out in front of them; butt they didn't take a single picture yet.

They drew closer to the silhouette, and as the fog cleared around them they soon realized that it was...

...nothing but pieces of a wrecked boat. Beavers chittered as they climbed onto the debris, and some fell off again. Gideon and Pacifica stared at this in shock, while Robbie just kept taking more pictures.

"But...what?" Gideon asked in disbelief. "I – I heard a monster noise..."

Said loud noise rumbled beside them, and they looked round to see a beaver biting at an old rusted chainsaw. At this, the chainsaw roared on its own, creating what sounded like the monster noise they had heard earlier.

"Well, that's something you don't see everyday," Robbie finally said, and began photographing the beaver with the chainsaw as well.

"Maybe that old guy really was crazy." Gideon sighed, disappointed.

"He _did_ use the word 'scrapdoodle'..." Pacifica agreed. She gave a loud sigh as well.

* * *

**(A/N: So I've decided to split this episode into three parts to get the updates rolling. Yes, I did know that by the time I would update this again we'd already know what the deal was with Stan's portal. Oh well.)**


	6. Legend of the Gobblewonker (Part 3)

"See, kid, when you're a-threadin' the line, most people don't know this, but you'd wanna use the barrel knot." Bill told a child in a boat. He laughed to himself as he finished, "That's a secret from one fishing buddy to another!"

"Uh, who are you, exactly?" the girl in the boat asked. Bill patted her on the shoulder. _Not Pacifica, sure, but she'll do._ "Just call me your Uncle Bill!"

"Hey, _hey_!" the girl's father called out, and Bill looked up. "Who are you and why are you talking to my daughter?!"

The magician cursed in his head, yet he told the man, "Y'see, the thing about that is..." then he revved up the engine and rode off before he could get into anymore trouble.

"Go bother your own kids!" the angry father yelled after him.

_If only I actually had kids to bother,_ Bill thought to himself as he looked over his shoulder, making sure he wasn't being followed.

* * *

Meanwhile, the magician's niece was sitting at the edge of the water, mulling over the reason for the sinking feeling she had. She didn't know how Robbie could be so interested in taking pictures of beavers while she and Gideon despondently sat after their failure. Then again, he didn't have to abandon an uncle who brought them all the way here just to be left alone while they chased a nonexistent lake monster.

"What do we say to Uncle Bill now?" Pacifica asked herself. She picked up a small stone, and threw it into the water, next to where Gideon sat himself on a larger rock. "We ditched him for nothing."

The water rippled under her reflection – but that couldn't come from just a little stone. She looked up as Gideon stood up in surprise.

"Hey," he asked, "d'you feel – woah!"

Somehow, the rock disappeared under the boy's feet, and he sank into the cold water. Quickly, he swam back to where his friends were, and all the anger Pacifica directed to herself pushed itself to the back of her mind as a growl – a _real_ monster growl – echoed around them. She helped her friend climb back onto solid ground, and then they both turned just in time to see a large tail come out of the water, then splash back down again, spraying water onto their skin. It swam around in a circle, leaving its silhouette in the water, and Pacifica watched as Gideon whispered, "Guys, this is'it!".

He pulled out his camera, watching the monster in the water circle almost soundlessly, then snapped a photo of its shadow. The nine-year old looked over his shoulder to his friends. "C'mon! Take a picture!" he told them. But instead, they backed away slowly – as if they were scared.

Gideon turned around to face them. "What's wrong?" Unbeknownst to him, something was slowly coming out of the water behind him.

"Gid..."

"Dude..."

"Don't worry 'bout it, guys," he tried to convince them and himself as he turned towards the water, "all 'ya 'ave to do is point the camera and take a..."

Well. Gideon certainly wasn't expecting the Gobblewonker to be right behind him. He looked up at its fearsome glowing eyes, and dropped his camera in shock. No sooner did the nine-year old yelp than the creature roared at them.

"RUN!" Robbie screamed.

And run they did. Gideon heard the sound of the lake monster coming onto land (_that thing could walk on land as well?!_), and tried to run faster. The Gobblewonker forcefully hit a large tree with one swing of its head, and the tree fell – in the direction of where Pacifica was currently running. A rush of adrenaline burst into the nine-year old's veins, and he ran quickly to his friend, pushing her out of the way of the tree. They avoided it in the nick of time, and they were both tumbling on the ground by the momentum of the force before they were back on their feet again.

Somehow after this they were still running, managing to dodge more falling trees. Finally they caught up to the sixteen-year old, who yelled, "Get back to the boat! Get back to the boat!" The monster behind them swung at them again, and Robbie grabbed Pacifica by her collar, pulling her up so that he could carry her.

Gideon, on the other hand, pulled out his camera – _I'm not going to miss this!_ \- and snapped one photo. He could barely celebrate before he tripped over a rock and one more camera fell out of his grasp, into the path of the Gobblewonker.

"The camera!" he yelled, getting to his feet, but then Robbie ran back to grab him by the collar and wrap his arms under Gideon's arms.

"Gideon, if it makes you feel any better, I got hundreds of beaver pictures!" Robbie yelled over the noise.

"How's that gonna make me feel any better?!" Gideon screamed.

Then they all shouted for their lives as the Gobblewonker roared above them once more. Fortunately, in front of them was the boat! Robbie put Gideon and then Pacifica inside the boat before getting in, chanting to himself about starting the boat and getting the heck off Scuttlebutt Island. He revved the motor and steered the boat away from the shore, but not before getting a glance of the monster following them, coming out from the forest trail.

"Wait! Gid, this is it! Get a picture!" Pacifica shouted. Gideon did as he was told and pulled out a camera, but then as soon as he put it to his eye he put it back down again. "The lens is cracked!" he told her, then turned to Robbie. "Robbie, 'git a picture!"

Unfortunately for the kids, Robbie was busy throwing camera after camera at the Gobblewonker in an effort to fight it. "ROBBIE, WHAT'RE 'YA DOIN'?!" Gideon screamed. Robbie threw one more camera before picking up the last one he had in his hand. "Oh, wait, there's still one more! Catch!" The sixteen-year old threw the camera at him, and instead of catching it, Gideon dodged it on instinct. It fell to the ground, and smashed to pieces.

Meanwhile, the lake monster gave a loud cry and jumped into the water, now pursuing the boat they were in. Robbie reached over as far as he could and grabbed the steering wheel with the momentum of the giant wave the monster made, cranking the gear and steering it in the direction opposite the monster.

"GO, GO, GO!" the children chanted in a panic. The boat soon sped as fast as it could, away from Scuttlebutt Island.

* * *

_Nothing._

_About ten cursed tries and still nothing!_

Bill swore to himself again and reeled in his line. _This isn't fair. If I'm not gonna have those kids around, then I should at least have caught something!_

"That was a really great story, Uncle!"

"Yeah, can you tell us some more?"

Bill looked up. Right in front of him was a boat filled with a pair of two girls and who appeared to be their uncle. They all looked so happy. And they all looked like they were mocking him.

"Of course!" their uncle replied. "Plenty to go around!"

Before the man could continue, though, Bill shouted to them from where he was. "Boo! Nobody likes your stories! Go straight home!"

"Hey!" the man retaliated. "What's your deal?!"

"Uncle, look at him, he's all alone," one of the girls said.

"Yeah, maybe no one loves him enough for a story," the other one said – and Bill heard how it was used in a joking tone.

"I-I don't–!" All of a sudden, a blur of metal and screaming sped past the magician's boat, and all the boats in the vicinity were instantly doused in a tidal wave.

Soaking wet, Bill grabbed the hat on his head and took his anger out on it, throwing it to the bottom of the boat. He was about to step on it when he read the "UNCLE" writing stitched on it, and he quieted himself with a loud, pained sigh before covering his face with his hands.

* * *

Back on the boat, the children were indeed a screaming mess of metal and motors, running back around Scuttlebutt Island.

"BEAVERS!" Pacifica screamed, pointing at the beaver-filled wreckage in their path.

The boat smashed into the wood that served as the beavers' home, and as a result the animals jumped on board and started attacking anything they could find in their agitation. One of them decided to go for Robbie's face so that the boat nearly swerved out of control before Gideon grabbed the wheel and steered it back onto the open lake, which Pacifica got rid of the beavers on the deck.

All the while the Gobblewonker charged at them, causing boats nearby to overturn and spill out their hard-earned catch. People screamed in shock and the lake monster roared and soon the roof of Robbie's boat was done with. The blood rushed in Gideon's head as he steered the boat here and there, trying to outrun the thing but it was simply too difficult and he found himself speeding towards a waterfall.

"Where do we go?!" Pacifica yelled once she saw it as well, and Gideon left her to take the reins while he pulled out the Journal and flipped very fast to a certain page before looking back up. "Go into 'ta falls!" he shouted, his voice an octave higher. "The Journal said there might be a cave n'there!"

"Might be?!"

And so they were all a screaming mess as they moved closer and closer to the waterfall. Gideon covered his face with the Journal, he couldn't bear to see if he was wrong–

–but by some miracle the cave behind the waterfall really existed, and the remains of the boat ran past the wall of water before halting at where land met water. Its three passengers flew out onto the ground flat on their faces. After a second's hesitation they got up and patted the dirt off of themselves. They sighed in relief.

Then the relief vanished as the Gobblewonker emerged from the waterfall, giving a loud roar. Gideon, Robbie, and Pacifica screamed and held each other tight, preparing themselves for the end...but after two seconds nothing happened. All three of them looked up and found the lake monster stuck inside the entrance to the cave.

Pacifica gave a small laugh, and then she fully broke into a smile. "We did it!" she said. "It's trapped!" She reached for something in her jacket, but reached nothing. _Uh-oh._ Gideon was reaching in his pockets too, but no camera. "What?" he asked. "I could've sworn we had one more–!"

"Up here!" Robbie had reached over and taken off Gideon's cap, revealing the last disposable camera. The nine-year old boy thanked him loudly and took it from the top of his head, beginning to wildly snap pictures of the trapped creature.

Finally he stopped and looked back at his friends. "This is it! We're-a shoo-in 'fer that contest!" They all cheered as they basked in the glory of the moment.

The Gobblewonker thrashed some more in an effort to get loose. Because of its motion, the stalactites above broke apart and fell from the cave's roof. One of them landed square on the monster's head, and with that it fell to the ground – but not before emitting some sparks.

As if it were running on electricity.

"What the... ?" Gideon went a little closer. His friends followed behind him as he waded into the water, then swam over to the creature's flipper. When he climbed onto it, he noticed that it was was hard and metallic, and it even made a metallic sound when he stepped on it. He climbed up its body and ignored Pacifica and Robbie's worried whispers of his name until he had reached the very top, and he looked down to them. "Come take a look at this!" he called. They swam to the flipper as well, and soon they were all on the monster's back.

There, in front of them, was a large door. Gideon reached over to it, and turned the crank over it to open it. A warm burst of gas met their faces as it swung open. When the white clouds cleared, the kids came face to face with...

"YOU?!"

Gideon and Pacifica's jaws had fallen open at the sight of the same crazy man from the pier, sitting at what looked like a control panel and was currently trying to turn a number of levers to get the monster – no,_ machine_ – to work.

"Come on, work, dang it!" he sighed. After another second, he realized that there were three pairs of eyes on the back of his neck, and he turned around to greet the intruders. "Oh..." he trailed off.

"_You_ were the one who chased us around on this thing?" Robbie asked. "But why?"

"Why?" the man echoed, and slowly answered, "...I-I just wanted attention."

"I still don't understand. Who do you want to impress?" Pacifica added.

The old man went on, "You see, kids, when you get to being a certain age – even just in your forties – youngsters just stop wanting to spend time with you. I don't really know why, but my own son just up and stopped visiting this year! Business is tough for him and all...but I just wanted to make him see me now the same way he did when he was a kid! So I figured I'd catch his eye with a lake monster I made myself!"

For some reason, he ended this last sentence with an evil-sounding laugh, but then he sighed sadly again and concluded. "It probably sounds crazy to you. But you don't know what people'll do to spend time with people they love."

Pacifica looked down, and she knew that Gideon was watching her pull out the fishing hat that her uncle had given her that morning. She ran her thumb over the "E" at the end of the hand-stitched "NIECE", and then felt a pang in her chest.

"Well, I thought of this just now," Robbie said reluctantly, "but it actually seems like _you guys_ are the real lake monsters." He chuckled, then it quickly became an uncomfortable laugh. "Yeah, sorry, but it just made sense, so... ."

Gideon turned his eyes away from the awkward sixteen-year old to the crazy old man. "Didja ever really tell 'yer son about your feelings?"

"No, sir. I went straight to work without asking anyone," the man replied, pulling out a flimsy photo album. "In fact, I made a whole ton of robots before I built this one!" He opened the album to show off a few newspaper clippings taped inside. " When my wife passed, I built a giant Godzilla to tear apart the forest for some relief. And when my faceless friend Joe stopped talking to me for some reason, I built a giant 'Shame-bot' to destroy the entire uptown area!"

He paused, then shut the album and put it away. "Well, that's it for now! Tell me if you need anyone to build a robot for any reason!"

Gideon and Pacifica looked at each other, and sighed. "So much 'fer the photo contest," the nine-year old said as he handed her the camera.

Pacifica pushed it back towards him. "We've still got one roll of film left. I think I know just how to use it."

* * *

Only a few boats were out on Lake Gravity Falls as sunset grew near.

One of them was already headed for shore, its passenger having already given up on catching a single fish and was now planning on going home. With or without the two children he had brought there.

_You have to bring them home._

_Yeah, just as soon as they return from their little trip._

He sighed loudly. Now he was tired of his own thoughts, too.

"Uncle Bill!"

The magician looked up as a boat – or rather, the remains of it – rode beside him before finally stopping. He stopped his boat as well at the sight of its own riders taking a picture of him.

"Kids? What're you doing here?" _Hide surprise, sound smart._ "I thought you were playing 'Spin the Bottle' with Robbie."

"Not really," his niece answered. "I mean, we've gone on the lake just to search for some ridiculous creature. But hey! We realized the only ridiculous creature we wanna be with is you."

_Oh, no, you're not getting off that easily._ "Save it! I've been having the time of my life! Yeah, I've been makin' friends, talking to no one in particular; heck, I even ran into the police at some point! They tried to arrest me, I think. Well, just another day. So, no dice!" Bill crossed his arms.

"C'mon, Mr. Northwest."

"We're sorry."

Bill growled, trying to look angry. But Gideon only looked to Pacifica, who took out her fishing hat and put it on her head.

At this sight, Bill felt his expression change, and he looked down at his own fishing hat, which was still sitting on the floor. Then he looked back up at them, and slowly smiled.

"...You kids wanna see me pull a handful of worms out of thin air?"

"Impress me all you want wit' 'yer magic tricks, Mr. Northwest," Gideon said as he and Pacifica climbed into Bill's tiny boat. "I bet 'ya five bucks I can't figure out how 'ya did it!" Bill simply laughed. "Ha! You're making a bet with a magician about magic tricks? I might as well have your money already!"

"Got room for one more?" Robbie interrupted, climbing in the boat as well.

The magician looked over his employee's dirty and ragged appearance. "What happened t'you?"

"Beavers, Mr. Northwest. Beavers."

"Alright, everyone!" Gideon's voice broke through their conversation as he held up his trusty camera. "Say cheese!"

Pacifica leaned closer to her uncle, beaming wide while Robbie leaned into the frame.

"Cheese!"

_Click._

* * *

**(A/N: I don't know how I did it. But I survived. "Legend of the Gobblewonker" is finally finished! Maybe next time will have a quicker update.**

**Ha, I can only dream.)**

**KHU DLP LV JHWWLQJ EHWWHU**


	7. Headhunters (Part 1)

**(A/N: This update was quicker than I expected. With summer vacation in the Philippines, however, that's to be expected.**

**Trigger/squick warning for a throwaway joke.)**

* * *

As always in Gravity Falls, it was a lazy morning. Just the perfect time for Gideon Gleeful and Pacifica Northwest to be sitting in front of the TV while eating their (admittedly mediocre) breakfast.

"So," the officer on the television show began, "the body was found at 12:10 PM with multiple wounds on the legs and torso in this bedroom." On the screen, said officer walked around the room, looking for clues while others began taking pictures of the crime scene.

Another officer standing beside the first one spoke, "Seems like this was a badly timed BDSM accident." He turned to look behind him. "What do you think?"

The figure he had been speaking to turned around, revealing that he was just a penguin wearing a bulletproof vest. He opened his beak and made random penguin noises, while subtitles on the screen spoke for him. "It could be. Or..." he dramatically paused, then turned to the audience, "...this could be simple cold-blooded murder." As this same penguin put on sunglasses, the logo "Investigating Crime Scenes: Detective Penguin" came on.

While the poorly-edited theme song began playing, Pacifica put her fork down on her half-full plate. "What's 'BDSM'?" she asked, but her friend merely shrugged.***** "I don't think it's important, 'cause it was definitely cold-blooded murder."

"So if it _was_ murder, then perhaps you could enlighten me as to who the the culprit is?" The twelve-year old picked up her fork again and ate another piece of food.

"Not yet; we need more evidence," the nine-year old said thoughtfully. "Though by the glitter in 'yer hair, I can tell you've been makin' something for me." At this, Pacifica put her plate down on the old armchair and got to her feet, checking her hair. "Gid! That was a surprise!" she exclaimed.

Before Gideon could explain himself, a voice called out, "Hey, guys!" The two kids looked up to see the handyman come into the living room. "You'll never guess what I found!"

* * *

"So I was cleaning out the hallway earlier," Robbie began as he walked Gideon and Pacifica down a darker hallway of the House, "when suddenly, I found this hidden door." He leaned down to them to add intensity. "It led to a hidden room full of something _really unbelievable_!"

"You sure it's not buried treasure?" Pacifica asked.

"Believe me, it's something weirder than that." They reached a point in the hallway where a single doorknob was sticking out of the wall. Robbie reached out and turned said doorknob, opening the wall – no, a _door_ – to a dusty room.

Gideon pulled out his pocket flashlight from his vest, and clicked it on. Standing inside the room were various statues, of all faces and heights and weights. The three children stepped into this hidden room, glancing around at the lifeless figures.

"Would you look at that," Robbie said, poking at a lady statue's nose.

"They're so lifelike!" Pacifica added, pulling at another statue's arm.

"Except for _this_ one," Gideon continued, looking at a thin pajama-wearing statue. He moved the flashlight upwards, and gasped as the eerily-smiling face said, "Y'ello!"

"AH!" the children screamed, and the not-statue chuckled. "Heh, it's just me," he said, "Mr. Bill Northwest!"

They screamed even louder, and it took the magician ten seconds to stop laughing while they finally gathered their wits.

"So," Bill started, "seems you've found what was once the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! I say 'once', 'cause I've forgotten all about 'em.

"I had 'em all!" he continued as he walked around the room, naming each statue he recognized. "Lizzie Borden, Robin Hood, Abraham Lincoln – the whole wax bunch!"

"Ugh," Gideon shivered as he looked around him. "This place sure is creepy."

Bill stopped and turned to them as he walked towards what he pointed his left hand at. "And now, for my personal favorite – Wax Sherlock Holmes!" Here Bill turned around, realized that he was pointing at a shapeless pile of wax standing under a sunlit window, and gave an exclamation of surprise. "What the – come on! Who left him under the sun?!" He turned and pointed at a particular statue. "Wax Professor Moriarty, I'm lookin' at you!"

Sighing, he bent down to the wax mush and stared down at it glumly. "If only 'ya could fix a wax figure..." he said to himself.

"Cheer up, Uncle Bill!" Pacifica placed herself next to her uncle and bent down as well. "I'll put that smile back on your face! I'll just make you something new out of this old wax!"

"What, really?" Bill turned to his niece. " 'Ya really think you can sculpt a wax figure?"

Pacifica just held her head up proudly. "Uncle Bill, you should probably know that I'm an arts and crafts master. I mean, how else do you think I could personalize Gideon's and my book jackets?" She held up a book with the title "The Extreme Conspiracy". Only, it seemed she had covered the paperback with a new cover full of silver and golden glitter and colored paper. This seemed to be the surprise she had been referring to moments ago, because Gideon gasped, ran up to Pacifica, and thanked her.

Bill took one look at the decorated book, and smirked. " 'You've got some spunk, kid. I like that."

Pacifica laughed, but only for a moment.

"...That means confidence, right?"

* * *

Gideon walked into the House's parlor, where his friend had moved the pile of wax to get to work. But not to sculpting just yet; he looked over her shoulder and found that she was still sketching a design for her wax statue.

"Got any ideas?" he asked. Pacifica looked up to him, and took the glass of lemonade out of his hand. "Not really," she said, then took a sip from the edge of the glass before continuing. "I mean, at first I thought I should make a giraffe, but then I realized that there was only enough wax to make a person. So, I'm currently deciding whether to make a stereotypical 90's star–" she showed him the corresponding sketch, then turned the page, "–or a basketball player. I mean, how often do you see a wax version of a basketball player?"

Gideon looked over her drawings, absently sipping from the straw inside the glass. "Maybe 'ya just need to make it a little less generic than that. Y'know, maybe a specific thing?"

"Of course!" Pacifica turned to a blank page and began drawing. "Like that children's author who keeps rhyming! You know, the one you liked in second grade?"

"Yeah, okay..." Gideon said nervously; the way she put it embarrassed him a little. "Or maybe 'ya can make someone you know. Like, somebody from your fam'ly?"

Just as he had said that, Pacifica's uncle walked into the room, looking around. "Kids, have you seen my jacket?" he asked, walking up to them and striking an unnecessarily dramatic pose.

Gideon didn't know what to make of it (of course, he hadn't seen the man's trademark yellow suit jacket anywhere) but Pacifica took one look at Bill, and grinned almost as widely as the latter would on a good day. "That's perfect!" she said, and turned around to address an unseen deity in the sky. "Thank you, heavens!"

Bill looked down at Gideon, slightly confused. "Why is my niece talking to the ceiling?"

* * *

All day Pacifica worked on the wax statue. From the late morning until the evening the twelve-year old carved and sculpted and painted (and possibly inhaled little fragments of) the wax in front of her. By the time Gideon and Robbie had come in to bring her dinner, they stared in awe at how far she had come in her work. In fact, she might as well have been finished.

"Wow, Pacifica!" Robbie exclaimed. "Gideon told me you were good, but I didn't expect this!"

"I'm a little surprised myself at how fast I was able to finish this," Pacifica said. "Though it feels like I'm missing a little something."

"It's missin' glitter," Gideon answered, almost automatically. He glanced at Robbie, and thought the sixteen-year old was going to think less of him for that, but then said sixteen-year old nodded. "I agree."

"Right then!" Pacifica picked up the bucket of glitter that had been (for some reason) sitting at the edge of the parlor, then threw its contents towards the wax sculpture. "Done!"

Almost as soon as she had done this, Bill walked into the parlor as well, still searching for something, even though he was already wearing his suit jacket. "Kids," he began, "I've finally found all articles of my clothing, but now the darn rabbit's gone and I – AH!" He stopped short at the sight of the wax statue, flinching a little before staring at it.

"So, Uncle Bill, what do you think?" Pacifica looked up at him hopefully.

"Well...I think you've outdone yourself, kid!" Bill exclaimed cheerfully. "The wax museum's back in business!"

* * *

The next day, visitors were pouring into the Magic House by the dozens all to see this new attraction (dubbed the "Eighth Wonder of the World"). Robbie was leading the cars into the parking lot while Melody and Gideon were manning the admission booth. The two of them looked at the number of people coming in, and Melody shook her head.

"I can't believe this many people showed up," she said. "Bill must've bribed them or something."

"Isn't that, sorta wrong?" Gideon asked anxiously, still staring at the visitors.

"Well, he bribed me too," Melody said as she pulled out a 20-dollar bill. "So I guess you can't really ask me."

Feeling a little better about it, Gideon pulled out his own 20-dollar bill to show her, and they both snickered among themselves.

Meanwhile, on stage with her uncle, Pacifica felt herself smile excitedly. So many people had come to appreciate her art! She giggled a little to herself, then looked up as someone walked up to the podium.

"Well, I'll be," Bill said quietly (unusual for someone as loud as he). "What a crowd!" He chuckled.

"I know, huh?" Pacifica breathed, glancing up at him. But he wasn't looking at her. Instead, he was already tapping the microphone, and it emitted the loud squeal of feedback before beginning to work properly.

"Hiya, folks!" Bill greeted the crowd. "Did 'ya miss me? But of course; you all know me! Town darlin', Mr. Magic Man." He adjusted his suit jacket, and stared at his audience suggestively. "Ladies, please. Control yourselves." However, said audience did not seem interested in him at all. Especially not the women.

Nevertheless, Bill continued, "So as you know, I always bring this bright town of Gravity Falls things and tricks to marvel at! But enough about me!" He grabbed the edges of the cloth obscuring the new wax statue on stage. "Behold..." he pulled to reveal what was under:

"...ME!"

Indeed it was a perfect wax replica of Bill Northwest, with the ear-to-ear smile and all. Both the magician and his niece smiled excitedly while Robbie played a "ta-da!" sound on his electronic keyboard. Even at this, no one in the audience bothered to show any signs of having been entertained. In fact, most of them looked bored as ever.

"And now a word from our local artist, Pacifica da Vinci!" Bill said, handing the microphone to the twelve-year old. "It's just Pacifica," she corrected him, then spoke into the microphone to the crowd.

"Thank you!" she greeted. "I made this statue with my bare hands! When I say 'my bare hands', I mean that I barely even used any protective gear. I think I even ate some wax in the process," Pacifica added candidly. At this, the audience made mildly disgusted noises, but she only laughed. "I'll be taking questions now!" she said, and pointed to the man in the back raising her hand – the one who had been driving the robot Gobblewonker the other day. "You there!"

"Crazy Quentin, local kook," he introduced himself. "Are these wax figures alive, and; follow-up question: can I survive the uprising of these creatures?"

"Uh..." Pacifica hesitated, but then replied, "Yes! Next question!"

Another spoke up, holding her own microphone to her mouth. "Shandra Jimenez, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you think that this wax museum really counts as a wonder of the world?"

"Your microphone's not turned on, Jimenez," Bill pointed out before Pacifica could answer. The reporter blushed in embarrassment. "I'm running low on batteries," she said as she looked away.

"Of course it's a wonder of the world!" the magician said proudly. "Sure, it's a little out of my profession, but it counts, y'know, 'cause it's awesome, and I thought of it! So, next question!"

Another stood up, one who the previous reporter frowned upon. "Toby Determined, Gravity Falls News Network," he said. "There seems to be none of the free cake you promised in the flyers; what do you have to say for this?" He held up a flyer as proof: a flyer that indeed promised a slice of cake for everyone who came to the event. With that, the entire audience went into a cake-inquiring frenzy.

"That's right!"

"Free cake!"

"I want my cake!"

Bill took one look at them, and said plainly, "The cake was a lie. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!"

Before anyone could grab him by the throat, he covered himself with a large cloth and disappeared under it. The next thing his employees knew, he had somehow appeared in front of the admission booth, grabbed the box full of the crowd's money, and ran to who-knew-where-but-obviously-no-one-would-find-him-there.

Meanwhile, the visitors were in uproar about the withholding of sweet baked goods from them, and were now trashing the place, destroying chairs and running around the place, and one man even screamed "IN YOUR FACE!" as he kicked and broke the post holding up the giant sign, before they all left with disappointed and frustrated groans.

Gideon and Pacifica cringed at this sight, but Melody laughed and crossed her arms behind her head. "That went better than I expected," she said, amused.

* * *

"Look at that!" Bill laughed, counting the number of dollars in his hand. "I certainly bled 'em dry today! Probably gonna make more money with this for sure!" He turned to the chair, where Pacifica was cleaning the wax replica of her uncle. "And I owe it all to one person!"

Pacifica turned to him expectantly, but instead he pointed to Wax Bill. "This guy!"

His niece playfully punched him in the elbow, and got the reaction she wanted. "Heh, okay, you too, kid." he said, rubbing her head. "Now you two go t'bed. We got a long day ahead of ourselves tomorrow!" As Gideon and Pacifica left the room, Bill watched them leave, and sighed, then turned to the wax statue of himself.

* * *

"Well, you've outdone yourself," the officer on the TV said to the penguin in front of him. "So how'd you say we go out for some coffee?" The penguin gave more of its noises, translated by the subtitles into: "Sorry, but I got more crimes to investigate."

As the end credits rolled, Bill rolled his eyes, then turned off the TV. He moved his hand up to his mouth, but then remembered he wasn't smoking anymore. He got up, and looked to Wax Bill, who was also sitting on the armchair (if you could call leaning on it "sitting").

"Well, since you're here to stay," he said to it, feeling a little silly. "I'm expecting a lot from you. So, we got a lot of work to do." He clapped his hands together. This was awkward, even for him. He decided to cut the imaginary conversation short. "So, I'm just gonna use the bathroom before I move you with the rest of the wax people. Sound good?"

He imagined it said yes, and then nodded himself. "Good," he said before leaving.

Meanwhile, Gideon and Pacifica were beginning to tuck themselves into bed. Gideon had just settled into his sheets when Pacifica looked to him.

"Hey, Gid," she said, "wanna see who falls asleep first?"

Gideon chuckled. "I guess," he said. After all, how hard could it be to fall asleep?

All of a sudden, a yell came from downstairs. Pacifica sat up in surprise, and Gideon looked to her. "Was that 'yer uncle?" he asked. She nodded.

They went downstairs as fast as they could. "What happened?" Pacifica asked, coming to the living room first. Bill turned to her, and then pointed to the spectacle in front of him.

"Your wax statue..." he said, "...it's been beheaded!"

They looked down at Wax Bill, now missing its head, just as the grandfather clock in the gift shop struck 9 o'clock.

* * *

**(A/N: So...how was that? Tell me in reviews!**

*** - Yes, seems odd for these two to watch a crime show mentioning adult themes. But strange as it sounds, those were the kinds of crime shows I grew up watching. And the demographic in Gravity Falls (in-universe) probably isn't always children.)**


	8. Headhunters (Part 2)

Red and blue police lights flashed outside the Magic House. It was a little jarring to those who were situated outside (animals and the occasional barf fairy, for example). But inside the House, there was something much more shocking to its inhabitants.

"So I just got up to go to the bathroom," Bill told the officers in front of him, "and when I come back – blam! Headless statue on the floor!"

Pacifica had knelt down beside the ruined wax statue, and was now crying out, "My expert handiwork...defaced! Defaced, I say!" She covered her face with her hands, either from stress or emotion, while Gideon bent down as well to comfort her. "Who'd do such a thing?" he asked even though no one answered him.

"What do you think, Sheriff Powers?" Deputy Trigger asked his colleague. Sheriff Powers looked the magician straight in the eye, and said, "Sir, I'd like to help you as much as I can, but all the facts say one thing: it'd be next to impossible to solve this case."

"IMPOSSIBLE?!" Bill, Gideon, and Pacifica shouted in unison, making Powers cough up the coffee he was drinking. "You take that back, you!" Bill added.

"Look'it all the evidence!" Gideon continued. "There must be some clues, anythin' to catch the culprit!"

"Yeah!" Pacifica said. "You can even let Gideon help! He's really smart, you know! Once, he solved the case of who was pooping all over the gift shop!" Gideon nodded. "All signs pointed t'the rabbit."

"Yeah, yeah, the kid can help!" Bill finished. "He's got a brain for his big head. Knows how to use it, too!"

"Well, how about that," Sheriff Powers raised an eyebrow. "You think this adorable little _city boy_ can lead the investigation?" he asked, grinning jokingly. "Who could say no to that cute little nose and touchscreen phone?" Trigger added, starting to laugh before Powers joined him as well.

At their teasing, Gideon scowled, and felt himself turning as red as a tomato. Sure, he might have been "cute" – who knew how many times a distant family relative had called him that back home – but to say that as if he couldn't think straight?!

"We don't really need your help right now," Powers concluded, patting Gideon's head and infuriating the nine-year old even more. "So just leave the investigating to the professionals."

Almost as if demonstrating hypocrisy, the radio dispatcher began to transmit the message: "Attention, all units: Scott is going to eat a hundred pizza slices in one minute. Repeat; a hundred pizza slices."

"It's a 24-17!" Trigger said excitedly. "Well, what're we waiting for?" Powers asked, and they ran off for the door, positively giggling. The Northwests watched them leave, and then Gideon stomped his foot down.

"Alright, fine!" he said determinedly. " 'Cifica, you an' I're gonna find the guy who vandalized your statue, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's 'adorable'."

With that, Gideon turned on his heel to exit the living room. And then he tripped over the carpet and fell on his face, making a noise very akin to that of a pig. It took one glare from Pacifica to get Bill to stop laughing after that.

* * *

By the time morning came, Gideon and Pacifica had already claimed the living room as their "crime scene". Pacifica was busy taking pictures while Gideon was looking over the notes he had made. He looked over the board showing pictures of the visitors from the day before, then turned to his friend.

"There were a lot of unhappy people at the unveilin' yesterday," he mused aloud. "Anybody could've taken that head."

"Yeah," Pacifica nodded. "I mean, even those weird supernatural thingies!"

"In this town, anythin's possible," Gideon agreed. "When 'ya put it that way, it could take a while to find our first clue..." He ran a hand over the pictures of the various suspects.

"Hey, look! A clue!"

Gideon turned around to look at where Pacifica was pointing. There were faint footprints in the carpet, though they were deep enough to indicate a hole in one of the shoes. The twelve-year old took pictures of the trail of footprints while her friend followed them to behind the armchair, where something glinted in the light of camera flashes. He peered behind the armchair, and there sat a knife.

"The weapon!" Gideon stage-whispered excitedly, looking up at Pacifica. She looked at him with the same expression on her face.

A whistle sounded from down the hallway, and the two kids turned to said hallway, where Robbie was sweeping the floor like he had done the other day. "Robbie!" Pacifica called, and the handyman looked to them. "Oh, hey!" he answered. "How's the investigation going?"

"We found this," Gideon said, putting on a glove and picking up the knife from behind the chair with that hand. "Whaddya think?" He handed it to Robbie, who took the knife with a handkerchief-clad hand.*****

"I think..." he narrowed his eyes, "...this is a knife."

"No, I mean; who do you think owns it?" Gideon asked. Robbie turned it over, and hummed to himself before getting an idea. "It seems like one of those knives that the bikers in Gravity Falls use. I'm not really sure, but I think that should be your first bet."

"A biker! Of course!" Pacifica said. "There was one at the unveiling yesterday, I think! He was furious when he didn't get any cake!" She put her finger to her chin. "I don't think I know who he is, though."

"Oh, you mean Manly Tyler? Yeah, he hangs out a lot at the Cranial Injury joint downtown." Robbie said. "Then that's where we're going," Pacifica said determinedly.

"Wait; isn't that a place where adults go?" Gideon asked. "And therefore, aren't 'Cifica 'n I not allowed t'go there, since we're underage?"

"Well, if I can get hired as a handyman at the age of ten, then you can get into that place somehow..." he chuckled. "...At least I think that's how it works."

With a rushed thank-you, Gideon and Pacifica grabbed the things they needed (Gideon took the knife, his notepad, and his pen; while Pacifica grabbed her art materials) and went out the door of the House.

They hadn't gotten very far when another voice called out for them. "Hey, Pacifica!" Bill said, getting her attention. He was holding up a few packs of candles. "D'you think these'll be enough candles to recreate the wax head?" He shrugged. "I mean, no rush and all, but I'll have to remake that wax statue one way or another if I want to make money off it."

"That seems like enough, if you melt them," Pacifica said. She then continued, "I'd love to stay and help, Uncle Bill, but Gid and I have got a big break in the case!"

"We found the murder weapon," Gideon added, brandishing the knife, "and we're goin' downtown to interrogate the suspect."

Bill looked down at them, putting the packs of candles down. "Huh," he said. "That sounds like something neither of your parents would want you to do." After a pause, he said, "Good thing I'm just an uncle!" He chuckled. "And I'm not even related to one of you!"

With that, he raised his fist and screamed to the sky. "AVENGE ME, KIDS! AVENGE ME!"

* * *

After a considerable amount of time, Gideon and Pacifica had finally found their way to the building with the sign "Cranial Injury" glowing next to the door. Gideon peeked at it from behind the wall they were hiding behind for two seconds, and finding a bouncer in front of a door, he quickly turned back to safety.

"This is the place," he confirmed, looking to his friend. "Got the fake IDs?" Pacifica nodded, and grabbed two cardboard pieces that she had been busy on the whole trip downtown. Gideon looked at them, and sighed. "Here goes nuthin'," he said to himself.

The two of them walked up to the bouncer as a rejected miner walked away from the joint. "Good morning, sir," Pacifica began, holding up her fake ID, and Gideon followed suit with his own. "We're here to investigate the murderer of Wax Bill."

The bouncer took one look at their IDs, with the note beside "Age" that said "Old enough to get in", and said, "I don't see why not." He pushed open the door, and Gideon followed Pacifica in, wondering how exactly that worked.

He didn't have much time to wonder, though, because as soon as they walked into the joint they were met with the image of people in the middle of a brawl, hitting people and flinging chairs around. Not to mention the heavy smell of tobacco and alcohol. Gideon took a few steps around the place, and made a mental note to never mention to his parents that he had set foot in such a place.

"I'll go find our suspect," the nine-year old told Pacifica. "You stay here and try to blend in, alright?" "You got it!" she said cheerfully, and seated herself at the bar, in front of the rough looking bartender.

"_She'll be fine,"_ Gideon told himself as he walked up to the biker who had been at the unveiling. He gulped nervously, seeing the man trying to beat a game of whack-a-mole in the corner. As intensely as possible.

"Manly Tyler," the nine-year old began. "I wanna talk t'you about something." Seeing as the man was paying attention to him, he decided to continue, "Where were you last night?"

"Punching the clock," Manly Tyler answered simply, turning back to the game and whacking the mechanical moles as hard as he could.

"Y'were at work?" Gideon asked, hating how intimidated he sounded.

"No, I mean punching _that_ clock." The biker pointed at a clock outside the window, with a bent pole to show for it. Gideon looked at the time on the broken clock, which indicated the time when it had been broken.

"_Nine o'clock,"_ Gideon thought to himself. "_The time when the crime was committed."_

"Well, sir, I s'pose you haven't seen this knife anywhere?" he asked, pulling out the knife and showing it to Manly Tyler. The biker took one look at it, and began, "Listen here, little lady!"

"Uh, I'm not a–" Gideon tried to say, but was cut off by Tyler continuing, "I wouldn't touch that knife, even if my life depended on it! That's a left-handed knife! I only use my right hand...THE MANLY HAND!" With that declaration, he ripped the mallet off of the machine with said "manly hand", and beat the game within an inch of its life with his bare hands. Gideon slowly backed away while a large redheaded man cheered the biker on, screaming, "GET 'EM! GET 'EM!"

Gideon walked back to the bar, where Pacifica was painting the face of the bartender. "Done!" he heard Pacifica say, and the bartender responded with, "Thank you! This is all I've ever wanted!"

"Pacifica!" the nine-year old called out. "Our first lead was a miss. But we got 'nuther one! Come on!" And so she followed him out the door, where Gideon found he had never been so thankful to be able to breathe in fresh air again.

As they left the Cranial Injury joint, Gideon finalized the checklist he had made in his notepad. He showed it to Pacifica, saying, "I found out that our knife is left-handed. This here's a list of the people who're at the unveilin' yesterday.

"Manly Tyler might've been right-handed, but we've got all these other suspects to find. If we use trial an' error, maybe we could find our left-handed killer!"

Pacifica nodded, holding out her hand for a high-five. "Come on! Let's find that murderer!" Gideon grinned as widely as her, and high-fived her.

* * *

That evening, Gideon found himself and Pacifica sitting in the back of a police car. He was looking over the checklist that they had completed while going around the town and conducting various tests to see if any of the suspects were left-handed. Of course, most of the suspects were right-handed, looking at the way they wrote or waved or caught wayward baseballs. However, there was one last person that had come up as left-handed...and probably had just enough motive.

"You two had better be right about this," Sheriff Powers said from the driver's seat. "We can only handle so much false alarms." "Don't worry, sir," Pacifica said proudly. "The evidence is, like, irrefutable."

"Well, let's just get this over with so we can get donuts," Deputy Trigger said, and Powers nodded. "We're here," he said, and pulled over in front of the building where their suspect worked. "Get ready."

The group got out of the car, and readied themselves in front of the door. "On three," Gideon instructed. "One, two.."

Trigger kicked open the door, and Powers shined his flashlight around the office. "Nobody move! This is a raid!"

"A raid?!" the editor of Gravity Falls Gossiper asked as she shielded her eyes from the lights. "What's going on here?" She got to her feet. "I demand to know!"

"Miss Shandra Jimenez, you are under arrest 'fer murdering an' stealin the head of Wax Bill!" Gideon said. Pacifica added proudly, "You have the right to remain silent as you contemplate how awesome our detective skills are!"

"Explain all this to me," Shandra said, "because I don't understand a word of what you're saying."

"Then I _will_ explain," Gideon began. "It seems 'ya were hoping that Mr. Northwest's attraction would be the story to save 'yer newspaper. But when the show became a big flop, you went and made yourself your own bombshell story. You weren't careful, though, and so all the clues pointed to a shabby-shoed reporter–" he pointed at her shoe, which had a hole in its sole, "–who was _left-handed_ too, t'boot."******

"Well, what do you have to say to that?" Pacifica finished, looking the reporter in the eye.

"...I _still_ have no idea what you're talking about, kids," Shandra responded, crossing her arms. "I had nothing to do with that crime you say I committed. Nothing at all!"

"What, really?" Gideon asked.

"Nothing?" Pacifica also questioned.

Powers raised an eyebrow. "Then where were you last night at nine o'clock?"

The reporter looked a little surprised, but then sighed in defeat. "Here," she said, walking over to a TV set. "I've got security tapes to prove my innocence."

With a few careful rewinds, soon they had the recording of what happened in the office the other night at 9:00. They watched as in the video, Shandra looked around, then opened the closet in the corner to pull out a life-sized cut-out of a person.

"Finally, I've got you now," she said to the cut-out, "Toby Deternined of Gravity Falls News Network!" She then pulled out a fork from her pocket and began stabbing the cardboard's face with it, screaming maniacally as she went.

Deputy Trigger looked at Shandra with a curious look on his face, while Gideon felt the need to maintain his five-foot distance from her. "Sorry," she frowned, looking away from the TV. "People have already told me I have issues."

"The time span confirms it," Sheriff Powers concluded, looking to the reporter. "You're off the hook."

"But...what about the murder weapon?" Gideon asked disbelievingly. He gave the knife to the policemen. "Check for fingerprints!"

Sheriff Powers took it, then carefully dusted the handle while Deputy Trigger held a blacklight above it. "Sorry, kid, but there aren't any prints on it." He said, handing it back to the nine-year old, who was already beginning to wonder, _how could a murder weapon have no fingerprints?!_

"Well, I've got a headline for you," Trigger joked, a smile forming on his face. " 'City Kids Go On A Wild Goose Chase'!" The adults laughed at that, while Gideon and Pacifica felt themselves blush in humiliation.

Well, the adults were right. No fingerprints, no suspects left, no wax head to even show for their work.

* * *

**(A/N: * - This was a thing that bothered me a lot. How could a lot of _humans_ without gloves handle a single object and not get any prints on it at all? Might have been a mistake on the GF Team's part. Just imagine anyone who handles the knife here in this chapter is wearing a glove or using a handkerchief, like police in real life do...I think.**

**** - Rev!Shandra is slightly ambidextrous. Her dominant hand is her left one, though she uses her right hand quite often as well.**

**Hopefully the next update will come within this month...or not.)**


	9. Headhunters (Part 3)

**(A/N: Ah, yes, the final part for the third episode. Feels like my writing quality has gone down. Oh well. I can't write fight scenes, even if I have to have fight scenes.**

**I don't own Gravity Falls. Or even the original Reverse Pines. Just my version of it.)**

* * *

The air in the Magic House's parlor was thick with the scent of wax. Gideon mostly thought it was due to either the wax figures in the room, or the fact that he, Pacifica, and Bill were busy melting candles into soft wax to mold into a new head for Wax Bill. If they couldn't find the old head, they might as well just move along and make a new one.

For a con man who thought the wax museum was a way of making more money, Bill had been surprisingly forgiving when his niece and her friend came back empty-handed. The nine-year old thought he was just taking pity on them. He probably thought they didn't have a chance in the end, either. Like all those other adults.

Whatever. This wax-melting ought to take the kids' minds off of the day's events.

Because the activity was set early in the morning (not to mention dull), all three of them were beginning to feel weary of it. After a while, Bill put his burning candle down, making it stand upright on the floor, and stretched. "Well, I'm going to go drink some water or something. You kids want something?"

Gideon shook his head, and Pacifica said, "No, we're fine."

Bill noted the hint of sadness, but didn't want to show that he noted it. So he just said, "Suit yourself. If I have to go thirty more minutes with a headless version of me, I think I'm gonna begin t'have nightmares." He walked out of the room with his hands on his hips.

As soon as the magician left, Gideon let out a long sigh, and put his own candle down as well. Pacifica looked over to him. "Gid, don't let what those cops said get to you," she said. "It's not over until we find that head."

"I just wish it seemed like that," Gideon said, standing up and wandering around the room. "I mean, I considered everything, like they do in those detective shows! The suspects, possible motives, evidence..."

He trailed off. Somehow the nine-year old had found himself in front of Wax Bill, which was lying uselessly on the floor. In his current position, he was looking right at the wax statue's feet, and then found something quite interesting.

"Wax Bill's got a hole in his shoe," he mused.

From her spot in the center of the parlor Pacifica said, "All the wax people have them, so you can attach them to their poles and then to their stands."

Gideon stared at it for a little while, before his eyes widened in realization.

"Pacifica, come over here slowly."

"Why?"

" 'Cifica..." Gideon's voice dropped to a stage whisper. "What has a hole in their shoe, _and_ no fingerprints?"

"Gid...you don't mean... ?"

"Good children, I salute you!"

Gideon and Pacifica froze. That was not a voice they knew.

Slowly, Gideon turned his head and Pacifica looked up at the doorway. The wax replica of Abraham Lincoln was standing there – on his own two feet. He opened his mouth, and spoke. "You have finally discovered our little secret."

At this, the other wax figures (save for Wax Bill) began to move and moan. They went around the room, even snatching the knife – _their_ knife – from the floor. Pacifica yelped, and got to her feet while Gideon ran to her. They stood together as the living wax statues gathered and surrounded them. Wax Lincoln in particular came forward, if only to take the head of Wax Bill from the wax statue of Robin Hood.

"Applaud their victory, my fellows, applaud!" Wax Lincoln said sarcastically, and the other wax statues did such.

Gideon still couldn't believe what they were doing, or rather, _how_ they were doing this. He felt himself go paler than an albino should. Yet he proceeded to ask, "H-how are you alive? You're _wax_ people!"

"Is there some kind of black magic at work?" Pacifica narrowed her eyes.

Wax Lincoln laughed a little. "I suppose you could speak of it that way. Though we do prefer the term..._cursed._"

"CURSED!" The wax replicas echoed.

"Yes, children, we are cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing," Wax Lincoln continued. "Though you might think of it as a blessing for us rather than a curse. Let me explain, however, why _we_ think of it that way.

"Six years ago, William Northwest bought us from a garage sale. When his stage magician business was still not well-known, the Gravity Falls Wax Museum was largely how he made money." Wax Lincoln turned away, perhaps in thought. "In the daytime, people gave us curious looks and queer expressions. However, in the nighttime, when William slumbered, we had the freedom to roam about the House as we pleased. It was as if we, formerly confined to a small space, had the luxury of great monarchs!

"That is..." his tone turned venomous, "...until that magician did not make money off of us any longer, and so he closed us off. One cannot describe how gladdened we were when that young lad found us!"

Gideon and Pacifica drew closer to each other as they sensed Wax Lincoln's voice grow darker and darker. "We waited so many _years _to get our revenge on William Northwest for trapping us in that closet. But in the end," he paused, then finished, "we had cut the wrong head off."

"...You were trying to murder my uncle for real?!" Pacifica cried. "Gid, you were right! Wax statues _are_ creepy!"

"And here we pause, children," Wax Lincoln turned to them and put his hand up, calling for silence. "For now that you know what we truly are, you must...die."

The wax figures' irises rolled back into their heads, causing their eyes to become an eerie white. Gideon and Pacifica backed away, hoping that somehow there would be something to turn the tides. "What do we do?" Pacifica asked, but Gideon didn't know how to answer.

The nine-year old tripped over the candle he had left standing on the floor, and it rolled on its side towards the toes of Wax Shakespeare, who cried out in pain as his foot melted in the heat. He kicked the candle away, and it landed in the pile of soft wax, putting it out.*****

"That's it!" Pacifica realized, looking at the other two lit candles on the floor. "We can melt them with hot melt-y things!"

Quickly Gideon and Pacifica grabbed those two lit candles and aimed the flames at the wax people, who cowered away from the heat.

"One more step and we'll melt 'yer body parts off!" The nine-year old threatened, feeling a little braver.

"While you watch!" The twelve-year old added.

"Do you really think you can defeat us with those?" Wax Lincoln asked.

Gideon and Pacifica looked at each other, and gave nervous smiles, talking on top of each other. "Yeah, probably." "We're up for it." "I think we've got a chance."

"So be it." Wax Lincoln said, and with that the fight was on. "Attack!"

The wax figures lunged for them, but the children were quicker and evaded them. Wax Robin Hood tried to swing the knife down on Pacifica's head, but she dodged and he accidentally cut off Wax Lizzie Borden's arm. Pacifica kept running, almost missing the wax replica of Mozart running at her. She turned just in time and melted his legs off, leaving his torso to fall to the ground. However, his still-moving legs started chasing her across the room and she had to slam them into the wall to get them to stop.

Meanwhile, Gideon was busy cutting off the heads and arms of various wax figures, as well as trying not to hesitate. One slip-up, and they would get him. A bloodcurdling scream came towards him, and he ducked out of the way just in time for Wax Shakespeare to fall into the lit fireplace and melt into a hundred wax fragments.

"Heh..." he tried to quip, "...'ya fell harder than Macbeth at the end of the play!" He laughed a little at his own joke before thinking, _maybe it's really not that funny_, and ran up to defeat more wax figures.

Pacifica was having a better time herself, already having managed to knock down most of them using the head of Wax Genghis Khan, which was melted so that she could stick it on her own candle. She took a moment to catch her breath, and looked up to see Wax Lincoln going for her friend.

"Gideon, watch out!" she warned.

Gideon turned to see Wax Lincoln, who already looked furious. "Let's get this over with," he declared, throwing the head of Wax Bill into a corner and grabbing one of Bill's prop swords from the wall. Before the nine-year old could move, Wax Lincoln knocked the candle from Gideon's hand, and it landed in a pile of melted wax, effectively killing its fire.

However, Pacifica had already been holding a fire poker over the fireplace, and with the word, "Catch!", she tossed the red-hot poker to her friend. He quickly caught it in mid-air, and began clashing weapons with the wax statue.

_He'll be fine,_ Pacifica thought to herself as she moved to melt the rest of them. _He always has a plan._

_Isn't that why he's leading Wax Lincoln out the door?_

* * *

The nine-year old had already led the wax president out of the parlor and into the attic. They struck weapons a few times more, and dodged each other's blows even more, before Wax Lincoln had Gideon against the bench below the window.

"Once our enemies are defeated," Wax Lincoln cried, "we will rule the night once more!"

Gideon glanced from him to the window, and jumped onto the bench to avoid a strike. "Don't count on it!" He threw open the window, and began to climb out of it and to the ladder beside it which led to the roof. The calls of "Come back here, insolent child!" indicated that the wax president was following him outside, and Gideon climbed even faster to the large sign on the roof.

Once on top of the lower sign, Gideon wobbled a little. He hadn't realized that the sign would be so narrow. He looked down at the ground from where he was standing, and looked up to the lit spotlights above him, but then the sound of footsteps behind him forced him to keep going forward.

With a little difficulty he turned to face the wax president, and tightened his grip on the fire poker. They clashed some more, moving further along the sign, until an upwards strike from the prop sword caused the unstable wooden "C" to drop off from the sign above them.

As it crashed on the ground, Wax Lincoln screamed, "You really think you can outsmart me, lad? I'm _Abraham Lincoln!_ Have you seen my top hat? It's enormous!" Gideon guessed he was trying to intimidate his opponent, but then his attention was turned to the second ladder leading to the top of the higher sign. He ran to it, dropping and climbed it as fast as he could.

Once at the highest point, he jumped down to the other side of the roof, landing on a flatter part of the roof. He stopped to catch his breath, looking over his shoulder. No Wax Lincoln there. He turned back, and looked down, sighing. Then he looked up again.

Suddenly, Wax Lincoln was there, and before the nine-year old could defend himself, the wax president swiped at his feet, and in trying to dodge, Gideon was knocked onto his back.

"Any last words?" Wax Lincoln asked, raising the sword up for the killing blow.

Gideon took a heavy breath, and looked from the wax president to over his shoulder.

"...Got any sunscreen?" he asked, trying not to smile.

" 'Got any' – what?!"

Wax Lincoln looked up to see drops of wax coming from his already melting hands. He dropped the sword, and looked to the rising summer sun already coming from the horizon. Gideon pushed himself to his feet, already watching the wax president melt in the heat.

"Lettin' me lead you to the roof just before sunrise..." he said, "...not a very sharp decision, was it?"

"Outwitted by a schoolboy!" Wax Lincoln screamed to the sky as he melted into a puddle of wax. "NO!" With that last shout, he fell onto the ground below.

Gideon stared at the puddle on the ground for a little while, and then fell to his knees, gasping for air.

"Oh my goodness..." he said to himself. He put a hand to his forehead.

Well, at least it was over now.

* * *

After a few minutes, Gideon finally returned to the parlor, just in time to see Pacifica toss one of the last pieces of the living wax figures into the fire.

"Gideon!" She turned to him, and ran up to him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine..." he breathed. "Didn't believe I could survive that, but I'm fine. Well, I couldn't have done it without you, 'Cifica."

"Hey, look!" Pacifica pointed to the head of Wax Bill on the floor. She ran up to it, and picked it up, then beamed at her friend. "Case solved!"

"It's 'case closed'," Gideon sighed. Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

In the hall, Bill yawned. How he had managed to sleep at the dining table while getting a simple glass of water was probably due to lacking so much sleep anyway, combined with waking up early in the morning. No matter. He wondered how the kids were coming along with making the new head.

And then he walked into the parlor to see various piles of melted wax, and no more wax figures save for Wax Bill.

"Mother of triangles!" he exclaimed. Bill looked down to the two children in the center of the room. "What happened to my parlor?! You better have a good explanation for this!"

"Oh, your wax figures turned out to be alive," Gideon began.

"And evil," Pacifica added.

"So we fought them to the death."

"I also cut off Larry King's head," the twelve-year old finished proudly.

Bill paused, looking down at their smiling faces. Live wax figures? Fighting until they were all insignificant puddles?

How familiar.

He laughed it off. "You kids and your imaginations," he dismissed.

"Well, on the bright side, look what we found!" Pacifica said, showing him the wax head.

"My head!" Bill said, taking it from her hands. "You've done good, kids! Now c'mere and lemme give you some affectionate noogie-ing!"

Pacifica and Gideon tried to protest at first, but Bill knelt down anyway to noogie them. They were all laughing about this when police sirens rang outside their open window. They looked up to see the police car pull up beside the House, and who else was inside but Sheriff Powers and Deputy Trigger.

"Well, you're looking awfully happy," Sheriff Powers said in a condescending tone. "I'm going to presume you've found that missing head." He took a long slow sip from his cup of coffee.

Gideon smiled, and held up Wax Bill's head to show them. "Of course we did!"

"W-what?!" At the sight of the head, Sheriff Powers did a spit take on Deputy Trigger, who screamed at having his eyes scalded. Defeated, they drove quickly away, and Gideon, Pacifica, and Bill laughed.

"So," Gideon turned to Pacifica, " 'ya got rid of all of the wax people, right?"

"I'm positive I got rid of most of them," Pacifica hand-waved.

"Alright, then."

Unbeknownst to them, a wax head was watching them from the safety of the air vents in the House.

"They'll never find me in here," Wax Mozart laughed to himself.

His laughing was short-lived, however, as a cockroach crawled onto his face and he tried not to scream like a girl.

* * *

**(A/N: Finally, I'm done with Headhunters! And now on to the part you've all been waiting for: when the Pines Twins come into the picture!**

*** - Does sticking a lit candle wick-first in a pile of melted wax really put it out? I feel like my logic has gone down a little just by making that how easily the candles were put out. Someone please give me an answer. (And if you do want to try it out, do it in a controlled environment. Preferrably not at home.)**

**Well, that about sums it up. Keep looking out for more!**

**OODPDV DUH QDWXUH'V JUHDWHVW ZDUULRUV**


	10. The Hand That Rocks The Gideon (Part 1)

**(A/N: By now some of you are probably going to wonder when I'm going to get around to posting a new chapter on "Once And For All". Don't worry. It's not dead. It just needs a little push...as well as a hiatus. Sorry, but that's how writer's block works.**

**By the way, how do you like the cover photo? It's by mrsashketchum on tumblr. Good blog, highly recommend it for those who are still in the Soul Eater fandom.**

**And I know you Dipper/Pacifica shippers are probably gonna hate me for this.**

**Anyway, here's the chapter you've all been waiting for: the introduction of the Pines Twins!)**

* * *

The sound of applause rang out through the air outside the Magic House. One could only guess that its resident magician, Bill Northwest, was putting on a show for the clapping audience. There were a few kids, however, that weren't paying attention to the magic show at all.

Gideon, Pacifica, and Robbie Valentino were seated inside the Magic House, and were now watching the brand new TV show on the Gravity Falls cable. Currently a puma was on the screen, in what might as well be a hospital room.

"The puma was badly injured in the accident," the narrator of the show began, "but we repaired him...WITH A FIST!"

At these words, a human hand, curled into a fist, sprouted right out of the puma's side. The title card reading "PUMA FIST!" appeared onscreen. The kids cheered as, on the TV, the human fist's first action was to punch its owner on the snout.

Before anything else could happen, though, the title card flashed again, but this time the TV narrator said, " 'PUMA FIST' will return after these important messages." Of course, the kids knew that said important messages were probably commercials.

The first advertisement to appear on the TV showed a group of doves flying out of a person's hands.

"Hey, guys, look!" Robbie called, instantly recognizing it. "It's that commercial I was telling you about!"

Gideon and Pacifica looked on with interest as the ad showed a man crying on his bed. The ad narrator then proceeded to ask, "Are you completely miserable? Need something exciting in your life?"

"Yes!" the man onscreen sobbed. Taking that as an answer, the ad narrator continued, "Then you need to meet...the Pines Twins."

" 'Pines Twins'?" Gideon echoed.

"What makes them so special?" Pacifica asked, tilting her head.

As if answering the question, the ad narrator went on to say, "They're child psychics and magicians at the same time, dude!"

Gideon's eyes widened while Pacifica made a confused noise. _Really?_

"So don't waste your time on those so-called 'magic men'!" the ad narrator continued, giving them footage of who else but Bill Northwest stepping out of an outhouse in his pajamas. He groaned in slow-motion, waving his foot to get a piece of toilet paper off of it in slow-motion as well. The word "FRAUD" appeared on-screen on his image.

The footage was then promptly replaced with a picture of a large blue silk tent. "Learn about it tomorrow night at the Pines Twins' Tent of Telepathy!"

Text then quickly sped up the screen, with a voice too fast to follow. The only thing they could make out was the end, that said, "Robert, Wendy's always hated you but she's never had the time to say it."

At this Robbie frowned. That was just mean.

"Well, well, well!" Pacifica said. "I'm getting all curious in my brain."

"Don't get too curious-in-your-brain, kid!"

The three of them looked up to see Bill standing in the doorway, looking quite unimpressed. He shook the carton of milk that was in his hand as he continued, "Ever since those monsters made it big, I've had nothing but trouble!"

"Don't you mean that time when their tour bus took your parking space?" Gideon pointed out. Bill didn't reply. Instead, he just narrowed his eyes, grumbled something under his breath and undid his bow tie with one hand.

"So, are they really psychic?" Pacifica asked, trying to change the subject.

"Maybe we should go and find out," Gideon suggested.

"Never!" Bill barked. "I forbid you to patronize the competition!" He guzzled some of the milk in the carton, and then put it down, continuing, "No kid living under my roof is allowed under those Pines' roof!"

Gideon looked to his friend mischievously. "Do tents have roofs?"

Pacifica smiled. "I think we found a loophole." Then she pulled out a piece of string tied into a loop. "Literally!"

* * *

Sneaking out of the Magic House at evening had been admittedly easier than Gideon and Pacifica expected. Either that or Bill was letting them go just to see how bad these twins were. Nevertheless they fixed their jackets (both made by Pacifica), and stepped up to the Tent of Telepathy.

They walked past a red-headed girl coaxing people to put money into a "psychic sack". Pacifica stared for a little while, before turning to Gideon.

"Hey, Gid, that's just like that magic trick Uncle Bill does," she said quietly to him.

" 'Ya mean the one where they put money in his hat and he replaces them with fake money?" he asked.

Pacifica nodded, and the two of them laughed between themselves until they came to the entrance.

"Where's Robbie?" Gideon asked, while Pacifica scanned the crowd for their friend. Spotting him, she pointed at a waving hand at the front row. "There!" she said. They went over to the sixteen-year old, who grinned when they sat next to him.

"Boy, am I glad you're here," he said. "For a moment I was afraid someone else would take your seats by force or something. It's kind of a 'first come, first serve' system." Gideon looked him over. "Then how'd'ya get three seats in the front?"

"Oh, I came here long before everyone else," Robbie said, fixing his glasses. "You don't know how long I've had to wait."

Deciding not to ask him further, Gideon looked around the tent, with its fancy stage and benches and flashy spotlights. A few boxes and props littered the sides of the stage, while he guessed most of them were backstage.

"Wow," he commented. "This is like a different version of the Magic House." His eyes turned to a rather heavy-set man walking by, with a toolbox and tool belt in tow. "They even have their own handyman," he added.

For some reason, he thought he saw Robbie narrow his eyes at said man. The other handyman didn't notice the eyes glaring at him, and so kept walking to one end of the stage.

A moment after the other handyman had disappeared from Robbie's view, the lights above them dimmed, and at the same time, a spotlight shone on the stage, which was covered by curtains.

"Look, it's starting!" Pacifica called her companions' attention. They looked to the stage, this time anticipating what was coming to the stage. Music began to play, accommodating the scene. As everyone in the audience hushed, a pair of shadows appeared on the curtains – the Pines Twins.

Gideon crossed his arms. "Let's see who these 'monsters' really are," he said to himself.

The music stopped, and the curtains were drawn back.

The Pines Twins were not as tall as their shadows made them appear to be, but they were still quite eye-catching, in a way. Both of them wore matching blue outfits, with the sister wearing a white cape, while her brother wore a dark blue one. The most striking thing that Gideon noticed about their appearance was that the brother had a Big Dipper-shaped birthmark on his forehead.

"Hello, our joyous audience!" the sister greeted cordially. "I'm Mabel, and this is my brother Dipper!" She gestured to said brother, who held out one end of his cape, and then pulled it around himself. After a second he pulled it open again, and suddenly three doves flew out from it. The crowd cheered at this, and even Robbie leaned forward, his interest piqued.

Gideon raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "_They're _'yer uncle's mortal enemies?" he asked Pacifica. His friend seemed to share the same emotion. "Look at them! They must be the same age as me!" she commented.

Onstage, Mabel extended her arms and told the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, it is our greatest pleasure for all of you to be here!" She giggled, and Dipper looked to his sister. "Mabel, I've just had a vision," he said, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I predict that in a few seconds, our audience will soon say, 'Aww'!"

Both of them turned around, showing their backs to the audience. Two seconds later they turned back, but this time they had put on their biggest puppy faces. At the sight of such cuteness, the audience really did break out in a simultaneous "Aww!"

"Wow, _what_ a prediction," Gideon rolled his eyes. "I don't think that's very impressive." "It's a _little_ impressive," his friend told him in defense of their tricks.

Mabel pointed to the handyman, who was now seated in front of a piano below the edge of the stage. "Hit it, Soos!" she called, and he started playing a jolly piano tune. As it started, Mabel pulled off her white cape and threw it to her adoring fans. One fan caught it, but as soon as it fell into the woman's lap, many other audience members began to fight her for it. The Pines Twins didn't take much mind of this, though – maybe such occurrences were commonplace – and started their little song.

"_Well, we can see,_" Dipper began, tapping his foot, _"what others can't see!"_

Mabel continued, _"It ain't some sideshow trick, it's innate ability!"_

"_Where others are blind,"_ they sang together,"_we are futurely inclined!_

"_And to you it'd be obvious, if you were little old us!"_

They finished the verse with a giggle, and then they looked to the audience. "Alright, everyone, get on your feet!" Dipper called to them, holding his bolo tie with one hand and gesturing to stand up with the other. "We want you to keep it going, guys!" Mabel added, fixing her headband.

As if on cue, the whole audience stood up. Pacifica and Gideon, however, looked down at themselves. "What?" they both asked, looking down at their feet. They were planning on staying seated – how had they stood up against their will? Or was it just due to the pressure of so many people standing up while they would stick out like sore thumbs?

"Keep it going!" Mabel continued, her voice shoving the suspicion into the back of their heads. She pointed at an old man leaning on his cane, and sang once more. _"You wish your kids would call you more!" _"I'm leaving everything to their cousins!" he confirmed, shaking his fist in frustration.

"_I sense that you've been here before!"_ Dipper sang as well, looking to Sheriff Powers. Said sheriff had a large number of Pines Twins paraphernalia on his person, and yet asked to himself, "What gave it away?"

Gideon took one look at this, and was about to comment on if everyone in the audience was really convinced of the act when a spotlight shined on him. He looked to his side, where who else but Mabel Pines was now singing to him. _"I'll read your mind, like communication,"_ she sang, pausing to listen to the sound of the audience, who were swaying and clapping to the beat. She finished, _"Something tells me your name's Gideon!"_, then ran back to the stage. "How'd she–?" he began to ask, but then looked down and remembered that Pacifica had sewn his name into his jacket. He looked back to the stage, where Mabel was already back with her brother and ready to finish their song.

"_So welcome, all ye,"_ the Pines Twins sang, _"to our Tent so wondrous!_

"_And thanks for visiting..."_ they paused, winking at the audience, before spinning around and finishing with a big flourish, _"...little old us!"_

A big flashy neon sign, which read "PINES TWINS", descended behind said twins, while green sparks burst from cannons onstage. By now, the crowd was wildly applauding their show, while Dipper and Mabel were holding their hands out and trying to catch their breath.

"Oh, man," Dipper sighed, sweating profusely. Mabel looked to two water bottles, which had been placed on stage by Soos. She walked over and picked them up, handing one of them to Dipper, and then they both began to pick up their own. They drank in unison, and then Mabel turned to the audience.

"Thank you!" she jovially called. "You guys are the real miracles!"

Gideon looked quizzically at the stage, and began to wonder if the 'miracle' was really how these twins got people to watch their show in the first place.

* * *

The next day had begun lazily enough, with the sound of a few woodpeckers pecking at trees, the town coming to life, and a bedazzling gun being fired.

Wait, what?

"Done!" Pacifica said as she put down her bedazzling gun. "I have successfully bedazzled your face!"

Her friend, whose face was covered in sparkly rhinestones, laughed. "Blink!" he called as he blinked. Then he groaned in mild pain. He felt his face with his hands, and asked, "Uh, this isn't permanent, is it?"

Pacifica only replied with, "...My ideas are strange and unappreciated."

Just as Pacifica was about to try and get one rhinestone off his face, the doorbell rang. From another room, Bill yelled, "Somebody get that door!"

_He's probably busy doing weird magician stuff._ The nine-year old wiped the rhinestones off his face with ease, (unintentionally) getting some in his mouth. _Not permanent after all. _"Don't worry, I'll get it," he called, ignoring the things in his mouth for now.

He ran up to the door – _hopefully I didn't keep them waiting_ – and opened the door to find none other than Mabel Pines of the Pines Twins.

"Hey there!" she greeted. Gideon's eyebrows raised, and he tried to look polite. "Oh, why," he responded, "it's 'little ol' you'!"

"Haha, yeah, our song's really catchy," Mabel said. She looked him in the eye and continued, "I know we haven't formally met and all, but after the show yesterday, you were just stuck in my brain, like, a lot!" She giggled self-consciously to herself, and then looked back to him. "I just saw you in the audience, and I thought to myself, 'Now there's someone who enjoys the sparkly things in life, like me!'"

Gideon blushed a little. "W-what? Who said anything 'bout sparkly things?" He tried to laugh nervously, but then the leftover rhinestones in his mouth found their way in his throat and he had to cough them up to save his respiratory system. Once coughed up, they somehow found their way onto Mabel's suit jacket, sticking there. Once Gideon had recovered, he looked up at her, feeling quite embarrassed.

To his relief, though, Mabel only laughed and patted his shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry," she said. "It's _definitely_ okay."

By this time, Bill had probably begun to notice that the door had stayed open for longer than a second, and decided to yell, "Kid! Who's at the door?"

Gideon looked from Mabel to inside the Magic House, and thought that even though the girl _was_ one of Bill's 'mortal enemies', she seemed nice enough. So without a moment's hesitation, he called back, "Nobody, Mr. Northwest!"

"Thanks for keeping this a secret; that guy's no fan of me and Dipper," Mabel smiled. "I don't know how such a grumpy-grump man and a classy little man could stand living in the same house!"

" 'Classy'?" Gideon felt his cheeks redden at the compliment. "Why...thank you!"

"Why don't you come over to my house and we can talk some more?" Mabel offered. "Maybe I could even share sparkly stuff with you!"

Gideon looked from her, to the interior of the House, and decided that Pacifica wouldn't mind if he went out with a friend for a little bit.

"Sure, why not?"

* * *

Pacifica reclined on the armchair in the living room, feeling a little weird. Sure, she knew Gideon was going to have to open up someday to someone else, but it was strange to be waiting on him to come back. She just hoped that the cheery look on his face when he told her he would be back later would still be there, and then his parents wouldn't have to worry about him having only one friend...

She blew a lock of her hair off her face. Maybe someday _her_ parents wouldn't have to worry about her having only one friend and not opening up to anyone else.

It was a great risk, though.

The door opened behind her, and she sat up. Was that Gideon?

"Howdy, 'Cifica!" Definitely Gideon. Footsteps walked up behind her, and the nine-year old popped up in front of her face. "What's goin' on?"

"Whoa!" she started a little at the sight of his cap and vest, covered haphazardly in (hopefully washable) glitter. "What happened? You look like you washed your laundry with my art supplies or something."

He laughed a little. "That was probably the intended effect..." he said. "I was just hangin' out with Mabel Pines. She is one stylish little lady, to boot."

Pacifica looked him over. "Gid, bedazzling your face is fine, but I would probably ask her to make less of a mess next time." _Wait, what? Why am I saying that?_

"Mess, huh?" Gideon looked himself over, taking his cap off, and sighed. "I don't make _that_ much of a mess when I handle glitter, do I?' he asked. With that, Pacifica wanted to facepalm. That was _his_ work.

"...There _was_ that one time," she tried to say, and Gideon huffed. "Well, I at least think Mabel Pines is mighty fine. Maybe over time, you wouldn't have to worry about me makin' a mess of glitter."

Pacifica frowned. "I'm sorry, it's just that...it's kinda weird you're doing that with another person. I mean, that's always been our thing."

"Don't worry about it," Gideon said, putting his cap back on. "We could all do that together someday." Pacifica nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

Hopefully they would.

* * *

The day after that found Gideon Gleeful sitting on top of a rooftop next to Mabel Pines. _Just one more meeting alone before we can all get together._ He looked from the rooftop to the rest of Gravity Falls below them, and cried, "The view from 'yer family's warehouse is amazing!" "Well, I know how to make it better!" Mabel said, and put her hand behind his ear, then pulled it out, seeming as if she had taken something from behind his ear. "Opera glasses!" she said, giving him said pair of opera glasses.

He took his as she pulled out her own, and they glanced down at Gravity Falls, Oregon, and its inhabitants. They sat in silence for a little while before Mabel put her opera glasses down and turned to Gideon.

"You know," she began, "I sit up here and think...it's as if I'm queen of all I look at." For some reason, she had said this in a way that reminded him of a cartoon super-villain, but he gave it little thought and let her continue.

She looked to him, and said cheerily, "So now I guess you're my king, or something!"

"Heh, what?" Gideon turned to her. " 'King'? You're bein' really nice to me right now," he said, and elbowed her. "What's that all about?"

"It's coming from my heart, Gideon!" Mabel said, staring into his eyes. "I've..I've never felt this close to anyone before!"

"Look, Mabel," Gideon began to say, but was interrupted by her hand moving to possibly hold his own hand. He pushed it away, feeling a little uncomfortable at the sudden turn of the conversation. They _had_ known each other for only a day.

"I like you a lot, but let's just be friends," he said gently, returning her gaze.

"At least give me a chance, Gideon," Mabel said, tilting her head. "Will you go on a date with me?"

"Play date?" Gideon asked. She shook her head. He felt himself sweat a little. "Study date?" he tried, and felt uneasy to his stomach when she shook her head again.

"It's a date with romance, dummy!" she said. "Just one date, I swear. On my lucky headband." The twelve-year old put a hand to the headband she was wearing right now. Or rather, she put a hand to the green gem on her headband, which shined in the sunlight.

"Uh..."

Mabel beamed at him, puppy eyes and all. Gideon scratched his neck, then decided it wouldn't be too bad. So he mustered a smile and said, "Okay then, I guess."

He nearly jumped when Mabel squealed in delight. "Gideon Gleeful," she proclaimed, "you won't regret making me the most _gleeful_ girl in Gravity Falls!" She threw her arms around him, and he reluctantly embraced her as well, before a thought came to mind.

"...How'd'ya know my last name?"

* * *

**(A/N: Are those rhinestones? I honestly don't know. Whatever.**

**Next part coming up soon...I think.)**


	11. The Hand That Rocks The Gideon (Part 2)

**(A/N: So...that was unexpectedly quick, for an update. Ah well. Summer vacation in the Philippines and all.**

**Hope you enjoy this next part!)**

* * *

"A jump from friend to _girl_friend in one day? I can't believe it!"

"Pacifica!" Gideon tried to stop her from nudging him while keeping his eyes on the game they were playing. "Mabel's not my girlfriend, I told 'ya. I just didn't wanna hurt 'er feelin's, so I guessed I could play along 'fer a while."

Pacifica glanced to her friend for a second before turning back to the game. "Gid, girls don't work that way. She's gonna fall in love with you, and soon her brother'll be onto you."

_Oh yeah. Almost forgot about her brother._ "Come on, 'Cifica." Gideon pressed multiple buttons on his controller to perform the finishing move. "There no way _that_ will happen."

An explosion sounded on the screen. Pacifica groaned, while Gideon cheered and jumped off his chair, beginning to do a little dance. The twelve-year old looked to her friend, and sighed. "I guess there's no changing it now, is there?" she asked.

Before Gideon could respond, though, the doorbell rang behind him. _Mabel already?_ He stopped dancing and walked up to the door, bracing himself for what was on the other side.

When he did open the door, though, he was not prepared for the white horse that popped its head through the doorway. Gideon fell to the ground, yelling in surprise. But then said surprise was short-lived as he noticed the two riders, who were looking down at him.

"Come on, Gideon!" Mabel Pines said from the backseat. "Dipper's giving us a ride!"

Dipper sighed, holding the horse's reins tightly in his hands. "Mabel, let's just get this over with."

"Oh, my," Gideon said to himself, wondering just what he had gotten himself into.

* * *

After Gideon left, Pacifica found herself with little else to do before she turned off the video game on the TV. Some change of surroundings might do her good. She walked into the gift shop, and felt a little better seeing Robbie and Melody both there.

"Hey, Pacifica!" Melody looked up from the toys she was fixing on the shelves. "Gideon go off on his date with Mabel already?"

"What?" Pacifica asked. "Who told you about that?" She was sure Gideon hadn't told anyone but her...unless Mabel had made this into a publicity stunt...

"Yeah, it says right here in this magazine," The handyman said, holding up said magazine. The twelve-year old had figured a story about any celebrities like the Pines Twins would make it in a gossip-y magazine, but seeing her best friend and Mabel Pines _on the cover_ made it a little too strange to believe.

"Are they really going on a date?" Robbie asked. Pacifica sighed. "Gideon said it wasn't a date..." she replied, scratching the back of her neck. "But I guess everyone sees it that way." Robbie only chuckled. "Well, it was only the other night that we were watching their show for the first time, and now the two of them are dating." He put his hands on his hips. "Weird, huh?"

"If anything's weird about it, it's Mabel," Pacifica said as she leaned on the counter. "I mean, she's the one who asked _him_, and that was after they hung out twice. Seems like something's up."

"Hey, don't worry too much about it," Melody said. "Gideon's fine. What harm could Mabel do to him, anyway?" Pacifica looked at the older woman, and nodded. "I guess you're right."

"I'm always right," Melody smirked, and went back to the shelves behind the counter. They stood in silence for a little while before the "Employees Only" door swung open, and Bill came out, waving a newspaper in his hand.

"Pacifica!" The magician called. "What's your little friend doing next to one half of the Pines Twins?" He pointed at the front page picture of _Gravity Falls Gossiper_, which showed Mabel and Gideon walking side-by-side. In this picture, though, Gideon seemed to be hiding his face from the camera. Pacifica felt a little sorry for him.

"Oh, yeah, it's sort of the big talk around here," Melody answered for the twelve-year old, pausing from her shelf-arranging once again. "You know, they're actually going on a date today. The gossip about it is crazy."

"I'm already wondering what they'll name the couple," Robbie interjected. "Mabideon? Gideabel?" He laughed. "Or maybe Magidbeleon!"

"WHAT?!" Bill put a hand to his head. "My niece's best friend is dating _that little sneak?!_" He angrily crumpled the newspaper in his hand, and walked back through the "Employees Only" door, possibly to get his suit jacket.

Pacifica turned towards the door. "Why're you so upset?" she asked, "I don't - I don't really know what's up with that! And Gid said it was just one date!"

She hadn't even finished that last sentence when Bill came back through the door, wearing not only his jacket but also his top hat. He grabbed his cane from the side of the counter, shouting, "Well, I'm making sure this ends today!" He was at the front door before they knew it, and finished, "I'm going down to those little pine trees' house; this is gonna stop RIGHT NOW!" With that, he went through the door, and slammed it, causing them all to flinch.

After a few seconds, Robbie piped up. "...Hey, wouldn't it be funny if that door led to a closet, and he'd have to go back and find the real door?"

Pacifica and Melody watched as he walked up to the front door and opened it, only to be met with the sound of tires rolling onto the road. He turned back to the girls.

"Nope, real door," he confirmed.

* * *

As Bill expected, the Pines's house wasn't that hard for him to find. After all, it wasn't too far from the Tent of Telepathy (nobody could miss the signs; they were nailed over his old ones leading to the Magic House, _how rude_), and it was the only house which had a billboard saying "HOME OF THE PINES TWINS! As seen on TV!" right on its front yard.

He pulled over in front of the house, and barely remembered to turn off the engine before getting out of the car. The magician walked straight through the (fortunately) open gates, and on to the front door. He knocked on the door – or more accurately, banged on it, yelling, "Mabel, you little twerp! Open up!"

He was about to pound on it again, when he noticed a sign on the door that read, in a very cheesy font, "Pardon This Garden". He stared at it, before feeling more anger well up. "I will pardon _nothing!_" He shouted to no one in particular, tearing the sign off the door.

Suddenly, the door opened, and a man stared at Bill. _Probably wondering who in their right mind would be pounding on his front door screaming for his children._ His frown was held for only a second, though, before it turned into a friendly smile. "Why, if it isn't William Northwest!" He said as if it were a surprise.

Bill frowned. _Don't call me that._ He tried to look inside the house from over the man's shoulders. "Outta the way, Mr. Pines, I'm looking for your daughter Mabel," he said.

"Well, she and her brother have gone out for today," Mr. Pines told him, "but since you've come all the way here, you'd better step inside for some refreshments!"

He ushered the magician inside the house, to said magician's chagrin. Bill looked at the other man, a little irked. "Look," he tried to say, "I'm here to–!"

"You want some coffee, Mr. Northwest?" Mr. Pines interrupted him. "It's imported from Colombia!"

The magician raised his eyebrows. "Colombia?" he asked, and then found it in himself to grin a little. "My brother went to a college with that name."*****

Mr. Pines only laughed and went to get his coffee from the kitchen. Bill stepped further into the living room, whistling. "I like what you've done with the place," he said. "Perfect blend of classy and lame." Before Mr. Pines could realize what his visitor said, Bill stopped and stared at an abstract painting hanging above the couch. "Oh, and this," he said. "This is beautiful."

Finished with preparing the coffee, Mr. Pines picked up the two mugs and brought them to the living room. "Now, I understand that you're here because my Mabel is...well, seeing a kid you're taking care of for the summer, I suppose."

At the sound of Mabel's name, Bill remembered that he was supposed to be angry about it. "Y-yeah, and I'm against it!" To show he was serious, he pushed a pillow off the couch he was sitting on, then crossed his arms. "For business reasons." _Did that sound professional enough?_

"On the contrary, I actually see it as a great deal for the Magic House and the Tent of Telepathy," Mr. Pines set the coffee mugs on the coffee table, and seated himself into an armchair. "Let me tell you; we've been fighting like cats and dogs for too long. Mabel and Gideon's – Gideon, was it? – their summer romance is our big chance to set aside our rivalry and pool our collective..._profits._"

The sound of a cash register clicked in Bill's mind, even though there was no register in sight.

_Well, to be honest...it didn't seem that bad that Mabel and Gideon were dating._

"...I'm listening," Bill said, picking up his coffee mug.

* * *

"And so then I was like, 'autograph your own head-shot!' "

As Mabel laughed about an anecdote she was telling him, Gideon tried to laugh. He stared down at his plate, where a live crab was pinching at his fork. Then his eyes wandered from the crab to a table on the other side of the room, where Dipper Pines was seated, probably watching his twin sister. Or rather, watching him.

Gideon Gleeful had to admit, he wasn't having much fun. Mabel was sweet and all, but it was hard to try to have fun when he knew her brother was only seven-and-a-half feet away. Not to mention eating a crab while it was still alive and pinching didn't really appeal to the nine-year old.

"You know, Gideon," Mabel said, breaking his train of thought, "this date went off without a hitch!" She beamed even brighter. "But our next date will be even better!"

Gideon put his hands up. "Wait, Mabel. You said just one date, and this was it."

Mabel didn't even try to reply before Dipper's voice called through the room in fake surprise. "Whoa, what is that?" he asked, standing and pointing at something overhead. "Is that a red-crested South American rainbow macaw?"

Said (very large) macaw flew to Mabel and Gideon's table, and now it perched on Mabel's outstretched arm. At the sight of it, Gideon jumped in surprise, and grabbed the crab from his plate, holding it up in self-defense.

"Two, three, four..." Mabel counted on her fingers, then pointed with her free hand at the bird. On cue, the macaw squawked, "Gideon! Will...you...accompany...Mabel...to the...ballroom dance...this Thurbday!" The girl shook it in annoyance, and it corrected itself. "Thursday!" it cried before spitting an envelope out and flying away.

To Gideon's discomfort, people sitting in other tables, as well as the staff of the restaurant, began to chatter among themselves.

"How adorable!"

"Mabel has a boyfriend!"

"They're expecting us, Gideon." Mabel held up the envelope, and it was clear now that it was an invitation. "Please say you'll go."

Gideon squirmed in his seat as the people in the restaurant clamored over to their table, eager to hear his answer. He frowned, looking to his lap (where the crab sat, and now it was quite docile), then up to Mabel.

"Mabel," the nine-year old clenched his hands into fists, "I'm sorry, but I'm gonna hafta say..."

"I'm on the edge of my seat!" Sheriff Powers interrupted.

"This is gonna be great!" a large man added.

"If he turns her down, I'll die from sadness," an old lady said as well.

"I can verify that that'll indeed happen," a woman – a doctor going by her outfit – told the old lady.

As people began talking with each other once more, anticipating the outcome, Gideon looked at Mabel, sinking into his seat. Then he looked past the people surrounding their table, to the table seven-and-a-half feet away.

Dipper was staring at him, almost daring him to make a move.

_Say yes. Or you'll break her heart._

Gideon felt helpless.

* * *

Pacifica looked up from sewing a design onto a sock as Gideon walked into the living room. He looked pretty tired, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "So, how'd it go?" she asked.

"I dunno...I have a crab now," the nine-year old said, exhausted. He stood up on a stool and dropped his crab into the nearby fish tank. Pacifica blinked. "Well, at least it's over with and you won't have to go out with her again, right, Gid?"

Gideon didn't reply. Instead, he just tapped the glass of the fish tank, keeping his eyes on the crab.

"Gideon, it's over, right?" _Oh, no._ She put her needlework down. "Gideon?"

Finally, her friend turned to her. His face was one of pure panic. "ARGH!" he cried. "She asked me out again 'n I couldn't say no!"

Pacifica walked over to her friend. "Gideon, if you don't want to, just tell her no!"

"It's not that easy, Pacifica," Gideon said. "And I _do_ like Mabel, but only as a friend. I just didn't wanna hurt 'er feelings." He grabbed his arm. "How'm I gonna get myself outta this?"

"Well, you just need to get it back to the way things were," the twelve-year old patted his shoulder. "You know, when you were friends."

Gideon looked up at her. "I-I'll try, I guess."

Thursday, then.

* * *

Thursday night came. Pacifica had been spending all her time on a sculpture she made out of the leftover wax she had collected from the battle with the living wax statues the other day. After a few hours, she had figured that the finishing touch was glitter. Where did she leave the glitter? Yeah, right. Downstairs. With that objective in mind, she left the attic and went over to the stairs to get her glitter containers.

"...I mean, she just means well, but I can't keep doin' this..."

Hold on. Was that Gideon's voice? She had expected he would be back around this time, but he sounded...troubled. Scared, even. Pacifica stopped at the doorway as Gideon argued with himself.

"...But I can't break 'er heart. Argh, I 'ave no way out!"

"Gideon?" Pacifica walked in and made her presence known – not that it helped the nine-year old's countenance much. "What happened on that date?"

"I dunno!" Gideon squeaked. "I was tryin' t'be in the friendzone, but before I knew it, she pulled me into th'romance zone! It was like quicksand, 'Cifica!" He grabbed her shoulders for emphasis. "Like quicksand!"

Pacifica frowned. What was Mabel onto? She tried to shrug off the dread she was already feeling. "Don't worry, Gideon. It's not like you're gonna have to marry her or something, right?" she said, trying to sound comforting.

As if on cue, Pacifica's uncle walked through the front door. He was beaming up to his ears; that probably didn't mean anything good. "Great news, kid! You're gonna _have_ to marry Mabel!" the magician declared triumphantly.

And, there it was.

"WHAT?!" Gideon screamed.

"It's all part of my long-term deal with the Pines family," Bill told him. "There's a lot of cash in this thing, y'know! And I even got this shirt!" He pointed to the shirt he was wearing, which read "TEAM MABEL". He looked down at it, then sighed. "Man, I'm too skinny for this," he complained.

At this point, the only thing that Gideon thought appropriate to do was scream hysterically, and run up the stairs all the way to the attic. Pacifica stared after him, while Bill simply called, "Bodies change, Gideon! Bodies change."

Pacifica walked up the stairs, wondering how she would handle her friend's frustration. It was clear this had gone on long enough, and it needed to stop, but how?

She opened the door to their bedroom, and sighed when she saw what Gideon had done to the room. Pillows, blankets, bags and other miscellaneous objects were piled up in the middle of the room, and a familiar blue-and-white cap sat on top of the mess.

"Look, Gid..." she began.

"Gideon's not here," the nine-year old said from inside the pile. "Gideon's in the Object Fort."

The twelve-year old walked over to the Object Fort and squatted down in front of it. "Any chance you're gonna come out of the Object Fort?"

A frustrated whimper was all that came out. Pacifica sighed, then found the solution to their problem.

"Gid, enough is enough," she said in a consoling tone. "If you can't tell Mabel how you feel, then...I'll tell her for you."

Gideon's head popped out of the Object Fort. "Y'sure?"

Pacifica nodded. Relieved, Gideon jumped out and embraced her. "Thanks, 'Cifica!" he exclaimed. She laughed, looking away. "Alright, alright," she patted him on the shoulder, and wondered what she had gotten herself into.

* * *

When the time for Gideon and Mabel's next date came around, Pacifica found herself in a rather large and fancy restaurant. She looked around, hoping no adult would come around and ask her if she had a reservation or anything.

Her eyes stopped upon a table for two to the side of the restaurant, where a familiar brunette sat perusing a large menu. Looking to her left and to her right, Pacifica decided that the coast was clear, and so she walked over to this table. Once there, she mustered a bit of courage and cleared her throat.

Mabel Pines put the menu down to look Pacifica in the eye. "Oh, Pacifica Northwest, Gideon's best friend!" she recognized. "You look really nice today, you know."

Pacifica smiled awkwardly. "Thanks, you, uh...look. We have to talk," she began. "It's about Gideon; he...doesn't wanna see you tonight, or ever again." She found herself laughing nervously when Mabel didn't speak. "He's a little freaked out by you; no offense!" She put her hands up.

In the light, Pacifica thought she saw Mabel's eye twitch. "So..." she said, almost robotically, "...you've come...between us?"

Pacifica raised her hands higher, realizing how that sounded. "It's not like that!" she tried to smile. "But...is that alright? You're...you're not gonna freak out, are you?"

Mabel seemed to scowl, but Pacifica only noticed for a second before the former smiled brightly. "No, no, it's fine!" she said, much to Pacifica's relief. "Things happen, you know, and stuff."

"Great!" Pacifica said. "Alright...sorry, but it's okay, right, Mabel?" Without waiting for an answer, nervousness got the better of her and she walked away, assuming that Mabel was alright.

From her table, Mabel's smile turned into a sneer.

"...It's _definitely_ okay, Northwest," she whispered.

* * *

**(A/N: * - Bill thinks "Colombia" (as in the nation) is spelled the same way as "Columbia" (as in Columbia University).**

**Yes, Pacifica is making a sculpture out of that wax from "Headhunters". You can't just waste all that wax. And besides, nothing like making art out of the remains of your enemies, right, kids?**

**Thanks for not hating on the non-Dipper/Pacifica-ness of this episode. Dipper will have a large part in this story as a whole, don't worry, though I'm sure it's in a way you won't expect.**

**The last part, coming up soon!)**


	12. The Hand That Rocks The Gideon (Part 3)

**(A/N: To clarify for anyone who has the question: Mr. Pines is Dipper and Mabel's dad. Not Grunkle Stan. Sorry, but his reverse will show up, I promise.)**

* * *

Heavy breathing filled the bedroom of the Pines Twins. Dipper was absolutely sure it couldn't be coming from him; he never breathed _that_ noisily. No, it could only be his sister. She was probably staring into her mirror, thinking about the cancelled date that was tonight.

He frowned and tried to concentrate on the book that he was reading. _Such wonderful content..._Just as he had immersed himself into the book again, Mabel went into what he liked to call "monologue mode".

"Pacifica Northwest," Mabel inhaled deeply, "you don't know what you've done."

And neither did Dipper; Mabel was as likely to divulge details about her social life to him as he was likely to find golden antlers. He sighed to himself and tried to stare harder at the book's pages, but it was hard to ignore his ballpen which was floating over his shoulder.

_Wait, what?_

Dipper turned around to see Mabel holding the gem on her headband, making various things float around. The light bulbs on her bodouir shattered one by one, and then the one on the ceiling broke as well. Soon the cabinet, the books, and the bookshelves were levitating only a few inches from their ceiling. It was quite clear to him now that his twin sister was mad, no, _furious_ about this Pacifica Northwest.

"You've just made _THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE_!" Mabel screamed to the ceiling.

_So much for peaceful reading._ Dipper grabbed the bolo tie around his neck.

A pillow flew up into the air, and smacked Mabel hard in the face before she could even wonder where it came from (not that she needed much wondering to know). With her lack of concentration on the floating furniture, everything fell down around them with a crash.

When Mabel got to her feet, their door was thrown open, and there stood their father. "Dipper and Mabel Pines! Clean up your room this instant!"

Still enraged, Mabel screamed to him, "WE CAN BUY AND SELL YOU, OLD MAN!"

"...Fair enough." With a shrug, Mr. Pines left them alone. He closed the door, and that was when Mabel turned to her twin brother. Sure enough, he was still making the pillow float with the gem on his bolo tie.

"What did you do that for?!" she asked.

"I'm trying to read, Mabel," Dipper retorted. "Just go plan your revenge somewhere else!"

"No, Dipper," Mabel said, beginning to pace around the room. "I need a bit of your help for this..."

_Oh, man. _ Dipper knew from her pacing that she was probably planning disproportionate retribution. He watched as she took a framed picture from the ground – a picture of Gideon Gleeful, that boy she wanted to go on dates with, and who he now inferred was Pacifica Northwest. His thoughts were confirmed when the picture burned to exclude the girl in it, leaving only Gideon.

Not that it mattered much to Dipper, actually.

What mattered was that no one messed with a Pines and got away with it.

* * *

The next day, everything went as usual at the Magic House. Gideon had no dates to go on, there had been a batch of tourists that came in earlier that day, and Bill himself was in good spirits as he went to take care of some "business matters".

So that left the kids to their devices – naturally, that was to play a game of stacking dominoes.

"Alright," Robbie said as he stood the final domino on its place, "Hit 'em!"

Pacifica tipped over the first domino, which caused the other dominoes to fall when they were hit. Once the last domino fell, they stood up and examined their work – a perfect image of a car made out of fallen dominoes.

"Nice one," Robbie said, fist-pumping Gideon and Pacifica.

"I'm just glad everythin's back t'the way it was," the nine-year old said, putting his hands on his hips. Though he wasn't sure if that was really the case, he at least liked to assume it was. After all, Pacifica had said Mabel had taken the news well.

_Though she may have been putting on a face for Pacifica..._

_No, no, Mabel's fine._

The phone rang in the kitchen, breaking him out of his thoughts. "I'll get it," Pacifica said, and she ran into the kitchen to pick up the phone. "Hello?" she asked into the receiver.

The person on the other end replied, "This is Shandra Jimenez, Gravity Falls Gossiper."

"Oh, hi!" Pacifica said, switching the receiver from her right ear to her left ear. "Sorry for accusing you of murder last week, you know."

"Water under the bridge," Shandra said dismissively. "We here have heard that you're quite the arts expert, and would like to interview you about your artwork."

"Oh, heh, really?" Pacifica asked. "This is great! I've got a whole bunch I'd like to show to the public some time..."

Gideon watched as his friend talked on the phone for a while, discussing something about a rendezvous. Once she hung up, Gideon drew a little closer. "What was that all about?" he asked.

His friend turned to him with an excited look on her face. "Shandra Jimenez wanted to interview me about my artwork! I'm gonna have to go for the meeting tonight."

"Oh, sure," Gideon nodded, looking down to the ground.

Sensing that we was a little less than excited, Pacifica figured it must have been due to the events last night. So she told him, "Don't worry about Mabel. I told you, she was fine."

"I don't know; I just think I might've made her sad or somethin'."

"Well, if she _were_ sad, she might as well have used her powers on you already."

"Pacifica, the Pines Twins don't have psychic powers."

"They might as well have them; they're really creepy in hindsight." After saying this, Pacifica shrugged. "Well, you can come with if me if you want to. I'm going to 412 Gopher Road at 6:00 tonight, okay?"

"Okay." Pacifica patted Gideon on the shoulder and then they went back into the living room to make another domino pattern. All the while, though, Gideon couldn't help but wonder what the editor of Gravity Falls Gossiper was up to; 412 Gopher Road was the Pines family's warehouse.

* * *

At six o' clock in the evening, Pacifica showed up, as promised, at the address she had been given. She looked up at the building looming above her, and then looked around. She felt a little nervous without her friend by her side (Gideon simply didn't feel like coming, in the end); but no matter, she would at least enjoy this.

She opened the large door, and peeked inside. The interior was full of boxes and shelves of Pines Twins merchandise, but no person in sight.

"Hello?" Pacifica asked, looking around. She took a few steps inside, but still there was no sign of anyone else. She glanced around once more. _Maybe I'm early._ She put her hands in her jacket pockets, and turned to the door, thinking it was probably best if she would wait outside.

However, just as she had taken two steps forward, the door slammed shut. She ran towards the door and banged on it, hoping that this was some childish prank. Suddenly, behind her, the lights turned on one by one. She turned around to see that the last light bulb shone on a single office chair, which spun around to reveal...

"Hey there, friend," Mabel Pines greeted ominously, for some reason petting a doll of herself.

Pacifica groaned. Of course, she should have known this was a ruse. "Mabel?"

"Pacifica," Mabel picked up her doll and started to cradle it. "How long have you been in Gravity Falls? A week, right? Two?" She looked towards Pacifica, frowning. "Do you like it here?"

Pacifica crossed her arms. "What do you want, Mabel?"

Footsteps came behind her, and a hand touched her shoulder. She spun on her heel to find Mabel's brother staring her down. "Listen carefully," Dipper Pines told her threateningly. "This town has secrets you'd barely be able to understand."

Pacifica took a step backwards, and looked from Dipper to Mabel. "Secrets?" she asked. "Wait, is this about Gideon? Mabel, I told you he's not into you!"

"You _liar_!" Mabel yelled. "You turned him against me!" She jumped out of her chair, and put a hand to her headband. Mabel walked towards Pacifica, shouting, "You wanted him to yourself!"

"Mabel, I don't know what you're talking about," Pacifica put her hands up, "but–"

The brunette only raised her other hand up, and Pacifica gasped as she saw herself levitating feet off the floor. Before she could even try to talk, Mabel forcefully threw her across the room and into a pile of Pines Twins toys. The boxes fell around Pacifica, and one of them fell into her lap – one of Dipper, which said, "Watch this next trick!" She looked up to the real Pines Twins, who were now standing over her. The cordial air from the show the other night was long gone; and their sneering faces bore into her.

"Reading minds and card tricks aren't all we can do," Mabel said.

"But...you're fakes!" Pacifica said.

Dipper frowned. "Fake, huh?" he asked, putting a hand to his bolo tie. "Tell me, then, Northwest; is _this_ fake?" He raised his other hand, and all the merchandise rose with a green glow out of their boxes and over Pacifica.

Pacifica stared up, trying to think of a way out and finding none.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Magic House, Gideon sat outside on the steps leading up to the gift shop. He flipped through pages of the Journal, hoping that reading would take his mind off of Mabel Pines, to no use. He took a pencil and chewed it in his mouth, trying to think.

The door to the gift shop opened, and Melody stepped outside. _Her shift was probably over._ "How's that pencil tasting?" she asked, looking over Gideon.

He looked up at her. "Oh, Melody!" he said, putting his Journal back in his vest. _Could I really talk to her about this?_ "Uh, listen. I was just...thinking about things."

"Is it still about Mabel?" Melody asked, sitting down next to him. "I mean, the media's still going on and on about you two."

Gideon frowned. "Well, the media didn't tell 'ya 'bout how I feel t'wards Mabel. I mean – you've broken up wit' people before, right?"

"Just one," Melody said. "A guy in high school. I didn't think he was really that interested in me, though."

Gideon looked down. "Well, I told Pacifica to tell Mabel 'fer me that I wanted to break up...and I thought it'd go back t'normal after that! But I still feel like something's wrong."

"So, maybe letting Pacifica tell her for you was a mistake," Melody told him. "You should probably tell Mabel to her face. That's what I did with that guy."

"Yeah." Gideon looked up, nodding. "Yeah, 'yer right; Mabel deserves an honest break up." He stood up, full of newfound resolve. "I know what I hafta do! Thanks, Melody!"

"Anytime, Gideon!" Melody smiled at him. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

He ran upstairs to the attic, and opened his bag to take out the roller skates that Pacifica had gotten for him on their first day here. Where he was going with these, he definitely knew – the one place where Mabel told him he could always find her.

Maybe Pacifica was done with her interview by now...

* * *

At the warehouse, Pacifica was barely wondering how she had been able to survive this long, what with the various materials being thrown at her by the Pines Twins. The maniacal laughter of Mabel was in the back of her mind as Pacifica ran in front of a shelf, but then a green glow enveloped that as well and she jumped out of its way. She tumbled on the floor and hit her head on the wall.

"Uncle Bill was right about you two!" Pacifica shouted, rubbing her sore head. "You really _are_ monsters!"

"Your friend will be _mine_!" Mabel laughed as she threw more things in Pacifica's general direction. The latter managed to get away, before her eyes fell on a box that said "PINES TWINS: BASEBALL BAT". She tore it open and pulled out a bat, then ran towards Mabel, aiming to strike.

What she hadn't counted on, though, was for Dipper to catch her in the act, and lift her off her feet into the air, making her drop the bat.

"Gideon's never gonna date you, Mabel!" Pacifica screamed, looking Mabel firmly in the eye.

"That's a lie!" Mabel shouted back. She looked down to a box that said "PINES TWINS: SCISSORS", and sneered, putting a hand to the gem on her headband.

"And I'm gonna make sure you _never_ lie ever again," she pulled the scissors out of their box, "Pacifica."

Pacifica tried to struggle as the scissors snapped closer and closer to her, but Dipper pulled her limbs to her body and opened her mouth wide. She could only stare at the scissors as they moved towards her–

–but then the doors to the warehouse swung open, revealing who else but Gideon Gleeful.

"Mabel, we have to talk!" he exclaimed.

"G-Gideon!" Mabel said, surprised. "My favorite person in the whole world!" She dropped the scissors, and turned around to face Gideon while Pacifica sighed in relief above them. "What are you doing here?" Mabel asked.

Gideon skated up to Mabel on his roller skates. "I'm sorry, Mabel, but I can't be your favorite person in the whole world," he said gently. "I needed t'step up and tell 'ya that myself."

"...W-what?" Mabel asked, her face falling. "I-I don't understand."

"Mabel, this isn't the best time for your heartbroken act," Dipper said, still holding Pacifica up in the air.

"Dun' worry, though," Gideon told Mabel as he took her hands in his. "We can still make each other over and stuff. Wouldn't 'ya like that?"

Mabel's eyes widened, and her face broke into a hopeful smile. "Really?"

Gideon looked from Mabel's eyes, to Dipper's glowing bolo tie and then to Mabel's headband. _Of course._

"No, _not really_!"

Dipper and Mabel barely reacted before Gideon snatched both their amulets from them, making Pacifica fall back down to the ground.

" 'Yer attackin' my best friend, for goodness' sakes!" he yelled, holding the amulets away from the Pines Twins, who were calling for him to give them back. The nine-year old threw the amulets over their heads to his friend, who caught them in mid-air. "Ha!" Pacifica taunted. "Not so powerful without these, are you–!"

Mabel's idea of a response was to scream hysterically and tackle Pacifica before throwing them both out the nearby window, making Pacifica let go of the amulets.

" 'Cifica!" Gideon yelled. He ran to get the amulets – _there's only one way to save them – _before Dipper tackled him to the ground as well. They struggled for four seconds on the ground, before Gideon found an opening and elbowed Dipper in the eye. With him distracted, Gideon crawled on the ground and grabbed both amulets in time.

Meanwhile, Mabel and Pacifica were already falling off the cliff that the warehouse was built on. Mabel slapped Pacifica, causing Pacifica to slap her back. They continued slapping each other until they both realized they were only ten feet away from hitting the ground, and then they screamed as they fell–

–and suddenly they froze. Pacifica thought they would have had some sort of impact, so she opened her eyes, and found that Mabel was surrounded by a bright green glow. She glanced at herself, and, finding that she was surrounded by the same glow, looked up to the warehouse.

Dipper and Gideon was floating over the cliff, though it seemed that Gideon was the only one holding the amulets. The nine-year old brought himself and Dipper gently down to the bottom of the cliff, then let his own feet touch the ground and skated over to Mabel, looking her in the eye.

"It's over, Mabel Pines," Gideon declared. "I will never, ever date you."

With that, he dropped them all to the ground. Then he raised his hand, and threw both the headband and the bolo tie onto a rock, where their gems shattered.

"Our powers!" Mabel said. She and her brother got up to their feet, both expressions showing shock and then anger.

"Oh, this isn't over, you know!" Dipper threatened, walking away into the trees with his sister.

"Yeah," Mabel said. "This isn't the last you'll see...of little old us."

With that, the Pines Twins disappeared into the darkness. Gideon looked to Pacifica, and she returned his gaze.

"I'm sorry I got you into this," he sighed. "Mabel could've killed you."

"Hey, it's fine. You were pretty awesome back there," Pacifica reassured him.

"It's just like that time wit' the barf fairies," Gideon said. "Once again, a new friend is just 'nother new enemy."

Pacifica patted his shoulder. "It doesn't matter. History repeats itself, but not _that_ often. We'll find someone."

Finally, Gideon found it in himself to smile.

"Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

Elsewhere, Bill finished signing the contract in front of him, and sat back in the couch he was sitting on. He couldn't believe his past self would refuse a deal with the Tent of Telepathy, seeing how lucrative it was now. Granted, Dipper and Mabel were brats (at least to him), but he could stand hell if it meant making lots and lots of money.

_I'd done it before, of course I could do it again!_

Mr. Pines finished pouring out glasses of water, and had now handed one to Bill. He accepted it, and took a long drink. "Ah, this is livin', pal!" he exclaimed, and knocked on the wooden frame of the painting behind him. Mr. Pines raised his own glass, saying, "From now on, it's all name-branded foods and rainbow-colored abstract paintings!"

Well, Bill Northwest could toast to that. He brought his glass together with Mr. Pines's glass. _Clink._

Just as they put their glasses down, the door flew open, and in walked Dipper and Mabel Pines, wearing expressions of anger and dejection respectively.

"Oh, kids!" Mr. Pines greeted. "Look who–!"

Right then, Dipper climbed on top of the coffee table, and pointed at Bill. "William Northwest, I rebuke thee!" he yelled, visibly fuming.

Bill tried not to laugh at the kid. " 'Rebuke'? Seriously?"

"The entire Northwest family and all their allies have invoked my fury!" Dipper continued. "You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!"

"Saucepan, 'ya got a Word-A-Day calendar or something?" Bill asked, feeling he was missing the point of something.

Mr. Pines turned to his daughter. "Mabel, what's your brother going on and on about? I mean, what with Gideon and–" "QUIET, YOU!" Mabel interrupted. Mr. Pines flinched, and took one glance at his children before clearing his throat.

"Well, I guess my kids are having a little tantrum again," he told Bill. "Sorry, William, but I've got to side with them on this one." Having made up his mind, he grabbed the contract and tore it into pieces.

Bill's mouth fell open – _all that money lost!_ – yet he regained his composure and got to his feet. "Alright, alright, fine. I can see I'm not wanted here," he said. He looked from the Pines family to the abstract painting on the wall, and decided that if they were going to take money from him, he might as well take something from them.

"William," Mr. Pines said as Bill took the painting from the wall, "I'm going to have to ask you to put that down – William!"

"TRY AND CATCH ME, SUCKERS!" Bill yelled as he ran out of the house, the painting tucked under his arm.

* * *

Later that night, Bill took the painting and hung it up on the living room wall. He stepped back to look at it, and then sighed. "I could've had it all," he said to himself, before turning to the kids sitting in the armchair. "What happened t'you two?" he asked.

"Pines Twins," Pacifica said tiredly.

"Pines Twins," Gideon echoed.

"Pines Twins, huh?" Bill nodded, walking over to them. He leaned on the armchair, continuing, "Yeah, those brats swore vengeance on the entire family or something. I guess they're gonna chew on my ankles or something, ha!"

"Yeah," Gideon nodded. "Yeah, what're they gonna do to us now without their powers?" The three of them laughed for a little while before Bill followed, "What, they're gonna guess what number we're thinking off?"

"They'll never guess what number _I'm_ thinking of," Pacifica added. Raising her hands, she declared, "Twenty-five-point-seven! No one ever guesses a decimal number!"

They laughed even more between themselves, reveling in the hilarity of the moment without a care in the world.

* * *

In the Pines' household, however, it was another story. Dipper picked up the book he had left on the bed, and looked through it. Mabel, on the other hand, retreated to her scale replica of Gravity Falls, and finished the three figurines she had been working on since the beginning of this week – since Gideon Gleeful came to their show that other night.

She stuck a wooden cap on one figurine, and glanced over the finished product – Gideon Gleeful. She began to walk it around the table, imitating Gideon's accent as best as she could. " 'Oh, Mabel, I'm still madly in love with you. If only Pacifica would set me free to be with you.'"

Next, she attached the finished head to the finished body, and turned it over in her hand. It resembled Bill Northwest quite nicely. " 'Look at me,'" Mabel imitated Bill's squeaky voice next, " 'I'm the greatest magician in all of Gravity Falls!'"

A little while later, Mabel finished painting the face on the final doll, and stroked its corn silk-yellow hair. " 'What're you gonna do now without your precious amulets?'" she said in a tone that sounded like Pacifica Northwest's. She glared down at this figurine, before turning around to her brother. A smile formed on her face.

"We'll show them, won't we, Dipper?" she asked.

Dipper looked up from his book, and then smiled as well.

"We'll show them, Mabel," he assured her.

Mabel walked over to him to look down at the book as well. The book was turned to a page with an entry titled "Mystic Amulets". They might have lost theirs, but no matter. They could get their revenge any way they wanted in the end. And this book held all the answers.

"We'll show them what Dipper and Mabel Pines can do," Dipper declared.

_No one messes with a Pines and gets away with it,_ he reminded himself as he closed the book, showing off the golden six-fingered hand marked "2" on its cover.

_No one._

* * *

**(A/N: WOO-HOOO! I did it, Mom! I really did it! I survived this part of Reverse Falls!**

**And prepare for more shenanigans like this one! Especially now that the Pines Twins are in the picture...)**

**XQFOH ELOO VKLSV JLGHRQ DQG SDFLILFD WRJHWKHU**


	13. The Unamusing (Part 1)

**(A/N: The lack of internet got to me at home, so I'm sorry for the little pause in updates. And I got a little confused about how I would write this episode – but in the end, I got it.**

**And serima, yes, at first I wanted to include the credits scene, but then I decided against it. Most of the time I'll exclude the credits scenes, but I'll find one that is worthy to be reversed someday. At least the image of a bedazzled rev!Robbie will live on in our imaginations.**

**Enjoy this next piece of the puzzle.)**

* * *

One morning, Gideon leafed through the pages of the Journal, checking all the worn pages before stopping at the entry entitled "Ghosts". He read the entry (hard considering the author's penmanship), and then looked up to Pacifica.

"Hey, 'Cifica, the author of this book has proof of ghosts," he said, showing her the page. Pacifica took one look at it, and smiled. "Dad calls people like that know-it-alls," she said candidly. " 'Yer dad can call the author anythin' he likes, 'Cifica; the author's a genius!" Gideon declared.

A few seconds after Gideon had said this, the front door to the gift shop opened, and Bill peeked through it.

"Hey, Robbie," Bill called. At the sound of his name, the sixteen-year old rushed up to the door. "Yes, Mr. Northwest?" he asked.

"I'm heading out," the magician told his employees. "You two're gonna wash the bathrooms, right?"

"Yes, sir," Robbie saluted.

"Absolutely not," Melody said.

Bill only laughed at the latter response. Then he firmly said, "You stay out of trouble." With that, he closed the door behind him, and drove off in his car.

Once the car was out of the parking lot, Melody walked over to a curtained area next to the grandfather clock. "Hey, check this out!" she said, and pulled the curtain back to reveal a ladder and a trapdoor. "Secret ladder to the roof!"

"We only use that ladder for tricks, Melody," Robbie walked over.

"Roof," Melody said.

"Rules," Robbie replied, though he sounded a little less aggressive now.

"Roof..." Melody leaned forward, sounding more aggressive.

"Melody, we can't!" Robbie said, putting his hands on his head.

Sensing the handyman wasn't exactly in the mood, Melody turned instead to Pacifica and Gideon. "Come on, kids!" she cheered. "Roof time! Roof time!"

"Roof time! Roof time!" Gideon and Pacifica cheered as well, already climbing up the ladder with Melody.

Robbie crossed his arms. "I'm not gonna be a part of this," he said nervously, though he was already thinking of a possible excuse to use in case Bill came back early.

* * *

Melody opened the trapdoor to the roof, and stepped out. She waited for the kids to pop out as well before she led them to a particular part of the roof. "Well, check it out, guys!" she said, waving her hand towards it.

The kids looked at this part of the roof in awe. A lawn chair, umbrella, and a cooler were set up on a flat part of the roof. Gideon didn't think he noticed that when he was being chased around on the roof by Wax Lincoln (though honestly he'd rather not think about it), so it must have been recent.

"Did you put all this stuff here?" Pacifica asked, lifting the lid of the cooler and pulling out a peach soda.

"Maybe your uncle doesn't notice I sneak up here during work," Melody said casually, sitting down on the lawn chair. "Hey, you wanna see a trick where I pull a card out of a soda can?" She leaned over and pulled another soda can out of the cooler. When the kids nodded, she took a pack of cards from her back pocket. "Alright, you can pick any card you want. I won't peek, I promise."

Gideon took a card from the pack when a car horn sounded, and the three of them looked up to see a van parked in front of the gift shop. A hand waved from the open window of the driver's seat. "Melody!" the owner of the hand called.

Melody pulled the pack back and stuffed it back into her pocket. "Sorry, gotta go. The trick can wait?"

The nine-year old stared up at her, before nodding. "Great," the older woman said. "And, don't tell Bill about this, or anything..."

As a response, Gideon signed a cross over his chest with his right hand, and then raised it.

Melody grinned, and then went back to the trapdoor, going through it. "Later," she called, disappearing under the trapdoor. Moments later, the two kids watched as she ran out of the gift shop, towards the van and got into the shotgun seat before it drove off.

Gideon laughed a little, before looking down at his hand. "Hey!" he said, holding up the card in his hand. "You forgot your..." He trailed off, watching the van leave, and then stared down at the card. The Jack of Hearts, it seemed.

"Uh-oh," Pacifica said, a smile appearing on her face. Gideon didn't like that expression. "What?" he asked.

"You like Melody!" the twelve-year old answered. Gideon blushed, and then scoffed. "I just think Melody's cool, 'Cifica! L-Like I think the author of the Journal's cool."

"Yeah, but you don't lie awake at night thinking about how much you wanna kiss the Author."

The two of them laughed. "Gross, Pacifica!" Gideon said, though he was laughing a little more nervously than her.

* * *

All throughout the next day, the kids had hung out in the gift shop, since business was slow. They had soda chugging contests (in the end no one could beat Robbie) and they even got to figure out that trick that Melody had told them about.

Speaking of Melody, Gideon hadn't wanted to admit to Pacifica that, yes, he _did_ think about the older woman the previous night. His friend would probably tell him that it was weird to think of a twenty-one-year old that way, especially when you hadn't even entered middle school yet. So he kept his mouth shut all day while Pacifica and Melody busied themselves with whatever they wanted to do.

Such as random dance parties, which in fact, they were doing right now.

The two girls cheered each other on as they danced, while Gideon contented himself with reading a magazine about how to do basic magic tricks. (Maybe now he could learn about that stupid trick in which Bill would pretend to pull a coin out from behind his ear, and instead pull out Gideon's own pen, which the magician had stolen from under his nose). He glanced at Melody before looking back to the book.

"Hey, Gideon!"

The nine-year old fumbled with the magazine, hastily putting it back on the rack. "Wh-what is it?"

"Aren't you gonna join in?" Melody asked.

"Uh, no, I-I don't really dance," Gideon replied, scratching the back of his neck.

"Gid'll say that now," Pacifica stopped dancing and seated herself on the counter, "but when he was in first grade, he once performed in the school talent show with something his mom liked to call..." she nearly laughed, "...the 'Piggy Dance'!"

Gideon cringed in embarrassment. "Now's not the time t'talk about the Piggy Dance, 'Cifica!"

" 'Piggy Dance'?" Melody echoed, turning to the nine-year old. "Whoa, did you put on a little pig costume too? That'd be adorable!"

"I – uh..."

"Gid would dance around," Pacifica continued, while Gideon tried to silently urge her to stop talking, "singing a little song about pig things."

Fortunately for Gideon, before Pacifica could continue, the grandfather clock struck six o'clock. Melody looked up at it, and then put her name tag away. "Quittin' time," she declared, walking towards the door. "My friends are probably waiting outside."

"Wait! Melody!" Gideon called out, and she stopped, then turned to him. He continued, "Uh...what if I – no, we could come with you? 'Ya know...with 'yer friends...?"

"With my friends?" Melody seemed to think it over. "I dunno. My friends are pretty intense; you sure?"

Gideon looked away, but only for a second. "We're old enough," he told her. "So, we can handle whatever 'ya throw at us."

The older woman looked him over before smirking. "Alright, then. I like your spunk. I'll get my stuff." With that, she walked away to get her bag and umbrella. Gideon exhaled through his nose, a little relieved.

"Wait," Pacifica stage whispered to her friend, "we're old enough to hang out with her friends? How many birthdays have we passed?"

"It'll be fine!" Gideon put up his hands. "I mean, we get to hang out with new people..." His voice dropped to a mumble. "...and Melody."

"I knew it!" Pacifica jumped down from the counter. "You _do_ like-like Melody!"

"I don't!"

"Yeah, you do!"

Gideon crossed his arms. "I just _like_ her! Not like-like her!"

The twelve-year old laughed. "Fine, have it your way. But you probably _do_ like Melody!"

Gideon turned red. Hanging out with Melody had better be worth this.

* * *

When Gideon and Pacifica had come out of the gift shop, Melody was already chatting a little with her friends. They looked up at the kids, and Melody waved at them.

"Oh, hey! Glad you came." she greeted, then turned to her friends. "These are my friends from work, Gideon and Pacifica."

"Hey, everyone!" Pacifica waved. "Wanna see a trick? My uncle taught me how to hide money in my hair using chewed bubblegum!"

"I could also teach you another trick!" Gideon added. "Like...uh..." Actually, when he thought about it, he didn't have much tricks to teach. The nine-year old was about to recover when a man in the back piped up. "So, Mel, are you like, babysitting them or somethin'?" he asked rudely.

Melody rolled her eyes at the man. "Come on, Soos," she chided. Gideon realized that he heard that name before – in the show in the Tent of Telepathy – this friend of Melody's was the handyman of the Pines Twins.

"Guys," Melody's voice broke his train of thoughts, "this is my gang." She pointed to two guys standing together, lightly punching each other in the elbow, "Let me introduce you to George and Mikey–" then to a woman who was didn't even look up from her phone, "–and that's Olivia–" then to another man standing to the right of the texting woman, "–and here we have Louis, the guy who once drank a smoothie through his nose for five bucks!" The man put his hands up at the sound of that. "Melody, why'd you tell them that?!" he asked.*****

Melody finally turned to the handyman, who was absently playing with a screwdriver. "And that's Soos. You could probably figure _him_ out."

Soos smirked, and turned his cap to the side. "Yeah, dudes, I don't mean to brag or anything," he interjected, "but I'm the guy who spray-painted the water tower."

"Oh!" Gideon tried to smile. " 'Ya painted the gold pot at the end of the rainbow?"

Soos frowned. "Kid, that's a race car speeding down a race track."

The group looked up towards the water tower, which they could see from the parking lot of the Magic House. Mikey grinned. "The kid's right, Soos; it _does _look like a rainbow!"

As his friends laughed, Soos turned towards Gideon with a dark look. The nine-year old understood now why Robbie glared at this man the other night.

"Come on, guys, let's get a move on," Melody told her friends. "I've got big plans for tonight!" At this, the group of young adults cheered and got into the van. Gideon ran to the shotgun door, but when he saw Soos already getting in that door, he backed away and went to the back seat with Pacifica.

Louis started up the van, and then turned to them. "Okay, guys, before we go, I'll just ask you one more time to stop punching the roof of the van," he told them.

Only one second passed before the rest of his friends started punching the roof of the van, cheering, "Louis! Louis! Louis!" Figuring he couldn't argue, Louis simply turned the gear and drove away onto the road.

Gideon felt a little nervous, sitting in a van filled with total strangers. He took a marker out from his pocket, and started to chew on it. Meanwhile, Pacifica stared at the various writings on the van's roof and walls, and her eyes fell upon the sentence "THE SYSTEM SUCKS!" written on her seat. She reached over and took the marker from Gideon's mouth, and scribbled over the statement, before writing below it, "The world is awesome~!"

"Check it out, Gid," she said, handing the marker back. "This is gonna blow someone's mind."

" 'Cifica, I don't think we should be addin' more to the vandalism," Gideon cautiously said. Pacifica playfully elbowed him. "C'mon, Gid. Just be glad I didn't put your name alongside the name of your new..." she yelled out the last part, "...GIRLFRIEND–!"

Gideon covered her mouth before she could say anymore. He tentatively looked around for any sign of reaction, and almost sighed in relief when he sensed something warm and wet running over his hand.

"Aw, what?!" Gideon cringed and pulled his hand back, while Pacifica giggled. "Didja just lick my hand?!"

* * *

Inside the Magic House, Bill had already closed down shop, and was now heading into the living room. He fixed the antenna on top of the television a little before switching it on, and moving to sit in his armchair.

The TV flickered to life, with the narrator announcing, "You're watching the Heartbreaking Tear-Jerking Mexican Soap Opera Channel."

Sensing that this was a channel he'd rather not watch, he searched the armchair for the remote – but to his surprise, it wasn't there. He looked up towards the attic, where the kids obviously were. (_Right?_) "Kids!" he called. "I can't find the remote and I refuse to get up!"

As he said this, the TV narrator continued, "Stay tuned for the marathon of _The Lady of the Streets,_ from the start of a little girl in poverty to her dramatic entrance into high society where she meets the man of her dreams!"

"Kids! Remote!" Bill yelled, already beginning to get uncomfortable with this show. (_Still no response? What's up with those kids?)_

Unfortunately for the magician, the theme music for the soap opera already began to play, and the title card was already flashing on the TV screen.

"No! NO!"

* * *

As evening fell, the group of Melody's friends found themselves standing outside the metal fence in front of a small amusement park. Melody walked up to it and looked the large sign over, before turning to them. "Alright, guys, here we are: the abandoned Great Times World."

Upon hearing this, the group had hushed whispers of "Cool!", "Whoa!", and "Neat!" Gideon, however, didn't feel so convinced they should be so excited. He took one look at the place, and then looked up to Melody. "Wait, what? 'Abandoned'? Why?" he nervously asked.

"Didn't you hear?" George responded. "Two people died in this place. The word is that this place is..." he paused for dramatic effect, then finished, "..._haunted_!"

Gideon cringed, and Pacifica tried to smile. "Well," she said, mildly intimidated. "Glad we learn something new about Gravity Falls everyday."

"A-are 'ya guys serious about this?" Now the nine-year old didn't feel so sure it was worth it.

"Ah!" Melody teased. "We're all gonna die!" She snickered, and then gently nudged Gideon. "Don't worry. It's not as bad as it seems."

Gideon decided he probably wouldn't tell her or any of the others about the sign that said, "NO TRESPASSING: VIOLATORS WILL BE DEAD!"

Soos stepped over to the main doors of the gates, and found them locked with an electronic keypad. "Ugh," he sighed, bending down and staring at the keypad. "I don't think we can climb over this fence; I guess we'll have to break it down or something."

"Hey!" Pacifica said, pushing her friend forward. "Let Gideon try; he's really smart, you know."

"Oh, right, dude," Soos straightened up with a smirk on his face. "Like I can't figure out the code, but the junior here'll crack it like a pro!"

"Soos, cut it out!" Melody scolded. "You can't say that; Gideon's just a kid!"

Gideon's face fell at that remark – but then he fixed his cap.

_Time to show them I'm old enough._

He walked towards the keypad, shoving Soos aside and leaning over to stare at the keypad. He couldn't teach these people any tricks, sure, but he had a faint recollection of what that magazine said about escapology and using keypads.

"Go, Gideon!" Pacifica cheered. "Crack that password!"

"Gideon, you don't have to do that!" Melody said in a concerned tone.

Soos, meanwhile, turned to his friends. "Who wants to bet he can't do it?"

The handyman spoke too soon, however, for only two seconds later the keypad glowed green with the correct input, and the gates swung open to them. Gideon straightened up, and then turned towards the group, gesturing for them to enter the theme park. Melody, Pacifica, and the others cheered, while Soos frowned at this development.

"Good call inviting this smart guy!" Mikey said.

"Your new nickname is Professor Awesome!" George pointed at the nine-year old.

Pacifica high-fived her friend, and Soos walked by him without saying a word. Gideon smiled even wider when Melody fist-bumped him, telling him, "Nice work, kid."

Gideon was the last to enter the amusement park, finally joining the group's chorus of amazement, trying not to let the rumors of this place being haunted get to him.

After all, how scary could it be?

* * *

**(A/N: Oh-ho-ho, Gid, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into.**

*** - Mikey R. is the guy from "Headhunters" who broke both his arms. On the other hand, I've given the name George to the Free Pizza Guy, the name Olivia to the Society of the Blind Eye lady, and the name Louis to the Love God.**

**The soap opera thing is basically based from the telenovelas on Filipino television that I grew up watching. Basically, they're so bad they're good.**

**Stay tuned for more!)**


	14. The Unamusing (Part 2)

**(A/N: For all the people who thought rev!Soos was a little weird, I know that feel. I mean, not many people had ideas about a reversed Soos on tumblr, and I had chosen Soos to be switched with Robbie because mainly of their dynamic with the main cast and their personalities. Like for example, Robbie is a self-conscious jerk whose only friends are probably the teens, while Soos is fine with who he is, an all-around nice guy, and like Mabel, has a natural charm. That's just my thoughts; you're free to think as you please.**

**And yes, Lisa, the Pines Twins are going to summon a triangle-Stan in Dreamscaperers. But he's not going to be as grumpy as it seems; the personalities _are_ reversed here as shown above.**

**On with the story! And sorry for the long wait!**

* * *

The group began to walk around the amusement park, looking around and muttering in awe at all the rusting attractions.

"Wow," Melody said to herself. "This place is even creepier than I thought."

Pacifica walked over to a concession stand, and placed her hand on the counter before bringing it back up to find a layer of dust on her hand. "Pretty messy," she noted. "Just like the attic!"

A piece of paper crunched under Gideon's feet. Out of curiosity, he picked it up and looked over it. Its flashy text read:

_Don't miss the greatest pyrotechnics show on May 2, 2005 live!_

_Watch it at 9:00 PM..._

_Only at the **Great Times World!**_

"Hey," Mikey peered at a sign, "where'd you think they keep the dead bodies?" "Shut up, man!" George laughed, playfully elbowing Mikey.

"Hey, guys!" Melody called from a fuse box, popping it open. She grinned once she found a couple of cobweb-laden switches. "You think these still work?"

"Bust 'em open and find out, dude!" Soos shouted back, and the others cheered behind him.

Without further ado, Melody flipped the switches up, and the group whooped in joy as the amusement park came to life. Lights started flashing, and music started playing, and the all the rides were now ready to be used.

"Jackpot!" Pacifica put her hands on her hips triumphantly.

"So," Gideon stepped over to Melody, "what do we do now?"

Melody leaned against the wall coolly. "Anything we want!"

Gideon and Pacifica looked to each other, an excited smile on both their faces.

* * *

The group went around, going on all the rides and trying out all the stalls, and even taking a little food that had somehow stayed in good condition after all those years. All in all, it felt like they were having the best time of theit lives.

Pacifica ran up to yet another food stall to peek at the food inside, and gasped. "Whoa!" She reached over to open the ice cream container in the stall, and then she pulled out a small container. "Joy Soak! I thought this ice cream brand was banned in America!"

Gideon took one look at the label stuck on the other containers that read "DO NOT SELL", then turned to his friend. "Maybe they had a good reason 'fer that," he said, concerned. He was about to say more, when a paintball hit him, and he raised his own paintball gun to shoot the offender.

Left to her own devices, Pacifica grabbed a disposable spoon from a jar on the counter and popped open the Joy Soak container.

* * *

A little while later, Melody and Gideon sat on one of the benches, eating some reheated hotdogs. They watched as Louis submitted himself to whatever their other friends had in store for him, and Melody laughed. "Go, Louis!" she called.

The older woman turned to Gideon. "Well, I gotta hand it to you, Gideon Gleeful. Tonight is one of the best nights of our lives!"

The nine-year old smiled shyly. "What, really?"

"I mean, look around at all the great stuff!" Melody gestured to the rest of the group. "The guys are bonding; Olivia's actually looking up from her phone for two seconds straight; and Pacifica seems to be going _crazy_ for that ice cream."

The two of them looked to Pacifica at this last statement. The twelve-year old in question groaned, looking at the ice cream containers littered around her. "Ugh, maybe I've had too much..." she mumbled, then turned to her left. "What do you think?" The empty space at her left didn't give any noticeable reply, but whatever Pacifica thought it said, she continued mumbling a little more. Then Melody and Gideon watched as she began chewing the air in front of her with an entranced look on her face.

_She'll be fine._ Melody turned back to Gideon. "You know, I wasn't sure if you could hang out with me and the crew at first," she said as she pointed her hotdog at him. "But you're actually quite mature for a kid. I like that." "I-I-I'm glad that 'ya do," Gideon smiled, keeping his eyes on Melody as he tried getting his hotdog into his mouth and failed.

"Hey, guys!" George yelled from where he was stuffing Louis in a dryer (for the nearby attraction with the sign that said _"Prepare to get wet!"_). "You wanna get some water and see if this works?"

Gideon jumped off the bench. "I'm on it!" He walked over to the nearby food stand, and opened the drink cooler. The nine-year old had just grabbed a large water bottle from the bottom shelf when he had the strangest feeling.

That someone..._something_...was watching him.

He looked up, and lo and behold, a monster made of what seemed like a human being's blood vessels, eyes, brain, and mouth peered down at him. Gideon screamed in fright and dropped the water bottle, then moved to slam the door as fast as he could.

_What in the heavens above was that?!_

He leaned his body against the door of the cooler, trying to catch his breath. Gideon shut his eyes tightly, breathing deeply through his nose. _Calm yourself, Gideon._

"Hey, what's going on?"

"I thought I heard a little girl scream!"

Gideon pressed himself harder against the cooler as Melody and her friends stepped up to him. He tried not to meet their eyes while Mikey began to ask jokingly, "What, did you see the ghost or something?"

They chuckled, but that didn't make Gideon feel any better. He finally looked up to Melody, and pointed to the handle of the cooler, softly whimpering. She pushed him aside, and opened the cooler.

The nine-year old's mouth fell open. No monster in there.

"Gideon, are you feeling alright?" Melody closed the door and looked at him.

"Yeah, kid, you're not gonna chicken out or something?" Soos added rather nastily.

Gideon looked around, trying to think of something that could distract them. His eyes wandered to an attraction that they hadn't ridden yet – the higher and (probably) more dangerous of the park's two roller coasters – and he quickly pointed at it.

"Hey, we haven't gone on that one yet!" he told them. Luckily for him, the group was lured in by the thought, and they all ran towards it, whooping and declaring that they should make Louis ride it a hundred times.

Gideon spared one more glance at the cooler before running off to join them.

_Just what was that?_

* * *

True to their word, they had ridden that roller coaster once, and then the rest of them let Louis ride it for a second time. And then a third. And then a fourth. Gideon already felt sorry for the man – Louis looked like he was going to throw up.

He rubbed his arm, leaving himself to his own thoughts. Whatever that thing was in the cooler, it had certainly rattled him. Maybe he shouldn't have come here...maybe he should just leave...

_No, Melody's having fun. They're all having fun, and I'm having fun._

_Right?_

He looked over to the Great Times World gift shop, and caught their reflections in the windows.

To his great surprise, his own skeleton was staring right back at him. He stared more, and found that all their reflections were skeletons. Gideon rubbed at his eyes, almost yelping, and then looked again. The reflections were back to normal.

_Oh, sweet mercy._

"I'll be right back," Gideon said before running off to find a payphone.

Once he had found one, he picked up the receiver, shoved a few coins in, and frantically pushed at the buttons to call Bill's number.

"Pick up, pick up!" Gideon said, listening as the phone rang out. _What in the world is he doin'?!_

* * *

Meanwhile at the Magic House, the phone in the kitchen continued ringing, but Bill paid it no mind. Instead, he had just come out of the kitchen holding a bowl of fresh popcorn, and now seated himself to watch the soap opera.

On the TV, the lead woman was conversing with the rich "man of her dreams". She looked him intensely in the eye and talked to him in Mexican as the subtitles read, _"I don't know what to say; I don't know what to do, Antonio. We might never see each other again after this."_

Bill watched intently as Antonio replied, _"Well, if you we might never see each other after this, then give me this moment to say...that I love you, Estela."_

"_I love you too, Antonio,"_ Estela said before she pulled him into a long kiss.

"Yes! Yes!" the magician cheered, popcorn bits falling out of his full mouth. "Way to go, Estela!" He began hysterically sobbing into his hands. "It's just like my life...in a way!"

* * *

Gideon left the payphone after waiting for two and a half minutes, and went over to where he knew Pacifica was still going crazy on that Joy Soak ice cream. He paid no mind to her frenetic eating, though, as he paced in front of her.

" 'Cifica, we've got a big problem 'ere," he began. "I'm beginnin' t'think this amusement park might be haunted after all, I can't get t'yer uncle, and worst of all, the others might make fun of me if I try to tell them about it! What do you think?"

A soft groan answered him. He turned to Pacifica, where she was sitting erect, her eyes open and her mouth foaming.

"Pacifica...?" he asked, when suddenly Pacifica screamed, "THE FUTURE IS IN THE PAST! ONWARDS, ALLEN!" before falling over on the ground.

Gideon ran up to her, and pulled her up by the arms. "Pacifica!" he shouted. "How much of these didja eat?!"

With a strange look on her face, Pacifica replied, "Twelve...ty..."

_Twelve-ty?! That can't be right!_ Gideon put his friend down on the ground, his hands shaking. "Oh no, no-no-no-no-no..." he mumbled, wondering what he was going to do now.

"Hey, dudes! Come check this out!"

Gideon looked up, feeling like a cornered deer. That was Soos's voice.

* * *

Once he ran over to what all the others were staring at, his mouth fell open in shock. Lying in plain sight, on the ground next to the fence surrounding the roller coaster, were chalk outlines of two dead bodies, contorted in ways bodies shouldn't have been able to bend. Gideon gulped as he inferred that these two people had probably met their doom due to the roller coaster attraction.

"The rumors _are_ true," George muttered in awe.

They stared down at it for a second more before a smirk appeared on Soos's face. "Bet you five bucks to lie down in it, dude," he said, pointing down at the chalk outlines.

"You're on, man," Mikey laughed, walking up to the outlines. Gideon felt himself sweat nervously as the man joked about being a dead body and came closer to stepping into the outlines of people _who could very well be haunting the place and that's the reason why this park is so strange?!_

"WAIT!"

Melody and her friends turned to look at the nine-year old, who was holding his hands out to stop Mikey. Mikey pulled his foot back to listen to what Gideon had to say, which was, "Maybe...let's go do something else instead!"

"Like what?" George asked. "Are you scared, kid?"

"No – I mean, why tempt fate any further, right?" Gideon tried to reason with them. "Let's face it, there's a very big chance this place could be...um..." he didn't want to word it, but in the end he closed his eyes and finished, "...haunted... ?"

Yet as he expected, his advice was met with discontent and thumbs-downs.

"Alright, just lay off a bit, Mr. Killjoy," Soos remarked.

Gideon shrank back. "I-I thought my nickname was Professor Awesome."

"Well, you're acting like Mr. Killjoy." The older handyman looked to his friends. "Right?"

Said friends gave a unanimous nod. Melody, on the other hand, grabbed her arm. "Yeah," she agreed hesitantly, "a little bit, Gideon."

Hearing these words from Melody made his shoulders slump in defeat. If they weren't going to listen to him...

"Status update," Olivia decided to narrate. "Trapped in amusement park with blubbering nine-year old."

"I _know_ there's something wrong with this place!" Gideon tried desperately. "And I'll show you that I'm _old enough for you to listen to me_!"

Against his better judgement and respect for the dead, he found himself sitting down on the chalk outlines.

As soon as he had done so, the chalk outlines began to glow in a sickly green light. Everyone looked up as the lights of the amusement park started buzzing, and the once-fun sounds of the attractions became jarring.

Olivia looked up from her cell phone, looking a little bored. That was when the same green glow overtook her, and she vanished into thin air, leaving her scream and cell phone behind.

Gideon ran over to the dropped cell phone, and read the status update out loud: _"Status update: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"_

He barely had time to look up from all the emoticons before the monitors in the roller coaster's photograph booths***** started to buzz, and shown on the screen was Olivia's screaming face.

The group screamed as she pounded uselessly on the glass, knowing that no doubt – this was the work of a ghost.

* * *

**(A/N: * - Are those called photograph booths? You know, the ones where they have the pictures that are taken when a camera goes off on the ride? Whatever.)**


	15. The Unamusing (Part 3)

**(A/N: Finally, "The Unamusing" comes to its thrilling conclusion!...Or not exactly thrilling, but you get the idea.)**

* * *

The group screamed in fright as they saw Olivia's face on the photo capture booth's computer. She continued pounding on the screen, freaking out as well.

"Olivia!" Melody called.

"Can 'ya hear us?" Gideon asked.

Olivia didn't answer. Instead, her shouts died down into a silent scream while her expression begged everyone else to help her.

"What do we do?!" Mikey asked.

"I don't know!" George looked around him, now terribly scared.

"Let's get out of here, dudes!" Soos told them.

Melody looked up at the roller coaster, where Louis was still riding over and over. "Louis! You can get off now!" she yelled. "Wait!" Louis called back. "I'm actually getting close to twenty rides straight!"

Suddenly, the same green glow that took Olivia began to overtake Louis as well, and he disappeared from off the car he was in. The next thing they knew, the man was strapped onto the highest part of the roller coaster's rails, screaming for mercy as the cars, going at top speed, were running over him over and over again.

"Oh my gosh!" Gideon cried. Melody had the same look of horror on her face. "Louis!" she said helplessly.

"Forget him!" the handyman yelled, pointing at the open amusement park gates. "Let's just go!"

They began making a break for it, but just as they had gotten within five feet of the gates, the doors slammed shut. Melody ran up to them, and tugged at them with all her might. "Guys, it's locked!" she said.

Soos grabbed the metal mallet from the high striker, and ran towards the gates, yelling "OUTTA MY WAY!" He swung the hammer towards the doors, but then the hammer vanished with a green glow as well, knocking Soos off his feet. Another green glow exploded from the gates, causing Melody, George, and Mikey as well to cower away from it. Gideon was going to join them in their huddle, but then he felt his arm brush against the Journal hidden inside his vest. _Of course!_

"Guys, wait! I think I know what to do!" the nine-year old said, pulling out the Journal and flipping to the "Ghosts" entry. He ran his finger over the page, finding what he needed to say. "It says here that ghosts '_always have a reason of some kind_'!" He looked up at them. "If we find out what they want, then they'll leave us alone!"

"Yeah, right!" George shrugged. "Like the ghost just wants to talk about its feelings or something!"

No sooner had he said this, though, that the green glow appeared around him, and he began levitating in the air before finally vanishing.

George reappeared just as quickly – acting as the lever for the high striker. The mallet that Soos had taken reappeared above George as well, and he screamed as the metal hammer fell down upon his head.

The group of friends cringed at the sound of a crunched skull, and Mikey put his hands up in surrender. "O-Okay, kid, I'm with you, one hundred percent!"

Behind Mikey, Gideon watched a familiar face begin to levitate behind the man, with her arms spread out and her eyes glowing green.

_What're they doin' to 'Cifica?!_

When Pacifica opened her mouth, a voice came out that wasn't her own. _**"Welcome..."**_ the ghost (for what else could sound so threatening?) spoke through Pacifica's body. **_"Welcome to your graves, trespassers!"_** Then the ghost laughed through Pacifica's lungs as the group shouted in fright yet again.

Melody was the first to speak to the ghost. "We-we're super sorry that we broke into this park, okay?" she tried. "Please let us leave and-and never come back, ever!"

"_**Well...okay,"**_ the ghost said, much to their surprise. **_"You are free to go."_**

With that, the gates to Great Times World opened. The group had barely even moved, however, when Pacifica's body levitated over to a stall which seemed to specialize in frozen treats. _**"But before you leave,"**_ the ghost continued, **_"snow cones are now half off. I know it's crazy, but you gotta try these things! They're delicious!"_**

Soos and Mikey gave each other a look, and then yelled as they ran for their lives to the open gates.

"_**JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE SNOW CONE SALE!"**_ the ghost boomed, and the gates shut in front of Soos and Mikey's faces. Mikey turned to the ghost, screaming, "Just let us get out of here, man!"

"_**I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE!" **_With those words, Pacifica's eyes glowed bright green, and so did Mikey. He was lifted into the air, until finally vanishing – and the next thing he knew, he was lamenting becoming a piece of ice that was slowly being crushed by the snow cone machine.

"_**IT BEGINS..."**_ the ghost declared. Suddenly, everything not held down in the amusement park started to wobble, and then fly into the air, unaffected by gravity – the people in it included. Gideon watched as his shadow grew smaller and smaller on the ground, and thinking fast, he grabbed a part of the roller coaster's railing. Once he held tight, he looked around for Melody, who was clinging to the branches of a tree.

"_**WELCOME TO YOUR HOME FOR ALL ETERNITY!"**_ The ghost said as everything else around them stopped rising, instead now flying around the possessed twelve-year old, who flung them at the ghost's victims.

The nine-year old released one hand from the metal he was holding, and found that he wasn't flying up – just flying. Taking a leap of faith, he let both hands go, and then pushed himself towards the tree where Melody was holding on. "Melody!" he called, and she looked up at him, then extended one of her hands to him. Once he was close enough, he took it, and held tight.

"In here!" Melody pulled the both of them into the closed branches of the tree, where they could finally catch their breath. Then they looked to each other.

"What does that ghost want from us?" Melody asked frantically.

"I think he wants his revenge, or somethin'," Gideon pressed himself against a thick branch.

"Well, what did we do wrong?"

"Okay, look, there's gotta be a pattern 'ere," Gideon began counting on his fingers. "Why was each person taken? Olivia was textin', Louis was ridin' the roller coaster, George was bein' sarcastic, and Mikey was yellin' at 'im–" the nine-year old threw his hands up, "–it doesn't make much sense!"

"I mean, one of those seems like a mean thing to do, when you think about it, Melody added. "But those are all normal things to do when you're my age!"

Gideon blinked. "Wait," he said. Something clicked. "Say that again."

"Those are all normal things to do at my age?"

"Of course!" Gideon shifted. "Stay 'ere! I know how to fix this!"

Gideon pushed himself out of the tree's branches, ignoring Melody's cry of "Gideon! What are you doing?!" and focusing on his possessed friend – or rather, the ghost possessing her. He levitated-slash-doggy-paddled towards the tornado the ghost was making out of all the floating things, and then straightened up.

"Hey, ghost!" he called.

The ghost turned Pacifica's head 180 degrees to face him, then turned the rest of her body around. A green glow surrounded Gideon threateningly, yet he continued, "I've got somethin' t'tell 'ya!"

When the ghost said nothing, Gideon clenched his hands into fists, and braced himself.

"I'M NOT A YOUNG ADULT!"

At the sound of his shout, all the levitating objects stopped moving, and were now gently floating around Pacifica. Two glowing figures appeared behind her, one of them holding her hair up. They seemed to have the same proportions of the chalk outlines he had seen – and their faces clearly signified that they were both young male teenagers.

"Heh, why didn't you say so?" the taller one asked, while his friend lowered the twelve-year old by her hair onto a floating chair. She groaned, putting a hand to her aching head.

"The white hair kind of threw us off, to be honest," the shorter ghost told Gideon. "Now, how old _are_ you, kid?"

"I'm..." Gideon spared a glance towards Melody, who he knew was watching his every move. He turned back to the ghosts. "...I'm nine. Technically not old enough."

"When we were alive, the college students always told us that when they were here for the summer!" the taller ghost crossed his arms. He blew a strand of his long hair out of his face, then continued, "They always used to play pranks on us and junk!"

"Apparently, it was 'funny'," the ghost with (apparently) darker skin interjected. "So we always came here during summer to rest from their tricks."

"But then they decided to play a prank on us! While we were riding that roller coaster!" the first ghost gestured to the same roller coaster where their chalk outlines lay nearby. "Somehow, they had gotten in and put airbags in right before we rode because they _knew_ we were always first in line!"

"The airbags came out while the roller coaster was climbing," the second ghost crossed his arms, "and we were pushed out...Well, I can't tell you the rest, kid. I mean, you _are_ nine."

"I think I can piece together what happened, anyway," Gideon muttered to himself.

"Yeah, so either way, that's why we hate college students so much." the first ghost said, and the second ghost nodded. "Word!" They high-fived.

"But...they're my friends," Gideon pleaded. "Isn't there anything I can do t'get 'em out?"

"There _is_ one thing," the second ghost said while the first one tried not to laugh. "We haven't had a good show in ages. How about you do a little dance or something?"

"Uh..." the nine-year old began to sweat nervously; _Melody's watching._ "I-is there anythin' else I can do t'entertain 'ya?"

"Well, it better be funnier than our last school play, kid," the first ghost said.

"I don't do plays," Gideon said quickly.

"_**THEN DON'T WASTE OUR TIME!"**_ the second ghost boomed.

"A-alright!" Gideon put his hands up. "I do know..." he cringed in embarrassment, "...the Piggy Dance. I think I might need a costume, though, if 'ya really wanna be entertained–!"

_Poof!_

With a snap of the second ghost's finger, a pastel pink pig costume, complete with a big white bow on the front, replaced Gideon's clothes. He looked down at it, then to the newly-appeared floating stage under his feet, and sighed. "Well. Alright, then."

He inhaled, and then exhaled. Then with as much flair as he remembered in his first grade days, he began to dance, as well as singing:

"_Well..._

_There was a piggy-piggy-piggy_

_Oink-oink! Oink-oink!_

_Who was always very, very cheery_

_Happy! Happy!"_

As the nine-year old sang, the first ghost nearly guffawed. "Dude, this _is_ better than the school play!" he said. The two ghosts watched as Gideon continued:

"_Rolling in mud, smiling so bright_

_Like him, we can make everyone else feel alright!"_

He finished the song-and-dance number with a wide grin, winking at his audience. Melody nearly squeed; that was fricking _adorable._

"That was some great kiddy dancing, man," the second ghost declared, making the pig costume and the stage disappear. "Your friends are free."

As if on cue, the gates to Great Times World opened once more. Gideon adjusted his hat, laughing a little nervously. "Well, I dun' think you'll hafta worry 'bout us comin' back..." he said, but then realized that the two ghosts had disappeared as well.

With that, everything that had once been floating in the air was now coming back down to the ground. Gideon screamed as he came down as well, fell on his stomach, and groaned as he got to his feet, along with everyone else – they were really free now.

He found himself near his friend, and he walked over to her. "Are 'ya alright?" he asked, bending down to her. She blearily opened her eyes, and then curled herself into the fetal position. "Ugh, Gid," Pacifica moaned to him, clutching her stomach. "Remind me never to eat or do anything ever again."

"Yeah, pretty crazy," Gideon said, kicking an empty container of the Joy Soak ice cream. " 'Ya wanna get some ice cream t'save for later, though?"

"Gid, those things are evil!" Pacifica jumped up, grabbing him by his arms. Her friend just chuckled a little, and then threw his arms around her. "I can't believe we're still alive!" he cried.

"...W-what happened after everything went all crazy?" George asked, rubbing his head.

"You are not gonna believe this!" Melody exclaimed, climbing down from the tree. "The ghosts appeared, and then Gideon–!" She gestured to said nine-year old, but then paused when she saw his embarrassed face.

"Uh..." she thought of what to say next, "...Gideon just grabbed a bat, and then started beating the ghosts left and right! And then the ghosts got scared and ran away like a couple of babies!" She chuckled. "It was whacked out, guys."

George and Mikey cheered, Louis laughed, and even Soos nodded in recognition upon hearing this.

"Alright!"

"Way to go, kid!"

"Professor Awesome did it again!"

Melody smiled at Gideon, who was smiling back at her. She signed a cross over her chest with her right hand, and then raised it.

* * *

Once everyone had gotten into the van, they almost immediately fell asleep after the strange night they had been through, now that the sun was already rising. Melody and Gideon, on the other hand, stood outside for a little while, looking back at the abandoned amusement park.

"Well, now I'm probably going to stay at least fifty feet away from this place," Melody told him. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind steerin' clear of this place, either," Gideon replied.

"We're alive, though." The older woman placed her hands on her hips. "So next time we hang out, maybe we better stay at the House."

"Next time? Heh, yes, of course, Melody!" the nine-year old said, grateful that he still had a chance to hang out with her at all.

He climbed into the van as she closed the door of the shotgun seat behind her, and then turned to close the sliding door.

"Next time," he mumbled to himself as he slid it shut.

As the van drove off, Pacifica leaned over and lay down on her seat, still aching all over. She glanced over at a message written in marker that said, _"The world is awesome~!"._

"Ugh," she bemoaned. "What kind of sick joke is this?"

* * *

Inside the Magic House, the marathon of "The Lady Of The Streets" was coming to a close. Now all that was left was the final episode.

"Ah, the wedding," Bill grinned like a giddy schoolgirl. "I've waited all night for this!" He almost giggled upon the sight of the heroine in her wedding dress.

Suddenly, the church doors inside the soap opera opened, and Bill gasped when he saw the intruder.

"Griselda!" he asked. "What's she doin' here?!"

The subtitles answered for him: _"You cannot marry Antonio, you wench! He belongs to me!"_

"Of course he doesn't belong to you!" Bill screamed at the telenovela antagonist. "Who the heck do you think you are?"

"_Who do you think you are?!"_ one of the bridesmaids on the show said. _"Of course Antonio is not yours!"_

"THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!"

Outside the Magic House, Gideon and Pacifica were surprised to suddenly see their TV flung out of the open living room window and crash onto the ground. They looked at said window to find Pacifica's uncle, looking down at the damage he had caused, and then he looked to the two.

"Uh..." he explained awkwardly, "...I couldn't find the remote."

* * *

**(A/N: After much internal debate and asking for advice from my sister, I decided to add the credits scene in for this episode. Don't think I'll do this for every episode, though. I just thought you needed to see what happened at the end of the soap opera marathon. Yes, soap operas are _exactly_ like that.**

**If you're wondering, the reversed ghosts are Lee and Nate. And the Piggy Dance is really sung to the tune of the Lamby Dance.)**

**ZLOO HVWHOD DQG DQWRWLR HYHU EH WRJHWKHU?**


	16. Cifica Versus Gender Norms (Part 1)

**(A/N: Alright, time for some possible controversial writing. I might even lose some followers on this story or something. But I had been planning this episode for a really long time, and I thought it was just fine. Though it might feel like I'm dropping some anvils...**

**Disclaimer: Gravity Falls doesn't belong to me. And Reverse Falls/Pines is a popular AU that I just happen to leech off of.)**

* * *

"Are you sure he'll even consider it?"

"Yeah, I bet he will! I mean, he's really thin; he's probably dying for food!"

"Well, if you're sure...I mean, I'm not the one who accidentally walked in on him changing."

"Gid! That was one time!"

Making their final decision, Gideon Gleeful and Pacifica Northwest walked into the Magic House's gift shop, where the latter's uncle Bill Northwest was assisting one of his customers with some "early Christmas shopping", as they overheard from the patron.

"Hey, Uncle Bill," Pacifica began as she and her friend walked up to the counter. "Can we go out to eat?" She patted her stomach. "We're hungry," she said in a sing-song tone.

"Hungry," Gideon echoed in the same tone. Both of them then fake-groaned and pushed their stomachs together.

"Ah, fine," Bill agreed, not out of resentment but tiredness. Gesturing to his very large lumberjack customer, he continued, "But as soon as this guy actually makes his decision."

The lumberjack took one look at a rabbit-bobblehead, and then, in a softer voice than expected, asked, "Do you have this in another animal?"

Bill pursed his lips, and took a long sigh out of his nose. Then he turned to the kids.

"I'm fine with locking 'im in if you are," he said with a cheeky grin.

"Isn't that...kinda rude?" Gideon asked.

"It's not if you don't tell him!" Bill stepped out from the counter quietly, as the lumberjack busied himself with the decision of whether to pick a lion shirt or a tiger shirt. "Come on!"

The three of them made it to the door without the customer noticing, and even Gideon had to hold in a snicker as the magician locked the gift shop from the outside. Then they ran to the car and hurriedly drove off.

* * *

The two kids were whisked to the nearest food establishment from the Magic House, which happened to be Greasy's Diner, a little run-down place, with lots of beavers and woodpeckers sticking their teeth and beaks in what they could. Yet the place managed to sustain a steady rate of customers for all the years it had been open, and today three of these customers happened to be Gideon, Pacifica, and Bill.

A waitress walked up to their table, and the magician grinned. "Ah, Carla McCorkle!" he greeted cheerily. "How're 'ya, little flowerpot?"

"Not great," Carla replied. "Last week, one of my cats got run over. I had to put her down."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Pacifica said. The waitress shook her head. "Yeah. It's not the same at home without my little Seraphina. The other cats miss her already."

The nine-year old frowned. "...'Ya got...o-other cats? Uh, isn't that a little much?"

"Excuse my friend Gideon," the twelve-year old explained gently. "He's very careful with his cat allergy."

"Oh! Uh, don't worry, I've cleaned the hair off," Carla said. "So, might I take your order?"

"Sure thing!" Bill took one more quick glance at the menu, and then continued, "How's about a blonde with sand; a wrecked hen with fruit for the lady; and a cluck and grunt as well as an eighty-one for the boy?"***** He tipped his hat at her, and she giggled. "Coming up, Mr. Magic Man," she said, walking away to give their order to the chef.

Bill looked to Gideon. "You have a cat allergy?" he asked. Gideon nodded. "Yeah...it's not bad, is it?" The magician gave the nine-year old a curious look, but then waved his hand. "No, no, it's fine."

"Oh, yeah, Uncle Bill," Pacifica tugged at Bill's suit sleeve. "I should've told you I wanted waffles."

"With the fancy flour they use these days?" Bill scowled at the idea."I mean, come on; what am I, made of money?" He threw his hands up, and Gideon could have sworn he saw a bit of green paper in the magician's cuff before it was shaken back into Bill's sleeve. Pacifica sighed, and then rested her chin into her hands.

Gideon's eyes then wandered over to a small arcade game sitting beside the door of the diner, which sign read "TEST YOUR MANLINESS". Next to it was a sign that read, "Win free waffles!", along with a picture of the aforementioned breakfast food.

"Hey, look!" he said, pointing to the machine. "We can win free waffles if we jus' punch the sensor hard enough!"

"Well, punching something beats paying for something any day," Bill smirked. He moved to get out of the chair when a hand tugged at his sleeve yet again.

"I can do it, Uncle Bill," Pacifica held her head up proudly.

The magician stared down at her for a little while with the same look on his face that he had when hearing of Gideon's allergy. Then he laughed a little out of his nose. "Are 'ya sure, kid? I mean, I could just do it for you and save you the trouble."

"No, I'm positive I can do it!" the twelve-year old thrust her fist into her open palm. "I mean, I high-five hard and stuff; I bet I've got the stuff."

Bill's mouth fell open. Then he shut it again and moved aside for her to move. _Hide surprise, sound smart._ "Fine then, kid, but if the stuff's not enough, don't come cryin' to me." With that, Pacifica got out of her seat beside him and walked over to the small arcade game.

Everyone's eyes were on her now. She tried to focus only on the red button that she was supposed to punch, but then her eyes wandered to the rest of the machine. It was quite like a high striker – only without the mallet. She looked back down to the red button, inhaled, and then exhaled. The twelve-year old hadn't realized she was taking her time taking it all in before her uncle yelled, "Quit stalling!"

Pacifica looked in the direction of her uncle, and then looked back to the machine. She clenched her hand into a fist, threw it back, and hit the red button with as much force as she could.

The light rose from the labels "BABY WIPE", "FAT CAT", "PREPPY TEEN", "ACTION MOVIE EXTRA", and nearly to "YOU'RE A MAN" – and then it sunk down to "ACTION MOVIE EXTRA" and stayed there.

Pacifica took one look at it, and then put her hands on her hips. "Hey!" she told the machine. "You know the extras can be strong too, admit it!" She sighed. "Well, I did my best, and that's what really ma–!"

Her monologue was cut off by someone's body pushing her aside. She looked up and realized that it was the biker (Manly Tyler, was it?) from the time they were looking for Wax Bill's head. She was about to say something when the man flexed his fingers, grit his teeth, and reached forward to poke the red button.

The light rose up faster than anyone could read the label "TESTOSTERONE POISONING" out loud, and, overloading on Manly Tyler's strength, the machine subsequently exploded. The waitresses and the chef looked towards the destroyed machine, then to the man who had exploded it with only one touch.

"YEAH!" Manly Tyler shouted so the whole diner could hear. "WAFFLES FOR EVERYONE!" At this sound, all the customers cheered at the sound of that.

The twelve-year old felt a little embarrassed, even more so when she heard her uncle's shrill laughter. Was he laughing at her? Why wasn't Gideon stopping him?

Keeping her head low, she walked out of the diner amid the crowd's applause.

Her escape didn't go unnoticed, though – Bill's laughing was halted by a smack to the wrist. "Ow, hey!" He turned to the nine-year old who was sitting across him. "What'd you do that for?"

Gideon flinched, and hesitated a little in his speech, but eventually said, "Y-you...Pacifica just left! 'Ya might've hurt her!"

"Kid, lemme tell 'ya something nice," the magician leaned over. "Girls Pacifica's age, they get mad at something a boy did all the time. But they get over it eventually, because that's what they do."

"You can't just be convinced that she'll forgive you easily."

"I'm not saying she'll exactly 'forgive' me; I mean I shouldn't worry too much about it." Bill crossed his arms; why was he even saying stuff like this to a kid who he wasn't even blood-related to? However, he could see that he had no choice but to finish what he was saying, even if it probably made no sense. "But I'll admit, it's not a blessing having a heart of cold stone."

Just as he said these last words, Carla had come back with a tray containing their order. She put it down on the table, saying, "Here you go! Food!"

"Thanks, hot stuff!" Bill said, but then immediately backtracked, "Uh, I-I mean, shiny little...curling iron..."

Carla only chuckled at the nonsense coming out of his mouth, then walked away, mumbling something about magic tricks doing something to his head.

"What was that about?" Gideon asked.

"Nothing!" Bill exclaimed, suddenly becoming flustered. "You wanna talk about something? I'll talk about something! Why is this table wet?"

"Whoa, sounds like you've got a thing for her!"

Both of them turned to the sound of that familiar voice. "Melody?" Bill and Gideon asked simultaneously.

The woman sitting at the counter laughed. "Yeah. I'm here eating with my brother." She spun around on her chair. "But you've got a crush on that cute waitress, don't you?"

The magician slunk down in his seat, a great deal of blood already rushing to his cheeks. "...Fine! So maybe I _do_ have a thing for her. But I can't just up and tell her! I-I've been out of the game for so long and...look at her!" He gestured to the waitress, who was currently banging on the broken jukebox to make it work. "She's so...classy."

Gideon looked from Carla to Bill, the latter of which was looking strangely insecure – not unlike how he knew the man's niece had been, and he felt a small pang.

Melody stood up, and leaned down to put a hand on her boss's shoulder. "Look, Bill, you are cranky, gross, and overall silly-looking. But maybe you should get that girl after all!"

" 'Ya really think someone like him can snag a lady?" Gideon found himself asking.

The older woman nodded. "Don't worry, we're gonna help him be as attractive as he possibly can! Wouldn't that be fun?"

Gideon looked up at Melody's smiling face. Slowly, he found it in himself to nod, maybe even smile. "Yeah, I guess," he shrugged.

"Alright," Melody smiled, and then threw her fist into the air. "To victory!"

"To victory," the nine-year old shyly echoed, glancing a little in the direction of the door.

Where was his friend?

* * *

After writing a note saying that she would need alone time for the rest of the day, and sticking it onto the gift shop door (behind which the lumberjack still was, now contemplating on buying a "magic" glow-in-the-dark cap), Pacifica went around town and eventually into the Gravity Falls woods, sticking her hands into her jacket.

"Stupid game," she mumbled to herself, "stupid exploding machine, stupid Uncle Bill!"

Pacifica angrily punched a tree, and instantly found herself recoiling in pain. She bit her lip, inhaling through her nose.

_I didn't beat that machine...I beat an army of barf fairies, and brought down most of the living wax statues; heck, I survived an encounter with the _Pines Twins_, so why can't I beat a stupid machine?!_

The twelve-year old sat down in the middle of a grassy clearing, letting the thoughts consume her even more. _Was this why my parents sent me to Gravity Falls? They didn't think I was strong enough? They didn't think my best was good enough?_

_Maybe they didn't think I, as a person, was good enough?_

She almost sobbed, and then pulled out a small wrapped bar from a secret pocket in her jacket. "Oh, emergency chocolate," Pacifica said as she tore the wrapper open and took a bite of the sticky sweet substance inside. "You understand me like nobody else does."

Suddenly, the forest around her started rumbling. Pacifica looked up at the sound of forest creatures running away from what seemed to be the source of the commotion. Just as a doe ran past her, the tree behind her started to rock. She got out of the way just in time, for the tree fell only a second later.

She barely had time to catch her breath when loud footsteps began approaching behind her. The twelve-year old yelped and hid behind the fallen tree, which was fortunately quite large.

Feeling at least a little safe behind the tree, she peeked out a little from behind it – and was so shocked by what she saw, she nearly screamed.

* * *

**(A/N: * - "Blonde with sand" = coffee with cream &amp; sugar, "wrecked hen with fruit" = scrambled eggs with orange juice, "cluck and grunt" = eggs and bacon, "eighty-one" = glass of water. Yes, I got that off the Internet. And can customers (with enough knowledge) use diner lingo, or is that only for the people who work in the diner? Anyone with diner slang experience wanna come correct me, that's great.**

**And look - I made a joke for the Guardians of Childhood fandom!)**


	17. Cifica Versus Gender Norms (Part 2)

**(A/N: Just so you know, serima, the previous chapter wasn't exactly controversial – I mean this entire episode is controversial. Some of you might not agree with me, some of you might not. Ah, well. You'll probably know where I'm going with this by now.)**

* * *

Pacifica's mouth fell open at the sight of a large bear with multiple heads and limbs standing in the center of the clearing. One of its heads yawned, and another sniffed around. She watched in fascination – _I should get this to Gideon sometime_ – before the highest head turned to look at her. She crouched down behind the fallen tree, but she somehow knew that it found her, and her theory was proven correct when a large paw grabbed the tree and shoved it away like it was just a toy.

She yelped, backing away into a nearby tree, and putting her hands up. "Dude!" she said. "Don't eat me! I...I've got a family! I mean, no, I don't have kids, but – you really wouldn't wanna eat me!"

Her ramblings were cut short by the monster slamming its paw onto the ground. "YOU!" it said, and the twelve year old couldn't resist squealing in fear.

"...Are you gonna finish that?" the creature asked in a rough, and strangely feminine, tone.

Seeing that the bear-creature was pointing at the fallen bar of emergency chocolate, Pacifica shook her head. "No, no, you can have it," she hand-waved, and with that the bear-creature tore the wrapper off the rest of the chocolate bar, and wolfed the sweet down.

"Wow, I've never seen anything like you," Pacifica moved her knees up to her chest. "What are you, exactly?"

"A Multi-bear, that's what I am," the creature explained itself – no, _herself_ to the twelve-year old. "You've never seen a Multi-bear before?"

"No. Man, this is so cool. So...did I summon you from the woods?"

"The smell of _chocolate_ summoned me!" the female Multi-bear shouted, probably so loud that the whole forest could hear her. She laughed, and that was when one of the lower bear heads sniffed around. Soon enough, some of the other heads started sniffing, and finally the Multi-bear leaned down to sniff the twelve-year old using her highest head.

"I smell something new now," she noted, "like...emotional issues."

Pacifica brushed a few leaves out of her hair. "I need your help, Multi-bear," she began. "I've got problems...about myself."

The Multi-bear sat down on the ground roughly, and then patted Pacifica's head, as if telling her to continue.

"Well, my own uncle laughed at me today because I couldn't beat this manliness tester thing." The twelve-year old said. "And he already doubted that I could do it in the first place, because I'm a girl." The Multi-bear nodded in understanding. "I see," the creature said.

Suddenly, an idea came to Pacifica. "Hey, Multi-bear," she looked up to the highest head. "You seem pretty manly – for a lady such as yourself. Maybe you could help me get stronger and stuff, you know?"

"I _do_ know!" The Multi-bear stood up, and then turned around, pointing a paw to her back – where there was another bear head that looked down at her expectantly. "Wrap your arms around my head, little lady!"

"Uh...okay!"

* * *

Soon enough, Pacifica was holding tight to not only the Multi-bear's back head but also to her fur as the creature made her way up a mountain deep in the Gravity Falls forest. The Multi-bear sped through the thick branches of the trees, jumped over a river, and leapt over a ravine between two steep ledges before hurtling herself at top speed into the mountain's side, and Pacifica closed her eyes as she braced for the impact.

They both crashed through the wall, and once the smoke cleared, the twelve-year old opened her eyes to find a haven of other Multi-bears lifting weights, playing Foosball, and drinking a strange frothy beverage out of clear mugs.

"Whoa," Pacifica said, getting down from the Multi-bear's back. "Is this your home?"

"The barf fairies live in their forest hollows, and the merpeople live in the water – because they're losers!" The Multi-bear walked up to a large gong in the middle of the gathering. "But we Multi-bears, great female warriors, make our homes in mountains!" She rang the gong, and all the other multi-bears stood to attention.

"Beasts!" the Multi-bear told them. "I have brought you..." she pushed Pacifica forward to face them, "...a fur-less child!"

"...H-hi!" she tried to greet them, smiling to be polite.

The Multi-bear pointed to her respective fellow bear-creatures. "That's Pituitta, and that's Hildegard; oh, and that's Bessie," then she pointed to herself, "and I'm Mathilda. And you are?" "Oh, I'm Pacifica," the twelve-year old said.

This introduction was met with boos and other gestures of disapproval, and so Pacifica tried, "...Pacifica the Pain-maker?"

That name seemed to be perfectly okay with the other Multi-bears, so Mathilda rang the gong again. "Pacifica the Pain-maker wants us to teach her the secrets to our strength!"

"Yeah, I really need your help," Pacifica added. She rolled up her sleeve and flexed her arm. "See that? No muscle or anything!"

"Hm," Hildegard contemplated. "I must confer with the High Council." With that, the other Multi-bears huddled into a circle, talking among themselves.

"So, teach her our secrets to making muscle or what?"

"She's a human. I don't like humans."

"I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!"

Somehow, that one insult had turned the "meeting" into a fistfight free-for-all, with the room full of bear growls and biting and scratching.

"Aw, I really like these guys," Pacifica smiled, feeling quite pleased with herself.

* * *

Back at the Magic House, Bill had finally let the lumberjack out of the gift shop with his purchase (which was a little of everything in the store; quite lovely business) and was now looking forward to simply sitting in the living room to practice a little card trick.

Just as he shuffled the deck, however, Melody and Gideon walked up to him expectantly. _Oh, no, she was serious?_

"Alright, Bill Northwest," Melody told him, "welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!" She held up the camera around her neck and pointed the lens at her boss. "But first, a 'Before' picture!"

Bill yelled as the camera's flash took him by surprise, and he dropped his cards. Satisfied with her picture, Melody put the camera down, and then looked through the gallery. "Hey, hey, look," she said, leaning the camera over so Gideon could see. Upon seeing it, the nine-year old tried to stifle a laugh, while Melody didn't even bother hiding it. "We have to save this for Pacifica!" Gideon said. Bill frowned; whatever that picture looked like, he bet it wasn't one of his prettier ones.

Once she was finished laughing over the image, Melody said, "So, let's start with some role-playing." She gestured to the handyman, who was currently dressed in a pink dress and make-up, not unlike what the waitress wore earlier. "Robbie here will play Carla, and you have to talk to 'her'."

"Uh, why couldn't _you_ do it?" Gideon asked Melody. The older woman looked to him, and said in a stage whisper, "Oh, just in case he'll try anything funny on a real woman. It's my rule: never date a magician.***** In fact, never even _kiss_ one. He'll get ideas." She winked.

"Also, I'm soft, like a woman," Robbie interjected. Gideon gave the two of them a curious look.

"Bill, show us how you approach a lady," Melody turned to the aforementioned magician. "Remember that this is a safe, non-judgmental environment."

Gideon, on the other hand, took out his notepad and pencil. "I'll just try and judge 'im on a scale of one t'ten."

Bill walked towards the crossdressing teenager, wondering what to say. He eyed Robbie for a few seconds, decided he couldn't hold it in anymore, and inhaled...before spitting out a wad of saliva on the ground and holding his hand out towards Robbie. "Can I borrow some money?" he asked.

A shrill whistle pierced the air, and Bill and Robbie looked over to see Gideon with a whistle in his mouth. He took it out and crossed his arms.

" 'Fer all I know about romance, this is gonna be harder than I thought," the nine-year old noted.

* * *

"After a lot of biting, we've decided to deny your request to learn our secrets."

"What?" Pacifica said. _Denied?_ She thought to herself for a moment, and then pursed her lips.

"Okay," she told them, "I understand. I mean, I guess it'd probably be too hard to train me, after all. I guess it's too manly a task for _you_ to handle."

"_Too manly_ for me?!" Hildegard gasped, anger filling her tone.

"Pain-maker, what're you doing?" Mathilda put her paws up.

"TOO MANLY FOR ME?!"

Mathilda turned to Hildegard. "She probably didn't mean it," she tried to calm the other multi-bear down. Yet Hildegard continued, "Listen here, valley girl, I've worked hard to become as strong as I am today, and that's ten times stronger than you humans! So if you say that I'm not manly enough for something..." She made her message clear by curling one of her paws into a fist and pounding it into the opposite paw.

However, the twelve-year old stood her ground. "Sorry," she shrugged. "But it almost sounded like you were _scared_ to even try." Before anyone else could say anything, Pacifica cupped a hand to her ear. "Hey, do you hear that? It almost sounded like – _cluck-cluck_ – yeah, kinda strange – _cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck_ – is that – _cluck-cluck_ – that's right, a bunch of _chickens!_"

Not that Pacifica had anything against chickens – in fact, she rather liked them – but the insult worked as she knew it would, and the Multi-bears huddled together once again, this time mumbling civilly for as long as possible. Pacifica wasn't quite sure what they were saying – something about "brain magic" – before they turned back to her.

"Alright, Pacifica the Pain-maker," Hildegard said to the twelve-year old, "after a second round of deliberation, we've decided to help you become like one of us!"

"One of us! One of us!" the other Multi-bears chanted, while Pacifica beamed.

"Thanks!" she said joyfully. "I'll do whatever you guys tell me; just say the word and it's done!"

* * *

The group of Multi-bears led Pacifica to a small clearing on the side of the mountain. "Pacifica, becoming strong means overcoming your own fears," Mathilda told her. Hildegard continued, "And so for your first trial, you must place your hand into the Pain Hole!"

She pointed at a small hole in the ground labelled "PAIN HOLE" by a rickety sign – yet for its size, when it was mentioned, the whole group gasped.

Pacifica paled. "I'm sorry, what?"

Hildegard walked up to the Pain Hole, and put one of her paws deep into said hole. "Pain Hole, Schmain Hole – AH! ARGHHH!" She screamed using all her heads and clawed at one of her snouts, before pulling out and scampering back into the safety of the group.

Biting her lip, Pacifica walked up to the Pain Hole, and looked into it. Whatever was in the darkness, it was probably not good. She looked back to the others. "A-are you really sure this is necessary...?"

"Well, you want to be strong, don't you?" Mathilda reminded her.

The Multi-bears began to cheer the twelve-year old on. "Strong! Strong! Strong!"

As they chanted, Pacifica sucked in a deep breath, and plunged her hand into the Pain Hole.

If one was in the forest, they would have heard a loud high-pitched scream rocking the mountains.

* * *

Gideon watched as Melody sat down on a chair in front of Bill, ready to continue this...program. Whatever this was. It was probably like one of those shows his mother watched where the hostess tried to make her clients attractive for a special occasion or something.

"Next up, Bill," Melody clapped her hands together. "Let's try to get that inner beauty – wherever it is – on the outside. Now start smiling."

Bill complied, though it seemed more like he was forcing his lips apart.

"Smile harder."

Now he was just grinding his teeth together.

"Alright, I think that does it," Melody turned to Gideon. "What do you think?"

The nine-year old looked up at the magician, and screamed in fright before hiding behind Melody. "GET THAT THING OFF HIS FACE!" he yelled.

Bill dropped the smile, and it became a nonplussed frown. Gideon came out from behind the older woman – _by goodness, that was horrifying._

"Well, it seems we're gonna need some training music," Melody crossed her arms. "Do you think Pacifica'll mind if I borrow some of her mixes?"

"No, I don't think so," Gideon shook his head. Melody got up and walked up the stairs to the attic. Once she was out of earshot, Bill leaned down to Gideon.

"Hey, kid, when's Pacifica gonna get back, anyway?" the magician asked. Gideon sat down on the chair that Melody previously occupied. "Well, she'll get back when she wants t'get back, I guess," he said. "Though to be honest, I'm kinda worried too."

"Figures," Bill sighed and pulled up a chair, before sitting on it in front of the nine-year old. "Look kid, if you really wanna impress a girl, don't listen to any of this makeover junk. Chances are, unless you've never talked, the girl's already impressed with 'ya. Hopefully _you_ won't have to sit here like me and listen to this kind of advice because you're in your thirties and 'ya still don't have a girlfriend."

Before Gideon could ask any questions, Melody came back into the living room with a CD labeled "Training Mix". "Here we go," she said, pulling out a radio and inserting the CD.

As the music played, Gideon began to wonder for nearly the twelfth time that day, _where exactly is 'Cifica?_

* * *

After a full day and a half of completing the many challenges that the Multi-bears had given her (she had gone home for dinner and come back first thing in the morning)******, Pacifica finally felt her bones relax as she leaned back into the hot springs. She grinned, and then looked to the other Multi-bears that were with her.

"Well, I don't know about you guys," she began, "but I certainly feel like there's been some growth since yesterday, you know?"

"I've got a growth," a Multi-bear piped up, pointing to a sore on the side of her face.

"Ah, Gerda, you're hilarious!" Pacifica laughed, and everyone else laughed with her.

The twelve-year old continued, "It's just that, you ladies took me in, and you've all actually supported me all this way–"

"No, you don't have to," Mathilda put her hand up, flattered.

"–Really, you _have_ been!" Pacifica said. "I feel that I'm finally becoming as strong as a man!...Or however that goes." She giggled a little.

"Not yet, Pain-maker," Mathilda told her. "There's still one more task that you need to complete."

"One more?"

"Yes," Mathilda nodded. "A deadly trial."

"I told you I wouldn't disappoint you guys, right?" Pacifica said, determination written on her face. "And I've already survived, like, forty-nine other trials. Whatever it is, I accept the challenge!"

The Multi-bears in the spring whooped and cheered as Pacifica threw her hands in the air.

"_Finally,"_ she thought. _"I'm becoming like one of them!"_

* * *

Torches were lit, and drums were beat. Pacifica stood in the center of the hall, glancing around at everything – at Mathilda, who stood beside her, at her new (seemingly temporary) tattoos, and finally at the higher platform, where Mathilda now gestured to.

"Behold," Mathilda said, "our leader, Leaderbear!"

A large booming sound filled the room, and with it came a rumbling that shook the ground. Pacifica watched as the largest Multi-bear she had ever seen took her place on her throne.

"You," Leaderbear said in an even gruffer tone that the other Multi-bears, "you wish to be strong?"

"Yeah!" Pacifica raised her arms, and then beat upon her chest.

"Then, you must complete this heroic feat..." At the end of this sentence, Leaderbear raised one of her paws, and shoved it into one of her heads, which snarled, while her highest head roared in pain. Pacifica gasped at the spectacle, and had a feeling she wasn't going to eat anytime soon.

Leaderbear finally pulled out of the head a sword made out of bones and a metal blade. She threw it down to the twelve-year old's feet. "Climb down to the labyrinth-like cave in the forest, and bring to us...the head of the Minotaur!"

As the other Multi-bears gasped and talked among themselves, Pacifica glanced down at the weapon, and then back to Leaderbear. " 'Minotaur'?" she asked. "You mean like the one in mythology, or something...?"

"He's our sworn enemy," Leaderbear explained. "Conquer him, and your training will be complete!"

"Uh, 'conquer'? I-I don't know..."

Before she could try to persuade them to give her another task or anything else (did 'conquer' mean 'murder', in their words?), Mathilda had rifled through Pacifica's bag, and found a pink glitter-covered book titled, "A Flurry of Feathers".

"Pain-maker!" Mathilda said, looking none too pleased to have found the book. "Does _this_ belong to you?!"

"No!" The twelve-year old jumped up and grabbed the book before anyone else could touch it. "I-I mean, it's for a friend, so it's technically not mine, it's my friend's! That's how it works, right?"

Instead of looking reassured, though, the other Multi-bears started to whisper among themselves.

"Isn't her friend a boy?"

"Did she make that?"

"What a hideous shade of pink!"

"I'm not so sure about this."

Pacifica cradled the book in her arms, glancing down at it, before looking down at the bone-sword. She pursed her lips, having made her decision – then she put the glittery book down and raised the sword.

"I WILL CONQUER THE MINOTAUR!" she declared loudly, and the other Multi-bears cheered.

* * *

**(A/N: * - Melody has actually said this in "Soos and the Real Girl". The irony was too good to resist.**

**^ - Imagine a slasher smile, akin to what one would draw on a human Bill Cipher. The successfully creepy ones.**

**** - It had kind of bothered me that the training montage showed Dipper drinking out of a fire hydrant at night. He had been with the Manotaurs after sunset, and yet none of the Mystery Shack gang had worried about him, so I guess this was a reasonable excuse for this. The GF Team was probably cut for time to explain this away, or there was some error in the writing.**

**Yes, I made the Multi-bears women. I thought to myself, why not?)**


	18. Cifica Versus Gender Norms (Part 3)

**(A/N: Finally, the last part of this episode. Now we get to see how everything will play out in the end...Of course, since all of you have watched "Dipper Versus Manliness", I guess you have an idea.**

**Whatever. On with the chapter!)**

* * *

The strange (and painful) make-over session they had put Bill Northwest through was finally finished after a day and a half, and now all that was left to do was compare him to how he was before.

"Alright, Bill," Melody said as she held up a picture of her boss the day before, "you were like this before, and you became..."

Her dramatic pause was cued at the time she lifted the picture, so she, Gideon, and Robbie could see that Bill had changed...into a smellier, messier, and overall worse version of himself the day before.

"Can I scratch myself now?" he asked tiredly.

"No! No, you can't!" Melody said exasperatedly.

Gideon pointed at a stain on the magician's dress shirt. "Uh, is that vomit?"

Bill took one look at it, and replied, "I don't think you'd wanna know, kid."

Melody put the picture down. "Ugh, well, that was a good try, everyone." She crossed her arms. "We should probably try harder."

"Melody, I don't think there are that many chances of Mr. Northwest changing a lot of his bad behavior for a girl, like picking his nose and stuff," Robbie pointed out.

"Maybe..." Gideon put a hand to his chin – and then it was as if a light bulb appeared over his head. _Of course! Bill said it earlier, how could I not have known?_

"...Unless she likes him the way he is already!"

The nine-year old got to his feet, and walked out of the living room to stand in front of the front door. "Mr. Northwest, let's go to the diner! And leave your suit jacket 'ere!"

"With pleasure," Bill declared as he followed Gideon out the door, puke stains and all.

* * *

After a long trek from the Multi-bears' mountain down to the forest, and them to a cave, Pacifica found herself outside the opening of the Minotaur's cave. Like what Leaderbear had said, she noted that, well, it was quite the maze. (She was glad Gideon used big words sometimes; it really helped with interpreting adult-speak.)

She trudged into the cave, and turned a couple of corners, remembering to leave some yarn that she had brought with her along the trail so she wouldn't get lost. She walked around another wall, and then stepped on something. The twelve-year old looked down to see bones littering the ground, and she realized that she was standing in the shadowy center of the maze. _Not as large as I thought._

Pacifica leaned down to pick up a curiously carved rock. "Where _is_ this Minotaur, anyway?" she asked herself.

Suddenly, there was a heavy breathing sound coming from the shadows – not unlike how a cow would breathe. She looked to her left to find a large figure stepping from the darkness. It had a bull's head and the body of a man, and puffs of air came out of its nostrils.

"Oh, there you are," she said.

The Minotaur stepped closer to her, and looking down at her, queried, "Child, what're you doing in here?"

"Minotaur," Pacifica adjusted her footing to hold up her sword. "I come seeking to have your head!" She narrowed her eyes, and then smiled a little. "I mean, if you don't mind, I guess – but you probably do..."

"Young lady, listen to me!" The Minotaur interrupted her. "Stop this foolish quest and go back home! Unless you want to die!"

Pacifica pursed her lips – she didn't know if she really wanted to do this – but anything to make her stronger. She raised her sword higher, and bared her teeth.

The Minotaur readied himself for combat. "So be it!"

He gave a mighty roar, and almost knocked Pacifica off her feet, before she was able to regain her footing. As the Minotaur charged at her, she ran towards him and slid under his feet when he tried to catch her.

He skidded on the rocky ground, turning to face his target, and charged at her again, throwing a punch at her. The twelve-year old was struck in the side, and she fell to the ground, but then saw a large rock, and quickly crawled towards it before rolling behind it.

The Minotaur probably didn't want to let her off that easy, and began walking towards the rock. Pacifica heard his heavy footsteps coming towards her, yet she clenched her fist and took a deep breath, preparing to strike him.

With a cry, she jumped out onto the rock, and aimed her sword at the Minotaur. He swung at her again, but then she leaped onto his large arm, and ran up it before kicking him in the nose. The Minotaur fell to the ground, and Pacifica stood up, holding her sword over his neck.

"To be truly strong, you have to show no mercy!" she cried, preparing the final blow.

Her opponent sighed, accepting defeat. "Alright. But before you kill me, please grant my last request."

Pacifica didn't see anything wrong with that. "Uh...okay. So, what is it?"

"I just want to die looking upon my favorite piece of my own art." The Minotaur gestured with one hand to the wall in front of them, which was obscured by a large curtain. "It's under the cover," he instructed her as she walked over to it. "Just, pull it back. Yeah, there."

The twelve-year old reached up and pulled the cord of the curtains, and was shocked by what she saw.

There, right on the wall, was a large mural of the forest...made entirely out of paint, glitter, and glitter glue. She stared up at it for a while, and then turned to the Minotaur, who seemed to be waiting for her reaction.

"Y-you love glitter art?" she asked, a smile beginning to form on her face. "I love it too!"

"Really?" He began to grin as well. "I thought I was the only one! All those Multi-bears made fun of me because my art in the back of the labyrinth were mostly composed of glitter – though I suppose I might not have met much ridicule if I weren't a man."

"No, no, it's fine, actually!" Pacifica sat down beside him. "My friend is a guy too, and he likes my glitter art."

"Even the pink ones?"

"He says I make it work." She giggled. "Oh, man, I bet he'd be really glad to see he's finally got a kindred...oh." Pacifica then remembered what exactly she was doing in the Minotaur's labyrinth. "...I suppose I'm going to have to cut your head off now," she said reluctantly.

"I suppose so, young lady," he turned his head, preparing himself for the blow. "You want to be stronger, right?"

"I do, but..."

"Then I won't get in your way."

Pacifica stared sadly at the Minotaur, then made her decision.

She clenched her jaw, and raised her sword...

* * *

...before throwing it down at the feet of Leaderbear.

"I'm not gonna do it," Pacifica declared firmly.

"You were told that the price of strength was the Minotaur's head!" Leaderbear boomed. "Yet you dare refuse the task. Why?"

"Alright, Leaderbear, you better listen to what I have to say!" The twelve-year old turned to the other Multi-bears. "And everyone else! Hildegard, Pituitta, and..." she paused at one Multi-bear, "...I'm sorry, were you Bertha?"

"It's Bertha," the Multi-bear affirmed.

With that, Pacifica continued, "You guys are sweet and all, but I can't help but begin to think your ideas of being strong are, like, misguided. Like, you all keep saying that I can be strong if I do all these strange and painful tasks and be aggressive and fight and build muscle; but you know what I think? I think that that stuff's just _redonkulous_!"

The Multi-bears gasped, yet Pacifica kept talking. "You heard me! _Redonkulous!_ So what if I'm not buff, and I look and sound like a valley girl, and sure; when my _male_ friend asks that I make him a book jacket that's covered in _pink glitter_, I make it, because glitter art isn't only shiny and pretty, it's _tons of fun_!"

"Pain-maker," Mathilda asked from behind the twelve-year old. "What're you trying to say?"

"What I'm trying to say is that the Minotaur is a really nice guy," Pacifica finished, "and you're a bunch of _jerks_ if you want me to kill him!"

All of Leaderbear's heads roared, and she stepped forward to kick the sword away. The other Multi-bears gasped; no human had ever made Leaderbear this furious.

"KILL THE MINOTAUR OR NEVER BECOME LIKE ONE OF US!" Leaderbear growled in Pacifica's face. Yet Pacifica stood her ground.

"...Why would I wanna be like one of _you_, anyway?"

It didn't exactly surprise Pacifica when, in the end, even Mathilda had called her weak for saying such a thing. As the Multi-bears went to go have a weight-lifting contest, the twelve-year old sighed in disappointment and walked away.

* * *

Carla McCorkle was busy cleaning the empty diner when the bell above the door rang, signifying a new customer. She looked up to see Gideon coming towards her, with Bill in tow.

"Ms. McCorkle, was it?" Gideon stepped up to the waitress. "I know he's not much to look at," he began by gesturing to the magician, "but if 'ya give 'im a chance, maybe he can be the right person 'fer 'ya. I mean, he kinda thinks _you_ could be the right person 'fer him..." he tried to laugh a little, feeling a bit nervous. _Would this approach even work?_ The nine-year old couldn't help imagining the same situation, except with him and Melody this time.

"So, Carla," Bill tried to take over, "w-whaddya say?"

Carla looked Bill over, her expression unreadable, and then turned towards the kitchen. Bill's hopeful smile faded, and he sighed, turning towards the door.

Gideon had his back turned as well when a voice called out, "Hey!" The two of them looked to Carla, who was holding a napkin, a fork, and a plate with a slice of cake on it.

"Here's my number," she extended the napkin, which they could now see had some writing on it, towards them. "Why don't you give your shiny little curling iron a call sometime?"

"R-r-really?" The magician's smile returned, blushing a little as well.

"Of course!" Carla said cheerily. Then she laid the cake slice on a nearby table. "Also, have some chocolate cake. It's on the house."

As she walked away, winking at Bill, Gideon breathed out a half-laugh. "W-we did it! I didn't know if that'd work at first, but it really did!"

"Well, might as well relish our victory," Bill said as he sat down at the table, beginning to dig into the chocolate cake. "So, what're we gonna do now?" Gideon asked. "Of course, try to call her or something," Bill replied with his mouth full of cake.

"I guess so," Gideon leaned on the table, and looked out the window, then his eyes widened.

* * *

Pacifica walked outside Greasy's Diner, where it all began. She pulled her jacket onto her shoulders, and then zipped it up, trying to give herself a little comfort after what had happened earlier in the day. She had kind of expected rejection the moment she had started ranting – those Multi-bears were already set in their ways – but why did she think that there was that one small chance they would actually change?

_Ugh, curse my over-sized heart._

" 'Cifica!"

She looked up to see Gideon tapping on the window she was standing beside, with Bill sitting at the same table. " 'Cifica!" he continued to call. " 'Cifica, where've 'ya been?"

"Long story," she said, putting her hands up, and then she ran towards the entrance of Greasy's Diner. She entered the restaurant, and her uncle moved to let her sit beside him. "So, what happened?" Gideon began to ask.

"I don't know," she said, looking down at her hands and feeling bad again. "I mean, I've been hanging out with these huge multi-headed bear-ladies since yesterday."

"Here we go," Bill rolled his eyes. _More paranormal stuff._

"But then they told me to do this really awful thing that I couldn't do. So I turned them down, and then they called me weak. Really bad, I know," she finished.

"So why're 'ya still upset?" Bill asked.

"Huh?" Pacifica looked up to her uncle.

"What does it matter if those weird bear-people called you weak?" he continued as he put another forkful of cake in his mouth. "I mean, you did the right thing when everyone else told you to do the wrong thing. That's not weak at all. That's actually pretty strong."

"Really?" The twelve-year old looked up at him, now feeling a twinge of happiness in her chest. Was this his way of apologizing for that manliness tester incident? "Thanks, Uncle Bill."

Bill couldn't help but return the smile. "No problem, kid." She moved to hug him, but then he stopped her. "Uh, no, no hugs today." "Oh." She adjusted herself back into her seat.

"Hey, Pacifica?" Gideon began to ask. She turned towards her friend. "Yeah?" she asked. He scratched the back of his neck, but asked in spite of his mild embarrassment, "D'you have the book cover I asked 'ya for?"

"Oh, this?" Pacifica reached into her bag and pulled out the book titled "A Flurry Of Feathers". "You mean the romantic mystery? Yeah, here." She handed the book to him, and Gideon practically beamed. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You've really outdone 'yerself this time! I mean, I actually like this shade of pink, and that's sayin' somethin'!"

"You're just saying that."

"No, really, I mean it." He smiled. Pacifica smiled at him too, before laughing. "See?" she yelled, shaking a finger at the ceiling as if it was who she was talking to. "I told you a guy could appreciate pink glitter! Take that, Hildegard! Take that, Pituitta!"

" 'Pituitta'?" Bill questioned her choice of names.

"This guy loves glitter!" She pointed at Gideon, who laughed. "Okay, okay," he put his hands up, trying to get her to stop. She laughed a little more, before turning to Bill. "So can I have those waffles now?"

"Don't push it, kid."

"Aw, come on, Uncle Bill! You've got cake!"

"It's on the house!"

Pacifica laughed. "Then can I have some of the cake?"

Bill sighed, shaking his head, but nevertheless smiling. "You're hopeless, 'Cif."

* * *

**(A/N: I actually had quite great fun writing Pacifica's rant in this one. I don't really like glitter myself, but I feel glitter art is just one way of conveying the message.)**

**JHW UHDGB IRU RQH RI WKH SLQHV WZLQV WR UHWXUQ!**


	19. A Gazillion Gideons (Part 1)

**(A/N: Sorry for such a long wait. Life got in the way, mostly in the form of schoolwork and many other things. This should probably make up for it!)**

**(Disclaimer: Gravity Falls is not mine. And Reverse Falls/Pines is not my creation either. I just happened to have the idea of a twist.)**

* * *

Inside the Magic House, boxes full of party decorations littered the floor. Balloons were inflated and hung up around the door, and the handyman had even taken the time to install the sound system. Bill Northwest stood in the middle of the room, taking stock. It seemed like work was getting done.

_That is,_ he thought, _if you didn't count the kids behind me._

Behind him was a couch, on which his niece Pacifica Northwest and her friend Gideon Gleeful were seated, clutching something behind their backs. The magician didn't even need to turn around to know that they were obviously planning to fool around with something.

"Agh, Pacifica," Gideon said in fake pain, clutching his stomach, "I don't feel so good – BLEARGH!" This last noise was punctuated by a stream of blue sticky string flying out from behind the nine-year old onto Pacifica, who had a look of fake shock, and then fake disgust. "Ugh, Uncle Bill, what'd you feed us?" she asked before making the same fake vomit noise and spraying her friend with a long stream of sticky purple string from a can.

As they made more vomit noises and sprayed each other, Bill exhaled out of his nose and narrowed his eyes. This had been going on _forever_.

Melody suddenly jumped up from her seat across the room and ran over to the kids. "Guys, stop!" she called to them. "Something terrible just happened!"

They looked up at her for a little while, before she pulled out a sticky string can, made that same darn puking sound, and sprayed red sticky string all over the kids, who laughed in delight.

This same delight was later channeled into running around the room and attacking each other with sticky string (in the case of Gideon and Melody) or throwing golden confetti all over him and saying "Comedy gold!" (in the case of Pacifica).

_Enough was enough._ "Alright, that's it!" Bill declared, taking the confetti from his niece, and then grabbing the sticky string cans from Gideon and Melody. "The party supplies are off-limits, people!"

"Hey, Mr. Northwest," Robbie said as he put up a streamer, "is it someone's birthday or something?"

"Nah," Bill walked up to the teen. "It's just a little thing I've set up to make kids spend money on the House. Y'know, just because their parents keep draggin' 'em here for cheap laughs on their birthday doesn't mean they can't have a good time any other day!"

"Huh," Robbie nodded. "That's actually a pretty good idea."

"You bet it is!" Bill clenched his fist. "The young people of Gravity Falls want fun? I'll _smother_ them with fun!" He then went into one of his laughing fits.

Gideon cringed at the laugh as Pacifica poured herself a cup of cola. "Maybe there's a reason _why_ kids don't come around so much..."

"Hey, hey! I told you 'off-limits'!" Bill put the box he was holding down and shooed the kids away from the cola bottle. "Why don't you kids do something productive and copy this flyer?" He handed them a clipboard with a printed flyer clipped on it, which advertised the coming party at the Magic House.

Pacifica took it from her uncle's hands, and grinned. "Well, looks like we're going to the copier store!" she said.

"You know what they say about that place," Robbie told them. " 'Calendars, mugs, T-shirts, and more! They've got it all at the copier store!'" He laughed to himself a little, then sighed. "No one actually says that; that's just something I made up," the handyman confessed.

"No need for the copier store!" Bill waved his hand. "I've got an old copier in my office. Fixed 'er up; now she's good as new!"

* * *

Because of this statement, Gideon and Pacifica found themselves inside Bill's office, standing in front of a cloth-covered machine. Pacifica stepped forwards and removed the cloth to reveal a copier machine. It sparked and buzzed, and little moths even flew from their hiding spots.

"Wow! Insects!" the twelve-year old smiled. Gideon wrinkled his nose a little, holding the flyers tight.. It was obvious this copier machine had seen better days. He walked up to it, and opened its cover. "D'ya think it even works?" he wondered aloud, pressing what looked like the on switch.

The nine-year old let his arm rest on the exposure lamp, and then looked back to the flyers. Not one second later did the copier whir to life, and a green glow scanned his arm before he could move it away. As he and Pacifica backed away from the machine, it thrummed a little more before coughing some smoke from its printer.

Once the two were done coughing out the smoke from their system, a piece of paper rolled out from the machine, showing a perfect image of Gideon's left arm. Pacifica took the paper out, and held it up to show her friend. "Success," she said.

Suddenly, the paper started vibrating, and the twelve-year old dropped it to the ground where it wobbled some more. Gideon and Pacifica watched as, with a horrific ripping sound, the image of Gideon's arm started rising from the paper, and then separated itself from said paper. It then began to crawl towards the two of them.

"Sweet mercy!" Gideon cursed. Instinctively, he grabbed the only thing they could use as a weapon – Pacifica's cup of peach cola – and threw its contents at the arm. Once splashed by the liquid, it started to fizzle, and then dissolve into a mushy puddle of cola.

The two of them bent down for a moment, examining the scene before them. "Woah," Pacifica breathed.

"Pacifica," Gideon said.

"Yeah?"

"This copier...I think it can copy human beings!"

"...That sounds cool!"

"What?"

* * *

The next evening, all of the Magic House employees (if one could call the kids "employees") were assembled in the indoor stage, ready for the party. After copying all the flyers and making sure that nothing else came back to life, Gideon and Pacifica had wordlessly agreed not to say a word of this to the latter's uncle. After all, it didn't seem like his help would be needed (they had survived worse without him), and he would probably find out sooner or later. Now that would be satisfying to see; Bill had always rebuffed their claims at the supernatural in the town from the start.

"Alright, party people," Bill began the meeting, "and Gideon."

Gideon frowned. Did that mean he _wasn't_ a party person? Whatever that was exactly.

"Let's get down t'business." The magician looked up at Robbie. "Rob, 'cause you work for free – and you begged me to – I'm makin' you the DJ."

"Trust me, Mr. Northwest, you're not gonna regret this," Robbie grinned. "I even got myself a book that teaches 'How to DJ R-R-R-Right'!" He held up said book to show his boss, who gave the flat response, "Yeah, right."

Then Bill turned to the two girls. "Alright, Mel, you and Pacifica're gonna work at the ticket stand." Before he could give any more rules, though, Pacifica piped up. "What? Uncle Bill, you can't trap me outside! This party is, like, my big chance to make new friends! Especially after the past incidents, which failed and all..."

"Uh, I-I could work at the ticket stand!" Gideon raised his hand, almost on impulse.

Bill gave the child a look. "Kid, 'ya do realize that once you're in, you have to commit to the ticket stand, no matter what. Just you and Melody, _alone_, until you've bled all the kids dry. You promise?"

Gideon liked to think that he had done it for the sake of his friend, but when worded that way, it seemed that he had done it for himself as well. He sneaked a glance at Melody, who was whispering what seemed like strange magician pick-up lines to Robbie and Pacifica, who laughed with her when they got the punchline.

The image of Melody, possibly laughing with him, won the nine-year old over.

"I promise."

* * *

Pacifica laughed in the corner of the mirror. Gideon frowned. He finished fixing the clip-on bow tie onto his shirt, and then turned to his friend. "What?" he asked, pursing his lips.

"Oh, I don't know," Pacifica began to grin teasingly. "It's just that you might as well have promised Uncle Bill to marry Melody!" She laughed, and Gideon rolled his eyes before turning to the mirror in their room. "Laugh all 'ya want, 'Cifica," he told her, smiling at his reflection"but I've got a plan 'fer tonight that's sure t'work!"

"Oh, no," Pacifica looked up at him, the smile slowly fading from her face. "You're not making one of those checklists _again_, are you?"

Her answer was revealed when Gideon actually nodded and pulled a long piece of paper out of his vest. She rested her head on her hands as she watched him read it over. "First item's to 'get to know her with playful banter'," he began. "Banter's kinda like makin' conversation, but smarter."

"Gideon, you've already done enough 'playful banter' since you met her," Pacifica quoted with her fingers acting as air quotes. "I mean, that just sounds like the least exciting idea I've ever heard, and that's coming from _you_."

The nine-year old waved off his friend's remark. "It'll be fine; with this checklist, I just need to impress 'er enough so I can actually ask her t'dance." He smiled, almost dreamily – a strange look when on his face. She could tell he was imagining something; judging by his words, it was probably pertaining to Melody. After a three-second silence, Gideon finished, "I've planned everythin' out so nothin' on this planet could stand in my way!"

"Except _you_," Pacifica said almost instantly. "Gid, I'm pretty sure she thinks you're as cool as a nine-year old can get, since that whole thing with the amusement park." She inwardly shuddered at the reminder of that horrid ice cream, but continued, "So can't you just go and talk to her like a normal person?"

" 'Ya can't be too careful, 'Cifica!" Gideon wagged a finger. "Besides, I've already got 'Talk to her like a normal person' on my checklist."

Pacifica breathed long and hard out of her nose. Obviously this was going to be a long night for him.

* * *

_This is gonna work,_ Gideon found himself thinking repeatedly, almost as if it were a mantra. He looked up at the older woman sitting beside him at the ticket booth, and thought once more, _this is gonna work_.

People pounded on the window behind him, and the nine-year old glanced over his shoulder to see that it was some of Melody's friends, who were begging for "two more bucks". He wished he could help, but forced himself to turn around and focus more on the issue at hand. Bill _had_ told them to strictly enforce the "exit fee of 15 bucks" rule, and Melody had seen nothing wrong with it, so Gideon tried to follow suit.

He swallowed. _This is gonna work._

_Casual banter._

"So, uh, Melody," he began, and Melody turned to him. Having gotten her attention, he continued hesitantly, "I was wondering, what's your...uh...favorite snack food?"

"Favorite?" Melody turned away, thinking to herself. "Heh, I can't just pick _one_...Well, if I had to, I would say barbecue-flavored chips. Can't go wrong with that."

"No way!" Gideon said in fixed cheeriness. "Mine too!"

Melody gave him a look. "Wait, Pacifica told me your favorite snack was chocolate-covered raisins."

_Wait, what?_ "Uh..." Gideon tried to escape his embarrassment by grabbing a handful of popcorn from the nearby bowl and shoving it into his mouth.

Melody gave him one last look, and then turned back to the customers, deciding that she should leave the kid alone for the moment; anything else might make his current state of mild panic worse.

Meanwhile, Gideon coughed as he looked down at his checklist.

_This is gonna work...?_

"New topic," he muttered to himself.

"Hey, Gideon!" Melody's voice called his attention. He sprang up almost too quickly, staring at her and listening intently.

"Could you bring out three tickets?" she asked, gesturing to three more party guests. Gideon took out the ticket wheel, pulled three tickets off the wheel, and paled when he saw who he was handing them to.

* * *

Inside the Magic House, however, Gideon's friend was dancing it up to her heart's content without a care in the world. She had just finished strutting to the greatest party song she knew, and now she felt she had to wind down a little.

The twelve-year old walked over to her seat, and drank from the water bottle sitting on it. As the next song started, she was about to go back on again, when she saw two girls laughing to themselves beside her.

Well, now or never.

"Wow!" she called out, pointing at one of the girls' hair. "Your hair's in little braids and everything!"

"Glad you like it," the dark-skinned girl turned to her. "My mom made it for me."

"Wish _I_ could have hair that fantastic," Pacifica tilted her head to look at the girl more, wagging her legs back and forth. "Once my dad cut my hair by himself and my mom got really mad for making it look weird." "Your hair's definitely not weird," the other girl said. Pacifica giggled a little to herself, flattered.

The girls looked at each other, and then the first one began, "My name's Tiffany." She gestured to her friend. "This is Alice." Pacifica raised a hand in greeting. "Hi, I'm Pacifica!" she said.

"Hey, hey, check this out!" Tiffany said, and took a piece of candy out from her pocket. She unwrapped it, and then held the sweet in her hand. "1, 2, 3, go!" At the cue, she threw the sweet up in the air, and like a trained dog Alice caught it in her mouth and began to roll her reward in her cheek. Tiffany cheered and high-fived Alice, and Pacifica couldn't help but feel that she was squealing with glee internally.

"I've found my people," she declared to herself, smiling. She was about to speak some more when the volume of the background music lowered, indicating an incoming statement from the DJ himself, the Magic House handyman.

"Just a reminder, guys," Robbie told them, glancing down at his book as he spoke, "whoever..." his voice dropped to a murmur, " 'party-hardies', huh?..." then his volume was back to normal, "wins the Party Crown!" He took out a one-size-fits-all realistic plastic crown which seemed to actually shimmer. "The person who gets the most applause at the end of the night becomes the Party King or Queen!"

Pacifica's eyes dilated at the sight of it, yet she barely even let a gasp of admiration out when someone pushed her. "Hey!" she exclaimed, but the person who shoved her didn't even excuse himself.

"Make way!"

"It's her!"

"What's going on?" Tiffany asked, trying to peer over the crowd. Alice poked her head over as well, and gasped. "Tiff!" she said. "Tiff, it's her!"

" 'Her'?" Pacifica asked. " 'Her' who?" Alice didn't even reply when a familiar voice reached Pacifica's ears.

"Party Queen?" A giggle. "That sounds like fun!"

_Oh no,_ Pacifica thought. She shoved past the crowd and her heart fell to her stomach when she saw who it was.

"That's Mabel Pines," Alice told her once she and Tiffany caught up. "She's one of the famous Pines Twins _and_ the most popular girl in Gravity Falls."

Indeed it was Mabel, dressed more simply than the last time they had met, with casual clothes and a sweater tied around her shoulder. Instead of her brother, though, two girls were standing by her side; one was large and dressed in screamingly-hot pink, while the other had an impish look in her eye and wore something that a girl from an anime would wear.

"Mabel?" Robbie raised his eyebrows. "Uh..." He remembered what Gideon and Pacifica had told him about the Pines Twins, so he decided to try and choose his words right. "If you wanna be the Party Queen, you can just compete, you know; party-hardies, and all."

"Well, if that's what it takes," Mabel batted her eyelashes, putting on her cute look. She grinned inwardly as the rest of the crowd began to talk excitedly about her.

"But excuse me, nerd," Mabel's large friend stepped up beside her and took Robbie's microphone from its stand. "Who's gonna compete against _Mabel Pines_, of all people?" She turned towards the crowd of people. "Grenda's asking! Who wants to go against Mabel Pines, huh?"

"Maybe Tiffany and her pet Alice would like to go!" the anime-esque girl pointed a finger at Tiffany and Alice, and she and Grenda laughed while Tiffany and Alice looked like they wanted to vanish into the ground.

" 'Pet'?" Alice asked herself. "Just because I do tricks with Tiff doesn't mean I'm her pet!"

Pacifica grit her teeth together. First Gideon, and now this. (_Did Mabel intimidate Gid into letting her in? How dare she?!_) She had to teach Mabel and her friends a lesson.

"I'll go against Mabel!" Pacifica declared, stepping up.

At this, Tiffany and Alice gasped in admiration. She would really do that for two people she had just met?

Meanwhile, Pacifica turned towards Mabel. "Hello again, Mabel," she greeted, sounding a little more hostile than she liked. "How's patronizing the competition so far?"

"Look who's talking," Mabel rolled her eyes. "Just a few weeks ago you and my sweet little Gideon came into the Pines Twins' Tent of Telepathy looking for a show." She leaned into Pacifica's face. "You want a show, Northwest? I'll give you one. Especially after you stole my man."

"Gideon was never your 'man' to begin with," Pacifica held her head up high. "So just leave us alone."

Mabel took one look at her rival, and then smirked. "May the better partier win, Pacifica. Win Gideon, that is." Then she snapped her fingers, and Mabel and her two friends strutted away.

Tiffany and Alice walked up behind Pacifica. "What was that?" Tiffany asked.

"Just a little catching-up," Pacifica put her hands on her hips. "It doesn't matter, though. Mabel Pines is going down."

* * *

"Let the battle begin!"

Melody and Gideon turned in their chairs as the cheering inside the Magic House increased. "Pacifica starts out strong!" they heard Robbie narrate. "Watch out, Mabel!"

Gideon sighed. He should've known Pacifica was going to pick a fight with Mabel the moment Melody let her in.

However, Melody wasn't as immersed with the issue of a cat fight as Gideon was. "I've gotta get in there," Melody said, immersed in the pretty lights and the music. "Can you cover for me? Don't want Bill on my tracks and all."

"Uh...yeah, sure."

"Great!" Melody got up from her seat and walked right into the Magic House. "Thanks, Gideon, knew I could count on you."

"Heh..." Gideon watched her leave, and then sighed to himself as he looked from his checklist to Melody herself, dancing with her friends.

It seemed like a lot of his plans of spending time with Melody were ruined...but then again, he could just close the stand for just a _few_ minutes, and he probably might be able to execute quite a bit of his plan by then.

"I'm just closin' 'fer a few minutes," the nine-year old told the people standing in line, turning the sign on the ticket stand from "OPEN" to "CLOSED". "I'm sure Mr. Northwest wouldn't mind if I was gone for a while–!"

However, just as he was about to leave, a hand pulled on his vest collar, preventing him from going anywhere. Gideon looked over his shoulder, and saw that it was the aforementioned magician looking down at him. _Uh-oh._

"Just where d'you think you're going, kid?" Bill chided. "You know darn well these suckers aren't gonna rip _themselves_ off."

"Yeah!" a kid in line shouted in agreement (_for some reason_).

"You _promised_, remember?" Bill continued. Gideon frowned, and remembered the exact moment in time when it seemed he had sold his soul to the ticket stand. It didn't help either when Bill pulled out a tape recorder, and played Gideon's "I promise" from earlier, then walked away, expecting him to keep that promise. And then Bill walked back and narrowed his eyes at the nine-year old, just to be sure.

Gideon let out a dejected sigh, and turned the sign on the ticket stand from "CLOSED" to "OPEN". As if on cue, the people in line started to reach out with their dollar bills and dimes for just one ticket. He ripped out one ticket for the person in front, and then his eyes wandered to the window, from where he could hear Melody's laughter and people cheering for his best friend.

_If only I could be in two places at once._

He handed out one more ticket. Then as a gust of wind blew, his attention was drawn to the flyers advertising the party.

_I wonder..._

Gideon's eyes lit up as he had an idea.

* * *

**(A/N: I hope you liked reading this next update, because the next one is coming as soon as possible!)**


	20. A Gazillion Gideons (Part 2)

**(A/N: Sorry for the lateness...again. You know school gets in the way of Internet updating like no other thing ever could.)**

* * *

After successfully convincing Bill that he needed to use the bathroom, Gideon sneaked away from the ticket stand and into the Magic House. He crept through the building, careful to avoid anyone that might question him. Fortunately, the nine-year old had come to the magician's office without any trouble whatsoever, and then he uncovered the supposedly-magic copier.

He opened its cover, and then got himself onto the exposure lamp, which his whole body fit onto. Feeling a little excited to see if it would work, he raised a finger to press the switch, and then got into position.

_I wonder if this is gonna work,_ he thought to himself.

The copier came to life, buzzing and rumbling, and for a moment Gideon thought the copier might collapse under him. However, after the initial spark, a laser beam of light began to scan Gideon's whole figure, and then began to print in on a large piece of paper. Getting to his knees, he watched as the piece of paper showing his backside rolled out, and laid itself on the ground. It was silent.

Then it wobbled, and the elbows pushed up before the copy's hands pushed itself up, turning three-dimensional. It raised its head for a second, before turning around and looking at its creator.

Gideon's mouth fell open in amazement. Save for the blank space on the cap and the lack of a clip-on bow tie, it was the image Gideon had seen in the mirror just moments ago at the attic. He put his foot over the edge, trying to find the stool that he had stood on to get onto the copier. Suddenly he found his whole body slipping over the edge, and he toppled to the floor, where the stool was a foot away.

"Oh my gosh!" the copy cried out, walking over. "Are 'ya alright?" It – he – held out a hand to help Gideon up. Gideon took it without thinking too much, and then once on his feet, he stared some more at the newcomer.

"So..." he said breathlessly – just as the copy said it simultaneously. _Figures_. "Are you... ?" Once again, said at the same time. "Stop copying me!" they both said playfully, at the same time again.

"Okay, let's stop that 'fer a moment," Gideon put his hands up. "First thin's first; 'yer name. Do 'ya think I should call 'ya 'No. 2' or somethin'?"

"Or somethin'; callin' me 'No. 2' is like...'ya know." The copy put one hand on his hips, while the other went to his chin. "How 'bout that name you've always wanted since 'yeh were five?"

"Peter?" Gideon asked. The copy nodded.

"Alright, Peter," Gideon began. He took a marker out, and wrote a "P" inside the blank space on Peter's cap. "Let's 'git down to business. How about...'ya cover 'fer me at the ticket stand, while I go dance wit' Melody?"

"Of course, Gideon," Peter said, taking a piece of paper out of his vest. "I know 'bout the plan." Gideon took the same piece of paper out of his own vest, and together they looked at their own checklists. This went on for a few seconds before Gideon glanced up at Peter, a little worriedly.

"Hm?" Peter glanced over at Gideon. "What-what's wrong?"

"Nothing; I, um..." the nine year-old inched back a little. "...'yer not gonna, 'ya know, turn on me like the clones on TV, right?"

"No, of course not!" Peter reassured him. "I mean, I want 'ya t'dance wit' Melody just as much as you do. And even if I do, 'ya _can_ just disintegrate me wit' water."

"You'd really be fine with that?"

"Yeah, I'd be deservin' it, seein' as I've gone against what's right."

Gideon looked him over, and then sighed. "Well, I don't think we need t'worry 'bout that."

* * *

A little while later, Gideon found himself inside of the party room, giving a thumbs-up to Peter, who then busied himself with handling the ticket stand for the newcomers. The nine year-old then turned to where Melody was standing, and let out a deep breath. _This is gonna work._

He strutted over to Melody, smiling and trying to hum along to the music. "Hey, Melody!" he greeted, and she turned around. "Wow, hey, Gideon," she waved. "How'd you get past Bill?" "Well, I got someone to do my job at the ticket stand. Mr. Northwest won't mind." Gideon put his hands in his outer vest pockets.

"That's great, Gideon!" Melody gestured to the person standing next to her. "You can hang out with me and Soos."

"Soos?" _Wait, what?_

Indeed it was Soos, the Pines Twins' handyman who was standing there beside Melody. Gideon regarded him with a concerned look; yet Melody took no mind of how Gideon looked at her friend, though, and gestured to the nine year-old this time, turning to Soos. "Soos, you remember Gideon from the amusement park, right?" she began.

Soos looked him over, and flatly told her, "Nah, not really. But hey, careful around this bike, kid." He pointed at a large silver bicycle. "I made it myself."

"Soos, that's awesome!"

_No, no,_ Gideon realized. _Not awesome._ He knew that the handyman was the one thing standing between him and a dance with Melody; it was clear Soos had a crush on Melody, why else would he try to impress her with a homemade bike? (_But seriously, how had he gotten that in here?,_ Gideon asked himself. _Did he just come in while I was fake-going to the bathroom**?***_)

He realized he had been imagining unsavory jealousy things when his walkie-talkie buzzed, and he answered it.

"Gideon, it's me." Peter said.

"Oh," Gideon blushed a little. " 'Ya saw that?" he asked, referring to his jealousy fantasy.

"Yeah; but we both know Melody's not gonna punch 'ya in the stomach n'then say she'll get married t'night."

"Either way, Peter, Soos being here is the end of our plan to dance wit' Melody! We've gotta get 'im out of the way!"

"Hey, Gideon!" Melody called, pointing to the other side of the roof. "We're going to go sit on the couch! Join us if you want!" With that she walked away, while the nine year-old let out a "Uh, yeah, sure," too late.

He turned back to the walkie-talkie. "They're just gonna sit on the couch; how bad could that be?"

"I don't know, Gideon," Peter said. "For all we know, they could be there all night! And then Soos might become Melody's boyfriend!"

"That couldn't happen...could it?" Gideon found himself doubting his thoughts, and he frowned, biting his nails. Then he glanced over at Soos's bike.

"I...I had an idea. But I don't like it."

"I don't like it either. Except it'll just be for a few minutes."

"Alright. But we're gonna need some help."

* * *

Back inside the magician's office once again, Peter sat on Bill's desk as Gideon lay on the exposure lamp. The green glow ran over his whole form before a piece of paper rolled out of the copier. By the time the next copy had emerged from the sheet, Gideon had already gotten off the copier (he had placed the stool closer to his feet this time).

"So," Gideon clasped his hands together as he looked the new clone over, "the plan to get Soos away from Melody is to steal his bike and take it out 'fer a couple of hours. Then we should probably give it back."

"But I can't leave the ticket stand," Peter continued, "and Gideon has to keep up an image with Melody."

"So, that's where you come in, uh..." Gideon thought for a while, and then took out his marker. He wrote an "A" on the blank space of the clone's hat. "...Adrian."******

"But what if Soos catches me before the 'couple of hours' are up?" Adrian questioned. "I'll be alone and defenseless!"

"You're right, hmm..." Gideon looked from Adrian to the copier. "...Just one more clone, then."

He got up onto the stool, then onto the copier, and lay down on the exposure lamp. It scanned the nine year-old as well as it had done the previous times, but then a beeping alarm sounded, and the copier coughed up smoke.

"Oh, no," Peter realized, getting off the desk. "Paper jam."

He pulled on the paper that had gotten stuck, and it came out after a few good tugs. Peter walked over to the other end of the room, then laid the wrinkly paper onto the floor. He glanced over to Gideon and Adrian were watching anxiously, then to the paper as it vibrated with life.

Instead of a perfect copy, though, what came out of the paper was a very deformed clone, squealing and coughing as it wrapped its arms around Peter and knocked him to the ground. It wasn't very strong, though, and so Peter was able to get himself back up and examine the copy.

"I'm pretty sure partnerin' me with 'im isn't such a good idea," Adrian crossed his arms.

"Shh, Adrian, don't be rude." Peter turned back to the paper-jam-Gideon. "Hey, hey. I'm here 'fer 'ya." Paper Jam Gideon's version of a response was to utter some more incomprehensible noises and pull on Peter's cap.

Gideon took one look at the pitiful creature, and sighed. "Alright. One more copy."

* * *

Back at the party, Mabel had finished crooning a slow ballad on the karaoke machine, and everyone had already given her a great round of applause.

"Mabel pulls ahead!" Robbie declared at the sound of the crowd.

Pacifica had thought she heard Mabel's friends talking about high notes and changing voices when a microphone was dangled in front of her face by the wire. She grabbed it, and then turned her head up to the offender, who was still standing on stage with a smirk on her face.

"Try and top _that_, Northwest," Mabel told her softly, dropping the wire and jumping down from the stage. She continued to smile condescendingly over her shoulder, and then turned around and thanked people for the applause, going back into her performer persona.

"Man, how does that girl keep her job?" Tiffany asked, putting a hand on her hip. "If she talks that way to people..."

"It's not over yet, Tiffany!" Pacifica declared, and then jumped onto the stage. "Robbie! Give me the 80's-90's-est, most crowd-pleasing ear worm-y song you've got!"

Robbie held up the remote to the karaoke machine, then pressed a button, and the title "DADDY DON'T DEAL" appeared on the screen.

"Excellent," Pacifica said, and prepared for her moment as she heard the beats ring out. She began to sing,

_Daddy don't deal,  
__The wound just won't heal  
__Daddy don't deal,  
__I might not be made of steel  
__Yet, I made my choice!  
__I can keep it together!_

Mabel looked around her as the crowd suddenly started singing along with her, some of them even cheering as she started twirling the mike around on its wire. The twelve year-old on stage caught the mike with one hand, and held it up to her mouth again, yelling out, "Watch this; I'm gonna do a flip!" She jumped into the air, and promptly landed flat on her face. Yet she looked up, and cried, "THAT WAS FOR YOU, GUYS!"

Mabel's mouth fell open. How Pacifica was successfully getting the crowd's attention better, she had yet to know.

Robbie bobbed his head up and down to the beat of the music, then he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked over to see that it was Gideon , who then whispered something into his ear. His eyes widening, he turned back to his microphone.

"Uh, excuse me," Robbie spoke into the mike, "would the owner of a large silver bike please report outside?" He pointed towards the door. "It's being stolen right now!"

"Wait, what?!" Soos jumped from his seat beside Melody on the couch and ran to the window. He peered outside, and sure enough, there were two people (kids? Maybe that was just the lighting) riding _his_ bike off into the wilderness beyond the House.

"GET BACK HERE, DUDES!" the handyman yelled, rushing out the door.

Gideon refused the urge to laugh as he looked on. Now that was comedy gold. He walked over to where Soos had formerly sat, and looked to Melody. "My goodness," he began, "tough break 'fer 'im, huh? Glad I'm not the one stealin' that bike." _Yeah, right._ Melody was about to open her mouth to speak when Robbie spoke to the crowd once more.

"Alright, guys, let's wind the evening down for a moment," he put his hand down to the mixers in front of him. "Ladies and gents, now's the time." With that, he set the party music to something slow and sweet, a song that reminded Gideon of the color rosy pink for some reason.

"Aw, man, I love this song!" Melody smiled wistfully. "I remember slow dancing at my prom to his one." She started closing her eyes and swaying back and forth, perhaps lost in thought about her high school prom. The nine year-old watched her for a little while, and then looked down at his toes, wondering what to say next.

Footsteps sounded beside him, and before he knew it, Pacifica had departed the dance floor and ran up to him. "Come on, Gid!" she said. "Now's the time to ask Melody to dan–!" The twelve year-old was abruptly cut short, however, by her friend, who clamped his hand over her mouth and walked her away from the couch. When he was sure they could talk privately, he pulled his hand off, and Pacifica took Gideon's hands.

"Gid, what're you waiting for?" she asked him. "You two could dance right now!"

"Uh..." Gideon pulled out his checklist from his vest pocket, and looked it over – _I haven't even ticked everything off_ – and yet Pacifica kept pushing him towards Melody, saying, "Just go!" He squeaked nervously, and then the nine year-old began to take hesitant steps of his own towards the older woman. Pacifica looked on proudly...

...and then blinked in surprise as Gideon ran back past her, excusing himself.

* * *

Back in the attic, Gideon and Peter paced around each other, considering the circumstances that had appeared before them at the moment.

"I know, Gideon, we can't just talk t'her straightaway," Peter began.

"The dance floor's a minefield, for heaven's sakes!" Gideon added.

"I might trip–"

"Bill might notice me–"

"–there are Melody's other friends–"

"–Soos could come back at any moment–"

"–Mabel might try somethin' funny–"

"–there's just too many possibilities!" Gideon sat on his bed, his many thoughts troubling him. Peter looked at him, and then walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Well, if there're so many possibilities," the clone raised his eyebrows (in a manner that reminded Gideon of Pacifica), "we'll just make some more solutions."

* * *

Soon enough, many more Gideon clones filled Gideon and Pacifica's room in the attic, discussing the new plan among them and practicing how it was going to work out. Gideon himself was sitting on Pacifica's bed, reading the new checklist over, hoping that this would work.

_Yeah._

_This is gonna work._

He tapped a pencil against a lantern sitting on the bedside table. "Alright, Gideon clones, gather 'round!" he called. At the signal, all of the Gideon clones with various letters on their hats came forward and assembled in front of the nine year-old.******

"So y'all're clear on what t'do?" Gideon asked, and was satisfied when all of them nodded in unison. Good.

_This is gonna work._

* * *

Robbie had been busying himself over the mixers and the lighting when he noticed Gideon (with an "N" on his cap instead of the blue pine tree, but he paid it no mind) walking up to him. "Hey, Robbie, look!" he pointed out. "Pieces of candy on the wall!"

"What?" Robbie turned around, just as a Gideon with the letter "F" on his cap had finished sticking some chocolate bars on the wall with quick-drying superglue (used in magic tricks) and had already snuck away. The sixteen year-old took one look at the candies, and his eyes widened. "Oh man, I'm so glad I turned my head," Robbie said to himself. "Chocolate does _not_ disappoint." The handyman took one of the chocolate bars in his hands, but couldn't pull it off the wall. He pulled at it once more, but it still wouldn't budge.

As he tried to pull the two bars away from the wall, the "N" clone walked to the CD player, took out a CD labeled "Melody Mix" from his pocket, and inserted it into the CD player. Once he had made sure that it was ready to use, he gave a thumbs up to a Gideon with the letters "Im" on his cap, who put a pink sheet over the spotlights to make the atmosphere softer.

This clone then gave a thumbs up to an "Is" clone, who turned to the window he was standing beside, and pulled the blinds down to keep out Soos, if the older handyman was to return. With that, the "Is" clone gave a thumbs-up to a Gideon with a "Ch" on his cap, who was sitting high on the rafters above the buffet table – where Bill was busy filling a plate for himself. The "Ch" clone took his fishing line, with a dollar at the end, and swung it down so that the dollar was now dangling in front of Bill's eyes.

The magician looked up at it, and rolled his eyes. _Kids nowadays._ "Yeah, right," he said sarcastically. "Like I'm gonna fall for – ARGH!" Bill cut himself off by leaping at the dollar bill in front of him, and before anyone else could react he had knocked over the buffet table and was now on a mad chase after the dollar bill.

Once the magician was gone, the "F" clone from earlier had come just in time to reach for a rope at the side of the stage, and pulled it down.

Inside the attic, Gideon and Peter looked up at the sound of a bell (that the rope was attached to) ringing. "There's 'yer cue," Peter whispered to Gideon. "It's time to ask Melody t'dance. Good luck, me."

"Well, I'm gonna need it, me," Gideon said, yet his chest swelled as he walked out the door, ready to impress.

He had just walked out the door, through the rest of the attic and towards the stairs leading from the second floor to the stage (once again, for magic tricks), when he stopped in shock.

"Oh, hey, Gideon," Melody greeted, a plastic cup in her hand. "What're you doing up here?"

"Melody?" Inwardly, Gideon was panicking, and looking for something to say. "Uh...what're _you_...doin' 'ere? Shouldn't you be on the dance floor? In like...42 seconds?"

The older woman regarded him with a strange look, and pointed to the door at her left. "I'm just waiting for the bathroom." She chuckled to herself. "Wonder why Bill keeps it up here."

"Oh, okay, uh..." He took his checklist from his pocket, and looked it over for anything that he could do. At least he had encountered Melody already; _small talk, small talk, small talk..._

"Hey, Gideon," Melody began. "So let's say everyone in this party's on a deserted island. Who do you think isn't gonna last long?"

Gideon tilted his head. Odd choice for small talk, but...

"I'd go with Crazy Quentin," Melody continued. "I mean, I don't know, but he's probably gonna try to befriend a poisonous viper or something."

"Heh, well..." Gideon glanced once more at his checklist, then thought for a second about what his mother had said about badmouthing people, but then dropped it. _Couldn't hurt._ "I'd...go with 'yer friend Louis, 'cause...he's kind of a pushover?"

Melody laughed. "Yeah. I'd probably pit those two in a duel to the death if I could." She turned completely to the nine year-old. "Speaking of 'duel to the death', I once competed in this regional spelling competition when I was a kid. Looking back, it was actually kind of brutal."

She pulled out her wallet, and took out of it a picture. "Here's my family picture from that day. Look at my parents," Melody showed him the photo, but covered her face with her thumb. "There's my older brother, and here I am...boop!" She lifted her thumb to reveal a clumsy-looking stout eleven-year old with headgear, holding up a third-place medal.

"Wow, um," The nine year-old backtracked; what could he say about his first impression? " 'Yer..."

"I'm a freak?" Melody spoke for him, but the smirk never disappeared from her face. "Yep."

"Well, about freaks, bein' fat in school's no fun at all," Gideon knew, because he could relate, "but my real dead giveaway 'fer bullies was my white hair before I started tryin' t'hide it. Kids in the playground called me an old man; it was horrible!"

"Aw, don't worry about it," Melody pulled his cap off, revealing the white hair underneath, before ruffling it with her hand. "We're both freaks, and look at us! Who can touch us?"

Gideon put his cap back on, and looked her up and down. That pose of hers boasted confidence, and somehow experience. She held up a hand for him to high-five.

_Who can touch us?_

_No one, that's who._

He raised a hand and high-fived her, before they both laughed among themselves. Gideon was so immersed in this joy that he didn't even notice Mabel walking out of the bathroom and down the stairs, intense rage at losing, for once in her life, in her eyes.

Melody glanced at the open bathroom door, and asked him, "Wait here?"

"O-Of course!" Gideon grinned. The older woman then walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

No sooner had she done that, however, that many footsteps came up behind the nine year-old. He turned around to see all his clones, with Peter at the head.

"What're 'ya doin'?" Peter asked him. "Nicholas has been distractin' Robbie with those chocolate bars; he's gonna get tired of them eventually!"

"Never!" they heard Robbie scream from downstairs, as if on cue.

Gideon shook his head. "No, no, I actually met Melody here accidentally. But things're going great, y'know?"

"I do know," Peter put his hands on his hips. "Which was nice and all. But _not_ part f'the plan." He pulled out his own copy of Gideon's checklist, as did the other clones. "Need we remind you?"

"Don't dance t'the samba!"

"Sharin' Monstermon knowledge is too risky!"*******

"Avoid dairy products!"

"Follow the plan perfectly!"

Gideon looked them over. "Wha – do I really sound like that?" he wondered out loud. "Look, guys. Maybe we don't need a list t'impress 'er anymore. Like Mr. Northwest said, maybe she's impressed wit' me already; so I can just talk t'her like a normal person!"

Several of the other clones gasped at the notion.

"That only worked 'fer Bill!" the "I" clone said. "Who knows if it'll work 'fer us?"

The "Is" clone narrowed his eyes. "Well, if 'yer not gonna follow the plan, then maybe _you_ shouldn't be the Gideon t'dance wit' Melody."

The other clones murmured among themselves, seemingly agreeing with what the "Is" clone said. Gideon felt uneasy at this. "Isaac, come on," he addressed the clone. "We all said we weren't gonna turn on each other."

"I think all us clones knew we were lying," Peter finished with a deadly look on his face.

The clones then rushed forward, overwhelming the nine year-old. They grabbed at him, and soon were able to drag him away, while his cries for help fell on deaf ears – who could hear him over the party noise?

* * *

**(A/N: * - How exactly did Robbie get his bike into the party, anyway? Did he just ride it in there? Are there any rules for that? Or does Stan just care for the money? Probably the last thing.**

**** - Unlike in the canon, rev!Gideon takes the time and care to name all his clones. Their names are Peter(#2), Adrian (#3), Cameron(#4), Isaac(#5), Frank(#6), Immanuel(#7), Chris(#8), Anthony(#9), and Nicholas(#10). If anyone can find the code in that, then that would be brilliant. Except Paper Jam Gideon is just...Paper Jam Gideon.**

***** - Monstermon. Yeah, if you look in the right places in "Double Dipper", you could probably find this word.**

**Writing the part where Gideon's clones play out the plan was a wild ride, and fun to think out. I wanted to expound on Mabel and Pacifica's conflict, but I guess it's explained enough. Maybe next chapter.**

**And yes, that was a parody of Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach". I don't know why, but why not?**

**Tell me what you think!)**


	21. A Gazillion Gideons (Part 3)

**(A/N: Wow, this took a really long time to post! Sorry about that; I was just really busy with school and the new AU I'm planning to post. And trying to figure out how to update "Once And For All." Sorry about that as well. I'll just get to that one when I have more ideas.**

**Thanks to Shadowclanwarrior for giving me the brilliant plot twist for Mabel and Pacifica's ultimate showdown later on!**

**And yes, you guys guessed it. The code in the clones' names was, in order of their initials, PACIFICA N. Gideon was probably subconsciously giving names which initials (in order of creation) spelled out the name of his best friend.**

* * *

Gideon was led downstairs into a small closet, into which his doppelgangers shoved him. He looked up at them, trying to protest, but they shoved the door on him. Once he got to his feet, he considered banging on the door, but before he could, a clone's voice (most probably Peter's) told him, "There's no use cryin' 'fer help, Gideon! Plus, we left snacks and a colorin' book 'fer 'ya so 'ya don't get bored wit' 'yer imprisonment!"

Gideon looked at the coloring books, crayons, and box of chocolate-covered raisins at his feet, then sighed in frustration. He grabbed the box, and opened it before popping one candy in his mouth, already forming a plot in his mind.

Meanwhile, Peter glanced one last time at the door before turning to the other clones. "Alright, now that Gideon's trapped in that closet, now one of us has t'be the one t'dance with Melody. With that, I nominate myself," he gestured to himself, "since I've been around the longest."

"That's a pretty good point, logically speaking," the clone known as Nicholas nodded. "But I have another one to make: what if _I_ was the clone t'dance wit' Melody; I'm the one that's been around the least, after all."

"That doesn't make much sense." Isaac crossed his arms.

"_You_ don't make much sense!" Nicholas retaliated, shoving Isaac, who pushed Nicholas down to the ground in anger. "Shut up!" Isaac cried.

"Don't push people!" the clone known as Frank jabbed a finger in Isaac's face.

A string of disjointed noises rang out through the air, and the clones all looked up to see that Paper Jam Gideon was talking – or trying to talk.

"Uh, hey, friend," Peter stepped up to Paper Jam Gideon, taking a box of chocolate-covered raisins out of his vest. " 'Ya want some chocolate-covered raisins?"

Paper Jam Gideon responded by making a few coughing sounds. Taking that as a "yes", Peter attempted to feed Paper Jam Gideon one candy, but for some reason he couldn't get it past its lips. After eventually giving up, he turned to the other clones, feeling something bad in his gut.

"Uh, guys," Peter asked, "what'd you do if you were in a locked closet?"

"Break out," the others said simply and simultaneously; and then they looked at the closet door behind them, which was open.

Peter slapped his forehead as he realized that Gideon had escaped.

* * *

Gideon ran out from the hall and up the stairs to the attic, glancing over his shoulder every now and then to see if anyone who looked like him was behind him. He reached the attic, and then ran straight for the second flight of stairs that led down to the backstage of the party venue. He ran quickly down these stairs, and stopped three steps before the stairs ended. The nine year-old looked around, from the stage, to the dance floor where Melody was.

"Melody–!" Gideon tried to call out, but a hand from behind him clapped over his mouth. Without warning, he was dragged back up the stairs, and up to the attic where the clones were waiting for him. Isaac let go of Gideon, and pushed him forward to face Peter.

"Gideon Gleeful, 'ya better give up right now!" Peter pointed a finger at his creator. "You're overpowered, after all!"

"I know what you mean," Gideon put his hands up, "I mean, we've all got the same strengths and same weaknesses. If we start fightin' each other, then 'fer all we know...it could go on forever!"

"Yeah, good to know you see the same thing," Peter said. "Now if we–"

The clone was then interrupted by a straight punch from Gideon, who himself couldn't believe what he had just done. The other clones looked down at the fallen Peter, and after a moment of silence, Anthony took it upon himself to yell, "CLONE FIGHT!"

With that, the doppelgangers began to crowd Gideon, knocking him to the ground as well while Isaac straddled him and slapped him in the face, chanting "Why'm I hittin' myself?". This went on for only four seconds before Chris tackled Isaac to the floor.

Honestly, it was a wonder how no one in the party below was hearing the ruckus that the clones were causing, with their fighting and smacking and twisting and shouting. One crawled through the violence and managed to get to the stage stairs yet again before one of the facsimiles turned to notice him.

"Hey!" Nicholas cried out, causing every one to turn in his direction. "Classic Gideon's gettin' away!"

Gideon turned around, hoping that the poorly-taped on piece of paper on his cap would fool them. "No, friends," he pointed up to the letter "A" on his cap, "it's me, Adrian!"

"...Wait a minute," Peter narrowed his eyes. "Where's Cameron, 'Adrian'?"

Gideon realized his facade had been seen through when the paper on his cap peeled away, revealing the blue pine tree beneath.

"Get 'im!" Anthony cried out, signalling the clones to come forward, Peter even going to the front of the line. The nine year-old backed away, saying, "Stay back! Stay back!" to no avail. Gideon put one of his hands up, the other reaching to his back-up plan; the one that he had come up with while in the closet.

He pulled a party popper out of his vest, and then released the confetti from inside with a bang. The clones stopped and stared at the confetti at their feet, while the resulting smoke from the release reached the smoke-detecting sprinklers on the ceiling. Water shot out of the sprinklers from above, dousing the clones and making them melt. Gideon was at least a little relieved to hear that they just thought of it as a little inconvenience instead of the end of their lives, though Paper Jam Gideon made a few strange noises before lapsing into permanent silence.

"...That's taken care of," Gideon sighed, putting his hands on his hips. Little did he know, he sighed too soon, for it was then that a voice like his rang out, "YOU!"

He looked over his shoulder to see Peter, who had managed to evade the sprinklers by rushing to the stairs behind him, and who was now coming back up to get him.

_Uh-oh._

* * *

Meanwhile down at the party, Pacifica was just finishing up dancing in the middle of the crowd. Robbie watched her with a smile – _that kid's great_ – before flipping a disc upwards, and then catching it in his hand. He put it down on the mixing table.

"Right, one more song, guys," he spoke into the mike. "And then we're gonna bestow the Party Crown on tonight's Party Queen! It's gonna be the..." He paused, and then moved over to press one of a synthesizer's keys. When Robbie heard it produce the sound of a bomb exploding, he smirked in satisfaction. "Nailed it."

As Pacifica had just wound down from the previous dance, Mabel and her gang of friends walked up to her. The twelve-year old looked up at her opponent, her eyebrows creasing. This obviously wasn't gonna be any good, if the soap operas her mom watched was anything to go by.

"Look, valley girl," Grenda leaned into Pacifica's face, pointing a large finger at her. "Just because all those kids cheered for you doesn't mean you're gonna win."

As Pacifica thought of something to say, she heard footsteps coming behind her; and suddenly Tiffany and Alice were behind her now. "Well, if you're so sure Mabel's gonna win," Tiffany shot back, crossing her arms, "you wouldn't need to threaten the competition."

"Hey, watch it!" Mabel's other friend said, but then Mabel put out a hand to stop both her friends from shouting any more. "Candy, Grenda," Mabel said. "Let's not make a scene. She's right." She put a hand on her hips. "We don't need to threaten the competition...for now."

Mabel turned on her heel, and then laughed. "Let's see the better partier win. Hope you don't break your pride, Northwest."

"This isn't about my pride, Pines." Pacifica retaliated. "Stay away from my friend."

Mabel looked over her shoulder and examined the other girl. Then she gave a cold smirk, and went on her way, Candy and Grenda following behind her.

Pacifica watched her leave, and then gritted her teeth. The way Mabel held herself was _just so_...

"Don't worry about Mabel," Alice put a hand on her shoulder, and Tiffany did the same. "Yeah, girl, we know who the better partier is."

Pacifica looked at them both, and then laughed. "I just hope I'll be able to make it through the night without her crushing me like a bug."

* * *

Gideon felt like he was being crushed, as Peter held him firmly in a headlock. He ground his jaw, trying to get loose.

"Say it!" Peter shouted. "Say I can dance wit' Melody!"

By some miracle, Gideon managed to get Peter's arm off of him, and now threw the clone in the same headlock. "Weren't you the one who wanted to cheer me on?" he shouted back. Peter looked like he was about to reply, when the two of them heard laughter coming from the party.

_That sounded like..._

"Melody?" Gideon and Peter asked in unison.

Gideon let go of his clone, and the two of them raced down the backstage stairs to look upon the dance floor. Standing there was none other than Soos, whispering something into Melody's ear that made her laugh uncontrollably.

_Adrian and Cameron...failed?_

_I...failed._

Gideon and Peter sighed, both out of disappointment and exhaustion.

"We really blew it," the two of them said in unison. They looked at each other, no more opposition on their faces. After a few seconds of silence, Peter spoke. "So, you wanna just go get a soda, or somethin'?"

Gideon found himself grinning, even if only a little. "Yeah, alright."

People clapped on the dance floor. Peter turned his head to look. "Hey, what's that?" he asked, and then pointed to the stage. "Gideon, 'Cifica's on stage now!"

"Huh?" Gideon turned to look – and sure enough, Pacifica was standing there, along with Robbie and Mabel.

_That's right. The Party Crown._

* * *

The last song had ended. And now here Pacifica was, standing onstage, along with her opponent, hoping for something to at least prove to said opponent to just back off. She looked to the cheering crowd in front of her.

"Good luck, Pacifica." The twelve year-old didn't need to look beside her to know who was talking. In fact, Pacifica didn't need to turn her head to know that Mabel was glaring daggers at her right now. So she wouldn't look at all. That made her feel a little better.

"Let the voting for the Party Crown commence!" Robbie declared, and then moved to press a button on the synthesizer; it sounded the bell of a wrestling match. With that, he gestured to the competitor on his left. "Applaud to vote for Mabel!"

Pacifica glanced over the crowd. Of course Candy and Grenda were cheering, and of course Tiffany and Alice weren't, but there were other people whooping and clapping. She gulped, and glanced at Mabel this time. She looked pleased with herself. Pacifica looked back to the crowd, trying to put on a smile. _Hope my reception's at least a little better._

"Let's check the Applause-O-Meter!" Robbie raised the hand that was pointing to Mabel, as if he were making some sort of human graph with it. "Mabel's side, looking pretty fine!" he said. Then he turned to Pacifica. "Alright, now applaud to vote for our next contestant, Pacifica!"

This time Candy and Grenda glared at Tiffany and Alice, who were cheering for their friend. Yet this time, Tiffany and Alice had more people to back them up, and they were even whistling. Pacifica felt her chest swell. Whistling was a good sign, right? She looked over to see the handyman raise his arm, taking stock of the people cheering.

Mabel looked the crowd over, and frowned. That wasn't a good sign. Fortunately for her, she knew just what to do. Mabel looked down at her shoes, and wrung the hem of her shirt, as if she was despondent. Within a few seconds, everyone in the room saw what had happened, and began lapsing into silence. Still a few stayed on, enough for Robbie to raise his arm up to the same level as the other one.

"Wow, a tie!" Robbie raised his eyebrows. "Ladies and gentlemen, this has never happened before! We need something to turn the tides!"

Mabel grinned. As long as she kept up this sad act, she was sure the tide would turn in her favor.

Just as Pacifica's heart was about to drop, however, her ears caught someone clapping hard in the back.

"Go, Pacifica! Go!" To her surprise, it was Uncle Bill, fixing his eyes on her and applauding as hard as he could. Pacifica's mouth fell open, as did Mabel's.

And as if that wasn't enough, more applause came from the backstage. The two girls looked to see, on the backstage stairs, Gideon cheering as well. (Though for some reason, he had the letter "P" on his hat instead of a blue pine tree. How odd.) Mabel watched in disbelief when Gideon caught her eye, and gave her a defiant look.

Pacifica's gaze wandered to the bottom of the stairs, where the real Gideon was standing and softly clapping, giving her a hopeful smile. She glanced back up at Peter, and breathed out an overwhelmed laugh. _You'll have to explain this later, Gid,_ she thought as she turned back to the audience.

The arm which Robbie had pointed over Pacifica now tilted upwards. "There you have it, folks," he finished. "We have a winner!"

_But for now, let me enjoy this moment._

"What?!" Mabel cried, and she looked at Pacifica, who wasn't even looking back at her. The _nerve_. She clenched her fists.

"This isn't over, Northwest," Mabel said under her breath.

Robbie took the crown from behind the mixing table, and placed it onto Pacifica's head. She looked the audience over one more time as they expected her to say something. But what could she say?

"I-I just wanna thank all of you guys!" she said, stretching her arms out. "You guys rock!"

When the audience heard this, they broke out into more cheering than they had done before since the party began. Tiffany raised an fist in the air, while Alice nearly lost her voice chanting "Pacifica! Pacifica! Pacifica!" with the crowd.

The twelve year-old found herself close to joyful tears. _There's one more person I need to thank._ She looked once more to the backstage stairs, but no one was there.

* * *

Meanwhile, up on the rooftop, Gideon reached into the cooler Melody had put there and pulled out two sodas. _She wouldn't mind._ He gave one of them to Peter, keeping the other one for himself.

"That was some night, huh?" Peter asked, keeping his gaze on the sky. Gideon looked up as well, and saw a shooting star pass by. They opened their soda cans simultaneously, and Gideon turned to his clone.

"Uh, thanks, 'fer clappin as well, and lettin' 'Cifica win, 'ya know," he said. Peter looked at him. "Don't mention it. Though why didn't you face Mabel? She was clearly threatenin' 'Cifica."

"I wanted to; I know 'ya know that, it's just..." Gideon scratched his nape. "It's just that every time I even hear Mabel's name, I just...freeze up. Kind'f like how I am wit' Melody, huh...except for a different reason altogether," he backtracked.

"Yeah. I just hope Melody really is as impressed wit' us as 'ya say she is," Peter replied. "I mean, I don't even know if we have a chance wit' her, since she's really older than us. But probably no matter what her age would be, we're makin' no progress at all wit' our checklists. The only real conversation 'ya had with Melody all night was outside that bathroom, and it wasn't even part of the plan."

"Mm-hmm." Gideon nodded. "Pacifica was right. I _do_ get in my own way."

"Literally!" The two of them said in unison, and then looked at each other before chuckling. When he was able to catch his breath, Gideon held out his soda can. "To no more lists?" He proposed.

"To no more lists." Peter and Gideon made a toast, and promptly drank the soda at the same time.

Peter's eyes widened with horror as he realized what he had just done. He dropped his soda can, and stared at the hole where the liquid was slowly beginning to dissolve his body. "Oh, no," was all he could say.

"Peter!" Gideon got to his feet, watching his clone slowly melt away. "It's alright, friend. I had a pretty good life." He turned towards Gideon, and held what was left of his right arm up. "Just remember what we toasted to."

"R-right," the nine year-old agreed instantly. "Of course!"

"And stop bein' frozen stiff around Melody and Mabel," Peter gave his last request, " 'fer my sake..."

Gideon dropped to his knees, looking at the puddle on the rooftop. "Peter..." he squeaked, and then sniffled. " 'Ya were the only one who understood." He raised his soda can, and then poured out a libation for the dead.

* * *

Gideon got back downstairs, and this time decided to come to the indoor stage from the entrance outside. He stood up on a chair and peered through the window above the ticket booth.

He saw Robbie playing one more song on the DJ table. He saw Pacifica, dancing to the tune with two other girls, one of whom was wearing the Party Crown. He saw Bill, counting the dollars he had gotten with a satisfied smirk on his face. And he saw Melody, standing by the wall and tapping her foot to the beat.

Gideon stepped down from the chair, and walked up the steps to the door. He reached up to the doorknob, before turning around and remembering something.

The nine year-old took the checklist out of his vest, and read it over.

_To no more lists._

He took a hold of the paper, and tore it into tiny bits, before scattering them on the ground before his feet. How amazing it was, to him, that that gesture felt so...liberating. He smiled, and then turned back towards the door.

_This is gonna work._

He went inside, ready to face Melody.

...And Pacifica's new friends, apparently.

* * *

**(A/N: ...Done! This was really drawn out...but maybe the next episode won't make you wait that long!**

**...Oh, who am I kidding?**

**And on a side note, Peter, like all the other clones, resembles Gideon in almost all aspects. I say "almost", because he's actually without some of Gideon's inhibitions. Just wanted to say it.)**

**GLSSHU ZLOO UHWXUQ QHAW HSLVRGH**


	22. Irrational Treasure (Part 1)

**(A/N: Middle of exams week, and I'm still confused on how I'm not dead yet. Have this next chapter as proof of life.**

**You guys asked for more Pines Twins, and you got it!)**

* * *

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Bill frowned. Even after he had pounded on the horn for like what, _ten_ times, it still seemed that the cars in front of him weren't letting up. He glanced up at the rear view mirror, from where he could see Gideon and Pacifica help themselves to a few snacks. _Lucky kids. Don't have to worry about traffic jams unless they've got diarrhea._

He watched as his niece pulled out two almost ring-shaped chips, and fitted her earlobes into the gaps between the two ends. "Cheesy earrings," Pacifica showed her new accessories off. "I'm hilarious!"

"That's debatable," Bill put his hand up to try and see in front of him. "Come on, come on! What's up with these people, being all slow and..." He froze, "...driving covered wagons?!"

Instantly, he switched the gear from neutral to drive, and swerved into a side road as fast as he could. "No, no, no, no, no!" the magician said in a panic, driving away as fast as he could. "Not today!"

"Wh-what's goin' on, Mr. Northwest?" Gideon asked, trying to look out the window. He almost caught sight of one of those covered wagons before Bill skidded to a stop, narrowly missing hitting some women, dressed as if they came straight out of a pioneer movie. He put the car into reverse, and started backing away.

"Uncle Bill? Is everything alright?" Pacifica asked, concern seeping through. Bill looked over his shoulder, screaming, "Don't ask questions; we just gotta get outta here before it's too late!"

He came to a stop, and the kids soon saw that covered wagons were beginning to surround the car. Bill dropped his hands in defeat. "Ah, gosh," he ground his jaw, "they're circling the wagons! We're trapped!"

Pacifica moved to the window, and unlike her uncle, she didn't see anything that was a cause for concern. All she saw were the big eyes of a cow, peering at her from outside.

She smiled at the two people who were waiting for her reaction. "I've got a good feeling about this," she declared.

* * *

When the wagons were gone, the two kids took it upon themselves to get out of the car and explore. Children were running around, wearing heavy dresses and itchy-looking clothing. Women talked gaily with each other without the normal phones, high heels, or small purses. Meanwhile, the men carried barrels and glass panes that were so dirty they made Gravity Falls look like it was sepia-toned.

"Wow." Pacifica said as she looked around in wonder, while Gideon put a hand to his chin. "What's up wit' th'town?" he asked.

"Aw, geez," Bill said as he finally got out of the car and walked to their side. "It's ol' Pioneer Day; the one day of the year where everyone gets together, dresses like the idiots they are, and celebrates the day Gravity Falls was founded. By the biggest idiot of all!" He crossed his arms.

The kids then watched as Shandra Jimenez, dressed in yet another pioneer-timey costume, called out to them, "Welcome to 1863, Northwests!"

"Jimenez, don't you ever get tired of trying to convert me to Pioneer-ism?" Bill snapped back. Shandra put her hands on her hips. "Just try to accept it for everyone else's sake; your grouchy act's getting old."

The magician just hissed at her, and the newspaper editor backed off, muttering something about him being rude. Pacifica and Gideon decided to look around some more. They were amazed at all the candle-dipping and the gold-panning...and woodpecker-marrying?

"Wait, what?" Pacifica tilted her head at the spectacle. Then she looked at Gideon, who had pulled his Journal out of his vest pocket. "I think I remember this from in here," he said as he turned to a certain page. "Says 'ere that it used t'be legal t'marry _woodpeckers_ in Gravity Falls."

"Oh, it's still legal, kids," the lucky groom stepped up to them with his woodpecker bride at his side. "_Very_, very legal."

Just as he said this, a voice of a master of ceremonies boomed over some speakers: _"Come, one and all, to the opening ceremony!_" As the groom walked away to what looked like a makeshift stage, the two kids turned to the magician.

"Uncle Bill, are you coming?" Pacifica asked her uncle, who crossed his arms and frowned. "No thank you, sir and missus," he shook his head. "Just know if 'ya come back here talking like these people, go tell it to Sweeney."

Gideon frowned – for a man who hated old American history, that sure sounded like it came straight out of the 20's – when Pacifica started spouting out in a hillbilly accent, "Wha' in tarnation; there's a badger in th'wagon!"

" 'Cifica, please," the nine year-old put a hand up, and then proceeded to show her up in his own Southern accent, "Well, I'll be darned by that tit-tootlin' news!" They both spat on the ground, and then ran off to that makeshift stage, laughing all the way.

"SWEENEY!" Bill echoed in annoyance, shaking his fist at them.

* * *

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Sheriff Powers proclaimed into the microphone at the stage. "Ye Olde Commencement Ceremony is about to begin!"

The people gathered in front of the stage just in time to see Deputy Trigger run up to the stage, madly swinging a bell and gleefully shouting that he did, in fact, have a bell of his very own. A cry for help echoed from a child who just had her bag snatched, and Sheriff Powers looked at her for a little while before turning to his deputy to see what he would do.

"Dingly-dingly!" Trigger just said as he continued to shake his bell.

"Heh, my deputy sure loves his bell," Powers shook his head and smiled in admiration.

Pacifica and Gideon walked through the crowd and up to the stage, just as two people onstage stepped up to the mike. Their mouths fell open the same time one person onstage opened hers.

"Hello, Gravity Falls!" Mabel Pines put on her best smile for the people below her. "You all know me, Mabel Pines, and my brother, Dipper Pines, from the Tent of Telepathy's magic shows, of course!"

"But we're not just known for our magic shows," Dipper took the microphone from his sister, "we're also the great-great-grandchildren of good old Bartholomew Pines, the founder of this very town!" He gestured towards the aged statue of a rather respectable-looking man behind him and his sister.

"What a joy to celebrate this day with you all!" Mabel leaned into the mike in front of her brother's face, raising her arms in the air. At that comment, the crowd applauded. Gideon also spotted Dipper and Mabel's parents behind them, trying to put on smiles for the sake of their children (though they seemed more forced than bored peoples' smiles normally were).

"Now, if you've got the pioneer spirit in you, we want you to come up here and introduce yourself!" Dipper spoke into the mike again as his sister straightened up.

When he said these words, Pacifica gasped and clapped her hands to her cheeks. "I've got, like, enough pioneer spirit to last the whole summer!" she exclaimed. Gideon blinked. "Uh, 'Cifica, I'm sure y'do have pioneer spirit, but we shouldn't be up there." He pointed up at the twins. "I mean, they're our enemies, 'fer goodness's sakes."

"Don't let that get in the way of enjoying today, Gid," Pacifica waved a hand. "And besides, you can stay down here, where it's safe."

"Uh, sure..." Gideon tried to say. Before he was even done talking, however, Pacifica had already run up the steps to the stage and run up to the Pines Twins without them seeing her face.

"Oh, good! Footsteps!" Mabel grinned. "Our first newcomer is..." She and Dipper turned around, and their amiable looks became expressions of shock – at least for a split second before Mabel's face melted into one of pure hatred. "..._Pacifica_."

Dipper put a hand on his sister's shoulder. "Easy, tiger," he frowned.

"Yep, that's me, Pacifica Northwest!" Pacifica grabbed the mike from the mike stand and pumped a fist in the air. "Let's get this Pioneer Day on! Woo-hoo! Say it with me, guys! USA! USA!"

"USA! USA!" the crowd chanted, also putting their fists in the air. As Gideon cheered with the rest of them, he thought he even heard a man crying for his country. A second later, however, Mabel had crossed her arms and regarded his friend with the evil eye. _Uh-oh._

"Wow, and I thought _I_ was stupid-silly," Mabel narrowed her eyes.

"W-what do you mean?" Pacifica asked, her smile faltering.

"Well, I know I'm really enthusiastic and all, you know; party last night, blah-blah-blah..." Mabel shrugged. "But not only do you sound ridiculous, Pacifica, you also _look_ way too ridiculous for Pioneer Day."

"Ridiculous?" Pacifica looked down at her jacket, which had a pink cat playing hula-hoop. Sure it was an old jacket, and her dad had gotten it for her (he was never really good at that sort of thing), but that didn't mean it was "stupid-silly". She looked back up at Mabel. "Don't you mean the psycho who tried to work her way into a nine year-old's heart?"

Mabel was about to shoot something ugly back at her when Dipper raised a finger, pointing at Pacifica's ears. "Hey, aren't those cheese rings on her ears?" Upon hearing that, Mabel snorted, and giggled into her hand. "Dipper, that's _messed up_!" She playfully shoved her brother, laughing a little more openly.

Pacifica looked at her junk food earrings, and blushed. She tried to cover them, but it didn't erase the pitying smile on the Pines Twins' faces.

"That's pretty embarrassing, isn't it?" Dipper put a hand on her shoulder, a sneer written everywhere except his mouth. Mabel pried the microphone from Pacifica, and finished, "Give the nice lady a hand, everyone!"

Everyone did – everyone except Gideon, who had heard the whole thing. He saw the way his friend looked like she was going to cry out of humiliation, and the way she stepped down from the stage with her head down. He ignored what else the Pines Twins said, and pushed through the crowd to catch up with Pacifica.

"Hey, 'Cifica, you okay?" he asked, and she stopped to turn to him.

"...I need some emergency chocolate, Gid," the twelve year-old said sadly. Gideon felt a desire to _burn_ someone – most notably the brown-haired girl on the stage – but he shook his head.

"Let's get outta here," he said instead, grabbing Pacifica's sleeve and ushering her away from the crowd.

* * *

Bill groaned, and pulled his elbows in, but it was no use. In the distance, he could hear the people leaving the opening ceremony. _Great. All the more hours in this hellhole._

_How did I even get here again?_

Oh, yeah. Taunting two cops to put him in the stocks on the day that there actually _were_ stocks in the middle of town wasn't exactly one of his best ideas.

But then again, the freaking car mechanic just _had_ to pretend it was 1863, and thus pretend he had never even heard of a car. Add the mud on his car's wheels to the equation, and these stocks had a cranky magician to add to the list of its prisoners.

Whatever. He had to get out of here. He was a good escape artist, after all.

_And good at getting myself out of situations I can't handle._

"Aw, come on," he muttered to himself. No time to think about _that_.

Was someone humming behind him? Bill wished he could look over his shoulder to see who that was. He didn't need to, though, for the source of the humming came well enough: and who else but Dipper Pines walked by, singing something under his breath and burying his nose in a book.

_Huh. That looks a lot like..._

Bill's eyebrows raised. _Wait a minute._

_Is that book...?_

He ground his jaw. _Hide surprise, sound smart._ "Hey, Pines sap. Watch where you're going, you bookworm."

Dipper looked up at him, first with surprise. The boy tried to hide the book behind his back, but Bill could still see what it was. The next second, however, a scowl sprouted on Dipper's face. "Oh, it's just you, William," he said.

"Nice outfit, by the way," Bill laughed. "Makes you look a _little_ less girly than your sister, ha!"

The frown on Dipper's face grew wider, but somehow he managed to keep it under control. "Don't judge me so harshly, good sir," Dipper said in the most Pioneer Day-like fashion. He pulled out some tomatoes from a bag over his shoulder, continuing, "I'm just bringing some of my tomatoes to people who need them the most."

The boy then proceeded to throw one tomato in Bill's eye, saying, "Oh, sorry, I dropped one." The magician's fists clenched, but before he could retaliate, the boy mocked once more, "Clumsy me, I dropped another one!"

He threw another tomato near Bill's other eye, and Bill growled. The red juice dripping down his face and into his eyes wasn't helping at all.

"Argh...PIONEER DAY!" the magician yelled in frustration, shaking his fists, while Dipper laughed in front of him.

* * *

In the middle of town, under another old statue of the founder Bartholomew Pines, two kids sat, despondently chewing on chocolates with nuts and chocolates with raisins. Pacifica unwrapped one almond chocolate bar, and sighed.

"Hey, Gid," she turned towards her friend, "I'm not stupid-silly, right?"

Gideon looked her over – at the cheese ring earrings, the jacket of a pink kitty, and thought of all of Pacifica's antics since he had met her. He had probably taken a long time to answer, though, because before he could even get a word out, his friend groaned and hung her head.

"I knew it!" she threw her hands up. "I'm _everything_ that those Pines twins say I am! The earrings, and the jacket! I thought I was making people laugh with me..." then Pacifica put her hands down. "...I guess I was just making people laugh _at_ me."

With that declaration, she grabbed the cheese rings on her ears, and pulled them off. She then pulled her jacket off and tied it around her waist before resting her tired head on her equally tired hands.

" 'Cifica, I thought you liked that jacket," Gideon said, his tone pleading with her to _please put it back on, I never laughed at you_.

"I did, but then Mabel ruined it for me." Pacifica replied bitterly. "She and her brother ruin everything."

Gideon turned away, and clenched his fists. The dates _Mabel_ always tried to force him on, the time _Mabel and Dipper_ nearly got Pacifica killed, the time _Mabel_ showed up at the Magic House party last night – it all came back to him.

"_...Stop bein' frozen stiff around Melody and Mabel, 'fer my sake..."_

He promised to Peter. Now he owes that to his best friend.

"Those Pines twins," he said in a growl he never normally recognized as his own. "Who d'they think they are? Always getting' us down like that, and-and they get away wit' it just because they're town darlin's!" He turned to look up at the statue of Bartholomew Pines, and tried to search for Dipper or Mabel's faces in his haughty look. "Someone needs t'teach 'em a lesson!"

He looked back down, but then remembered something. "Hey, wait. I remember the Author mentionin' the name 'Pines' some'ere in the Journal." Gideon reached into his vest pocket, where he had already made it a habit to stuff the Journal in. Now he pulled out the worn book, and carefully flipped through its pages before finding what he was looking for. "Here:

"_In my research,"_ Gideon began reading aloud to Pacifica, _"I have recently discovered something eye-opening – Bartholomew Pines may not be the actual founder of Gravity Falls! The only lead I have may be enclosed somewhere in this document attached the page."_

The nine year-old reached towards the yellow, folded, and frayed paper on the journal page. _"If only I could decipher it."_ he finished reading.

Pacifica gently took the paper from Gideon, and unfolded it to reveal a drawing of a triangle, in which there were multiple incomprehensible scribbles and strange symbols. Her eyes widened as she read it over, and she gasped.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed. "If all your Author says is true, then this means Dipper and Mabel's family's a big fraud! If we solve this conspiracy, it means we get to show those two who's boss!"

"Yeah, an' then those two can't ever call 'ya silly again!" Gideon raised a finger.

"What are we waiting for, then?" Pacifica grabbed her bag of chocolates. "Let's go!"

Laughing, the two friends ran off towards the Gravity Falls Library, where they believed they could start cracking the code in peace.

Unbeknownst to them, however, a man had been standing behind the statue the whole time, hanging on to their every word. Now, seeing them run off to uncover a conspiracy, he decided that this was a bad situation and began to report, speaking into a police radio.

"This is Sheriff Powers," he whispered into it. "We've got a Code Sepia."

On the other end, Powers thought he heard the man he was speaking to do a spit take. "WHAT?!" he screamed into the radio. "You're going to do something about this, right?"

"Of course." Powers reassured him. "I'm going to follow them right now."

"Good. Find them and put a stop to them. Make no mistakes."

"Roger that. Powers out." The radio buzzed, and then the sheriff looked up to the man who had walked up to his side.

"Deputy Trigger," Powers told him. "This is the mission we've been training for ever since we became law enforcers. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Trigger nodded, smiling proudly as he held up his bell, and rang it back and forth. "Let's go get 'em!"

* * *

**(A/N: Tell me what you think!)**


	23. Irrational Treasure (Part 2)

**(A/N: Finally, I've been able to update! Thanks for all the reviews, you guys.)**

* * *

Soon Gideon found himself at the library. He thought he overheard Crazy Quentin eating some books as he borrowed a projector and some slides, but he paid it no mind. (_What was Crazy Quentin doing at the library, anyway?_)

He walked back to a table in the back of the library, where his friend sat, almost shrouded by the number of books in front of her. "Alright," he said, placing the projector on the table. "If we can prove that Bartholomew Pines wasn't th'real founder of this town, then Dipper n'Mabel'll finally get what they deserve."

"Yeah! And then they'll know that I'm totally not silly!" Pacifica smiled, picking up a book. "I'll show them that I'm serious." She then proceeded to turn the book over, and show Gideon. "Hey, check it, I'm reading upside-down." She laughed to herself, and continued reading.

"Heh, yeah," Gideon smiled, and then took out a slide. "We just need t'crack this code first." He inserted the slide into the projector, and looked to the paper from the Journal as the image flashed onto the projection screen.

"It's not hieroglyphs..." He inserted another slide. "...Or numerology, either..." Another went into the projector. "...Or alchem – wait a minute!" Gideon jumped up. "It's a giant triangle! And triangle's the alchemy symbol 'fer flame!"

"So lighting it on fire will reveal the hidden message!" Pacifica interjected excitedly.

Gideon pursed his lips. "Um, actually I thought we were just gonna put it by a fire n'th'message'll show up, like invisible ink."*****

"Oh. Sorry, got excited."

Since Gideon's pocket flashlight generated no heat, Pacifica figured that they had to borrow the librarian's lighter (she had seen him light up a cigarette). She let Gideon do the talking, and watched as he walked up to the librarian, trying to convince him of something before the man finally gave it up.

"So, what happened?" the twelve year-old asked as Gideon reclaimed his seat, turning off the projector. "Uh, I just had t'tell 'im that you had this uncle who needed to smoke n' didn' have a lighter." He took it out, and Pacifica giggled a little, looking back to the paper she was folding. "I bet Uncle Bill would find that lie a little unrealistic if I told the librarian that."

Gideon held the lighter up to his face carefully, and with a heavy push of his finger cracked open a small flame. "Good. Now we can – 'Cifica?"

"Boop!" Pacifica put the ancient document, folded into a familiar shape, onto her head. "I just made a hat!" She smiled for a moment before she realized what she had just done. "Oh, come on!" The twelve year-old crossed her arms in annoyance. "Silly again!"

"N-no, not silly!" Gideon realized, holding the lighter up to the parchment on his friend's head. " 'Cifica, that's a map you've folded it into!"

"Really?" Pacifica took the hat off and looked closely at it while Gideon clicked the lighter shut. "Now I feel pretty dumb for saying we should burn it." "Don't worry. What you did now was great." her friend reassured her.

"Excuse me," a baritone rang at the librarian's desk. _That's the voice of that old sheriff._ Gideon and Pacifica looked up as the officer continued, "We're looking for two kids who might be reading history books...for reasons." "Classified reasons," his younger companion added, ringing his bell.

At this, Pacifica and Gideon hid under the table, their map safe on Pacifica's head. They watched as the sheriff and the deputy continued looking through the library, the latter trying to walk with swagger.

"...Maybe we should follow that map now," Pacifica suggested, looking to Gideon. The nine year-old nodded, and then took the map from her head. "This drawing could refer to only one place in Gravity Falls," he said.

* * *

And they were looking at it soon enough: The Gravity Falls Museum of History.

The two kids looked up at it for a while, clutching the map close. "Alright, let's do this quick," Gideon said. "It's pretty obvious those policemen were after us, so we have t'finish before they know where we are."

"You know what this means, Gid," Pacifica clenched her fists. She adopted a comically serious face. "We're gonna have to _break in_."

Moments later, Gideon found Pacifica and himself a free Pioneer Day pass, as well as a pink and blue balloon respectively. Looks like his suggestion to check if there was a threat at the entrance first paid off. This did not even mildly embarrass his friend; rather, she narrowed her eyes confidently and said in a stage whisper, "We're in."

The two friends walked around the museum, following what the next words had indicated. Or at least, Gideon was paying close attention to it; Pacifica let her hands take both balloons and tie them to her ponytail. Once that was done, she asked, "So, what're we gonna do next? Steal Theodore Roosevelt's femurs?"

"Wha –? No," Gideon refuted, feeling a little disgusted at the idea. "Here's what we have t'do: the next clue should be around 'ere." He held up the map, turning to his left, and then putting it down to look at the picture in front of him...which looked like nothing but random curves.

The two of them stared at it for a second before turning to each other.

" 'Ya have any idea what this means?"

"Uh...no."

"Hm."

They put their hands on their hips, and then Pacifica decided that she wasn't getting anywhere standing. So she walked over to the nearby bench, and sat down on it, glaring now at the painting. "Hey, Mr. Painting," she said, reclining on the bench. "Quit looking super weird." By now Pacifica had turned herself upside-down on the bench and put her legs up on the backrest of the bench. Suddenly, she gasped.

"Gid!" she exclaimed. "It worked!"

"What?" Immediately Gideon ran over and did the same as his friend. Now they had the same point of view, and therefore got the same results: an image of a cloaked skeleton holding a scythe.

"It's not abstract – it's upside-down!" Pacifica realized. "And I think I've seen that statue somewhere in the cemetery!"

"Well, what're we waitin' 'fer?" Gideon got back on his feet, and his friend did the same. "Let's go!"

However, they couldn't, as the effects of suddenly standing up after sitting upside-down came upon them like an angry female dog.******

Once they had gotten back their balance, the two kids ran over to the entrance – only to find that Sheriff Powers and Deputy Trigger were standing by the doorway, talking into a radio dispatcher.

Gideon and Pacifica halted, and then looked from side to side. Maybe the two officers hadn't noticed they were here yet. Slowly, they crept by the sheriff and the deputy, trying to keep as quiet as possible.

Apparently, this wasn't the quietest they could get, because just as they were behind Deputy Trigger, he turned around and spotted them.

"Hey!" He started running, ringing his bell as he went. The two kids took that as their cue to run, grabbing each other's hand and sprinting as fast as they could through the door. Pacifica felt a tug at her hair, but paid it no mind and soon it was none of her business as they were home free.

"Stop! In the name of the law!" Sheriff Powers continued running after them. He tried to call out one more time, but then his old body caught up to him, and he stopped outside the steps, trying to catch his breath. _This complacent Gravity Falls lifestyle's worn me down._ He looked up, and then over his shoulder, where Deputy Trigger walked calmly onto the scene.

"Wha – why aren't you following them?" the sheriff asked, incredulous.

"Oh. Sorry, I got sidetracked. That girl had the last pink balloon in her hair," Trigger explained himself as he tugged the helium balloon downwards against its upward pull. Powers sighed, knowing this day was going to be longer than he liked it to be.

* * *

If anyone else knew it was going to be a long day, though, it was Bill. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a man storming out of a building (_that guy who married a woodpecker? No wonder_), but he tried not to let it distract him. Instead, he focused on getting the hairpin that he had somehow gotten out of his sleeve into the keyhole of the padlock keeping the two halves of the stocks together.*******

"C'mon...c'mon..." Bill mumbled, trying to get the hairpin in his hand to the padlock – _it was so close_ – before, unfortunately, it fell out of his fingers and to the ground. He felt like muttering (no, actually screaming) a few curse words before suddenly, a small hand reached down to take the hairpin from in front of his feet.

The magician's eyes followed the hairpin up to the hand's owner, and frowned when he saw her.

_Of course,_ he thought, _if the insufferable nerd came up first, then the poisonous marshmallow's gonna follow._

"Aw, look at you, William Northwest," Mabel Pines sneered at him, putting the hairpin in her hair. "Escape artist tricks not helping much?"

"Believe me, I'd have gotten out of here easily if this thing was as rigged as your face," Bill narrowed his eyes. Then he resisted the urge to laugh as he saw Mabel's face turn from a self-righteous smirk into a sour scowl.

"Well, too bad my face isn't as plastic as your cold heart." The twelve year-old crossed her arms.

Bill felt a pang at that remark, but as always, _hide surprise sound smart._ "Yeah, sure. Whaddya want, kid? Gold?"

The smirk was back before he knew it. Mabel declared, "I want you to say that the Pines family is the best family in Gravity Falls!"

"Hmph, I dunno," Bill shook his head, looking away from Mabel, and then back to her, " 'ya want that in writing?"

Apparently pleased with what he said, Mabel grabbed a pink glittery pen and a notepad, and stuck the former in Bill's mouth, holding the latter up to his face.

_Fine. If that's how she's playing it..._

Bill grunted a little as he moved the pen on the paper, trying hard not to snicker when he observed that Mabel wasn't looking at the paper. He gave a muffled sound indicating that he was finished, and she took back the pen, allowing him to laugh as she read the words "YOU STINK!" written on the notepad.

"I can't believe I did that with my mouth!" he laughed hysterically.

In the midst of his laughter, Mabel stomped her foot on the ground and tore the notepad into two before panting in anger, calming down a little. Then she raised her fingers to her lips and made a high-pitched whistle, catching the attention of some ladies who happened to be standing by.

They turned towards her, and Mabel jabbed her thumb in the direction of the older magician, who realized that the women were carrying baskets of tomatoes with them.

"Oh, come on!" Bill yelled, as he realized that this was gonna suck.

* * *

Gideon and Pacifica had run nonstop to the Gravity Falls cemetery, all the way to the Grim Reaper statue that they found in the middle of the graveyard. It was quite a long way, and so the nine year-old sat himself down at the base of the statue, trying to calm his heartbeat. He clutched his chest. _Haven't had this much adrenaline since the amusement park._ Groaning, he lay down onto the ground, closing his eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" Pacifica bent down, reaching down inside her jacket pocket (a lot further down than she was used to, since she tied it around her waist) and pulling out a water bottle. She handed it to Gideon, who sat up and opened it before taking a long gulp. "M'fine," he mumbled, screwing the cap back on.

"So, the next clue's around here somewhere, huh?" Pacifica took back the water bottle, and opened it, drinking a bit from it herself. Her friend nodded. "Yeah," he said, lying back down on the fortunately grassy ground. He closed his eyes. "Just tell me when 'ya find it; I think I need t'wind down."

"You got it, Charles!" _Don't call me that._

From his spot on the ground, he could hear Pacifica walking around the statue, not very far from him. About ten steps around, and then three steps up. Was she climbing the statue? Perhaps, to get a better look at things?

"Found 'nythin' yet?" he tried. When he heard her giggle, he pursed his lips. Wait a minute.

" 'Cifica?" Gideon cracked open an eye. Then he opened both of them as he realized that Pacifica was standing on the statue's platform...putting a couple of candy rings onto the reaper's outstretched finger. "Hah!" she declared. "He's hunting souls in style!" She took the finger – perhaps to put more edible accessories on it – but then her hand moved the finger downward with a click.

The ground started rumbling under Gideon, and he got up instinctively, standing up to look as what he thought was a headstone slowly move to make room for a hidden earthen staircase.

"Whoa!" Gideon peered down to where the staircase led, and pulled out his pocket flashlight. "By George, it's a secret tunnel!" He clicked it open, and began to walk down the stairs.

Above him, Pacifica laughed. "Who's silly now, Pines Twins?" she snickered to herself, slamming a fist into her other palm. "Bam!" Then she carefully took the candy rings off from the bony finger before going down to join her friend.

Once they were both at the bottom of the staircase, Gideon moved his flashlight around as they walked on, eyes darting around anxiously. "Alright, there might be booby traps, s'be careful," he cautioned.

Pacifica tried to suppress her laugh at the words "booby trap", to no avail.

Her foot fell upon a rock, which went down into the ground. Suddenly, something zoomed past her ear, and the two kids only had a split second to register that it was a dart before more darts flew at them. They yelped in fright, and chose that moment to make a break for it, running forward and trying to dodge as much darts as possible, hand in hand.

This time Gideon's foot struck a rock, and that sent the two of them falling – _not a very nice way to die,_ the nine year-old found himself thinking – into a tunnel in front of them. They screamed as they slid down the tunnel, kicking up dirt and cobwebs as they went, until they fell into a dark underground room.

Bleary eyes opened to find the only source of light in the room – the pocket flashlight – lying in front of those eyes on the ground. Gideon blinked, and followed his eyes to reach his hand out to grab the flashlight. Once he grabbed it, he got up and waved the beam of light around the room.

"Oh my gosh," Pacifica got to her feet as well. "It's a secret room full of secret government things!"

The two of them walked around the room, glancing at the old American flag in the corner, then separating as Gideon found some urns full of cremated remains and as Pacifica came across a few documents lying out in the open. She took a few of them in her hands, looking them over, and then laughing as she waved one of them in Gideon's direction. "Hey, Gid!" she called. "Thomas Jefferson was just two kids in an overcoat!"

"Wait, 'Cifica," he said, shining his flashlight over a specific folder. "I think this is it!"

Upon hearing this, the twelve year-old ran over to her friend. Sure enough, illuminated under the beam of light, was red text that read "The Pines Cover-Up". Gideon handed the small flashlight to his friend, and then reached out to take the folder.

Gingerly, the nine year-old opened it, and running a finger over the lines of text on the aged papers inside, began to read aloud: _"Let it here be recorded that Bartholomew Pines...the fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud!"_ His eyes wandered down to the picture below the first one – while the first one was a replica of the statue of Bartholomew Pines in the town square, the second one was the man shown in the less flattering light of standing behind a pile of horse poop and smiling giddily. "...S'well as a waste-shovelin' madman," Gideon inferred.

"Oh, man!" Pacifica couldn't help but laugh. "Can't wait 'till Dipper and Mabel hear about this!" "Yeah," Gideon added, "when they do, they'll never call 'ya silly ever again!"

He looked back towards the parchment, reading the last line, _"The real founder of Gravity Falls was: Sir Lord Fiddleford H. McGucket, Esquire."_

"Well, who's that?" Pacifica squinted at the paper, as if it could give her an answer to that question.

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

The two of them gasped as a beam of light that wasn't from their flashlight shone on them, and they turned to see Sheriff Powers and Deputy Trigger standing at the entrance of the room.

"Yes!" Trigger cheered, ringing his bell over and over. "We caught you! We...we..." Suddenly, he was short of breath, and then fell over onto his face, revealing about six darts on both his back and legs.

"...Lucky you didn't get hit with those darts, kids," Powers raised his eyebrows.

* * *

**(A/N: * - I don't know, I just didn't think "setting the parchment on fire" and "putting the parchment near fire" sounded the same in this context, judging by Dipper's "I was gonna burn it" statement. Correct me if I'm wrong.**

**** - Heh, synonyms.**

***** - "You never know" is the motto of every magician and/or criminal.)**


	24. Irrational Treasure (Part 3)

**(A/N: Finally, I've made you guys the last part of Irrational Treasure! Hope this sates the fanfiction reader in you.)**

* * *

About ten minutes later, they had gotten Deputy Trigger back on his feet. He had tried to display the same level of cheerfulness that he had before he fainted, but then he realized that he might have become colorblind as a result of the numerous darts shot at him.

"Anyway, kids," Sheriff Powers turned back to Gideon and Pacifica. "I hate to do this, but you've gone too far." He took the folder that read _"The Pines Cover-Up"_ from the nine year-old, and held it up. "Fiddleford McGucket is a matter of national security."

Gideon swallowed, feeling that he had now bitten off more than he could chew. "N-nation'l security?" he questioned as he began to sweat. Pacifica, on the other hand, put her hands on her hips. She couldn't disregard such an important query, after all. "I don't understand; you've gotta show us what's so important about this Fiddleford McGucket first." the twelve year-old declared.

Powers looked from the children to his deputy, and then back to them. "Well, I suppose we _could_ tell you at least how grave a matter you've been dealing in," he complied. Then he took off his hat, revealing an old recording tape inside. He took it out, and then put his hat back on, before walking over to an even older table which held a film projector and a stand.

Wordlessly, Trigger came over as well (the man was feeling well enough to walk now) and helped the older man assemble the thing. Gideon looked up at Pacifica, and, also without a word, intertwined his hand with hers. Pacifica understood. There was no way a situation like this wouldn't have scared the boy at least a little.

Once Powers and Trigger finally inserted the film inside the projector and fitted the camera on the stand, the sheriff flicked the switch, and a beam of light came out onto what the two kids now knew to be a makeshift projection screen.

"Ugh, _black and white,_" Pacifica rolled her eyes at the display in front of them. She didn't speak again, though, once the recording showed the two words "TOP SECRET", and flashed the US Government seal.

In the video, a man stood in front of the camera, beginning to speak: _"If you are watching this, then you are one of the seven people with clearance to view this information."_ He put a hand to his chest. _"In fact, I myself will be shot after this filming is done."_

Just as Gideon was beginning to cringe, however, the man tilted his head, as if listening to an off-screen source. _"What? No?"_ he asked, as if the off-screen source had just said something negating his being shot. It was clear that this was the case once the narrator laughed. _"Well, that's a relief."_

Then the narrator continued: _"Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Fiddleford McGucket–" _a picture then flashed on the screen, showing a picture of the man (a bespectacled, big-nosed man with a sort of crazy look on his clean-shaven face*****) as well as his name and title, _"– the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States."_

" 'President'?" Gideon echoed.

" 'Eight-and-a-half'?!" Pacifica repeated, but with more confusion.

"_After winning the 1837 elections in a landslide,"_ at which the film then showed an actual landslide wiping out the rest of McGucket's opponents in the said elections, _"Fiddleford McGucket quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president."_

The next couple of scenes were a hilarious collection of the president's various legacies: _"He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the Supreme Court, and issued the 'De-pants-ipation Proclamation'. And as records go, his State of the Union Speech was even worse."_

An imitation of what could be the president's voice then called out: _"The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-crushing monsters from the sea!"_

"_He was kicked out of office,"_ the narrator took over once again, _"and escaped to an uncharted valley in Oregon now known as Gravity Falls...after plummeting into it on his horse."_

Finishing the documentary, the narrator concluded onscreen, _"McGucket's shameful term was removed from history, and officially replaced by John Tyler as eighth president**, and by local nobody Bartholomew Pines as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of Fiddleford McGucket's body are unknown."_

On this chilling note, Sheriff Powers flicked the projector off, while Deputy Trigger stood solemnly (that was a first for the young deputy). The former then waved a hand over to a corner of the room that Pacifica and Gideon had just mistaken for a glass case – but really it seemed to be a bit of translucent bit of stone that held the body of a familiar man inside.

"Until now," the sheriff continued the narrator's train of thought.

"What is that?" Pacifica leaned in closer to examine the hard material. "Some sort of amber?" Meanwhile, Gideon put a hand to it, and pulled away to reveal a sticky sweet-smelling coat on his palm.

"Apparently the man thought he could live forever by encasing himself inside a block of solid peanut brittle," Powers clarified. "Heh, yeah, smooth move, Mr. President!" Trigger tried to add, but wavered when he realized no one else was laughing with him.

"Finding the body of McGucket was out special mission, and thanks to you kids, it's complete," the sheriff tipped his hat at the two children.

"Wow, who knew we could find the wonder of this secret room just by following your little dirty trail of chocolate wrappers?" Trigger continued, shaking out an empty chocolate wrapper from his pocket – the kind which they both knew to be the brand that Pacifica had in her emergency chocolate stash.

"Oh, no," the twelve year-old put a hand to her forehead, feeling stupid. "Silly _me_."

"And now that you know the truth about this conspiracy, well," Powers crossed his arms and looked down at the kids. "I can't have you spouting it out to some newspaper, or anyone else for that matter."

"Does that mean...?" Pacifica grabbed Gideon protectively.

"...You're gonna _kill_ us?" Gideon finished his friend's sentence.

"Oh my goodness!" Trigger flinched as well.

"Wha – no, no, of course not," Powers tried to calm the three of them down. "We're just going to take all of this stuff back to Washington D.C... Well, sad to say, you two aren't ever coming back."

Gideon's and Pacifica's eyes widened in horror as they realized what exactly this would entail.

* * *

And this entailed being trapped in a crate like animals, while the whistle of the train they were no doubt in echoed around them. Add this to standing next to what was practically a corpse encased in peanut brittle, and this was guaranteed to make any child like Gideon and Pacifica terrified.

But also like many other children, they weren't going to go down without a fight.

The nine year-old and the twelve year-old pounded furiously on the crate walls, as they had done for what felt like hours, calling for someone – _anyone_ – to help them out of this crate.

Slowly, though, but surely Pacifica had begun to quiet, moving her fists lower down the wood, until they hung quietly at her sides. Gideon glanced at her for a moment, pausing as well – and then he turned back to the wooden wall in front of him, pounding even harder.

"Come on!" he screamed. "Help! Someone's gotta help us!"

But what was the guarantee that someone would hear them _and_ help them? What if someone had heard, but just ignored? Policemen _had_ hauled this crate onto the train. Who questioned orders from law enforcers?

The sheriff and deputy were probably on this train too, Gideon realized, laughing it up and telling each other scary stories. Like what those kids at school always said they did whenever they were on summer vacation.

_Summer._

His breathing grew heavy, and he lowered his hands, even slower than Pacifica had done.

What would he tell his parents? Rather, what would the policemen tell his parents? Would they say their son went missing? Died? Gideon thought of the face of his poor mother, how it would sink with the realization that she was never going to see her son again. Her son, who had so much to live for. Her son, who was going to a government facility just to get them to shut up about this eighth-and-a-half president.

(What if, when the sheriff said he wasn't going to kill them, he meant someone else was going to kill them? The narrator of the video said he would be _shot_–

–and children shouldn't be thinking about these things.)

The weight of Gideon's mind caused him to sink to his knees, and lower his head as well. He weakly raised his hands to his eyes, and saw that they were covered in bruises, from knocking so hard.

He wanted to scream as he threw his left fist against the wood one last time, but all that came out instead was a small whimper.

"Gideon..."

Pacifica squatted down to his level, and put a hand on his shoulder. Gideon slumped, but he didn't want to cry. He just swallowed past the lump in his throat and _kids shouldn't have to think about impending death or crying mothers or any of this._

"Gideon, I'm so sorry," Pacifica continued. "I can't believe I left a trail of chocolate wrappers behind us. I'm sorry, I'm never littering again." She sat down on the ground as well, next to the elephant in the room.

When her friend didn't reply, she withdrew her hand from his shoulder, and looked down to the ground. The twelve year-old felt even more rotten now.

"Don't cry, Gid," she said softly, and that finally coaxed Gideon to look up at her, though she wasn't looking back at him. "This is all my fault, anyway. I made you feel pity me enough to go on this crazy conspiracy hunt when Dipper and Mabel were right, for once." She put a hand to her head. "I'm just an embarrassment to you and my family, like Mr. President right next to us."

Pacifica sighed heavily, and then took a chunk of peanut brittle from the large block beside her, and offered it to Gideon. "You want some emergency candy?"

"Maybe," Gideon said, finally mustering a small smile. He had stretched out his hand to accept the candy when suddenly, the block of peanut brittle began to crack.

The two kids yelped and jumped to the other side of the crate, their wide eyes on the strange spectacle, preparing for what would happen once the block crumbled to the ground...

...and in the midst of the peanut brittle stood a man, tall and proud.

"It is I, Fiddleford Hadron McGucket!" the eighth-and-a-half president called in a strongly accented voice. Then he reached down and tore his pants off.

"...Y-you're alive?!" Gideon asked incredulously. "A-a hundred years – how?!"

"Peanut brittle really _can_ keep a man alive," Pacifica realized. Then she beamed. "The sheriff was wrong! That's not silly; that's amazing!"

"And so are you, little girl!" Fiddleford leaned down, eyes shining behind his glasses. "Since you followed my clues and freed me from my delicious tomb!"

"Yeah," Gideon turned to Pacifica, "yeah, 'Cifica! Folding a parchment in a hat t'make a map, puttin' candy rings on a graveyard statue; y'cracked the case that serious cops couldn't solve for a hundred years! _You're_ a genius!"

"Oh, you," Pacifica modestly laughed, nudging her friend.

"Well, I'll be schmoodled!" McGucket suddenly exclaimed as he looked around. "We're inside a crate-shaped box!"

"Nah, just'ah crate, Mr. President," Gideon corrected the man.

"Then it's a good thing I've got my _President's Key_!" the older man declared, pulling out a golden key from inside his jacket. "Th'thing can open any lock in America, y'know!" With that, the president walked over to the other side of the large crate, and began banging his key against the solid wood.

"Uh...there isn't any keyhole here," Pacifica said a little apologetically, lifting her hand a little. "Ah, yes, wood; my enemy since time began." He turned back around to face the kids. "So, in order to escape this thing, we're gonna have to conceive the silliest plan ever!"

"And I know just the person t'help 'ya with!" Gideon said, before turning to his best friend. As if on cue, she put her hand on her chin, as if deep in thought. "Hm...we could probably..." Pacifica paused, and then her eyes fell on something which her finger pointed out a split second later, "...that hole in the wood!"

"WE'LL LEAP RIGHT THROUGH IT!" And right after that, the twelve year-old and the president lunged at the hole. Except the nine year-old standing behind them could clearly see that the hole in the wooden crate could only fit McGucket's index finger and nothing larger.

" 'Cifica, I don't think this is working very well," he commented quietly.

"Trust the _silliness_, Gid!" Pacifica shouted through McGucket's comments to keep trying to pass through the hole.

Suddenly, a familiar sound came out through the same hole, and McGucket pulled back his finger. "Samantha?" he asked, probably referring to the woodpecker pecking at the hole. "Is that you?"

In about two and a half seconds flat, the whole crate came apart due to the efforts of the woodpecker. Gideon, Pacifica, and McGucket found themselves standing in the middle of the wood planks, before the president put his hands on his hips, as if disappointed.

"Looks like we didn't fit through the hole, though," he sighed. "We should rebuild the crate-shaped box 'n try again!"

"Dude, I like your thinking, but we've gotta get outta here," Pacifica noted, helping her friend gather up the documents of "The Pines Cover-Up". Then the two children ran out through the wreckage to the nearest door.

"Also good!" McGucket admitted, following suit.

* * *

They had just passed through the length of one carriage before they slid open one door, and lo and behold, Deputy Trigger was standing right there, filling a bucket with some ice. He looked up, saw them, and froze.

"Powers!" he called just as Gideon slammed the door shut. "They've escaped!"

Gideon, Pacifica, and McGucket ran to the end of the carriage they were currently in, only to find that the next door led to the end of the train. Then Pacifica pointed to a ladder right beside the door that led to a trapdoor to the roof saying "EMERGENCY EXIT". In a flash, the eighth-and-a-half president was up the ladder, trying to find a keyhole to fit his President's Key in before Gideon scrambled up the ladder as well and opened the hatch for the man.

The nine year-old was the first one up on the roof, and then the twelve year-old was pushed upwards, before the president followed, and all three of them ran from roof to roof before stopping at a dead end – and the two policemen were right behind them. They turned around to face them.

"There...is...no escape...!" Powers panted in exhaustion, before going down on one knee to catch his breath. "I gotta sit down."

"Are you okay, man? I-I'll get you some water," Trigger bent down to assist his superior. Powers looked up at him, and grinned. "With all due respect to the other cops in Gravity Falls," the sheriff said, "you're the best among them all."

"Sheriff Pow'rs," Gideon shouted. "D'you really wanna lock us up for the rest of our lives?"

"We have no choice, kid!" Powers said. "Our orders come straight from the President himself!"

"President..." Pacifica echoed, and then looked up at McGucket. "Mr. President! Did you ever resign?"

"No, sirree!" McGucket declared. "I chewed up a fern and jumped out a window!"

"Then...legally, 'yer still the President of the USA!" Gideon realized.

"Sheriff!" the twelve year-old turned to the sheriff and the deputy. "You two've got to answer to this guy right here!"

"What?" the both of them gasped.

McGucket straightened himself up, calling out, "As president f'our proud United States, I hereby order y'two to pretend none of this ever happened!" He looked away for a second, and then added, "As well as go on a delightful vacation, r'somethin'." A sign knocked him over the head as he said this last line, but nevertheless he maintained his dignity as the eighth-and-a-half president.

"Well, guess I know where we're going!" Trigger said. "Wanna go to that theme park in Orlando, Florida?"

"Finally, some rest time!" The two policemen laughed among themselves.

* * *

Finally, Gideon, Pacifica, and McGucket found themselves off the train, waving goodbye to the two policemen on board. The steam engine rolled away, and once it was far away, McGucket looked down at the two friends.

"Children, you've inspired me by the great thing you've just done 'fer our country," he began. Then he pulled out a folded top hat, popping it. "So to show my gratitude, Miss Pacifica, I'd like to make you an official Congresswoman!" He gently placed it on Pacifica's head, and she laughed with glee. "What should I legalize first?" she asked herself. "Penalties for boring movies? Or-or how about three more weeks of summer?"

As the twelve year-old wondered to herself about the possibilities her new position granted her, the eighth-and-a-half president looked to the nine year-old. "And you, Mister...uh, Gerald?"

"It's Gideon–" Gideon tried to say, but was interrupted by McGucket talking a split second over him. "Gideon, yeah! Son, you're on your way to unlocking the great mysteries of this nation, so I bestow upon you the President's Key!" He pulled the gold key out of his suit jacket, and placed it into Gideon's hand.

"Wow," Gideon didn't know how to reply. "Thank you, Mr. President."

* * *

"Well, Mr. President, that's the funniest story I've ever heard about George Clinton!"****** Pacifica exclaimed. Gideon tried to laugh himself, but he was actually more immersed in the Gravity Falls they had just reentered. _It's good to be back._

"Agreed!" McGucket replied to Pacifica's statement. "So anyway, lemme tell you the story of how I met your great-great grandfather...! Wait, you were born in Gravity Falls, right?"

Gideon's head then turned towards the maypole, where Mabel, Dipper, and Mabel's friends from the party sat. Mabel whispered something into Grenda's ear, and both Grenda and Candy got up and walked over to a girl who had just tripped in her maypole dance before dragging her away.

Apparently seeing the same thing he did, Pacifica ran over to the Pines Twins, and Gideon followed.

"Hey, Dipper! Mabel!" Pacifica called out, standing in front of them with her hands on her hips triumphantly. "I just spent the whole day uncovering a government conspiracy! Who's silly now?"

"Wait, what?" Mabel asked, but before Pacifica or Gideon could clarify, Dipper pointed over their shoulders. "Who's that idiot over there?" he asked. The other three kids looked to see McGucket trying to pick a fight with a cow, who just chewed its cud indifferently. This seemed to anger the man, and he continued threatening it, to which the cow paid no mind.

"Oh, him? That's the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States!" Pacifica said. "I know what you're thinking: how's he still alive? Well, we found out that you can freeze yourself in peanut brittle and–"

She was cut off by Mabel, who was laughing her head off. "Oh, man," Mabel said. "I actually thought you did something worthwhile for a second!"

"You know, just because you've solved a government conspiracy doesn't mean you'll ever be as smart as I am," Dipper joined in, pointing to himself, then putting a hand on Pacifica's shoulder. "Nice try, though."

"And nice hat," Mabel added. Then she looked at her wristwatch. "Well, I guess our work here is done, bro-bro!" She turned to her brother. "Time to head home!"

With that, the Pines twins walked away, towards their parents who were waiting in a small car, with an advertisement for "Pines' Used Cars" on the side. Then they drove away.

"Ugh, I can't believe those two," Pacifica stared after them crossly. Then she looked to Gideon. "Well, at least I've learned a valuable lesson today after all this. I don't need to be as smart as Dipper Pines; I'll just keep being silly, because being silly is awesome!"

"Yeah," Gideon nodded. "I'm actually very proud f'you."

"Oh, Gid, you charmer," Pacifica put a hand on her cheek, flattered once more.

They both laughed for a few seconds, before Pacifica looked back at the Pines' departing car.

"...I'm still gonna show them the thing, though," she said, taking the "Pines Cover-Up" folder from Gideon. She turned on her heels, and whistled. "Hey! You!"

She ran up to the back seat, where Dipper and Mabel were seated, and then patted the window, which rolled down so the twins could confront her.

"Bartholomew Pines _wasn't_ the real founder of Gravity Falls, and your whole family's built on a false legacy." the twelve year-old declared, giving them the folder through the window. "How's _that_ for doing something worthwhile?"

Dipper and Mabel took it, and began to read it with eyes wide as saucers.

The next moment, Pacifica couldn't hide her triumphant smirk as the car drove away, while what was definitely the voice of Dipper screamed "WHAT?!" from inside.

"Ha, I should really take revenge more often," she laughed.

Gideon pursed his lips. "Is it alright t'say I wanna retract my form'r statement?"

Pacifica had just turned towards him when the two of them saw Fiddleford McGucket walking towards them, before he bent down to their level. "Alright, kids, it's been fun, but I'm afraid I'm needed elsewhere," he stated. "Just know, I'll always be right here..." he turned his palm over, "...on the negative 12 dollar bill!"

" '-12'?" Fascinated, Gideon took the rare dollar bill with the image of the president on it. "This hasn't got any value," the nine-year old commented in wonder.

"That's the fun 'innit!" McGucket smiled at him. Then he straightened up, yelled "MCGUCKET, AWAY!" and leaped backwards onto a horse, where he rode away without facing in front the whole way.

"Where'd you think he's goin' next?" Gideon asked.

"Probably to found some other town," Pacifica answered. _Well, either that or off a cliff._

* * *

It had taken the kids some time, but they also finally managed to find Bill, imprisoned in the stocks with his car stuck in the mud. He had breathed a sigh of relief at their arrival, and then filled a good fifteen minutes with an anecdote of his sorry tale stuck there for the whole Pioneer Day celebration, without food or water, or a bathroom, or any way to avoid talking with Robbie on carrot cake.

"You've been through so much, Uncle Bill," Pacifica said sympathetically, clasping her hands together.

Gideon turned his eyes to the lock on the stocks, and took the President's Key from his pants pocket. _Wonder if this works._ He stuck it in the padlock, and when he turned it, lo and behold the lock came loose, and he took it out. "Hey, it works," he said while Pacifica lifted the burden from her uncle's shoulders.

"Anyway, what's with the top hat?" the magician asked. "Following in my footsteps or something?"

"Nope," Pacifica said. "I'm now an official U.S. Congresswoman!"

"What?" Bill's brow creased. Obviously he had missed something. "Pardon?"

"You are officially pardoned," his niece said in a fake politician accent, at which both she and Gideon laughed. Bill sighed through his nose. "Looks like you're never gonna change, are 'ya, 'Cif?"

"No, I'm not, Uncle Bill," the twelve year-old declared, and it felt so good to say that. "Never."

Then she raised her hands, yelled, "PACIFICA, AWAY!" and jumped backwards...into a pile of hay.

* * *

**(A/N: Done! I'm not sure what's in store for you guys in the next episode, but who knows, it might be better than you expect. Or worse. Sigh.**

*** - Just so you know, the McGucket mentioned here isn't the crazy old coot of the present canon, but the college buddy portal-maker who founded the Society of the Blind Eye.**

**** - The U.S. Presidents listed in real life switch places with their Vice Presidents. Hey, even history's gotta be reversed in this AU.)**

**UHDGB WR PHHW WKH DXWKRU?**


	25. The Time Traveler's Chicken (Part 1)

**(A/N: Sorry for the little hiatus. Quizzes had me busy, and then Christmas vacation had me lethargic. Oh well. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!**

**Disclaimer: Oh, who am I kidding? You all know I don't own Gravity Falls, or even the Reverse Pines AU. I just own this version of it.**

* * *

The first thing that Gideon Gleeful noticed as he woke up that morning was that it was incredibly noisy. It was as if a fanfare were playing something outside the house, so Gideon stood on tiptoe on his bed to get a glimpse of what was happening outside the window.

Outside his window, there were booths being set up, and rides being fixed together for the big day that was today. He couldn't smell anything from his room, but Gideon was sure that if he opened the window, his nose would be tickled with the familiar scent of corn dogs and iron.

_Of course._ Gideon had known this day was coming, after all.

"Hey, 'Cifica–" he started to talk, but then noticed that the bed right across his was empty.

" 'Cifica?" Gideon looked around, searching for anywhere his friend could be in the attic. Not in her bed, and then after a brief search of the room, not in the room. Outside, then.

Quickly, the nine year-old got himself ready, with his cap, vest, and shoes (he figured he could take a shower right after he checked out what was going on), and then he walked out the door, down the stairs, and into the gift shop, which he could see was already open in anticipation for the early visitors. _Mr. Northwest's cons know no bounds,_ Gideon thought to himself.

Speaking of no bounds, he walked out of the gift shop, and faced himself with what was bound to be one of the biggest schemes Bill Northwest had done yet.

The Magic Fair.

"Isn't she lovely, kid?" Gideon heard a shrill voice call him, and when a long arm slung itself onto his shoulders he was sure it was Pacifica's uncle. "The cheapest fair money can buy!" The magician gestured with his cane to the structures coming up around them, the fair itself still under construction. "Well, cheap for me, not so cheap for the fair-goers," Bill continued, walking Gideon around to an open space where Robbie was currently working on what looked like one of the booths.

"And you know what the best part is, kid?" Bill grinned down at Gideon, and Gideon suddenly felt apprehensive. "I spared _every_ expense!"

_Well, that was a good thing, right?_

_Apparently not,_ Gideon realized as he heard a scream coming down from behind them, and then a crash.

"Uncle Bill," Pacifica Northwest pushed open the door of what was once a sky tram car, "now I'm really sure that the sky tram needs a little more improving."

"H-how?" Gideon tilted his head to look a little more clearly at the broken car, and then at his friend to make sure she hadn't sustained any injuries.

"Eh, don't worry 'bout it, kids!" Bill reassured them with a cocky tip of his top hat. "It'll probably be working fine by th'time 'ya ride again! And speaking of 'working fine', I've got a job for you." He took off his hat, reached inside of it, and pulled out a clipboard on which was attached several legal-looking documents. "I've printed out a bunch'f fake safety certificates for the Magic Fair." With that, he handed Gideon and Pacifica the clipboard. "Just slap one'f these on anything that might send us to the courthouse."

"Mr. Northwest, isn't that illegal?" Gideon asked Bill, taking the clipboard and looking the fake documents over.

Bill snorted. "Come on, kid! When the cops're away, _anything's_ legal!"

The magician then took up his cane, and walked up to the booth that Robbie was working on. "Hey, Rob!" he said to the handyman. "How's the dunk tank comin' along?"

Robbie turned off the blowtorch he was currently working with, and pushed up his face mask so he could look at his boss. "I think I'm done with the target, Mr. Northwest," he said, and Bill walked over to said target board to make sure. He tapped the board firmly with his cane, yet the seat inside the tank didn't budge.

"Ha! All we need is the water and pretty soon they won't know what hit 'em!" Bill laughed. "Nothing in this world could knock me down now!"

"Except for maybe a laser gun from the future," Robbie looked his handiwork over.

Bill suddenly stopped laughing – strange, since the magician was prone to laughing fits – and regarded the sixteen year-old in front of him for half a second.

He knew that look. That train of thought.

He rolled his eyes at his own train of thought. "Ugh." Then another came to him suddenly, and he patted his coat pockets thoughtfully. "Hey, Robbie, you haven't seen my screwdriver 'round, have 'ya? Can't find it anywhere." He bent down and rifled through the tool box for what felt like the fifteenth time that morning. _Dammit, I'm gonna lose it if I don't find that thing._

"Maybe some supernatural creature took it, like-like a dwarf who's laughing at your misery." Robbie suggested.*****

Bill frowned up at the teenager. _Hide surprise, sound smart._ "I'm tellin' 'ya, you've been spending way too much time with those kids."

Robbie just shrugged and went back to working the blowtorch on the target board, just to be safe. Bill turned around to look at the kids behind him. "Hey, kids, have you–?"

Then he realized that they had heeded his instructions and were now putting his fake safety certificates on the rides. He watched them walk around the fair, and sighed to himself, trying to make it sound more like a laugh than an ache in his stomach.

_I really wanna smoke right now._

Unbeknownst to the magician, behind the portable toilets crept a strange man, watching him with an unreadable look on his thin face. Then he looked to his wristwatch, holding Bill's screwdriver up with his other hand.

"The mission is proceeding as planned," he whispered into the videophone that was his watch. "Over."

He turned the screwdriver onto a certain port in the watch, twisting it until his jumpsuit camouflaged itself into the correct surroundings – the Magic Fair. Then he walked away, unseen by anyone.

* * *

The Magic Fair started operations at 11 in the morning, letting people spend their lunch hour attending what was Bill's latest scheme. And now it was 12 in the afternoon.

Speaking of Bill...

"It's twelve o'clock! The Dunk Tank is now open!" the magician's squeaky voice shouted through the speakers, followed by the loud screech of feedback. The patrons covered their ears at the squeak. Curious others went to the dunk tank, with the sign "DUNK-LE THE UNCLE" hammered on top.

"Yeah, that's right!" Bill said once he took one look at the people that came to the dunk tank. "How 'bout you try your luck at this, Mr. Ugly?" he called out to a rather less-than-attractive man. "And you too, Make-Up!" he told a lady who was putting on what looked like the third layer of make-up.

As he teased and insulted more people, more money came into the dunk tank booth to pay for a ball to hit the target with, to try and dunk the magician, only to watch all the balls bounce off the target – just as Bill intended.

"Hah, that's right, people!" he laughed hard, wiping a tear from his eyes. "Come back any time you want!"

Melody just rolled her eyes at the spectacle. _Typical Magic Man._ She turned to the two kids beside her. "Hey, you two havin' a good time?" she asked them.

"Never been better!" Pacifica chirped. She leaned over on one foot, and turned to her friend Gideon. "What about you, Gid?"

Gideon blinked, and said shyly, "Well, everythin's goin'...nice, I guess."

Melody chuckled. "Don't worry. Hey, guess what? I'm gonna go find you something to eat. What about those corn dogs?"

"Oh, oh!" Pacifica pointed at a separate booth. "There's cotton candy!"

"What do you think, Gideon?"

"I..." Gideon looked at them, and tried to smile, "...why not both?"

"Awesome!" Pacifica cheered, and walked off to get cotton candy, while Melody flashed a (_beautiful, beautiful_) smile and walked to the corn dog stand. Gideon's eyes darted from one stand to another before walking over to the cotton candy one, tapping Pacifica's shoulder. "Psst. 'Cifica."

The twelve year-old gave some dollars to the person over the counter, who handed her two sticks full of bright pink cotton candy. She turned on her heel to face her friend. "Isn't this great, Gideon?" she asked him. "We've finally got some together time with Melody! And all you had to do was ask her to be our chaperone, like one of those grown-up people!" She fist-pumped the air. "Pow!"

"I don't know, 'Cifica; I'm not feelin' so sure now," Gideon said, taking one cotton candy stick from her. "I mean, this _is_ nice, I'm not gonna lie, but...what if Melody had other plans, y'know? Like, she might've wanted t'go wit' her friends and all..."

"Don't worry about that, Gideon!" Pacifica reassured him. "Melody said 'Yeah, okay,' so there's no way anything can spoil our fun!"

Just as she had said that, however, a shadow loomed over the two of them – and when they looked up, they knew that its source boded no good.

"Heh, wow, didn't expect to see you chumps sittin' round here," Soos Ramirez said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I guess that means Melody's around here too."

"And what if she was?" Pacifica said, staring the larger man in the eye. "What's it to you?"

Soos replied by taking a chunk of cotton candy from Gideon's stick, and the appalled nine year-old was reminded of the term "taking candy from a baby". (Not that he was any baby, but still.)

"Just wanted to ask her something quite important – not that you dudes would know anything about it." Soos regarded them with a haughty air, and then shrugged. " 'Till then, I'll just be looking 'round this fair." He laughed. "Bill Northwest's a cheapskate, you know that?"

Pacifica glared up at him, but said nothing.

The handyman chewed on the piece of cotton candy. "See 'ya – when Melody's around," he waved them goodbye.

The twelve year-old scoffed. "Ugh, he's such a jerk."

"Yeah, but what can we do?" her friend said. "I mean, he's one of Melody's friends. He's technically got a right t'see 'er."

"Remember, Gid," Pacifica put a hand on the nine-year old's shoulder, "Melody knows he's a jerk, too. And you know what? There is nothing in this world that will stop me from helping you have a great time wi– OH MY GOSH A CHICKEN!"

Immediately she dropped everything, and Gideon watched in surprise as his friend took off like a jet towards what looked like a chicken booth, according to the "WIN A CHICKEN" sign.

Melody showed up beside Gideon, holding up two corn dogs. "Wow, where'd Pacifica go?" she asked. Gideon turned to her, half-shrugging. "She really wants a chicken, I guess."

"Hm." Melody passed a corn dog to Gideon, who took it with his free hand.

* * *

Pacifica ran past throngs of people, trying to reach the booth where she would meet a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. She pushed past a couple of bikers, before hearing the voice of a carnie call out: "If you can guess the ol' chick'n's height, you can take the chick'n home!"

The twelve year-old stopped at the barrier separating her and the chickens, looking around at her prospects. There was a few chicks, and a hen, and some more chickens around the booth before her eyes stopped upon..._the most gorgeous rooster she had ever seen._ Its tail feathers were long and shiny, and its beady eyes fixed upon hers the moment she looked at it.

A clucking sound came out of its mouth, and Pacifica gasped.

"It said 'Pacifica'!" she exclaimed. "Well, either that or 'buck unicorn'." She leaned over the wooden barrier, still looking the rooster in the eye. "Did you say 'Pacifica'?"

The rooster simply made the same clucking sound, and that was when Pacifica knew it was destiny.

"Hey, check that out!" A familiar gruff voice said behind Pacifica, and she turned around to see Mabel's cronies Candy and Grenda, the latter holding up a cellphone to take her picture. "Pacifica found herself a _true_ friend!" When this was said, the two girls laughed between themselves, and Pacifica glared at them before they disappeared into the ground.

"Oh, _heck_ no," she said, before turning to the carnie. "Excuse me, sir, I've _got_ to get that rooster," she pointed at the rooster she had admired. She would prove to those two that she wouldn't be humiliated by them.

"Ah, the old one-eight footer!" he said, looking at the rooster, before pointing a finger at the girl. "So, what's your guess on the height?"

"Um...one foot, eight inches?" she asked, guessing by what the carnie just said.

He stared at her for a moment, before asking her, "...Are you in any way a witch, little girl?" He seemed to contemplate this for half a second, before reaching down with his cane and pulling the rooster forward, and picking the chicken up to hand it to Pacifica. "Anyway, here's your chicken, fair and square."

As the rooster clucked at her, and everyone around her including the carnie applauded her victory, it was as if Pacifica had hit the jackpot. The chicken did not in any way squirm in her grasp, and in fact it was rather docile even after a few seconds passed while she was holding it in the air.

"And you'll be needing these," the carnie said, giving her a pamphlet which title read, "How to Prepare Livestock for Dinner". When she looked at him in offense, he took the cue, and pulled it back, saying, "Suit yourself, little lady."

She looked at the rooster again, and slowly began to embrace it, feeling rather giddy when it accepted her hug. Then she looked up at the sky.

"Everything is different now," she said in hushed awe.

* * *

"Well, that dart game was fun," Melody said. "Heh, yeah, we didn't win anythin', but it's all fun and games," Gideon said, and paused to look up at her for an anxious moment, but Melody didn't seem to mind. The older woman simply smiled, and sighed in a way that made it seem like a laugh.

"Well, check that out!" she then pointed at a stall displaying a few stuffed trophies. "That's gotta be one prize I want on my wall!"

"Mm," Gideon looked up at it, finishing the last of his corn dog. The two of them walked up to the booth, looking at the game they had to play in order to win the aforementioned stuff toy. It seemed that this was another one of those trick games – the game in which one tossed a ball at a stack of three cans in an effort to knock all of them down.

"Hey, 'Cifica's uncle told us somethin' about these games," the nine year-old suddenly felt like adding. " 'Yer s'pposed t'aim at th'carnies head, an'then take the prize when they're knocked out."

Melody laughed. "Typical Bill," she said. "Yeah, I definitely want that now." With that, she handed a ticket to the man behind the stand. "One ball, please."

"You only get one shot," the carnie warned her as he handed her a baseball. Melody then handed it to Gideon. "Wanna do the honors?"

"I-I guess," Gideon accepted the ball, trying not to sound flustered. She gave him a thumbs-up, and he moved his hand back, feeling sure that he was aiming for the center of the pile-up, and then threw the ball forward.

But instead of hitting the pile dead center, it hit the table on which the cans were placed, and bounced back towards them – or more accurately, towards Melody's face, where it hit her point-blank in her left eye.

She let out an expletive the nine year-old was sure he wasn't supposed to hear, raising her hands to cradle her eye, and Gideon put his hands up in panic. "Sweet mercy! A-are 'ya alright?" he asked.

Melody took a deep breath, before lowering her hands from her face. "How does it look?" she queried, quite in pain from the black eye she now had.

Gideon put his hands up to cover his face. "Don't worry, I-I'll get some ice! Stay here!"

The nine year-old then ran off in the direction of the Magic House, into the kitchen where a sack of ice sat in the freezer (at least his memory hadn't failed him). He pulled it out, and then ran back outside into the Magic Fair, where it seemed a large crowd of people was standing in between him and his objective. However, Gideon managed to keep running, and it looked as if he could make it in just five seconds–

–but then he collided with another person's knees, causing the sack of ice to fall out of his grasp, the ice cubes spilling out of the bag.

"Ow," he said, before opening his eyes, and kneeling down to the ground, having retrieved the empty bag. He pushed the scattered ice into the bag, looking up to the man he had bumped into. "I'm so sorry, sir," he managed to say, but the man didn't even acknowledge him. In fact, the thin bald man just grabbed his only possession that had fallen onto the ground – a tape measure – and got to his feet before running into the crowd.

Gideon had just gotten the last ice cube back into the bag, before he heard a familiar voice from in front of him – and it wasn't Melody's voice.

"Alright, dude, just ease your eye into this snow cone right here."

"Thanks, Soos," Melody told the handyman in front of her, who was now holding a snow cone to her black eye. "For the gesture, and the extra snow cone. You're so thoughtful," she said, taking the aforementioned extra snow cone from him.

Gideon reeled back, feeling rotten. He wasn't even able to offer a proper apology when this was his fault, and now Soos was here.

"Oh, uh, here's the thing," Soos began to say, his eyes darting left and right. "So, I was just meaning to say...we've been hanging out a lot, and I just wanted to say that..."

"You wanna go on a date with me?" Melody asked, with a raised eyebrow. When Soos looked back at her with amazed eyes, she nodded. "Yeah, sure, I wanna go on a date with you."

"What, really? That-that's awesome!"

Gideon couldn't help but gape.

_Had that just happened? Right in front of my eyes?_

Apparently it had, just as the ice he had so hastily scooped up now burst out from the bottom of the ice bag.

"Well, I mean, right now, dude," Soos said as he started to lead her away from the booth by the hand. Melody pressed her lips together. "I don't know..." she said, "I've got a – oh, Gideon!" She noticed the nine year-old standing by, and waved at him. "Do you mind if Soos borrows me for a little while?"

Gideon felt like he should have denied her request – deep in the pits of his stomach, though he wasn't quite sure why – but he shook his head. "N-no," he said. "You can go have fun, t'gether and..."

"Okay then," Soos seemed to roll his eyes, but that gesture went unnoticed to Melody, who waved him goodbye and then went with Soos on their first date together.******

Gideon was still staring after them when Pacifica walked up to her friend.

"Look, Gid!" she exclaimed. "I won my pet chicken! I call him Feathers, because of his tail feathers!" Proudly, she stroked them. "They're so shiny!"

However, he didn't pay attention. Instead, still in shock, Gideon murmured, "Everythin's diff'rent now, 'Cifica."

"Why? What do you mean?" Pacifica asked, and Gideon pointed to the new couple who was climbing into the first car of the Tunnel of Love and Corndogs.

"...Oh," the twelve year-old frowned, her bright mood faltering.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Gideon followed Pacifica around like her new pet rooster did: silently and constantly looking at the ground. He tried to have fun, he really did, but as the sun began to set and the fair began to light up in preparation for running until the late hours of the night (Bill had wanted to milk out what his Magic Fair was worth), Gideon was pretty sure he wasn't and he had wasted the one day the fair was going to be open for.

He contemplated this as he sat on the steps outside the gift shop, resting his head in his hands. Beside him, Pacifica was holding Feathers in front of her friend, trying to cheer him up.

"Amazing Wizard Feathers here," she said in a funny voice. "I heard Pacifica's got a friend with a broken heart and I'm here with a spell to fix it!" She smiled at him, but he did not return it. Her smile fell off her face, and then she moved to sit beside him.

"Come on, Gid," she tried to console him. "It's just one date they're going on. Who knows, maybe Melody will get turned off by how much of a jerk he is and stop going out with him."

"Pacifica," he said weakly, finally looking at her, "Melody's already been tol'rating 'im for who knows how long when they were friends. She's probably gonna look past his jerk-ness or somethin'." He sighed. "I mean, Soos was there with the snow cone just in time when Melody got hit by the ball I threw – I had some ice, but I didn't get there in time!"

"And why didn't you get there in time?" Pacifica asked, intending to get to the root of her friend's pain.

"It's not really important," Gideon dismissed. "I just bumped into a tall bald man on the way there, it's fine."

The twelve year-old's eyes had wandered around the fair as he was saying this, and now her gaze fell onto a strange-looking figure.

"You mean like that guy over there?" she asked, pointing at him.

Gideon looked up. "Uh, yeah, that's him," he recognized; and he was suddenly not prepared for Pacifica getting up and walking over to said man.

_Oh, no._ "Wait, Pacifica!" he cried, calling out to her, but his friend had already opened her mouth to call out a message of her own to the bald man.

"Hey, you!" she said, getting his attention. "You ruined my friend's day!"

"Wh-who, me?" the man stammered, confused and mildly panicked.

"Yeah, you! You bumped into my friend when he was on his way to a very important mission!" She turned on her heel. "Tell him, Gideon!"

"I – I mean, he didn't say sorry, but that's not–!"

"Ha! You didn't even say sorry to him!" Pacifica pointed an accusing finger at the man, who was still standing there in shock. "Explain yourself! What's your deal, huh?"

"Oh, no!" the man said. "My position has been compromised!" He reached for his watch, twisting it around. As he did so, his suit began to change into different colors, matching different surroundings, but none of which was the Magic Fair. "Initiating color match – initiating – color – ugh!" He stomped his foot, and then took a screwdriver out from his utility belt and began to try and fix his watch.

"Th-that's amazin'," Gideon muttered under his breath. Pacifica seemed to share the same wonder, too, as she asked, "Are you from the future, or something?"

"What?" the man hollered in his heavily accented voice. "Who told you that?" In his desperation, he grabbed something from inside his jacket, and threw it at Pacifica's face. "Memory wipe!"

The twelve year-old stood still for half a second, before peeling the soft fragrant sheet from her face. "...This is a _baby_ wipe."

"Ugh, fine, you've cornered me," the man sighed in defeat, sitting down on a wooden crate. "I'm...a time traveler."

"Well, so," Gideon asked, "that means you've got a time machine, right?"

"How else do you think I got here?" the man shrugged.

Pacifica's wandering eyes then turned to the ferris wheel behind the time traveler – where Soos and Melody were currently riding in one carriage – and she got an idea.

"Can we borrow it?" she asked.

* * *

**(A/N: * - Filipino folklore reference, somehow.**

**** - I thought it was kind of rude how Wendy just went with Robbie and left Dipper hanging at the side, especially when she had agreed to go with him. Maybe it's because "Yeah, I guess so" doesn't really commit one to anything when one is a teenager, but she didn't let Dipper know. Just saying.**

**And that is my last chapter for 2015!)**


	26. The Time Traveler's Chicken (Part 2)

**(A/N: I am so sorry for making you wait this long for an update! Before anything else, I'll try to answer some questions:**

**To that one anon, I counted the number of times people would call Uncle Bill "William". And only his older brother Preston (Pacifica's father), Wax Lincoln, and (being general) the entire Pines family call him William. They all call him William because that's his name in this AU: William "Bill" Northwest. As for Melody, she calls him Bill.**

**For lots of those anons, sorry, but I don't ship Dipcifica, so I'm pretty sure it's not gonna be in this fanfic any time soon. And generally, excluding some pairs, this story is about platonic relationships, without much romance for Pacifica or Gideon. Or even Bill, if you were wondering about him.**

**After "A Gazillion Gideons", I don't think the Gideon/Melody arc will have as much romance in it as the Dipper/Wendy arc in canon did. It's a precocious crush and Gideon knows it, as you will see (if my writing is good enough to show it). Though sometimes he can be selfish, yes; it's part of growing up.**

**And for everyone's information, yes, this fanfiction may follow the original storyline of Gravity Falls closely. But don't worry; it won't be copying the story to the letter – there will be lots of subtle yet ubiquitous differences between canon and this fanfiction. And there will be a few original stories to fill in the original hiatuses between the canon episodes, as well as a big change by the end of "Not What He Seems". Yes, I'm excited for you guys to see it too! And then you will see who the Author truly is.**

**But it's a long way 'till then, so enjoy this chapter with one more difference from the canon!)**

* * *

"Come on! Can't we borrow your time machine for at least, like, once? One time?" Pacifica tried to haggle.

"That is out of the question, young lady!" the time traveler said firmly. "Don't you understand that I'm dealing with sensitive and extremely complicated time equipment?" To further demonstrate his point, he pulled something out from his toolbelt, and showed it off to them.

"Um...isn't that a tape measure, sir?" Gideon asked, but the man looked miffed. "Keep your time mouth shut, you!" he rebuked, though the nine year-old didn't really feel that struck by the remark. He looked to Pacifica. " S'any of this makin' sense t'ya, 'Cifica?" he asked. She replied in kind, "Maybe he's just crazy."

"What, you don't believe me?" the man said, irritated. He took up the tape measure again, pulled out the measure to a certain length, and then released it. As he did, a blue flash surrounded him, so that he was gone.

Gideon turned to Pacifica, his eyes asking if she was seeing this. She was still staring at the spot where he was, and only about one second after his departure, the time traveler returned in the same spot from the same blue light – except this time, wearing a familiar suit of the 1860's, complete with top hat and beard.

"Guess where I was!" he exclaimed proudly, and the kids couldn't help but show their wonder.

"That's right," he continued, "about five years ago the owner of this business forced everyone to dress like historical people just so they could get a coupon for his wax museum. One second," he excused himself, pulling the measure of the time machine back again and then vanishing. True to his word, he was gone for only a second, and had returned without the costume (though he was on fire for a moment, which he had taken the time to pat off).

"So, who are 'ya again, sir?" Gideon asked the time traveler.

The time traveler pulled out an ID card. "Blendin Ivan, part of the Time Anomaly Removal Crew year 207012." He replaced the ID, continuing, "My mission here is to investigate a series of anomalies that are happening right here in this very area." Then he put a hand to his forehead. "But-but I don't see any anomalies, like, at all!" He paced around, his hands moving to rest behind his back. "Maybe they haven't happened yet...or it's a paradox...or I'm just really tired..."

Gideon and Pacifica looked at each other again, then back to the time traveler. "You know what, sir?" the latter asked. "You probably are tired. Might I suggest to you one of the attractions of the Magic Fair?" She held up her last ticket to him. "Come on, it'll refresh you...at least that's how I think it goes."

"Well, you know what?" the man turned to them. "That sounds like a great idea!" He took the ticket from her, but then gave her a look. "I'm watching you, though." The time traveler held up a finger at them. "I'm watching you." He narrowed his eyes at the two children, before walking off in the direction of the "Barrel Roll", the ride that Robbie was currently manning.

"One ride, please," the time traveler gave the ticket to Robbie. The handyman looked at the ticket, and then at the man. "Sorry, sir, but you're gonna have to take off your tool belt," he told the man. "One of those tools might fly off and hit someone."

Instead of making an argument like he did with the two kids, the time traveler instantly conceded, removing his tool belt and handing it to the teen. "Guard it with your life, young man," he said (almost dramatically) before stepping into one of the barrels on the ride.

"I'll watch it like a hawk, sir!" Robbie promised as he started up the ride, not knowing that Pacifica had already swiped said belt from the barrel on which he had laid it by the time he said this. "Like a hawk!"

* * *

"Check it, Gid," Pacifica said, laying the strange object down on the living room table. "This strange thing can get us to travel around in time!"

"Yeah, uh, since we're done lookin' at it, can we just...return it now?" Gideon asked hesitantly, clasping his hands together like a squirrel. "He's gonna notice we've stolen his time doohickey; what d'we need it for, anyway?"

"Come on, Gideon," Pacifica looked to her friend. "Don't you wanna fix your mistake of hitting Melody in her eye?"

"...Well, yeah, but–"

"It's settled then!" She took up the time machine. "You can fix your mistake with Melody, and I can go relive the moment I first met my beloved chicken Feathers!" Having said that, she leaned down to kiss her rooster on the head. (Gideon had to stifle a smile; _she must really love that chicken_.) Then she took up the time machine, and stretched out the tape inside, to a label that said "6 HOURS EARLIER".

Seeing that nothing was going to stifle his friend, Gideon just exhaled in resignation, and looked down at Feathers. "Well, see 'ya later, chicken," he said.

"See you _earlier_!" Pacifica leaned over to tell the chicken, and then laughed at her own joke.

With that, she released the tape, and Gideon grabbed on to her a split second before a bright flash overtook the two of them.

* * *

As a blue light enveloped the two, Feathers fled from the table, scattering a deck of cards that Bill had left on the table. A split second later, a king of hearts card that was about to touch the floor froze in mid-air, as did Feathers.

* * *

Robbie chomped down on a caramel apple, eating it quite quickly. Yet even he slowed down just as he was going to accomplish his twelfth bite in quick succession.

* * *

In fact, people all around the fair going about their normal business slowed down as well, before stopping completely – and then everything sped backwards.

* * *

When the blue flash vanished from the two friends, they found themselves in the same place they were before, with the card pack still neatly stacked on the table, and no Feathers clucking beside them. On top of that, Gideon's hat had suddenly caught on fire, which he was quick to put out.

After that small ordeal, Gideon and Pacifica ran out of their chairs, eager to see if it had worked. The former glanced up at the strange cat-shaped clock that Bill had hung up in the living room to check the time, while the latter opened the front door to hear her uncle's voice on the speakers. Either way, both methods produced the same result:

"It's twelve o'clock! The Dunk Tank is now open!"

Pacifica then stepped out of the house. Everything was indeed as it had been at 12 o'clock earlier that day; the insults coming from her uncle, the patrons spilling inside the gates of the fair, and the long line leading to the restrooms. Gideon came out as well, and spotted Melody in the middle of the crowd. So there didn't seem to be any earlier versions of them wandering with Melody; that was one less wrench in the gears of the time-space continuum. (Or maybe he had just watched too much sci-fi.)

"And now we can do-over!" Pacifica told her friend, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Gideon tried to laugh, and watched her run off for the chicken booth.

Then he guessed that there was nothing left to lose, so he walked off the front porch as well and made his way over to the older woman, who was already eating some snacks.

"Oh, there you are!" Melody said upon noticing the nine-year old. "Don't know where you and Pacifica ran off to."

"Ah, I had t'go t'the restroom," Gideon excused. "An' I think 'Cifica's gettin' herself a pet chicken." "Well, I guess she must really like chickens," the older woman shrugged as she finished off the last of her corn dog. "Hey, what happened to your hat?"

"N-nothing," he excused, running a hand over the burnt part of his cap.

Well, the nine-year old felt a little better. At least now he could get the afternoon to go without Soos coming by, now he could get Melody to avoid the–

"Well, check that out!" Melody exclaimed, pointing at the booth with the stuffed trophies. "That's gotta be one prize I want on my wall!"

_Spoke too soon._

They both walked towards the booth, Gideon trying to think of something with which he could start an awkward conversation, to no avail. He watched in mild horror as Melody came up to the carnie at the booth, and handed her ticket to him, in exchange for a ball with which to hit the cans.

"Wanna do the honors?" she asked the nine year-old, handing him the ball, and once again Gideon didn't refuse, taking the ball.

_Sweet mercy, hope I don't hit her in the face, hope I don't hit her in the face, _he frantically thought to himself as he aimed at the stack of cans, hoping to hit it dead center, and he tried to smile when Melody gave her the thumbs-up.

He threw it with all the might and precision that he felt was in his arm–

–and the pile-up collapsed; but this only brought temporary relief for the nine year-old, as the ball continued to move on to a board behind the table. The force caused it to ricochet and fly through the air to collide with Melody's left eye again, causing her to curse loudly again.

"Oh my goodness! Melody, I'm so sorry!" Gideon exclaimed, sweating more profusely this time because _I hit her once again, the whole point of this was not to hit her and I blew it!_ The older woman hissed in pain, taking a deep breath and lowering her hands to reveal the black eye that he had seen before, asking, "Does it look bad?"

Gideon wondered what to say or do next – should he run off to get the ice again, or should he stay with her? – and he realized he had been whimpering in a panic for too long before a familiar shape came up behind Melody.

"Whoa, dude, are you alright?" Soos asked, holding the exact same snow cones he had held before. Now he came over to Melody in concern (which, Gideon found, was a little sincere). "Alright, dude, just ease your eye into this snow cone right here," he told her, pressing one of the frozen foods into her eye, and ushering the other one into her hand.

Gideon tilted his head as he looked at the exchange, feeling less pained and more curious about the outcome.

* * *

"The same thing happened, 'Cifica, I'm tellin' 'ya!" Gideon later said to his friend as they stood in line to the Ferris wheel. "It was really weird."

"Ooh, spooky," Pacifica responded. "Maybe it's some kind of time curse or something." She looked at Feathers, who was eating blades of grass from her hand. "Hey, Feathers, say 'time curse'." The rooster's form of a reply was clucking that sounded nothing like "time curse", but nevertheless the twelve year-old squealed and carried it in her arms. "You're so charming!" she said to the rooster.

"Well, if there's a time curse, then what's the point of goin' through wit' this?" Gideon looked at her. "I mean, maybe we should just enjoy the fair while it lasts." He kicked a stone on the ground. "After all, Soos an' Melody are goin' out, and sure, I don't like 'im for Melody, but I guess it's fine." The nine year-old then shoved his hands in the outer pockets of his vest.

Seeing the look on his face, Pacifica stood up, placing Feathers on the ground, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, Gideon, it's not over 'till it's over!" she asserted. "I said 'maybe', right? There's still a chance that we might be able to avoid hitting Melody in the eye, and stop her and Soos from going out." She smiled at him. "What do you say?"

Gideon's eyes darted back and forth from his friend to the ground – maybe this wasn't such a good idea, maybe he should accept what fate had given to him, as his mother always said – but then he saw the look on her face, and nodded.

After all, he did want to stop himself from hurting Melody, right?

* * *

About fourteen failed attempts and still no progress.

Pacifica Northwest was close to pulling out her own hair as she thought about how frustrating the whole situation was. No matter what they did, Melody always somehow managed to get hit by a ball thrown by Gideon. (Or in one unfortunate case, several balls _not_ thrown by Gideon.)

Well, on the bright side, she had managed to share more fun times with her rooster Feathers, but that was besides the point. What mattered to her right now (besides embroidering a chicken onto one of her jackets) was the happiness of her friend – or at least the clearing of accidentally hitting a nice lady on the face from his conscience.

She muttered several more things that they could do under her breath as she ran the needle through the fabric, before accidentally pricking her finger and exclaiming a euphemism in pain.

"Are 'ya alright?" Gideon asked, coming over to her, walking past Feathers who had been startled by the noise and was now trotting promptly to the popcorn machine next to them. "It's fine, it's nothing," the twelve year-old waved a hand, putting the wounded finger in her mouth.

Gideon watched her, sighing. "Look, 'Cifica, maybe I am just fated to have a bad day at the fair. I mean, we have our different things – you have your chicken, and I have...mem'ries of this thing, but still. Maybe we should just leave it."

"We are not gonna leave it until Melody leaves this fair with a stuffed trophy and _not_ a black eye, Gid," Pacifica insisted. "There's just something missing – something that could drop in at any given time to help you out..." She trailed off as her eyes lit up in a eureka moment.

"...Me! I'm the thing missing!" Pacifica declared, jumping to her feet and making the jacket drop from her lap. "All I need to do is help you throw that ball in a way that won't endanger Melody's face! I've got a plan, and I wanna see if it works!"

"But don't 'ya hafta win 'yer chicken?" Gideon asked. "I know how much that Feathers means to you..."

"It won't take long!" she assured her friend. "I can just go win him later! Now, for the plan!"

* * *

Now Gideon Gleeful found himself standing in front of the booth for the fifteenth time, being handed the ball at the exact same time he had always received it. He checked the direction of the wind, and then stared down at the ball in his hand. Just as planned.

"Are you gonna go yet, or...?" Melody asked awkwardly, and that made Gideon know that he had been thinking for too long.

_Well, do or die. Pacifica and I haven't worked on this plan for one hour for nothing, after all._

"Here goes," he muttered to himself, before throwing the ball – not at the stack of cans, but upwards.

"...Uh, Gideon, the target's over there," Melody pointed out, gesturing to the pile-up.

"Yeah, I know," the nine year-old said, trying not to sound nervous. "But there's a plan."

They both then watched as the ball then made an arc downwards to the top of the booth's tent, rolling down the slope and then shooting back up again towards the roof of the Magic House. It moved down the roof tiles before ending up in the gutter, its force carrying it down the pipe and up the tilted end that Pacifica was holding up, and then it soared through the air and hit the target of Bill's dunk tank – but to everyone's disappointment, the magician stayed high above the water – against which it bounced back towards the booth. When they saw that the speeding ball had shot through a man's cotton candy and knocked the crushed ice off both of Soos's snow cones, both Gideon and Melody ducked as it crashed through the pile of cans and slammed against the board behind the table before flying up and ripping a hole through the tent.

Gideon and Melody peeked up from behind the counter of the booth, and that was when the seemingly-unfazed carnie took a stuffed trophy from the top shelf and carried it to the two of them. "Your prize for knocking that thing down with crazy accuracy," he declared.

"Aw, cool!" Melody said, holding the stuffed trophy close to her body. "How did you do that?"

"I guess I've played so many times the plan just came t'me," Gideon shrugged, taking off his cap in a salute. The ball then landed right in his hat, and he stared at it before laughing a little in exhilaration, _had that really just happened?_

"Oh, there you are, Mel," Soos said as he came around the corner, throwing two empty paper cones in a nearby trash can. Melody turned to look at him. "Hey, Soos, what's up?" she asked.

"Well, I've been meaning to ask you something, dude," he began, but had trouble spitting it out as his eyes darted left and right. Melody decided to fill in the silence by holding the stuffed trophy for him to look at. "Hey, check out this thing we won," she said, and Soos looked over her shoulder at Gideon, who tried to smile up at him.

Soos's eyes then focused on Melody again, before frowning. "Yeah, well, I guess my question wasn't that important," he said as he tilted his cap lower. "Like that thing. Probably gonna throw it away later, anyway." Then he turned on his heel and left.

Knowing what Soos had been meaning to say, Gideon felt a little guilty about watching him leave. But then Melody turned around and looked at the nine year-old, saying, "Don't listen to him. Guess I can say that I came to the fair with the right guy."

The guilt didn't leave right away or completely, and it might have been selfish to drink in that praise, but Gideon drank it in anyway.

He looked behind him to see Pacifica, having come down from the roof of the House, now smiling at him. He gave her a small smile and a thumbs-up, which she returned.

"Anytime, Gid," she said, and then turned around to where she knew the chicken booth was. "And now, to claim my Feathers," she declared – and then stopped right in her tracks.

"It's all yours, little ladies," the carnie and the chicken booth told Grenda and Candy, as he handed over none other than the rooster Feathers right in front of Pacifica. "All yours, for all time. Forever and ever."

The two girls looked down at it, sneering. "Sir, I think we'll need that pamphlet for livestock," Grenda said, picking up Feathers and carrying it in her hands. It struggled, at which the larger girl shouted in protest, but Candy calmed her down by telling her something that to Pacifica sounded a lot like "Don't worry; it won't be alive for much longer when Mabel's done with it."

At this whole scene, Pacifica screamed in shock, and then ran off to find a friend.

* * *

"I guess it's probably safe t'say I enjoyed that more than I thought," Gideon said as he and Melody exited a carriage of the Ferris wheel. "I told you there was nothing to be scared of," the older woman patted his head, before looking up. "Hey look; churros!" She pointed to a stall. "Let's go get some!"

Gideon nodded, and was about to speed up his walking when he heard a familiar voice screaming from behind him. He looked to his left, and to his right, before turning around and seeing Pacifica running towards him with her hands in the air.

"Whoa, are you al–?" Melody tried to ask, but barely got the last syllable in before Pacifica inhaled and screamed again.

"Pacifica, are you–"

"AGH!"

"...Just wait 'till she's finished," Gideon advised the older woman quietly.

"I'm finished," Pacifica declared, putting her arms down. The nine year-old then turned around to Melody, and told her, "We-we'll catch up t'ya there, Melody." Seeing that this was a matter that concerned the two friends alone, the older woman decided to give them their space, walking off to the churros stall, leaving Gideon to give his attention back to the twelve year-old. "So what happened?"

"This timeline's messed up, Gid!" Pacifica cried. "Mabel's friends saw the flier and took Feathers before I did! And now they're gonna kill him! They're gonna _kill_ Feathers, Gideon!"

"My goodness, 'Cifica!" Gideon exclaimed. "L-look, I know what to do. Where's that time machine? We can go back and let 'ya get your chicken again." He put his fist down into his open palm, and then reached for the time machine which he knew was inside her jacket, but then Pacifica pushed his hands away and turned from him.

"No, you don't have to do over this time," she said. "You needed my help to stop hitting Melody in the eye; we-we can just devise another plan to take Feathers back from them!"

"But that would be stealing!" Gideon said. "And we don't stand a chance against larger kids like them!"

"Gid, what if in any other timelines except this one, you end up hitting Melody in the eye and making her go out with Soos?" Pacifica reasoned. "We can just leave it like this!"

"No, we can't; you might lose that chicken forever!"

Gideon jumped at Pacifica, and the twelve year-old immediately tried to keep the nine year-old away from the tape measure in her jacket, pushing him back, but Gideon was quicker this time and snatched it from her pocket. She then held it above his head, having the advantage of height, but the shorter Gideon was able to poke her in the stomach, causing her to drop the time machine (_wow, playing dirty, a first for Gideon Gleeful_, she thought in the back of her mind).

Once it was on the ground, both of them wrestled for it, and one wayward swipe from Pacifica caused the time machine to fly into the edge of one of the Ferris wheel carriages – with her and Gideon holding the other end of the tape.

It tilted from the rim of the carriage once the tape had extended a good deal, and that end of the tape measure zoomed back towards them – and a bright flash surrounded them.


	27. The Time Traveler's Chicken (Part 3)

**(A/N: Did anyone else notice that the phrase "time machine" has the same number of letters as "tape measure"? And they start and end with the same letters, too. Weird. Maybe that was just the GF team's thing.**

**And now, enjoy the final part of The Time Traveler's Chicken!)**

* * *

The bright flash finally vanished from around Gideon and Pacifica, and they found themselves suspended in mid-air for a split second before falling down on the ground.

Gideon groaned, while Pacifica picked herself up almost right away. She looked down at her friend, and then held out a hand to help him while her other one patted some dirt off her jacket. Once the nine year-old was up as well, he dusted off his vest, and looked around.

"When are we?" he asked.

"The real question is, _when_ are we?" Pacifica answered. Then she drew back a little as she realized Gideon had already said it.

"Oh, sorry–"

"Yeah, I know, it's fine–"

"–it was a good joke–"

"–couldn't resist."

Gideon then held up a finger to shush his friend. "Wait; d'you hear that?"

Soon neither of them needed to be quiet to hear the ground rumbling below them, and the two of them turned around to see a herd of buffalo charging right at them, with no way around them. Gideon and Pacifica screamed, and turned on their heels before running.

The two friends ran as fast as they could, looking over their shoulders to see how far they were from the herd, but the distance between them and the herd was slowly closing, bit by bit...until they found themselves running through a thick bush, and had no way out but to run out of that as well.

That led them to keep running, until their swift running combined with their not seeing the path in front of them led them to go right off a cliff's edge.

Screaming all the way, Gideon closed his eyes and prepared for impact, reaching out to grab Pacifica's hand.

However, they never hit the bottom of the cliff – instead, Gideon and Pacifica ripped right through a white cloth and landed on top of some sacks and a barrel.

The nine year-old groaned in pain once more; he guessed that he had sprained his elbow a little in the fall, judging by the pain that was steadily coming to the forefront of his consciousness. He pushed himself up with his good arm, and saw that Pacifica was looking around her, at the white cloth that they had fallen through, and then at the wooden bottom below them, rattling over the ground that was no doubt under the wood.

"Where are we?" Pacifica asked, wincing herself as she slowly pushed herself up as well. "Is this the seventies, or something?"

"More like the _1870's_," Gideon mumbled, cradling his bad arm. "We're in a wagon train – this's th'pioneer times."

Before he could tell her any more – or at least ask her to help him up again – the driver of the wagon turned around at the sound of new voices, and joked, "By McGucket, Adela! I daresay you've given birth to two more children!"

"It appears I have, Jones," the woman in the back replied, and Gideon and Pacifica looked behind them to see her surrounded by many other children of all shapes and ages, as she rubbed her own pregnant belly. "More little ones to help in the fields."

"Uh, we aren't actually from–" Pacifica tried to say, but a boy suddenly came up to her and pointed at her. "Mother, she's wearing short pants," he said.

"Oh, these?" Pacifica gestured to the article of clothing. "These are just called shorts. Women get to wear them all the time in the future!"

"Wha – 'Cifica!" Gideon grabbed Pacifica's shoulder (and immediately regretted it as he had used his bad arm) and pulled her towards him. "I don't think we should be messin' with th'past right now!"

"Well, it's just this once," the twelve year-old told him. "And besides, we've been messing with the past all day anyway."

"You've got a point, but–"

"Check it out!" Pacifica whipped out something from inside her jacket pocket. "A solid chocolate bar!" she said as she handed the boy in front of her one of her emergency chocolates. The boy took it, and tore it open.

"Zippers!" Pacifica gestured next to her jacket, and zipped and unzipped it over and over for the benefit of her captivated audience. Gideon watched her do this a little uneasily, and took one look at the boy, who was eating a square of the chocolate bar with much relish, before running over to Pacifica who had moved to the woman known as Adela in the back.

"Hey, guess what? Ladies get to vote in the future! Isn't that, like, insane?" she gushed.

"Not-not really," Adela said, but Pacifica waved her hand. "Don't take it literally. It's a figure of speech, when something's really amazing. Teach it to your friends!"

" 'Cifica, we can't stay 'ere!" Gideon said, holding the time machine up and extending the tape. "We gotta go get 'yer chicken!"

"What – no, wait!" Pacifica turned and grabbed onto him, but the nine year-old had already let go of the tape – that he had extended too far.

* * *

Gideon and Pacifica appeared once more in a flash, surrounded by a dense forest. They only had one second to scan their settings before a large figure loomed over them, and they found themselves face to face with a Brachiosaurus – that had not seen them due to its long neck being high in the branches.

Pacifica gave a yelp and took the tape measure from Gideon's hands, pressing the "FORWARD" button countless times until the bright flash overtook them, seconds before the dinosaur's large foot stepped on where they once were.

* * *

When the two of them opened their eyes, they were greeted with the sight of men wearing black futuristic suits and technology shooting laser guns at a large shadow in the sky. One such laser beam struck near Gideon's feet, but he was not harmed in any way by it.

"Run! Run!" one man called to his fellow troops. "Take cover!"

As they did, Gideon and Pacifica looked up to see a giant baby floating over the ruins of the city they were in, laughing somewhat evilly as it shot laser beams out of its eyes.

"What kind of future is _this_?" Pacifica raised an eyebrow.

"Not one I wanna be a part'f," Gideon quipped as he took the time machine from his friend's hands and pressed the "BACK" button four times before they disappeared yet again.

* * *

They reappeared in front of Lake Gravity Falls, looking up at the sign that said "Fishing Season Open Day". Pacifica had a split second to register this, but in that one second Gideon had run off with the tape measure in his hands, exclaiming, "We're gonna get 'yer chicken, 'Cifica, whether 'ya want me to r'not!"

"Hey, Gideon, come back!" she called out, beginning to run after him just as she head Crazy Quentin's voice scream, "I've seen it! I've seen it again!" – not noticing that she had dropped a chocolate bar.

* * *

In a flash, they appeared in front of the Magic House's stage, Gideon still being chased by Pacifica. Taking a leap, she managed to grab his vest, but only for a moment before he stumbled a little and dropped a ball pen. Yet the nine year-old wriggled free of her grasp and continued running. Neither of them were heard or noticed by Pacifica's uncle, who was busy introducing his audience to his new wax figure.

* * *

The barf fairies' formation roared at Gideon's right, and he could only realize that he and Pacifica were just running in circles around the Magic House before they disappeared once more, leaving one of Pacifica's hair pins behind.

* * *

This time they found themselves in front of the Magic House, with snow falling above them and crunching below their feet. Gideon guessed that they were either in the close future or the close past – he didn't remember all these apparatuses attached to the House – but it didn't matter as he felt a burning sensation in his hands.

"The machine's getting' hotter!" he exclaimed, as he tossed it back and forth between his hands, but due to his elbows he could only continue this before he stopped in his tracks.

"What did you do?!" Pacifica asked, stopping right behind him and looking over his shoulder at the time machine, which was beginning to fizz and spark with blue lightning.

"I dunno!" he cried, and they both screamed as the lightning overtook them, bathing them in one last flash of light as they disappeared.

Two seconds later, a six-fingered hand moved to open the House's window, its owner looking upon the fresh tracks in the snow, before closing the window once more.

* * *

In contrast to the vast whiteness of their previous setting, the two of them were now staring at an inky blackness.

"...Wh-where are we?" Gideon timidly asked, looking around for any light sources and finding none.

"Oh, no!" Pacifica concluded. "Gid! We must've transported to the end of time!"

Both of them screamed once more, until they found that their vocal cords were tired from all this shouting, and so Pacifica took a deep breath.

"...Wait, why does it smell so weird in here?" she asked.

Suddenly, a banging sound came from in front of them, and a door was opened in front of them, letting the afternoon sun in.

Gideon and Pacifica took a few more deep breaths as they came out of one of the portable toilets, and another guy came in. Gideon put his hands on his knees, trying to suck in some more precious oxygen, before cradling his aching arm.

"Well, looks like we're back in the present," the twelve year-old observed.

"But which one?" the nine year-old asked, remembering all fourteen of his (admittedly embarrassing) failed attempts to stop hitting Melody in the eye.

Pacifica caught sight of Melody wondering how to carry the stuffed trophy that she was holding in her arms, and she sighed in relief.

But then Gideon saw Candy and Grenda laughing as they examined Feathers, and he gasped.

"No!" he said, and was about to pull out the tape of the time machine before Pacifica reached over him and made a grab for it. "Give me that, Gid!" she cried, and her friend couldn't keep it out of her grasp for long before she took it and dodged Gideon, who tried to get it back.

They ran around for a while, before Pacifica climbed on top of a few stacked plastic chairs, still holding the time machine, with Gideon at the bottom.

"Stop it, Gid!" she urged him from the highest point. "We've worked too hard for this, and you know it!"

"But what about Feathers, 'Cifica?" he asked. "You _love_ that chicken!"

"And what about you?" Pacifica shot back. "I know you love Melody – do you want to see her with a black eye?"

"...I don't know anymore," Gideon sighed in defeat as he plopped himself down on the ground. Seeing her friend in such a state, the twelve year-old came down from the stack of chairs and came over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't feel bad about it, Gideon," she tried to comfort him. "Like my dad says, 'always do your best'; and we did that, didn't we?"

"That's your excuse 'fer everythin'," Gideon mumbled in dissent. "I don't wanna sacrifice your happiness for a girl who won't even like me back."

"Come on, Gid, there..." even now, Pacifica found herself hesitating, as a strange sadness came over her, but she swallowed it down and continued, "...there are lots of other roosters I can name Feathers. It-it's not as bad as it looks..."

When her friend didn't reply (in words, anyway – she swore she could hear him whimper), the twelve year-old sighed and handed over the tape measure. "Look, you can go to the future and see what'll happen," she offered. "You'll see – I'll be fine by tomorrow."

Gideon looked up sadly, and put a hand on the time machine. " 'Ya sure you'll be fine?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, trying to laugh. "Just promise me you'll only use this to go to the future to see me, and then come back."

"I guess," he said, taking the time machine gingerly from her. "I give 'ya my word." With that, he stood up, and extended the tape measure to "1 DAY", before pressing "FORWARD".

* * *

When Gideon zoomed forward in time, he wasn't quite sure what he was expecting.

But he definitely hadn't braced himself to see Pacifica, sitting at the top of the stack of chairs as the rest of the Magic Fair was being cleared around her.

Her legs were swinging back and forth, yet even from the ground Gideon could see that her expression was forlorn as she stared at a piece of paper.

"Ugh, I'm such an idiot," Gideon heard his friend say to herself. "I'm such an idiot."

" 'Cifica?" he asked plaintively. When she heard that, she dropped the paper she was holding in surprise, and couldn't catch it before it fell down, and Gideon caught it with his good arm, turning it over to see a photo reel of Pacifica and Feathers, her smiling as if she had been having the best day of her life.

"Don't-don't mind that, Gid," she called from above. "I wasn't, like, regretting it or anything. Just, the five stages of grief, you know?" She came down from the stack of chairs to take the picture back from the nine year-old. "Just...there."

She turned away from him, and stuffed it in her pocket, before looking around at the structures that once made up the Magic Fair. She held her gaze for a few moments before she turned around and saw Gideon still standing there, this time with a concerned look on his face.

"No, Gid, don't – look, go forward in a week." she told him. "You gave me your word, right? Just go – I'll be fine. I won't even miss Feathers – I mean, the chicken."

Gideon frowned, but nodded – for he _had_ given her his word, and so pulled the tape to "1 WEEK".

* * *

One week forward, Gideon was looking up at the same stack of chairs, the only remnant of the Magic Fair that still hadn't been cleared away. And still sitting on it was his friend Pacifica, more frazzled and distraught than when he had left her.

Now she was clutching at her jacket, where he knew the photos of her and Feathers still were, mumbling something to herself as she rocked herself back and forth.

"Pacifica, come down," a voice in front of the stack of chairs called, and Gideon realized he hadn't noticed her uncle standing there, a worried look on his face. "Gideon wouldn't want to see you like this, I'm sure of it!"

"But Gideon's not here, Uncle Bill!" she called back. "Gideon's busy – oh, Gid!" Her eyes caught the nine year-old standing there behind Bill, and the magician turned around to gaze at him as well. "Gid; do you have Feathers?"

"Uh, no," Gideon answered, feeling a little guilty at having the time machine and not the chicken in his hands.

"Oh." Pacifica's face fell, and she turned away, before escaping into her own little world, and mumbling some words again to herself – and Gideon finally understood it as "One foot, eight inches", repeated like a broken record.

Bill leaned on his cane, and cringed, deciding to have a conversation instead with Gideon. "Where were you?" he asked. "Going off like that for a week – you didn't even get her chicken like she asked you to!"

"But-but she didn't ask me," Gideon said timidly. "And I gave 'er my word..."

Bill straightened back up, sighing as he ran a hand over his eyes. He inhaled, his eyes darting to his niece and back, before he told the nine year-old, "Kid, you gotta fix this. Pacifica's gone crazy and I don't care about what promises you made t'her. I don't like – it's-it's not right for a girl her age to stay up there. Get that chicken and make her happy."

"Uncle Bill, I didn't tell him to get that chicken," Pacifica said from above, sending one more twinge of pain through Gideon's heart. "It's just as he said; I remember now."

"Th-the chicken's name is Feathers," Gideon softly reminded her.

"I-I guess I'll be better in a month," his friend continued. "Uncle Bill, I'll-I'll try to be better in a month. Gid, you can go see."

"Not with me gone like that!" the nine year-old cried out. "Mr. Northwest..."

But the magician's eyes were averted. He stared at the top of a faraway tree, before blinking rapidly. "...Kid, if she's not better in a month," he declared, "I'm calling both your parents."

Gideon cringed, and looked down at the tape measure in his hand. He wanted desperately to go back and make things right on his own, but he thought to himself, _just one more leap_, and he extended the tape to "1 MONTH".

* * *

One month later found Gideon standing in front of the same stack of chairs, this time seeing a tent pitched in front of it. A woman he recognized as Pacifica's mother got out of it, and she walked up to stand below the stack, which still held Pacifica perched at the top.

"Pacifica, honey, please come down now," Priscilla Northwest said sadly. "You can't live like this forever. If you're waiting for Gideon, we'll find him. Please, just..."

"Pacifica, I'm here," Gideon called out, not being able to stand the pain in his heart anymore.

His friend looked up from her knees, with a light in her eyes that he sorely missed. "Gid!" she cried out, and jumped from the stack of chairs. Luckily her mother had been there to catch her, and so she got down safely before she began to run towards the nine year-old, wrapping him in a giant hug once she was close enough.

"Oh, Gid, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I've been so stupid," she said, her tears beginning to brush Gideon's skin. "You're free of your promise. You can get Feathers now. I don't want you to be gone. I miss you, and I miss Feathers."

Gideon returned the hug, inhaling and feeling a giant lump in his throat. They barely had time to release each other before Pacifica's mother walked over to them, bent down, and enveloped them in her own embrace.

"We were so worried about you, Gideon, all of us," Priscilla said. "Don't disappear like that again."

They were quiet for a while before Priscilla and Pacifica pulled away, and Gideon sniffled. "You won't need to worry 'bout that," he said quietly, holding up the time machine. "I'll fix everything."

* * *

Barely any time had passed from when Pacifica had handed him the time machine when he reappeared in front of her, a look of resolve on his face.

"Well?" she asked.

"We go back," he told her firmly. "I gave 'yer future self my word."

Pacifica stared at him. And then she shrugged, sighing in defeat. "...Well, if my future self says so," she said. "Don't make me regret this."

* * *

One flash of light later, Gideon found himself standing at the same booth, in front of the same stack of cans, being handed the same ball by Melody, just like before.

"Wanna do the honors?" she asked.

This time Gideon hesitated to take it. Instead, he inhaled first, and then looked up at the older woman. "Melody, I just want you t'know that..." he sighed. "...people make mistakes. And y'should forgive them, I guess." He paused, before adding, "And is it okay if I spend th'rest of the day with 'Cifica?"

"Of course," Melody shrugged. "Won't stop you from spending time with someone you like."

"...I won't either," he said quietly, as he took the ball from her hand. Then looking down at it, he decided to switch the ball from his good arm to his bad arm, and threw it at the pile, wincing at the pain it brought him.

As he expected, the ball bounced back from the table holding the pile-up, and hit Melody in the eye. She cursed, and Gideon apologized – but this time, when Soos arrived with his two snow cones, the weight on his shoulders had lightened considerably.

"It is finished," he said, breathing, and the ache lessened.

A second later, someone behind him tackled him, and he was greeted with a clucking chicken and a twelve year-old with light in her eyes.

"Gideon!" she said cheerfully. "I went and did it, and I didn't regret it! Feathers is saved thanks to you! Right, Feathers?" She looked down at the rooster following her, and it was gracious enough to look up at Gideon for a moment before clucking.

In the background, Gideon saw Candy and Grenda carrying a pig in the background. "Come on, we have to get this to Mabel," Grenda hollered to Candy. "But I don't even know if she likes pigs!" Candy said.

Gideon looked back to Pacifica, and sighed happily. "I didn't wanna break 'yer heart, 'Cifica," he said, and shrugged as he held up the tape measure that started it all. "Besides, knowin' 'im, Soos might probably just ask Melody out later anyway."

All of a sudden, a hand reached down and swiped the time machine from Gideon's hand, and the two of them looked up to see Blendin Ivan, looking quite furious.

"YOU TWO!" he called out. "Do you children have any idea how many rules you've broken?!"

"I don't know; you tell us, you're the time traveler here," Pacifica said, though she looked a little uneasy.

"I wasn't there, how do you expect me to–" he froze and gasped as two figures appeared in a flash at either side of him.

"Blendin Ivan," one of them said.

"No!" the time traveler cried. "It's the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron!"

"That's right," the other one interjected. "And our phones have been ringing off the hook! There are settlers using "insane" as an expression in the 19th century! And wrapped chocolate bars littered through seven hundred years!"

"You are under arrest for violations of the Time Traveler's Code of Conduct," the first one said as he and the second one grabbed Blendin Ivan's shoulders.

"It-it was those kids!" he said, trying to point at Gideon and Pacifica. "And their diabolical leader Feathers!"

"That's a chicken, Ivan," the second one was quick to point out.

"I'll have my revenge on you!" Blendin Ivan cried out to the two. "I'll go back in time and make sure your parents never meet!"

After he was out of sight, Pacifica looked down at her hands. "Well, we're still here," she said.

"Maybe 'e forgot, I guess," Gideon commented, a little relieved that they were both still alive.

* * *

"Hah, suckers!" Bill said from behind the glass of the dunk tank. "All your pockets are empty; and yet here I am, high and dry!" He laughed heartily as the crowd booed at him. "Yeah, boo at me! Like it's gonna refund your money!"

He chuckled a little more, and then a group of men passing behind the crowd caught his eye.

"Hey, biceps!" he called through his microphone to the soldiers hauling Blendin Ivan away. "Take your best shot, haircut!"

At this, the troop took out a large handgun, and fired a laser shot from it, destroying the target of the dunk tank. With that, the magician fell straight into the water below him, and everyone cheered.

As Bill surfaced and watched the soldiers and the time traveler disappear in a flash of light, he wiped the streaked mascara from his face in exasperation.

_Guess Rob was right after all,_ he thought, and groaned in defeat.

* * *

Pacifica munched on a corndog, while Gideon carried with him a small stuffed toy he had earned as a result of a perfectly good throw. They walked on towards the Ferris wheel, before standing in line. Pacifica then turned to Gideon.

"So, do you think Ivan'll ever find out who was causing those time anomalies?" she asked.

"Hm," he frowned, "now that I think about it, it was probably us."

"Oh, gosh," Pacifica said, as she put a hand to her forehead, "my brain hurts."

Gideon chuckled, and then looked over Pacifica's shoulder to see Soos and Melody, standing together and sharing a milkshake. The corners of his mouth lowered a little as his friend turned around to watch the same spectacle as well.

"So you're fine with watching this happen all summer?" she asked.

"I think so," he shrugged. "As long as Melody's happy, and 'yer happy, I can be happy too."

Pacifica giggled, and then looked mischievously down at her chicken. "Well, maybe you won't have to watch it for now," she said. "Hey, Feathers!" she said, waving a strawberry in front of the chicken. "Come and get it!"

When Feathers saw the strawberry being thrown at Soos's feet, it could do little but chase after the potentially tasty berry, and follow it to the handyman, who jumped in surprise when he saw the chicken seemingly coming for him. He turned away, but then bumped his head against a pole that had been behind him, and fell to the ground while Feathers pecked away at his treat. At that sight, Gideon, Pacifica, and even Melody couldn't help but laugh.

Not that it made the situation any different – Gideon had accidentally hit Melody in the face, and Soos and Melody would probably go on more dates. But the levity of the incident made him feel as if everything would be alright.

* * *

**(A/N: So, how did you like that? Leave a review and tell me what you think!)**

**IHDWKHUV LV WKH ORYH RI MDZLILZD'V OLIH**


	28. Fight Fighters (Part 1)

**(A/N: Finally, I've returned with a new chapter!)**

**Disclaimer: Gravity Falls doesn't belong to me.**

* * *

The Gravity Falls arcade was a bright and colorful place, with lots of arcade games flashing their images and playing their theme music. As a result, the people who had now come in through the doors couldn't help but gaze around at the distracting lights.

"Behold my favorite place in the world, guys!" Robbie Valentino raised his hands, as if he were a performer on a stage. "The Gravity Falls arcade! This is the place where I learned every lesson outside of school!"

From there he walked along, gesturing to every game mentioned with a hand. "Yeah, this game, Toadspace – taught me how to cross the road when my mom was busy with work." Then he moved on to something that stacked blocks. "And if bricks start falling from the sky, this game taught me how to become an architect using them." He stepped forward to a dancing game. "And I would never have learned to shake what my momma gave me if it wasn't for this game."

Robbie and his audience then turned to Crazy Quentin, who was currently dancing in front of the machine, proudly declaring that he had been doing this for one week straight. While he was saying that, Robbie's fellow employee Melody took the time to glance over at the "OUT OF ORDER" sign pasted on the screen, and then looked at the young handyman with concern.

"Uh, Rob...?" she raised an eyebrow, but Robbie shrugged. "Let him have this."

In the meantime Robbie's boss, Bill Northwest, gave a (child-friendly) curse, and banged his fist on the arcade known as "Insert Token Here". Then he sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Gah, now that this is over with, you can take the kids from here for as long as they want. Meanwhile, Melody and I'll be heading back to the House."

Bill then looked around. "Where are those kids, anyway?"

Meanwhile, Gideon Gleeful and Pacifica Northwest were at the further end of the arcade, playing the only functioning game among those machines covered with cloths due to being out of order.

"Ooh, choose that one, that one," Pacifica said, pointing at a muscular man with pink hair.

"R'ya sure?" Gideon asked, moving the joystick so that the character's icon was selected. "He's got some really good stats." Nevertheless, he chose the character, and the name "GIFAN McSKIRMISH" flashed on the screen.

"Come on, Gid." Pacifica smirked, moving her own joystick over the icons she was contemplating. "It's not like I'm not gonna wipe the floor with you at some point. With..." she paused as she confirmed the character of her choosing, "...Professor Kung Fu!"

The two children then watched as the screen went to a cutscene, displaying some sort of story.

"_Professor Kung Fu!"_ Gifan shouted, in all his fighter glory. _"You killed my mother for the fifth time!"_

"_ARRRGGGGHHHH!"_ was Professor Kung Fu's reply.

"_I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT!"_ Gifan yelled, and with that the battle was underway as the title "ROUND 1!" flashed on the screen.

"Go! Go! Go!" the two chanted as they mashed various buttons and moved the joystick in an effort to defeat each other. With the brutality of the video game match, it seemed as if their friendship was disregarded – until the final hit was landed, and the game declared Gifan McSkirmish the winner!

"_Winners don't lose!"_ Gifan exclaimed, making a victory sign with his fingers at the players.

"Looks like I'm the one wipin' the floor wit' you, 'Cifica," Gideon said coolly, half-smirking.

Pacifica turned to him, and said in an imitation of her friend's chosen character, "I'll make you pay for that!" Then they both laughed a little, as the second round started.

"Hey, Gid; let's show off our ballet moves," she said as Professor Kung Fu began to jump up and down the screen, raising both of his hands and then raising a leg and jumping forward, not unlike a dancer.

"Ha, Pacifica," the nine year-old laughed, trying to do the same with Gifan and failing as Professor Kung Fu made a move akin to an Arabesque and punted his opponent in the chest.

"Ooh! Bad luck!"

" 'Ya got me there, 'Cifica!"

They both enjoyed themselves trying to make their characters make some dance moves, not noticing the two people who had walked in on them.

"Hey, losers!"

That familiar deep voice made Pacifica and Gideon stop in their tracks, and they turned around to see Grenda and Candy, who were beginning to walk towards them.

"What's that game you're playing? A weenie game?" Grenda asked, shoving them back from the arcade and glancing at the screen in front of them. "Bet you losers couldn't ace this game even if you tried!"

Gideon recoiled and put his hands up to his chest. He was really beginning to like the game, and he didn't want these two to ruin it for him and Pacifica. Yet he kept his mouth shut as Candy laughed at what Grenda said and took pictures of them.

"Grenda shows these two what it takes to really play a video game," Candy commented as she joined Grenda in front of the arcade screen, no doubt adding it as a caption to the pictures she had taken that she was now posting online. Then she put her phone in her pocket and took control of the buttons and joystick, while Grenda did the same.

"Hey! We were playing that!" Pacifica protested, stomping her foot on the ground.

"Well, you obviously weren't playing it right, you dweebs," Grenda shot back. "Everyone knows this isn't a game for your prissy little dance moves."

"Just let the professionals handle it, capisce?" Candy added, turning to them so that her glasses shone with the light from the screen. Then she went back to the game.

Gideon felt a dread in his stomach. He looked up to Pacifica, but all that was on her face was frustration.

* * *

The day after, Gideon and Pacifica had done their best to try and forget the incident, doing various things to keep themselves busy right at the Magic House. From applying glitter to Robbie's glasses (something Bill was only enthusiastic about after the tourists lapped it up), to playing simple board games.

"And, you lose 10 million bucks, suckers!" Pacifica exclaimed, throwing a card on the board. "Of course, when I put all the money you have to give to me together – but hey, it's a profit either way."

"Aw, come on!" Bill yelled skyward in dissent, seeming on the verge of throwing his own cards in the air. "How can you be better at playing _Oligopoly_ than a con man?!"

"Numbers run in the family, Uncle Bill!" his niece replied, triumphantly moving her own piece (a slice of cake) across the board. "Money numbers, that is." Robbie, Gideon, and Bill all sighed and gave up what was the game's equivalent of 10 milliion bucks to her. She giggled, then blinked, and saw that something was dripping outside the window.

"Hey, do you guys think it's raining eggs?" she asked, and the others looked out as well to see egg whites and egg yolks running down the window pane.

"Wow, I knew keeping that frying pan in my bag was worth something!" Robbie exclaimed, reaching for his bag that was lying in the corner. "Get the stove ready, I'm making scrambled eggs!"

However, Gideon's ears caught the sound of girls laughing, and he frowned. "The scrambled eggs can wait, Robbie; I think we've got a case of vand'lism 'ere."

"Vandalism?" Bill frowned. "This better not be those other roadside attraction people coming to get my butt."

Pacifica caught Gideon's drift, and looked to Feathers. "I guess this looks like a job for the amazing chicken warrior!" she said excitedly, while the rooster scratched at the ground, ignorant of what his owner was implying.

"Nah, I'll handle it," Gideon said, standing up from the table.

"What – are you serious?" Pacifica asked, moving to get up as well, though not standing.

"I had t'face 'em sooner 'r later." The nine year-old waved off her help. "I just hope I'll be able t'make 'em leave us alone." With resolve, he walked away from the living room table, and the others at the table made various excited noises.

Outside the house, Gideon found Candy and Grenda throwing the eggs at the roof and the walls of the Magic House, and sucked in a deep breath before clenching his fists and walking up to them.

"Hey!" he called out, and the two girls looked to him. His stomach turned, yet he stood his ground. " 'Ya better stop throwin' eggs at the House, 'r else!"

"Or else what, pipsqueak?" Grenda asked. "What'll you do? Your little girlfriend isn't around to help you."

"Just because our friend Mabel likes you doesn't mean we'll be so nice to you," Candy continued. "In fact, we could call her right now and she'd be so glad to hear you!" She grinned in her friend's direction. "Wouldn't she, Grenda?"

Gideon swallowed down the urge to back away, and instead lifted his chin up high. "You can threaten me all 'ya want; just leave Pacifica and her uncle's house alone!"

"Ho-ho, you wanna pick a fight with us?" Grenda asked, walking up to the nine year-old and poking him roughly in the stomach. "Let's get into a fight!"

Gideon grit his teeth together. This was bad. "Look, we don't have t'be so violent 'bout this!" he tried.

"Yeah, he's right!" Candy said, and then took out her phone with a sneer. "Let's take a picture of him being pathetic and post it online. Or call Mabel so he can tell her why he decided to bully her that time in the party!"

"No, I didn't – that wasn't–" he tried to say, but he panicked when he saw Candy press a few buttons on the phone. "You shouldn't!"

"Ah, 'no, I didn't'!" Grenda imitated crudely as Candy held up the camera lens on her phone. "What're you gonna do, chubs? What, huh?"

"I wonder what the caption on this will be!" the smaller girl added. "Smile for the camera!"

Gideon screamed, and ran up to Candy before slapping the phone out of her hand. All three of them then watched as the phone soared through the air, and eventually found itself crash-landing onto a rock some feet away, where it broke into pieces.

"M-my phone!" Candy exclaimed in surprise.

The nine year-old gasped. "I-I'm so sorry!" He put his hand to his mouth.

"Oh, no, kid; you're not getting off that easy!" the large girl said, grabbing Gideon by the collar and lifting him up before pressing him against the wall of the House.

"Hey, hey!"

A window creaked open behind Gideon, and he didn't need to turn his head to see Bill peeking out, a definite scowl on his face. "I know trouble when I hear it! Stay right there!"

Candy and Grenda took one look at that, and then put Gideon down – none too gently.

"Circle Park, 3 o'clock," Candy challenged. "We settle this like men." And with that, the two girls walked away, with Gideon's stomach in a twist.

* * *

"What was I thinkin'? I can't take on Candy n'Grenda!" Gideon exclaimed as he paced in the living room. "I can't even fight girls! Have 'ya seen what happens when I try t'debate wit' my mother?"

"Gid, you do just fine against me," Pacifica tried to console him, but Gideon still shuddered. "I can't fight, I can't do this, I should probably just go int'hidin'."

"Come on, kid, if these girls really wanna fight – or at least the big one does – then you ought to at least bop 'er over the head or somethin'. It's nature's snooze button," Bill added, crossing his arms.

"Boys, boys, boys," Melody shook her head from the doorway to the gift shop. "These bullies just want to intimidate you into doing what they want. Why don't you stand up to them and duke it out with your words?"

"Yeah, right!" It sounded as if Bill was holding in a laugh – or rather, was trying to laugh. "Like women actually listen to what men have to say!"

Melody rolled her eyes. "There's another reason why I don't listen to you, Bill."

"Or-or maybe they'll just forget about the fight, at least," Pacifica said. "More often than not, girls love to hate others in secret. Maybe it'll all blow over."

"Wait, you secretly hate someone?" Gideon asked his friend.

"I don't think so," Robbie interjected. "I mean, girls are just as capable of expressing that they want a fight. I think Wendy Corduroy's still bullying me through the text that scrolls after the Pines Twins' ads. And Mabel actually assaulted Pacifica! Who's to say those two won't try killing you or something?"

"K-k-_killing me_?!" Gideon began to hyperventilate, and he fell onto the armchair in the living room. "I gotta hide! I gotta hide!"

Bill stood up. "Alright, Gideon – calm down." He raised a finger. "Panicking in a corner isn't gonna do anything other than make you look like a wimp. So you gotta decide: you can either go out there and face them like a man, or you can hide like that wimp. What'll it be?"

Gideon looked up at the magician, and then back down at the floor...

* * *

...of the arcade, where he was hiding behind a first-person shooter machine.

"Hide it is, then," Robbie said, throwing a glance at the nine year-old.

"Robbie, you've been bullied by someone; y'know how it is," Gideon crawled out and looked up at the handyman. "I wanna go and talk it out, but what if they punch me in the face and break my nose r'somethin'? I mean, you said they might kill me! And they probably would!"

"No, I do understand." Robbie's eyeglasses flashed with the reflection of the arcade screen. "That helplessness? Yeah, it's the worst." He tried to smile down at the nine year-old. "But it'll be fine, no matter what."

"Ye-yeah, I guess so." Gideon walked away from the game, and took a seat on a dilapidated chair. "I'll just hafta wait 'ere until three o'clock passes..." He looked down at a watch on his wrist, and upon seeing it at 11:05, he sighed. "This day'll never end."

"Look, Gideon, just try to not think about Grenda and Candy," Robbie said. "That works with me sometimes."

" 'Sometimes'?" Gideon questioned, but it was soon forgotten as he turned his head to the right and jumped back. It was a poster of the Pines Twins, with Mabel staring right at him.

_That's right. They're Mabel's friends._

_And we all know what Mabel did._

Gideon felt more sweat run down his cheek, and cringed. Robbie looked at it as well, and trying to be helpful, he suggested, "Why don't you ask Mabel to get them off your back? I mean, just this once."

"Mabel? No, no, no." Gideon turned to the teenager, and shook his head. "She'll probably demand somethin' from me in return, like she'll do that in exchange for makin' me love 'er 'fer all eternity! And I don't love her at all!" He panted from his outburst, and then dropped his face into his hands.

"What do I do...?" he said quietly.

* * *

At the Magic House, instead of the sounds of the arcade, the living room was filled with the sound of people cheering on the TV. A woman who looked like a contestant was standing near the edge of a platform, before another platform – both were separated by a pit full of water. There were two boxes on the opposite platform, and it seemed that one of them held a $10 million prize.

"Let's see what'cha got, Betty!" the host said, and the audience began to chant with him: "Take the Leap of Faith! Take the Leap of Faith!"

The contestant, now known as Betty, inhaled deeply, and then steadied herself before running towards the edge of the platform...and with that, the title card screaming "LEAP OF FAITH!" flashed on the screen, while the announcer said, " 'Leap of Faith' will return after these messages!"

"Oh, man," Pacifica said to the older woman whose lap she was sitting on. "I thought that this would lighten my mood, but all I think about is poor Gideon and how he can't face his fear of those bullies."

"Well, fears are for chumps!" Her uncle called from the other side of the room, where he was sitting at another table fixing a curtain.

"Bill, come on," Melody sighed. "I know bullies; Gideon's got every right to be afraid of them!"

"Yeah. But he's got every right to stand up and fight, too," Bill returned. He picked up a needle and began to weave it through the cloth once more. "I decided to fight a long, long time ago. You kids wouldn't understand." He huffed, and then lifted up the curtain to look his work over. "Ugh, can't seem to get the stitch right," Bill complained.

"Uncle Bill, do you always need to cover things with curtains?" Pacifica asked. "I mean, you could do that fancy smoke explosion that they do in other shows. How cool would that be? You could literally appear and disappear in a flash!"

"Can't do 'em."

"Huh?"

"You know, I can't do explosions. Air pollution and all; it-it'll drive the audience crazy. And all those flashing lights? Really distracting!"

"It's _supposed_ to be distracting, Bill," Melody finally joined in, "that way everyone's eye'll be on you. Come on." She pointed at the screen, where the title card of the show they were watching had flashed once more. "Why don't you take a leap of faith?"

"Leap of faith!" Pacifica cheered.

"I-I don't need your leap of faith!" Bill suddenly shouted (not that this was in itself surprising), and walked away. "I gotta go...get more...thread." With that stutter, he was out.

"...I don't get it," Pacifica said as she watched her uncle leave. She looked up at Melody. "Why won't Uncle Bill do explosions?"

"It's 'cause he's got a secret fear of lightning," Melody whispered.

"What?"

The older woman looked down at Pacifica. "Yeah, you should see him when there's a thunderstorm. He freezes up like that wax figure you made of him – except he's not smiling." Then she added quietly, "I wonder what happened."

"Who cares about what happened?" Pacifica said, leaping off her seat on Melody's lap. "Uncle Bill's afraid of something, and I gotta make sure he's not afraid of it anymore by the end of the day! And then he can do really fresh new tricks!"

"Or, you could just leave him alone..." Melody said hesitantly, and then both girls took a second to think about it.

"...Nah," they both declared simultaneously.

* * *

Back at the arcade, Gideon was in front of the arcade game he and Pacifica were enjoying so much their first day here, trying to push the worries out of his head. But it was no use; for every attempt to suppress his panic, one more reason to panic appeared in his mind.

"Ugh, stupid me," Gideon grumbled to himself. "Maybe I should've let Feathers the amazing chick'n warrior take over 'fer me after all."

He button mashed for a little while, before Professor Kung Fu laid the finishing blow on his Gifan McSkirmish, and his character fell to the ground. The screen showed Professor Kung Fu victorious, with the narrator asking, "CONTINUE?"

As if in reply, a cutscene appeared, showing Gifan himself saying (rather, screaming), "A winner never runs away from a fight!"

"That's easy 'fer you t'say," Gideon sighed. "You've got extra lives."

He took a quarter from his vest pocket, and then moved to put it into the quarter slot of the machine. But it fell out of his grasp, and then rolled to the dustier side of the arcade machine. Gideon wrinkled up his nose, and bent down to pick it up.

That was when he saw it.

He reached to the side of the machine, and wiped off some dust to reveal some text etched into the side, as if someone had carved them there hurriedly.

" 'To unleash ultimate power'..." he read aloud, and then looked at the screen above him before shrugging. "Well, I do need somethin' t'pass the time."

He picked up the quarter, and inserted it into the machine, before beginning to input the pattern using the pattern.

"Back, left, right, triple forward, triple punch..."

As he pressed the last button, the screen suddenly turned black. Gideon blinked, and then said to himself, "Probably didn't work."

Just as he said this, however, the machine began to shake. The nine year-0ld backed away from the machine, calling for Robbie, before the screen suddenly glowed a white so bright that he had to avert his eyes.

"SELECT YOUR CHARACTER!" a video game-like yet otherwordly voice commanded.

"Uh..." Gideon tried, "Gifan McSkirmish?"

If it were possible, the screen had glowed brighter than before, and then a strange shape came out, yelling some fighting noises. It sounded almost like...

...Gifan McSkirmish, emerging from the game in all his pixelated glory.

Gideon was on the ground, gaping in awe.


	29. Fight Fighters (Part 2)

Gideon looked up at the pixelated figure in front of him as the latter stood up and declared, "Greetings, child! My name is Gifan McSkirmish, fighter from the USA!" He then showed off some of his moves: "Punch! Kick! Punch! And kick!" As he performed the last one, Gideon nearly got struck and was instead swept off his feet as he tried to dodge.

"...Cool," Gideon whispered, his face breaking into a smile.

Gifan walked past the nine year-old to stand by the change machine. "Change machine! Change me into the most cunning of foxes!" Gifan yelled at the change machine sitting placidly nearby. Then he screamed and karate chopped it in half.

"That's it!" Gideon exclaimed in excitement. "With you around, I won't need to fight Candy and Grenda! I can just scare 'em off with my new bodyguard!"

At that moment, though, Gifan began to flash red, and he turned to Gideon, saying, "I need power-ups, boy!"

"Oh, man, I've got some power-ups at home! This's amazing; I gotta show this t'Robbie!" Gideon said, and then looked around for the teen. "Robbie?"

* * *

In the arcade, Robbie was playing a first person shooting game, Watertrigger, shooting water at his opponents in the game. As he was about to shoot someone from behind, a person came up from his player's right and shot water at him. With that, he lost the round.

"Man, I wish I could be in the game and show that guy," he mused aloud to himself, and then a second passed before he had a wonderful thought.

The next thing he knew, he was holding an electric drill and unscrewing a panel from the first person shooter arcade, before removing the panel.

"I should've thought of this years ago!" he exclaimed, as he began to crawl into the game. Then he tried to fit his awkward lanky body into the machine. "Man, I _really_ should've thought of this years ago."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Magic House, Pacifica, Melody, and Feathers were right outside the living room, where Bill was reading one another one of his Fantastic Gold Watches magazines. Pacifica took a glance at her uncle, and then beamed brightly.

"Alright, Melody," the twelve year-old said, "time to put our plan into action! Let's commence Operation Get Uncle Bill Over His Fear Of Thunder!"

"This is gonna be priceless," Melody said, watching Pacifica going into the room with Feathers in tow.

Pacifica took her spot in front of her uncle, whose eyes were still on the magazine, before she yelled out, "HAPPY UNCLE'S DAY!"

"W-what?" Bill nearly jumped, and upon seeing that it was just Pacifica, put down his magazine. "It's Uncle's Day already?"

Pacifica chortled. "Of course it is! I wouldn't just switch up the dates just to give you this gift!"***** As she finished her sentence, she held out a gift box wrapped neatly to her uncle, who took it. The twelve year-old then watched eagerly as he opened it, and a smile broke on his face.

"A picture of nature?" He held out the picture as he took it, before showing it to Pacifica. "Aw, shucks, kid!" Then the smile dropped. "No, seriously, what? You're giving me a framed picture of a lightning storm?"

"What's wrong with it, Uncle Bill?" Pacifica asked, crossing her arms. "Is the picture _too_ lightning storm-y?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Does it make you _uncomfortable_?"

"Just the fact that you would give someone who lives at the edge of town a _picture of nature_," Bill shrugged as he got up and walked over to the TV.

"Ugh, come on, Uncle Bill!" Pacifica turned to his direction. "Admit that you have a secret fear of lightning already!"

"What?" Bill turned around. "Is _that_ why you got me that stupid picture? You should be ashamed of yourself!" Then he shook his head. "And on Uncle's Day, no less."

He turned around and began fiddling with the TV antenna. His niece, getting the gesture, hung her head as he continued, " 'Cif, whatever Melody told you, it's not true. I don't have any fear of thunder."

Finally, images began to appear on the once-fuzzy TV. The show that clicked on flashed images of storms while the announcer proclaimed, "And now we return to 'Nature's Most Terrifying Moments'!"

A lightning bolt flashed across the screen, accompanied by a loud clap of thunder, and Pacifica watched her uncle jump higher than she had ever seen him do before, as he scrambled to get behind the armchair, all the while screaming, "NO! NO, NO!"

Once he was behind the armchair, Pacifica calmed Feathers, who ruffled his wings at the two consecutive noises, before she took up the rooster and walked over to her uncle. She looked down at him, and immediately thought of a scared dog.

"...So I have a fear of thunder," Bill said, looking at his niece and pressing his lips together. "Is it really that bad?"

* * *

Through an open window, Gideon had managed to sneak Gifan into the Magic House and straight to its kitchen. Now Gideon had his head stuck in the fridge, while his pixelated companion eyed a mosquito suspiciously, before using a firm karate chop to put it out of commission.

"Well, when I said 'power-ups', I meant I had some food," the nine year-old said to himself as he peered through the many shelves of leftovers and water bottles. (Why did Bill even need that many water bottles, anyway?) "No turkey legs, r' gold rings...how about..." He reached in and pulled out an item of food, "...a half-eaten plate of nachos?"

"Place it on the floor," Gifan ordered, and Gideon did so. The latter then watched as the former bent down and pointed a finger at the plate of nachos, before it popped out of sight with some pixels. Right after this happened, a pop-up appeared out of thin air, and it scrolled through a whole chicken, a CD case, and a book before it selected the plate of nachos for a power-up.

"That's pretty great," Gideon said, a smile appearing on his face.

The pop-up then closed. Gifan said, "Now I must defeat the other Fight Fighters. Take me to the Soviet Union!"

"That ain't gonna be easy," Gideon noted, shrugging, " 'fer reasons. But I do know a few fighters 'ere in Gravity Falls."

Gifan knelt down to Gideon's level, and tilted his head. "Maximum Power?"

"Their names are Candy and Grenda, and they're really big bullies," the nine year-old said, crossing his arms.

"...Did they kill your beloved mother?" Gifan asked simply.

"Well, they're kinda bent on terrorizin' me, my friend 'Cifica, and her friends too I think," Gideon explained.

Gifan pounded his fist into his palm. "And _then_ they killed your mother."

"Uh..." Gideon drew his hands together, but shrugged again. _If it'll get him to side with me._ "Anyway, I just need you to scare 'em away 'fer me so they won't bother us. Can 'ya do that?"

Gifan got to his feet, and laughed. "Your question makes my shoulders bounce!" he exclaimed. Then he began to show off a couple of moves, screaming as he did so: "Fireball! Left hook! Roundhouse kick!" He took a couple of water bottles out of the fridge and burst them open. "Water bottles!"

He stood there for a while, and Gideon sighed in relief. "That's great, that's really great! So you'll protect me?"

"Challenge accepted!" Gifan exclaimed, and gestured to the "START" button that popped up from thin air beside him. "Press Start!"

Gideon hesitated, before tapping the button with his hand, feeling that he didn't know what he had gotten himself into.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the arcade, a person walked up to the game Watertrigger. She inserted a quarter, and then looked up at the game before gasping at what she saw in the screen.

"Help! I'm trapped in the game!" Robbie called, his face pressed against the glass screen. "It was cool in theory, but in practice it was really boring!"

The woman screamed, and then ran away, hopefully to get management on the case.

"It's not just a game anymore," Robbie spoke to himself in light of his new revelation.

* * *

Melody watched as Pacifica paced the floor of the attic, while Feathers pecked at his food dish.

"Come on, think," Pacifica asked herself. "How're we going to get Uncle Bill over his fear of thunder?"

Melody looked out the window, and saw grey clouds moving out overhead. "Hm, I think I have an idea," she said.

Just as Pacifica turned to look as well, a knock sounded on the door, and the twelve year-old looked back to it. "Come in!" she said.

Gideon walked into the room, with his pixel-y friend in tow. "Hey, guys," he said. "I'd like t'introduce you to my new bodyguard Gifan McSkirmish!"

"The little boy gave me some nachos!" Gifan added.

"Wow! You got him out of the game?" Pacifica asked, jumping over and examining Gifan. "That's so cool!"

"And his voice just cracks me up," Melody said, laughing a little. Pacifica grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on it, before handing it to Gifan. "Here, say these words," she said.

Gifan read the paper aloud, "Banana fritters! Lo-quaciousness! Trypt-ophan!"

The two girls giggled at the sound, before Gideon raised a hand. "C'mon, 'Cifica. He's the world's greatest fighter an' 'ya give some words to say?"

"It's fun!" Pacifica excused, grinning from ear to ear.

Gideon exhaled. "Anyway, I'm gonna get 'im t'defend me from Candy and Grenda at the fight later."

"Isn't that kind of cheating?" Melody asked.

"Oh, uh..." Gideon hadn't considered that. Just as he was about to back out of it, though, Pacifica countered, "Hey, Gideon's gonna need all the help he can get. Besides, it makes the fight fair, if it's Candy and Grenda! Now it's two against two!"

"...Hm," Melody said, seeming not quite convinced. "If you're only gonna scare them. He can do that, right?"

"I'm sure 'e can,"Gideon said, and then turned on his heels, waving. "Well, I'll see 'ya after the fight."

"Poop!" Gifan was still reading from the paper as he left with Gideon. "Poop and buns!"

* * *

Bill sat down in the living room, holding a cup of coffee. He sniffed the aroma, then sighed lightly out of his nose, putting the cup to his lips and taking a sip. Finally, some peace and–

"Hey, Bill!" Melody called from behind him, making him squirt a few of the coffee out his nose. He groaned at the pain in his upper respiratory system, and wiped at his nose. _So much for peace and quiet._

"Bill, I wanted to ask you something," Melody said, coming out from behind his armchair. "How would you like to go on a lovely trip to nowhere in particular while wearing a blindfold?"

Bill frowned at her – he was still feeling the hot coffee in his nostrils – but then he shrugged. "Beats just sitting here waiting for the pain to pass," he commented, and was about to get up to grab his jacket and tie when he had a thought.

"Wait a second," Bill said, sitting back down. "I know you know it's about to rain out there. Pacifica didn't put you up to this, did she?"

"Up to what?" Melody asked, tilting her head. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Besides, we should enjoy the good weather while we have it! Come on, take a leap of faith!" She extended her hand to him.

Bill stared down at it before sighing out of his mouth this time. "Alright, let's go, Mel," he said. "But you're gonna bring the umbrella."

Melody stared after him as he headed for the coat rack, and she snickered. She put a finger to her ear.

"The rabbit's in the hat, I repeat, the rabbit's in the hat," she whispered into the earpiece in her ear.

"Good job, Birdsong," Pacifica's voice said from the other end. "I'll wait for you at the End of the Rainbow."******

"We didn't really have to give everything code names, Pacifica."

"It's _Oceania_, I told you, Birdsong."

* * *

Circle Park, 3 o'clock.

The lot was devoid of people, as Gideon Gleeful found when he came forward, save for two girls sitting on a bench. And these two girls were exactly who he came to see, just as the clock tower above them chimed.

"Well, well, well," Candy said, and Grenda looked up from her nails to see the nine year-old standing before them. Like a mouse in the trap. "I didn't think a chicken like you would actually show up."

"So, kid." Grenda stood up and walked over to Gideon, with Candy following suit, before holding up her fists. "You ready to settle this once and for all?"

"L-look, you two, I don't wanna 'cause a fight," Gideon insisted, putting up his hands. "Let's just talk it over an' then we can all go home."

"What, you _scared_ you'll get hurt?" Grenda taunted.

"Alright, you two; you asked 'fer it." Gideon snapped his fingers, and with that Gifan McSkirmish came out from the shadows of the trees behind the nine year-old.

"Heh, who's your new friend?" Candy asked, before squinting. "And why's he blurry?"

"Lemme introduce y'all t'Gifan McSkirmish, the greatest fighter that ever lived," Gideon said.

"Yeah, right!" Grenda looked up to Gifan. "Hey, what'd he promise you? Boxing gloves or something?" Candy giggled until Gifan pointed a finger at both of them.

"How can you two laugh when you killed this boy's mother?" he asked.

"Wait, what?" Candy raised an eyebrow.

"I'm givin' 'ya one last chance," Gideon interjected. "Back down now, or else he'll show 'ya what he's made'f."

"How about _you_ back down, tiny?" Grenda poked Gideon in his chest, and the nine year-old drew back.

"Alright, 'ya asked 'fer it," Gideon said confidently, and with a gesture declared, "Gifan, go!"

Grenda laughed until Gifan moved to strike, and that was when the two girls ducked. They looked for a split second at the fist that had been so close to hitting them, before turning tail and running. But Gifan wasn't done yet – he grabbed the two girls by their shirt collars, and then held them up in the air.

"Whoa! Whoa!"

"What's happening?"

"I didn't wanna hafta do this, but you two left me no choice." Gideon put his hands on his hips. "Maybe now you'll leave–!"

Gideon was cut off by Gifan, who, with a cry, threw Candy and Grenda roughly to the ground.

"No, wait, stop!" Gideon told Gifan. "I think they've had enough!"

But all Gifan did was grab the two girls just as they had gotten up, and then toss them into the air like it was nothing.

"Stop! Stop!" Gideon pleaded, grabbing at his hat.

Grenda and Candy landed on a slide set, with Grenda coming to her senses enough to shout out, "What the heck?! That guy's crazy!"

The nine year-old could then only watch as Gifan summoned a fireball, and then threw it at the girls who thankfully dodged in time, and were now running for their lives with wild terror in their eyes.

"What was that, Gifan!?" Gideon screamed at the video game character. "You weren't s'pposed t'hurt anyone; just scare them!"

Gifan looked down at Gideon, and yelled back, "I will not cease until the women who dishonored you are _DESTROYED_!" He punctuated the sentence by punching the tree behind Gideon, breaking it into two halves like a snapped crayon. Then he ran forward with a war cry, punching another tree and kicking down a streetlight.

"...Oh, sweet mercy," Gideon said as the tree behind him collapsed.

* * *

**(A/N: * - Aunt &amp; Uncle's Day is on July 26 this year. Go figure.**

**** - Refer to The Unamusing Part 1.)**


	30. Fight Fighters (Part 3)

**(A/N: Finally, the final part of Fight Fighters! And we are halfway through Season 1! Yes, I'm going to go through Season 2, no matter how long it takes!...Hopefully.)**

**(If you want to know why I've been taking so long, you've got only school to blame.)**

**(Any extra exclamation points are stylistic and do not concern my grammar skills.)**

* * *

Gideon ran up to the barrel factory of Gravity Falls, pursing his lips. He had a feeling that this would be Gifan's first stop, and he hoped that he wasn't mistaken. After all, it seemed like the kind of place video game characters would go.

His theory was confirmed when a pixel-y fist punched through a high window, and Candy and Grenda ran out through the hole, beginning to climb down the first of the ledges that was for some reason nailed to the outside wall. Grenda let Candy down the ladder first, while Gifan revealed himself by bursting through the wall, scattering debris everywhere. Grenda ducked, and then went down the ladder.

"Ah! Chill out, dude!" she screamed, while Gifan threw a barrel at her. Fortunately, she was able to dodge, and she and Candy made their way to the next ledges, while Gifan threw barrels at them. One barrel flew out of Gifan's hands and ended up landing near Gideon's feet, and he screamed.

"Gifan, y'don't hafta do this! Please, stop!" he pleaded, to no avail. Candy and Grenda eventually landed on the ground, and ran away while Gifan jumped down onto some crates and stared after them with venom in his eyes.

The video game warrior then ran over to a road sign, ripped it out of the concrete, and threw it at the two girls. It narrowly missed Candy, and at this point Grenda took Candy onto her shoulders and the two girls got away while Gifan was busy destroying things in order to move onto the next road block.

"Guys! Gifan, no! Stop!" Gideon ran after them as well, only making it for about 44 steps before he stopped and grabbed at his stomach.

"At least pace 'yerselves...ugh, cramp."

* * *

Gifan chased Candy and Grenda all throughout town, wrecking a car and an all-you-can-eat buffet in the process. Gideon tried his hardest to catch up, grabbing a cup of water and splashing himself in the face with it, but he got tired soon and had to stop for air.

He stared after the two girls and the mad video game character, wondering how he could catch up in time to stop Gifan from killing them.

At that moment, a van pulled up beside him. Gideon looked up to see Robbie sitting in the driver's seat, with some parts of an arcade machine around his neck.

"Hey, Gideon!" Robbie called.

"Robbie! There y'are!" Gideon exclaimed in relief. "What happened t'ya?"

"Uh, long story." Robbie waved a hand. Then he pointed in front of him. "Did you see that guy? It's like he came out of a game or something. Not to mention he was wrecking stuff all around town!"

"I know," Gideon panted. "I accidentally...brought him t'life...but now I hafta find a way t'try and stop 'im from killin' Candy n'Grenda."

Robbie considered the nine year-old in front of him, then smiled. "You need an amiable sidekick with a van?" he asked.

" F'course I do," Gideon said, opening the door and taking the passenger seat.

* * *

Melody stood beside Bill with a grin on her face, as if trying to bite back a laugh. She looked to the blindfolded magician, and gave a look at the twelve year-old who was hiding from his sight. Pacifica gave Melody a thumbs-up – that was the cue.

"Alright, Bill–" Melody waved her hand, as if presenting something grand "–you can take off the blindfold now!"

Bill did, and was met with the sight of the railing that was a part of Gravity Falls's water tower – as well as the thunderstorm rumbling high above the town, closer to them than the ground.

"Yeah, I was pretty much expecting that," Bill said flatly, his eyes wide.

"You're doing better than I thought, Uncle Bill!" Pacifica said, coming out from her hiding spot. "I mean, even if you _did_ see it coming. Now, time to come closer to the railing."

But her uncle was already holding fast to the water container, his arms and legs spread out as if to get a better grip. "N-no, no way, 'Cif," he whispered, going into a cold sweat.

Melody was about to say something when she heard someone coming up the ladder, and she and Pacifica turned around to see Grenda rushing up the water tower, with Candy on her back. Once they were up, Candy got off, and Grenda backed against the water container as well.

"Finally, we're safe," Grenda said, and Candy put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

"Hey, Candy, Grenda!" Pacifica called to them. "What's your deal? You gonna follow me and my uncle up here too?"

"Keep it down, Northwest!" Candy shushed Pacifica, a desperate look on her features. "The video game man will find us!"

"Challenger sighted!"

Candy and Grenda gasped, and looked down to see a familiar pixel-y man at the bottom of the water tower.

At that moment, Robbie's van pulled into the lot, and Gideon and Robbie both unbuckled their seatbelts. "Time to save the day, man," Robbie said as the nine year-old jerked the door open and jumped out of the vehicle.

"You can hide," Gifan McSkirmish screamed to his two targets atop the water tower, "but you cannot hide!"

He then got into a stance, keeping himself steady and facing the water tower's stilts. Above everyone, the thunderstorm continued to brew, and raindrops began to fall.

Gideon ran up to Gifan, raising a hand. "Stop, Gifan! I can't let'cha do this! Listen to me!"

But all Gifan did was give out a cry, and kick one of the wooden stilts holding up the water tower, causing it to snap.

Atop the water tower, the five of them felt the stilt break, and were jerked off to the right. Candy and Grenda screamed, while Melody cried out, "What – what was that?!"

"Oh, boy," Bill said, his fingers searching for a tighter grip.

The heavens boomed above them, while Gifan continued to strike at the water tower, this time using his palms.

"Oh my gosh!" Pacifica yelled once she saw what was wrong down on the ground. "We're safe, right?"

"Of course not!" Bill screamed. "This thing is on stilts! And we might as well get struck by lightning!"

His sentence was punctuated by a burst of lightning and a clap of thunder. All five people on top of the water tower yelled.

Gideon then watched in horror as Gifan landed the final blow on the wood he was attacking, and the structure above them began to tilt. Bill had regained enough of his senses to join Pacifica and Melody in running to the other side of the water container, while Grenda and Candy lost their balance and toppled over, falling swiftly to the ground, with Gifan catching them at the last second by their collars.

A pixel-y sign above them, as well as an unseen announcer, screamed, "FINISH THEM!" With that command, more lightning bolts began to strike near them, appearing more and more like they were made in a video game while Gifan yelled in preparation for his final attack.

"No, no, no!" shouted Grenda.

"Don't finish us!" Candy pleaded.

Gifan had straightened out his leg, and was about to do just as the announcer had said...

...when suddenly, a small shoe was thrown at this head from behind him.

"HUUUUUHHHHHHH?!1?" Gifan looked to the side, and saw Gideon standing there, wearing only one of his shoes.

"Gifan!" he yelled out. "I hafta talk t'ya!"

Gifan stood still while Gideon almost gracelessly hopped over to the video game character, and Candy and Grenda prayed to the raining heavens above for mercy.

"They – Candy and Grenda..." Gideon was about to back out, but clenched his fist at his side and inhaled deeply before continuing, "...didn't kill my mother."

"What?" Gifan asked, his eyes widening. "Then – who did?"

"No one killed my mother," the nine year-old confessed. "I-I lied t'you so you would help me."

Gifan gasped. "So that actually means you're a..._bad guy_!"

Gideon winced at the terminology, and raised his shoulders, reaching down for his wet fallen shoe. "I guess I am, aren't I?" he asked no one in particular.

Grenda and Candy were put down in the lower branches of a nearby tree, and Gifan walked away to compose himself, with his thoughts suddenly audible as if it were a cutscene.

"_My entire journey...has been a lie! My honor, insulted!"_ Gifan's brain said. _"Sensei warned me not to take upon the path of evil – the boy has led me astray!"_

This time he spoke aloud: "If Candy and Grenda are not the last stage, then it must be..." Gifan's eyes widened, and then he pointed right at Gideon.

"...YOU!"

A big "START" button appeared right next to the nine year-old, and that was when Robbie ran over to him.

"Don't – don't fight him, Gideon!" Robbie panted. "That guy's got at least three black belts! You could _die_, man!"

"I'm sorry, Robbie, but I gotta do it," Gideon told the teenager. "I started it; I hafta try and stop 'im, at least."

"Wouldn't just be easier to run and hide?" Robbie asked.

Gideon looked down, pressed his lips together, and punched the "START" button beside him.

Robbie was impressed. "Fight like a man it is."

Video game music began playing as the rain fell harder around them, and health bars appeared above Gideon and Gifan's heads, then filled with HP.

"READY!" the announcer called.

Robbie had to look away from the spectacle – he didn't want to see his friend pummeled into oblivion – but he took a picture though.

"FIGHT!"

With that, Gifan ran forward, and Gideon held up his fists, screaming for his life.

"FIREBALL THROW LIGHTNING BALL THROW! HYAA!" Gifan called out his attack, firing it right at Gideon. Luckily, the nine year-old dodged, and could see the damage that the fireball inflicted on a nearby tree.

He barely had time to look up though, before Gifan kicked Gideon into the air, and the latter's HP took a serious hit.

Gideon landed on the ground none too gently, squealing as he did. He propped himself up on his elbow as Gifan laughed.

"You sound like a pig that is also a baby!" he teased.

Gideon grit his teeth together, balled his hands into fists, and got tohis feet. The nine year-old then screamed as he ran towards Gifan, swinging his fist back, and then bringing it up to meet Gifan's jaw so hard that he flew.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion when Gideon did that – _I can't believe I just punched someone in the face, and a video game character, at that_ – and Gifan fell to the ground. Even Robbie sounded like he was going slower than usual.

And apparently, Gifan's health bar decided to do that as well, with only 0.5 percent of his HP vanishing.

"Oh, dang it," Gideon cringed.

Gideon was then reduced to running for his life as Gifan threw various sorts of fireballs out of his palms, burning several trees down as Gideon tried to dodge.

While Gifan pursued the nine year-old, Robbie climbed up a post that was right next to Gifan's health bar. He then swiped at it, trying to get it to go down or something – but it only blurred under his touch.

"Eh, was worth a shot, I guess," Robbie shrugged.

Another fireball flew past Gideon, and he panted, putting his hands on his knees, before looking over his shoulder and seeing Gifan running after him. He then scampered over to a tree's low-lying branches, and then climbed up in a frenzy, until he reached a branch where he was safely above Gifan. The video game character, meanwhile, spotted him but once he was under Gideon, he started to pace around.

"No! I have no...looking up...animation!" Gifan bewailed. He looked to his left, and then his right, and then tried to turn his head upwards...before finally collapsing to the ground like a wriggling cardboard cut-out.

Gideon clutched his chest in relief, and almost laughed. He came down from the tree just as Robbie ran over to check out the spectacle as well.

"Well, what do I do wit' 'im now?" Gideon asked.

"We should roll him up and put him on the wall of the House!" Robbie joked.

But Gifan wasn't about to surrender yet. His pixels trembled as he screamed, "FIST...PUNCH..._RAIN_!"

At this command, alongside the heavy rain that was still overhead, several fists made of pixels started falling upon Gideon and Robbie. The two of them yelped as they were struck. Robbie managed to get away, but Gideon's hat caught on fire and he was occupied with putting it out when a foot came down in front of him.

"Never underestimate that punches are my special ability!" Gifan said, now somehow standing on his own two feet yet again.

With that line, Gifan raised his fist, and the skies rumbled once more, bringing a definitive spark to what was soon to be Gifan's finishing move. Gideon tried to get up on his feet, but then an alarm beeped above his head, and he looked up at his health bar.

It was nearly finished.

Just like he was.

Robbie watched as Gifan prepared to strike the final blow, and as Gideon inhaled deeply, before stretching out his arms and welcoming it.

The next couple of hits were so complex and swift that barely anyone could keep track of it. All Robbie could make out was the words given by the announcer: "SUPER POWER NINJA TURBO NEO ULTRA HYPER MEGA MULTI ALPHA META EXTRA UBER PREFIX..._**COMBO!**_"

The world went black, save for the image of a pixel explosion, before everything appeared again, and a beaten Gideon Gleeful was lying on the ground, with Gifan McSkirmish was standing tall above his defeated opponent.

"You sur'ly are the champion f'champions...ugh..." Gideon moaned in pain.

"GIFAN WINS!" the announcer said, and Gifan striked a triumphant pose as his score multiplied.

"Winners don't lose!" the video game character declared, to a non-existent audience watching from a non-existent screen.

Gideon weakly laughed. "I-I don't think so," he said slyly.

"GAME OVER," proclaimed the announcer above.

Suddenly, Gifan found himself disintegrating into pixels. "What? NO! NOOOOO!" he cried, but couldn't stop it as he finally disappeared, back to his arcade where he couldn't hurt anyone in the real world. Above them, the rain clouds gave one last rumble, and then the raindrops ceased to fall.

"Game over indeed, ol' friend," Gideon said, and struggled to get up, groaning.

It was then that Robbie was finally able to run over to Gideon, helping him up. Gideon accepted the help, and then noticed the three letters that popped up in front of him: "AAA". He found it in his sore face to grin once more, and touched the letters one by one before stopping it at a certain combination: "GID".

"Wow, that was a good one," Robbie said, patting Gideon gently on his shoulder.

Meanwhile, atop the water tower, Bill, Pacifica, and Melody held themselves fast against the tank, their eyes wide with fear.

"I'm so sorry, Uncle Bill!" Pacifica shouted. "I thought that this would help you, but I made things worse! _Really worse_!"

These words seemed to bring Bill back to himself, and he brought a hand to his face, touching his skin for a while before gasping.

"W-well, well, well!" Bill said, a grin creeping onto his face. "I managed to survive th'storm after all! Wait, let me just sing a cocky song, just to be sure." Then he sang, "It was stupid, sure, but I – I survived!"*****

He laughed victoriously. "Deal with it, world!" Bill yelled, placing a hand on the handrail and forming a fist with his other hand, raising it in the air. "Bill Northwest's cured from his fear of thunder!"

With an air of triumph, Bill walked over to the ladder, and began to climb down. But then he saw Melody still cradling Pacifica close to her by the water tank, and he paused.

"Hey, come on," he said, "don't tell me you've got a fear of thunder now, too!"

"No, no," Pacifica half-whispered, her knees shaking. "Just heights."

Bill took one look at the two girls. "Uh-oh."

Below them, Candy was about to jump out of the branches into Grenda's arms, and almost did successfully when her skirt caught on a branch and she was reduced to falling gracelessly atop her friend. The two of them landed on a wet patch of grass, and were now thoroughly shaken up. So when they saw Gideon standing over them, holding a hand out to them, they got to their feet without accepting his help.

"Wh-what? Who was that?" Candy asked.

"Did you really ask him to kill us, you little punk?!" Grenda jabbed a finger at him, slightly angrier than her friend.

"I didn't mean 'ta," Gideon said. "He just heard some things I said and took 'em th'wrong way. But you can go ahead n' beat me up now."

"This is for all that happened to me and Candy today," Grenda said, raising a fist.

Gideon extended his arms out, in a gesture of acceptance. Grenda hesitated, and then looked to Candy.

"I don't know, Grenda, there's something almost...wrong about this," Candy whispered.

"Yeah..." Grenda told her friend, not as loud as usual. "Isn't he gonna run, or something?"

When Gideon didn't reply, or even twitch, Candy and Grenda gave each other one more look, and then Grenda put her hand down.

"Ugh, it's not even worth it," she declared. "Mabel'll take one look and prepare to kill whoever beat him up or something."

"You're right," Candy nodded, and then both turned away from Gideon. "Let's go."

Gideon watched them leave, and then Robbie put a hand on his shoulder.

"So, how did it feel?" Robbie asked.

Gideon blinked, and inhaled.

"Okay, I guess," he said.

"Gid!"

Gideon and Robbie looked up to see Bill, who was carrying Pacifica, and Melody coming down from the water tower. Gideon was relieved to see them; he hadn't realized they were up there when Gifan was busy destroying it. He wondered how to explain this all to them, when Pacifica jumped out of her uncle's arms and hugged him.

"Oh, Gid, you won't believe what happened up there!" she said, and then pulled away to look him over. "Wait, what – what's that?" She pointed at his black eye. "Who gave you that? Is Feathers going to have to tear someone a new one?"

"No, no, it's fine," Gideon said. "I-it's fine. I don't need it."

Melody stared down at him, and Gideon looked up to meet her eyes.

"Whoa, did you get into a fight?" Melody asked.

"Somehow," Gideon answered.

"And did you show them who's boss? With or without your words?"

Gideon tried to smirk. "...Of course."

"Well, now that that's over," Bill said, crossing his arms behind his head, "we gotta get home before the police come 'ere and put two and two together." He clapped his hands together. "Who's up for some meat loaf?"

"Aw, gross, Uncle Bill!"

"Come on! I make amazing meat loaf!"

"No, you don't!"

" 'Ya really don't."

"See that, Bill?"

"Come on, kid, Melody, it's bad enough my niece is complaining."

Melody laughed. "Let's just fix Gideon up."

That was something they could all agree on.

On the other hand, Gideon thought he could use a break from the arcade. A really long break.

* * *

**(A/N: Ah, I love writing the Magic House gang as a family. Because that's what they are.**

*** - Sung to the tune of whatever Grunkle Stan was cockily singing in this scene.**

**So what did you think? Leave a review!)**

**JHW UHDGB IRU DQ DGYHQWXUH RI ULGLFXORXV SURSRUWLRQV!**


	31. The Biggest Ocean (Part 1)

**(A/N: Sorry for the super late chapter! School has been chaotic this time of year, not to mention that I've been on a Pokemon-playing rampage. The only internet-related thing keeping me sane was my Tumblr account carol-molliniere, as well as my Tumblr-exclusive Noli Me Tangere fanfic "The Boatman's Ghost". Go check it out!)**

**("A/N" means "author's note, Bloodfist. And Anonymousfan, Uncle Bill has no regard for human decency unless it's his family. It takes a while for him to see Gideon as family, but he will, trust me.)**

**(The show "Gravity Falls" does not belong to me. It belongs to the wonderful Alex Hirsch.)**

* * *

"Hmm...Miniature man-eating strawberries?"

"Yeah!"

"Maybe later." A page turned. "Zombie apocalypse?"

"Yeah!"

"Nope." More pages turned. "Demon horseshoe crabs?"

"Yeah!...Wait, 'horseshoe crabs'?"

"Oh, for goodness's sakes!" Dipper Pines slammed the second Journal shut. "Can't we find some good way to get revenge on those Northwests?"

"Well, Dipper," Mabel Pines put a hand to her chin, "we should take something from them. Nothing spells revenge like a little claiming of a thing they hold dear."

Dipper looked over the table he was sitting at, at the little wooden Gravity Falls that Mabel had made. "But what, or who, could we take that would make them cower at our feet? It has to be something that would give us ultimate power once we have it..."

"Gideon Gleeful?" Mabel suggested.

"Get real, Mabel, what harm could _he _do?" Dipper shook his head. "Anyway, it's not like they love him _that_ much..." His eyes scanned over the miniature models, until one particular House caught his eye, and he took it up, along with the small rooster hastily carved and glued onto it.

"It's perfect," he said, as he and his sister stared at the little replica of the Magic House.

* * *

The rooster Feathers crowed a good morning on the roof of the Magic House. Its inhabitants were currently enjoying a day off from business, with no tourists or customers in sight so far. So Gideon Gleeful, Pacifica Northwest, and Bill Northwest took it upon themselves to enjoy a little TV.

They were just sitting and watching some infomercials (with Bill even mocking some of them) this morning, when the doorbell to the front door rang.

Bill got up to the door, putting on his eyepatch, and, assuming an air of grandeur, opened the door and his arms.

"Behold your wildest imaginings right here!" he exclaimed to the newcomer, wearing his brightest smile.

This bright smile was not enough to blind the man standing in front of him, however; this newcomer just straightened out his two-piece suit, and said in a stern voice, "William Northwest."

"Oh, no!" Bill realized, flipping up his eyepatch. "It's the tax collector!"

He grabbed a carpet lying off to the side, and threw it at the man while closing the door in front of him.

Inside the House, Bill had already grabbed a duffel bag full of money, and the kids now watched as he stomped on the floorboards in the living room. "Come on, one'f these's the hollow one," he said desperately.

"Uncle Bill, what's going on?" Pacifica asked, watching her uncle sweat more and more profusely.

Then he froze as the door creaked open behind him, and the man wearing the suit stepped inside, bringing a feeling with him that wasn't too good.

"Mr. William Northwest," the man said. "I'm from the Winning House Coupon Savers Contest...and _you_ are our _big_ winner!"

Some party poppers exploded, and balloons and confetti were brought out as two girls in evening gowns brought out a large cardboard cheque. Gideon and Pacifica stood up from their places on the floor, and Bill's mouth fell open.

"...Well, whaddya know?" Bill said, a smile beginning to creep onto his face, as it always did. "Those months of endless coupon sending were worth it after all!"

"Mr. Northwest won! Whaddya think he's gonna do with it?" Gideon asked. "Let's get 'im a glitter suit!"

"Let's get him a talking badger!" Pacifica suggested, throwing her fist in the air.

"Just sign right here, and then you can cash your cheque whenever you like," the man told Bill, holding up a contract.

Bill didn't need to look at the contract twice for an even bigger smile to appear on his face. "Oh, don't mind if I do!" he said, all the while a laugh threatening to bubble out of his windpipe. He picked up the pen, and scratched something on the paper.

But this joyous moment was short-lived, however, as two people ripped right through the cardboard cheque – it was Dipper and Mabel Pines!

"William, you idiot!" Dipper said as he took the contract from the man. "You've just signed your Magic House over to _little old us_!"

"Wait, what?!" Pacifica asked, and Mabel leaned in her face. "Yep! Your uncle should've read the fine print! Good luck now that we've got your precious House."

Bill stifled a laugh, and all four kids looked up to him. He pointed with his pen to the paper that Dipper was holding. "Uh, kid, y'might wanna read the fine print too," he said, then bit his lip to keep himself from laughing anymore.

Dipper raised an eyebrow, but looked over the paper anyway. He read aloud, _"The Magic House is hereby signed over to–"_ He paused as his eyes fell on what was supposed to be Bill's signature. "_ 'SUCK SOME LEMON, YOU LITTLE TWERPS'?!_"

Bill burst out laughing, and even Gideon had to admit, that was pretty good. Mabel growled, and took the contract from Dipper, tearing it in two, before throwing it on the ground. "We are not a threat to be taken lightly, William!" she cried out, before panting, and collecting herself. A silence followed, and Dipper extended a hand to the man in the suit behind them, while the others left.

"Give me my cape, I need it," he said. The man took a cloth out from his inner suit pocket, and Dipper unfurled it, before clipping it onto his shoulders. Then he wrapped it around himself, like a villainous vampire on TV.

"Soon, we'll get you all, Northwests," he said as he, Mabel, and the man in the suit walked backwards out the front door. "We'll get you all!"

Gideon, Pacifica, and Bill stared at them for a few seconds, and then they were gone. And when they were, Bill turned towards the kids.

"So, you wanna see what else is on TV?" he offered.

* * *

Pacifica and Gideon were less than rattled by the morning's events – perhaps "bored by it" were the best words for it – so they had gone to the gift shop to go do something. Luckily for them, Robbie had brought his keyboard with him, so the kids were now playing with various music and noise combinations.

"Hey, check this out," Robbie said, playing the opening three notes of the well-known composer Mozart's Symphony 5,***** and then switching to another mode before replacing the fourth note with a fart noise.

Pacifica chortled. "Oh, Robbie, come on!"

Gideon had to laugh a little as well, though he didn't quite understand why people thought fart jokes were funny.

"Hey, you should let Gideon play that," Pacifica said, putting a hand on Gideon's shoulder. "Gideon knows how to play piano."

" 'Cifica, c'mon, I'm not really that good," Gideon said. He put his hands up. "Really, just–"

"Don't worry, we won't judge a thing!" Robbie told him, turning the keyboard towards him and placing it on Gideon and Pacifica's lap. "If you're not that good, we'll still clap."

"Yeah!" Pacifica cheered, and Gideon looked down at the keys of the keyboard, before gulping. Then he placed his hands on the piano, and began to play.

Robbie stared in wonder, while Pacifica stared in pride, as Gideon's fingers moved rapidly across the keyboard, never missing a single beat. Despite what he had said before, Gideon Gleeful actually knew what he was doing. He cut himself off just as the first part of the symphony ended, and then looked up at them, a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Gideon, how'd you learn to play the piano? That was amazing!" Robbie gushed. "Like, you're already super smart, and you know how to play the piano, too!"

"I-it's nothing," Gideon put his hands together. "It's kind of easy for me to pick up these sort of things, it's no big deal."

Robbie smiled down at the nine year-old. "Easy for _you_? That's even cooler!"

Gideon tried to laugh. "You don't have to say that," he said, wringing his hands and blushing more. "I don't really..."

"Hey, Robbie!" Bill called from the other room. "I got a trick I need the endless handkerchief for. It's in the gift shop, I think."

"On it!" Robbie called back, and then his eyes scanned the room before he found it sitting on a shelf above Pacifica and Gideon. "Oh, there it is!" he said. "Pacifica, can you get that?"

"I'll get it," Gideon said automatically, moving to stand up, beginning to push the keyboard away.

"Thanks, but Pacifica's taller," Robbie pointed out. Gideon blushed, and sat back down.

"That's right," he mumbled.

Since they had first met three years ago, Pacifica had always had a few inches on him by virtue of being a little older and coming from a family with tall genes, on her father's side. Gideon looked as Pacifica stood on her chair and reached for the "endless" handkerchief. She plucked it from its spot, and got back down, handing it to Robbie.

"Thanks," Robbie said, and ran to the other room to get it to Bill.

He didn't see the way Pacifica looked worriedly at Gideon's embarrassed face.

"Hm..." Pacifica said to herself as she put a hand to her chin. Then she put that hand on Gideon's shoulder. "Hey, Gid," she said. "Just because Robbie didn't let you do it doesn't mean you should think..._little_ of him!"

She laughed at her own joke, an action that reminded Gideon a little of her uncle. He tried to laugh himself, but could only do it uneasily.

Suddenly, the door to the gift shop opened, and Bill (_think of the devil, _Gideon thought) walked through, a wide grin on his face.

"I was brought here by the sound of a joke," he said. "Were you making fun of someone, even subtly?"

"Oh, I don't know," Pacifica shrugged. "We were just talking about how small Gideon is..."

"Yeah, don't worry about it, Gideon," Bill began to speak before anyone could stop him, "just don't get _short_ with Pacifica!"

He laughed with his mouth full, and Pacifica's smile became rather fixed. Meanwhile, Gideon actually cringed.

"Mr. Northwest," he said, "you don't need'ta–"

" 'Need to' what, kid?" Bill asked, just as Robbie came up to the magician with the endless handkerchief in his hands. "It's just a joke, kid. Don't get all worked up about it, because you're a _little _touchy!"

This time, Bill snickered, and Robbie spoke up. "Come on, Mr. Northwest, just lay off a tiny bit," he said.

" 'Tiny'!" Bill pointed at Robbie with one hand and slapped him on the shoulder with one hand. "Rob's goin' at it, too!"

He laughed once more, and Gideon buried his face in his hands. Pacifica looked at him worriedly.

"N-no, I didn't mean it like that," Robbie said.

"The kid'll forget," Bill continued. "He's got a...wait for it..._short-term memory_!"

"Uncle Bill, just shut up," Pacifica said as she led Gideon away and out of the gift shop. A cold feeling washed over her as she said it, but she wasn't going to regret it anytime soon.

Bill watched them leave, and then put his hands on his hips.

"Geez, she sounds just like her father," he said.

Outside the gift shop, Pacifica looked to her friend. "Are you okay, Gid?" she asked.

"I dunno," Gideon said. "I just need t'be alone for a little while." Then he walked away, perhaps to get a book. "And don't take that as a joke!"

Pacifica watched him, and then had a thought.

* * *

"Gideon needs some more confidence after what happened," Pacifica wondered aloud to herself in the attic. "But how can I give him that? Normally he just beats himself up about a lot of things he's good at."

She paced around, keeping her eyes on the ground. Then she turned them upwards.

There the Journal was, sitting at the highest shelf (how Gideon had put that there, Pacifica didn't know) with Bill's other things for magic tricks, like the forbidden fruit.

Pacifica decided that it wasn't so forbidden, and knocked the shelf a little. The Journal tumbled down into her hands, and Pacifica opened it before flipping through its pages.

She turned and turned the pages until she finally found a page, and she sat down, reading it aloud.

"_Legends of tiny buffalo and giant squirrels have led me to believe that there are height-altering properties hidden deep within the forest..."_

Pacifica's face broke into a wide smile. This was just what she needed.

* * *

Now Pacifica found herself walking through the woods, with the Journal as her only working map. She was sure she had gotten herself lost a couple of times, but it wasn't like it mattered. She was getting close, she could feel it!

And then she fell.

The twelve year-old had tripped over a branch, and was now tumbling down a slope in the path, rolling and rolling until she had finally reached some flat ground. Beside her, the Journal that she had somehow released from her grasp while falling now slid down to her.

She groaned, and then rubbed her head with one hand, placing the other on the Journal. "Ugh, this place must sure hate me," she said, blinking and testing her blurry eyes.

The bluriness then receded, and the sight that greeted Pacifica made her mouth fall open in wonder.

Around her, dozens of sharp crystals littered the ground. Mushrooms grew here and there – some, a little too tall for comfort. Pacifica stood up, and then something small landed on her foot. She looked down, and saw what looked like a miniature doe staring up at her. They looked at each other for a while, before the deer pranced off to join a couple of other miniature deer.

"Huh?" Pacifica asked, walking further and further into the grove. Something landed on her nose, and she could see by its colors that it was a small woodpecker. It decided to knock on her nose for a little while and make it sore.

"Ow, ow!" she said, swatting at it. "I love birds, but sometimes they love me too much!"

The woodpecker finally got the hint, and left her alone. She continued to walk until she reached a giant hunk of crystal, upon which a ray of sunlight was shining. Two rays were refracted back from the crystal itself – a blue ray and a purple ray.

Pacifica's eyes then turned to a dragonfly flying straight into the rays. It flew into the purple one, and then shrank into a size so miniscule that the twelve year-old didn't see it again until it flew into the blue ray, where it grew to the size of a car and toppled a growing redwood.

"What in the...?" Pacifica questioned, before deciding not to ask further. She stepped towards the hunk of crystal, and looked down at the smaller crystals that littered the ground. One of them caught her eye, and she reached down, and took it in her fingers, before pulling it out with a strong heave.

Well, to Pacifica it seemed like it was cut good enough for use straightaway. She held it up to her eyes, and it glimmered promisingly.

* * *

Back in the Magic House, Pacifica had attached the crystal to one of Gideon's flashlights _(he won't mind,_ thought Pacifica, _he's got at least three_), and the device was now ready for use. She aimed the flashlight at the open window, and pressed the button to turn it on. The flashlight emitted a blue ray of light.

She clicked the flashlight shut, and then turned the crystal around on the rim of the flashlight so that it faced the other way. Then she turned the flashlight on once more, and a purple ray shot out from the crystal. Pacifica turned it off, and then looked under her bed. Spotting a dust bunny on the ground, she smiled and aimed her flashlight at it.

"Smaller," she said, shrinking it to the size of a thumbnail with her flashlight. Then she turned the crystal around on the flashlight, and then aimed it at the dust bunny once more. "Bigger!"

Seconds later, half the room was filled with a giant dust bunny – no, creature.

"Too big!"

* * *

Gideon was reading comfortably in the living room when a blue flash hit him from the window behind him. He jumped, but just as he was about to turn around, the flash disappeared.

_What was that?_

He looked around, then shrugged.

_Probably gonna investigate that later._

His eyes went back down to his book, and read on for a good ten minutes before Pacifica and Robbie walked into the room from the gift shop.

"Hey, Robbie!" Pacifica told the teen. "Do you think there's something different about Gideon today?"

Gideon looked at them from behind his book – _what does she mean? Do I have an extra freckle where I'm not supposed to? – _when Robbie looked him over, and his eyes widened.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed. "You've grown an extra centimeter!"

"Huh? How can 'ya tell?" Gideon raised an eyebrow, but then Robbie placed a hand on his head, before comparing it to the height of the backrest of the armchair. "Yep, that's one centimeter," he said.

"How 'bout that," Gideon said, smiled a little, and then went back to his book.

"What?" Pacifica tilted her head. "Gid, tell me you were at least a _little_ excited about that."

"No, not really," Gideon waved a hand. "I mean, 'yer gonna be taller than me anyway 'till I reach, like, age twenty-five r'somethin'. Why celebrate?" Then he held his peace.

Pacifica frowned.

"Okay, Gid, I understand," she said, walking backwards to the stairs leading to the attic. "But I have a feeling something else's gonna change a few seconds later..."

Gideon's eyes darted up to her as she bumped into the wall, and then just turned around before heading up the stairs. Something was definitely going on with his friend.

* * *

Another flash of light came from the attic – _like the one from earlier_ – as Gideon walked up the stairs to see what was happening. He grabbed the doorknob, and then turned it to see Pacifica standing by the shelves next to her bed.

"Alright, 'Cifica," he began, "something's up, and I'm gonna find–" he looked her up and down, and realized that she was the same height as him, "–what _happened_?!"

"I dunno," Pacifica shrugged, "I guess my brain decided I was getting too tall?"

"This doesn't make any sense at all!" Gideon threw his hands up. "Just a moment ago you were – wait a minute." He froze for a second, and in the next was pointing an accusing finger at her. "Wait a minute! This town's full'f crazy things! Did you use something magic?"

His eyes darted towards Pacifica's bed, and saw the Journal resting on it. He ran over to it and picked it up, before looking at his friend once more. "And you took the Journal!" he said. "What's going on? Why'm I growin' n' why're 'ya shrinkin?"

* * *

Downstairs, a knock had sounded from the front door. Bill glanced at the door from his armchair, then downed the soda in his hand before putting the can down and walking to it. "I'm comin', I'm comin'," he called to the person on the other side.

When he opened the door, though, he was none too pleased to see who exactly it was.

"Ugh, Pines Twins," he said, rolling his eyes at the duo.

"Oh, hey there, William," Mabel said, flashing a smile at him. "Listen closely." She waved a hand towards her brother, who was holding up a jar containing some strange, glowing, small insects that were flying around in their prison.

"Inside this jar," Dipper continued for his sister, "are just a fraction of Gravity Falls' population of cursed Amazon mosquitoes." He smirked. "Hand over the deed to the Magic House now, or else we'll open this jar and they'll suck out your blood until you're shriveled up and dead!"

"Tch," Bill couldn't help but let out. _Can't scare me with those things._ "Look, I've got better things to do than this." Then he pointed up in the air. "Hey, what's that?"

"Huh?" Both twins looked away, in the direction of his finger, and Bill took that opportunity to knock the jar out of their hands. The lid popped off, and the mosquitoes took off – towards the unfortunate twins.

"Wha–!"

"–Oh my gosh!"

Dipper and Mabel were sent running from the swarm of cursed mosquitoes, swatting frantically at them and spraying them with pocket bug spray. Bill watched this and laughed.

"Hey, Rob, get in here!" he yelled. "I wanna take pictures of this!"

"Not so fast, William!" Mabel shrieked, and Dipper continued, "You might have won this round, man, but mark my words; we'll get you!" Then Dipper let out a rather high-pitched scream, and the Pines Twins ran towards the other end of the Magic House.

* * *

"Don't tell me it was a wizard that did this!" Gideon said. "Unless it was, and he's just hidin' in this closet!" He pointed at the closet behind him. "Tell me, 'Cifica!"

"What makes you think there's a wizard hiding in our closet, Gideon?" Pacifica asked, leaning on one leg.

"I...I dunno!" Gideon's eye twitched. "Crazy stuff happens all the time in this town! That wouldn't 'xactly be the weirdest thing that happens here, actually..."

"Okay, Gid, you got me." Pacifica conceded, putting her hands up. Then she took the flashlight from behind her on the shelf, and showed it to her friend. "I shrank myself using this magic flashlight."

Gideon suddenly paused, and then stared at the flashlight for a little while, as if it was something from another planet altogether. Then he came closer with the speed of a mouse, and then placed his hands on the flashlight, saying, "Lemme see that."

Pacifica instinctively took it away from her friend's grasp, however, and held it above Gideon's head. Gideon gave Pacifica a look, and then frowned. "Why aren't you lettin' me see that?" Gideon asked.

"Uh..." Pacifica realized she couldn't conjure up a good answer to that question. "I just don't want you to endanger yourself."

"Pacifica – I won't hurt myself, I swear," Gideon said.

Pacifica gave the flashlight one last, long look, and then handed it over to her friend. Gideon took it, and then turned the flashlight over in his hands.

" 'Ya shrank yourself with this?" Gideon asked, and then blushed as he realized he had asked such a question. Without waiting for Pacifica to say the answer she had already said, he pointed the flashlight at his bed, and pressed the button. The purple ray that shot out now caused the bed to shrink, eventually turning only a foot long.

"Oh, uh, it can grow things, too!" Pacifica took the flashlight from Gideon's hands, and then turned the crystal around. She pointed the device at the bed again, and this time, a blue ray caused the bed to grow until the floorboards were creaking noisily under its weight.

"Hey, kids! What're 'ya doing up there?" Bill called from below.

Pacifica and Gideon winced.

"Uh, let's take this outside," the nine year-old suggested.

* * *

"Ugh, curse the Northwest family!" Dipper screamed in frustration. He scratched the mosquito bites on his arm, and continued, "Curse William, curse–!"

"Hey, Dipper!" Mabel had looked up from scratching her legs, and was now pointing at something over her brother's shoulder. "Look!"

Dipper turned where Mabel was pointing – it was a redwood tree, shrinking under the light of a purple ray. The twins looked at each other, and Dipper instinctively reached for his Journal, hidden in his jacket pocket. Could it be one of the anomalies so painstakingly written in the book? Mabel and Dipper crept closer to the source of the light.

They popped up from the leaves of a bush to see none other than Gideon and Pacifica watching the redwood tree shrink down to their height and scaring away some birds in the process. Dipper caught the source of the light – it was a small flashlight with a crystal attached to its lens, held in Gideon's hands.

He narrowed his eyes as Gideon released the button of the flashlight, and the purple ray disappeared. Then Gideon turned the crystal around, and aimed it at the tree again before the tree was bathed in a blue light, and it was soon growing back to its original height.

Mabel saw the glint in Dipper's eyes, and couldn't help grinning.

"This thing's amazin'," Gideon told Pacifica, handing it back to her. "Where'd 'ya find this crystal?"

"I found it somewhere in the forest," the twelve year-old said. "I guess I got lost a couple of times, though, so I couldn't tell you where the other crystals are."

"That's a real shame."

Gideon and Pacifica froze, and then turned to see Dipper and Mabel Pines, coming out of a bush from their left. "We hoped we wouldn't have to resort to taking that from you, but, oh, well," Dipper continued.

Pacifica glanced down at the flashlight, and then frowned. "Like I'm gonna let that happen!"

Dipper lunged at Pacifica, but she dodged and pointed the flashlight at him. She pressed the button, and watched as his head grew to a disproportionate size. Dipper stumbled over, and nearly crashed into the House before managing to upright himself, and charge at Pacifica once more.

Gideon jumped in front of Pacifica, and held out his arms to stop Dipper, though his eyes were squeezed shut. Dipper knocked over Gideon with some ease, causing Pacifica to topple over as well and have the flashlight knocked out of her hands.

Mabel ran over and grabbed it from the ground, turning the crystal around before pointing it at Pacifica and shrinking her head. Pacifica screamed, and then that was when Dipper tackled her to the ground, causing his head to be shrunken back to normal.

Gideon got up, and upon seeing Pacifica down for the count, ran over to Mabel and wrestled with her for the flashlight. In their struggle, the crystal somehow turned around, and Mabel's finger pressed the switch, letting out a blue ray that grew Pacifica's head back to its normal size, as well as a couple of butterflies into supersized insects.

Pacifica pushed Dipper off her, and clawed at his face, causing him to squeal when her fingers tangled themselves in his hair. Mabel and Gideon switched the crystal around one more time, before Mabel broke free and pointed the flashlight at Gideon.

"End of the line, Gid!" Mabel said, before pressing the button and shrinking Gideon.

"Gid!" Pacifica screamed as she watched her friend shrink to the size of a pebble. She was about to run to Mabel when Dipper's arms caught her from behind, and Mabel pointed the flashlight at her too.

Soon, Pacifica joined her friend on the ground, and Gideon ran over to her.

" 'Cifica! I'm so sorry!" Gideon said, wrapping his arms around her. Pacifica didn't say anything in reply – the two of them could only watch as above them, Mabel let out a bellowing laugh while Dipper reached into his pocket and brought out a jar.

* * *

**(* - The "dun-dun-dun-_dun_" Beethoven music. It's Mozart's in this AU.)**


End file.
